Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. Venerable Thubten Dondrub teaches a 45-minute session on overcoming attachment through developing loving kindness. He begins with a guided loving kindness meditation, systematically extending compassionate thoughts from oneself to all beings, including those who cause harm. After a break, he shifts to analytical teaching on attachment’s nature and remedy, using the Tibetan butter-leather bag analogy to illustrate how intellectual understanding without practice makes the mind hard and unreceptive. He emphasizes that genuine transformation requires moving teachings from the head into the heart through repeated, disciplined meditation. Finally, he encourages direct investigation of attachment’s objects—examining whether impermanent phenomena that depend on causes and conditions can truly bring lasting happiness—concluding that they cannot, and therefore attachment to them is fundamentally misguided. Aimed at practitioners ready to engage both meditation and conceptual analysis.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 05 Letting go of Attachment 1998 02 21.mp3
UUID: 65a513a2-436f-460e-a0d7-7d00527dcad6
Teacher: Ven Thubten Dondrub
Collection: Retreat (Ven Thubten Dondrub)
Date: 1998-02-21
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 45.3 minutes
Words: ~3,009
Have a tea break, a discussion, and conclude with some more meditation. One of the strategies of, I think, for overcoming attachment is we have to develop some sense of loving kindness towards ourselves and towards others rather than attachment. So we have to have some alternative state of mind that we can generate rather than constantly following attachment as our only alternative. So this session, we’ll just do a simple loving kindness meditation, firstly towards ourselves and then generating that towards all others. So again, we can begin trying to put our body in the in the correct posture with the back straight, the right hand resting on the left with the thumb slightly touching, elbows a little bit out from the body.
Having the chin tucked in slightly, the head just a little bit tilted forwards, the eyes just slightly open, staring without really noticing at a point in front of oneself, resting the tip of the tongue at the back of the top teeth of the palate, and having the motivation, the thought to try to keep the body as still as possible. And try and generate this thought of refuge that by relying on the outer teachings that come from the perfect mind of the Buddha, then one can trust these teachings. And they enable one by following them step by step to develop all good qualities within oneself and overcome all disturbances, all limitations.. By doing that, one will bring about one’s own inner satisfaction. But if we think that just as I wish happiness and don’t want dissatisfaction, it’s the same with every other living being.
So we can take refuge in the Buddha’s deep Buddha and his teachings and followers not just for our own sake, but for but for the benefit of all others. I think I would do this meditation not just for some temporary benefit, but for the long term benefit of myself and in order to generate that perfect mind that can benefit every living being. So if one wishes and knows how, one can try to visualize Śākyamūni Buddha in front of oneself as our source of refuge, our object of inspiration and guidance. Think of oneself surrounded by all the different living beings of the different realms. So as as preliminary to doing the loving kindness meditation, we can just focus our mind and develop a calmer, clearer mind by observing the breath for some time.
Just allowing the body to breathe naturally, normally, and then just observing that breath, particularly the sensation it creates at the nostrils as the breath comes in and goes out. Just trying to really focus in a very relaxed way on on that experience. Just let everything else fade away without any interest in it whatsoever. So with this more calm, clear mind, just be aware that right now, very subtly, there is a wish for happiness, a wish not to have suffering of any kind, any kind of dissatisfaction. This thought is always with me right now.
And yet how often do I really follow that thought in a skillful way? And also be aware right now that this whatever degree of calmness, clarity existing in the mind right now. That is an expression, in a very small way, of one’s basic goodness. It is the very source of one’s the happiness that one is always seeking. It is some very tiny reflection of that potential for inner contentment.
So with a thought how wonderful it would be if I could really experience perfect happiness, imagine this tiny experience that one has right now expanding completely, developing more and more right now, completely unhindered. Imagine one’s mind being filled with perfect peace, contentment, happiness, joy right now. Coming deep within one’s own mind. Just think how wonderful it would be if if the state of mind could be perfectly developed and one would never lose it. One would always have the causes within one’s own mind for this perfect peace and contentment.
How wonderful that would be. And how ridiculous it would be to settle for anything less. And then I could think of someone one cares about. Imagine that visualizing that person in front of you, and how they also wish to be happy, be free of suffering, dissatisfaction, and see how much of the time they’re always looking for this happiness outside of themselves, doing so many things to achieve that happiness, but not finding it because not following the right cause. Just think how wonderful it would be if they too could experience their own inner nature.
The happiness that comes from within the mind. Try to extend this thought to all the people that you know and care about. How wonderful it would be if they could have real happiness, Not this superficial happiness dependent on external things, but deep inner satisfaction and always have the causes for it. Extend that thought to all the people in this room. How wonderful it would be if they could have real happiness, lasting happiness.
Generate that. Try and extend that thought to the people in this city. How wonderful it would be if all the people in this city could experience real happiness. Not just some temporary satisfaction, but deep inner peace. How wonderful that would be.
Try and extend that to people in this whole country. All the people on this planet, every single one, imagine them all experiencing genuine happiness. No longer tormented by the illusion of happiness that fades away, but actually experiencing continuous deep contentment and joy. Just think how wonderful that would be. Now think of someone who you dislike, who you feel has caused you some unhappiness, some suffering recently.
And then think how the fact that they’ve done this comes from their own unhappy mind. The harm they’ve caused me has been motivated by their own unhappiness, their own frustrations and confusion. If this person was to experience real contentment, real joy within their mind. There is there is no way they would harm me. There is no way they would even wish to harm me in any way.
So try and generate a thought that how wonderful it would be if this person actually could have real peace, real joy, real contentment in their mind. Try to allow the mind to see how wonderful that actually would be. Think of all the people in this world who cause harm to others right now because of their uncontrolled, dissatisfied minds. All the people who use their power and wealth in a destructive, harmful way, use their influence however much they’ve got in a harmful, destructive way on others, causing so much suffering to others. If only these people, especially these people, were really content, happy, They wouldn’t cause any suffering to anyone in any way.
So how wonderful it would be if all these people, especially these people, the most harmful people in the world, how wonderful it would be if they could have happiness and the causes of happiness right now. Then we can dedicate the merit briefly that by doing this practice, one actually generates deep loving kindness in one’s mind towards one self and all living beings. It may become a cause for one to quickly achieve all the qualities, stages on the path to complete enlightenment. If you’d like to stand up for a while and take a break. Some great yogis here.
Keen. Okay. So I’ll just try try and talk a little bit more about attachment, its nature, and how to overcome it. Because as I tried to say before, the more I I think and this applies not just to attachment to to anything. When we the more we understand the nature of something, particularly from the point of view of of the harmful nature of something, the more we already know how to deal with it.
We’re already starting to deal with it in an effective way. So the more we understand this, again, deep within us, allow ourselves to understand it, we know we we already know what to do in a sense, I think. Yeah. There are some very specific things that what maybe one can do, but as soon as we know this, what we’re really doing to ourselves, we know how to stop. We know what to avoid, I think, to some yeah.
Anyway, but we just have to let ourselves know this. I keep saying this, but this is the point. Somehow there is this very simple point that that when we listen to the teachings, the reason for doing it is to check that they are true and valid, and if we really then believe that, then we listen to the teachings to practice them more and more, that we have to practice them. There is this story that maybe you’ve already heard, probably Geshe-la, maybe Geshe Kelsang Gyatso may have mentioned, most commonly mentioned in the Lamrim teachings, is that that they give the analogy in the Tibetan system of comparing oh, how to put it? Anyway, I’ll start again.
Got lost there. But the point is, if you listen to the teachings again and again and you don’t really put them into practice, you intellectually understand them, but don’t really put them into practice and meditate on them, then the mind becomes immune. You simply become immune to the teachings, to the practice. And this is the worst thing, absolutely the worst thing possible. If we really believe that these teachings are the solution to our problems, and we don’t practice, and we become immune by not practicing, by hearing it and agreeing with it again and again, but not putting it into practice, we become immune, and therefore we’ve become immune to the solution, which then means there is no solution to our problems, because you can’t find another Dharma that is more complete.
This is the dharma. Dharma means truth. So if we become immune to it, then there is no solution to our problems. And that’s the worst thing we can do. And in the Tibetan tradition, they give the analogy that which may not work so well with us because we’re not familiar with it.
But if you ever go to Tibet, you can see that at least maybe they don’t do it so much now, but, anyway, in the past and the Tibetans, they still do actually, keep butter, which is one of their main foods. They keep their butter in leather bags, these big leather bags, and you buy this unbelievable rancid butter in these leather bags. So as they point out, normally if you apply leather rubber oh goodness, butter or oil or something like that to leather, stiff leather, then if you rub it in, it becomes soft and pliable. This is the way you, you know, make raw leather workable. But the strange thing is that these leather bags that the Tibetan people keep their butter in, these leather bags go completely stiff and hard.
They’re not soft, nice soft leather at all. They go completely hard. So there’s this large quantity of butter always in contact with the leather bag, but the bags themselves go completely stiff and hard. So the Tibetan lamas use this as an analogy for the Dharma student who doesn’t practice, because the leather bag is like the mind that is in contact with a large amount of Dharma all the time but never practices it, And so the mind goes stiff and hard, and the the butter doesn’t can’t then penetrate anymore. Whereas if you take some stiff you know, some leather, and you take just a little bit of butter, just a little bit, not a big lump like in the bag, but just a little bit, and you rub it in, yeah, you rub it in, then the leather becomes soft.
So if you just understand a little bit of the dharma, just a tiny bit, and you rub it into your mind, the bit that you understand, you rub it into the mind, this bit in there, in there. Rub we rub it in, then our mind becomes soft, not weak, not weak. And our mind becomes flexible and changes and transforms Because it has to. Because that’s the nature of the mind. So that’s what we have to do.
If we hear these things, if you hear something today that makes sense, undeniable, it’s true, then you’ve got to practice it. Not because you heard it from me, it’s because you understand it’s true. You don’t have to hear it anymore from any other great being. If you’ve got it, you’ve got it, and now you have to make it stick. Because no other great being will make it stick either if you don’t try and make it stick yourself.
Go into the mind. Yeah. Allow the mind to really experience it, understand it more and more. And the way we do that, basically, is through meditation, becoming familiar with what is true and real, virtuous, meaningful. And we have to do that again and again and again, not just one time, two times, three times, but regularly, even if it’s just a little bit, if it’s just a little bit of butter that you rub in, but you have to do it continuously, and then it really works.
Otherwise, the old habits come back straight away, and they already have the leading edge, They already are in control. Lama Yeshe used to say, at the moment we just have a tiny little wisdom light, and it just gets swamped by the darkness of our ignorance, the darkness of our attachment, our anger, and so on. But if we work on this little wisdom light more and more, then eventually it will take over. But if we don’t keep working at it, it just gets overwhelmed. It’s especially when we get this information from up here, conventionally, figuratively speaking, just in our head, just thoughts down into the depths of our heart, in our heart there, then things really change.
One thing I’d like to talk about about working with attachment is that the things we’re attached to If we really look, which we should look, not just to give a quick glance to, but really check-in our daily life from now on, when we follow our desire and look at the things that we’re really attached to, that take up so much of our time that expect so much from. What can they really do for us? How much happiness can they really bring? How much can they really solve my problems, my difficulties, my anxieties, and so on? Now one has to check oneself.
We can still experience the things of this life, but we can do it with a little bit more detachment, less expectation what they’re going to bring. One can be a bit more relaxed and just enjoy them for what they are. Nothing really a very big deal. Okay, but not something to get really too excited and carried away about. And particularly what we need to understand in order to relax our mind, to start to let go, so that we’ve got time and energy to work on our inner mind, which is the real source of our happiness.
I can’t prove that over this point. I’ve just said it. You have to find out this point also yourself if if happiness is in the mind or not, because it’s certainly not out there. So, anyway, the point I’m trying to get to is that if we look about all the things that we are obsessed with, attached to, desire, they are all impermanent phenomena. Or another way to put it, if you look at all the things that we depend on for our happiness, for our security and comfort, blah blah blah, all of these things, including people, right?
I’ve been talking about things, right? But these things include people, objects, situations. All of these things depend on causes and conditions. One’s own body that one is dependent on for happiness depends on causes and conditions. You have to put food into it, you have to breathe air, you have to keep it at a certain temperature.
If it’s not at a certain temperature, it will freak out and start to do all sorts of strange, uncomfortable, unpleasant things. If you don’t give it a certain amount of food regularly, it also gets very out of control. Many things. This body depends on many things. If you look at the bodies of other people, same.
They depend on many things, many causes and conditions. The whole physical world, everything that we are attached to, depends on causes and conditions. They were created by causes and conditions and depend on them for their existence. The Buddha explained, didn’t make up. He didn’t make this up.
He just perceived this. The Buddha is a very smart being, a very clear, wise being. The Buddha perceived that anything that depends on causes and conditions, by its very nature, is impermanent. That is, it’s changing all the time, which means, in fact, it is decaying moment by moment, without ever stopping. Which means everything that depends on causes and conditions comes to an end, sooner or later.
And even while it’s existing, it doesn’t remain the same for a moment. So this is something that we can discover for ourselves, allow ourselves to know, to discover, and the point is that anything that has that nature, which is impermanent, cannot last, has no power from its own side to stay the same even for one moment. How can such a thing produce lasting happiness? It can’t. It just simply can’t.
Even if we want to believe it, it can’t do that. It simply cannot do it. So why be attached? Because attachment means depending on things, thinking they’re permanent and unchanging.