Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 128-minute session, Ven Jamyang introduces the first guideline for relating to others: respect. She begins by exploring deep interdependence through concrete examples—people and creatures involved in bringing groceries to shop, the systems supporting daily life—showing how recognizing this connection softens the mind and opens the heart. The group grapples with what respect means: acknowledgment, appreciation, valuing others, allowing them to be who they are. Jamyang walks through real-life scenarios—staying grounded when someone yells at you, respecting those whose opinions differ sharply from yours—and emphasizes that respect and self-respect grow together. The session concludes with identifying personal role models and a meditation using those figures to access respect. Pitched at practitioners with some meditation experience, many new to this series.
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File: Jamyang – respect.mp3
UUID: 99901868-2824-496f-9d3f-ea2b1cc762fe
Teacher: Ven Jamyang
Collection: 16 guidelines for life june (Ven Jamyang)
Date: 2009 (exact day not recorded)
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 128.0 minutes
Words: ~12,708
A few people here for the first time in the sixteen guidelines, you were here. And I thought maybe we can just introduce ourselves with a name so that we’re not just trained just for each other. Some people know each other, They have done a few few nights together. But maybe when we do that so I’m Jamyang. Although I look like a Buddhist nun, the sixteen guidelines is not really talking about Buddhism, it’s talking about universal values that you can practice with the mind and or, you know, practice in how you think and how you act and how you relate to others.
And when you do that, you will have a direct effect on your mind that you feel more relaxed, more open, more happy. And what you cause in a relationship to others is that they are also happier and more open and most feel more safe with you. Yeah. I’m Suzanne, and I’ve come from the beginning of last week. You did them all?
When I went to peak. You It’s just You know? Know? You Yep. I’m Virginia.
Virginia. Kate. Kate. Hi. I’m Pam.
Pam. I’m Martin. Martin. I’m Jerry. Jerry.
I’m Annie. Annie. I’m Chrissy. Chrissy. I’m Bea.
Bea. Bea. I’m Michael, and I’m very sorry you’re leaving. No politics. Lenny.
Danny. I’m Paul. Paul. So who can remember most? Shall we try?
Joking. Joking. So I’ll give maybe we start with short breathing meditation just to calm the mind and to focus the mind. You have meditated before. Have you meditated before?
Have you meditated before? I have. Yeah. Good. Good.
So so nobody’s completely new? No? So make sure that you feel comfortable how you sit. Comfortable and relaxed. So the meditations that we do when we do the sixteen guidelines, they’re mainly focused on that you feel comfortable and safe in yourself.
You can put your hands on your lap or in your thighs. Your eyes are closed. Your head is a bit bent forward. And the sixteen guidelines, they are about you. We all have the potential in the mind to develop these guidelines to a very big extent.
We all also have the potential to develop the opposite. It is up to us to choose which way we’re gonna go. And that choice is completely your responsibility. You’re not responsible to anybody else. So whatever you learn here, that’s your decision, your responsibility, your choice.
And whatever you choose is completely good. No judgments. You take what you can. You leave here what you wanna leave here. So let your mind settle down.
You can do that by either letting your mind rest on your body, or if you want to focus stronger, you can let your mind rest on the movements of your abdomen. Every time you breathe in, your abdomen rises. When you breathe out, your abdomen falls. You just observe the movement. If your mind gets distracted, starts to follow thoughts about the past or the future, you bring your mind gently back to the movements of your abdomen.
And the more you can let your mind rest on your body or your abdomen, the more your mind will calm down and become clear. Allow all the energy of your mind to come to your body so that you can be fully present, fully absorb whatever we are doing. And then relax the mind. And open your eyes when you feel ready. So the sixteen guidelines, everybody?
Yep. The sixteen guidelines are divided into four groups. The first group is how we think. And when we talked about that group, talked about humility, patience, contentment and delight. How we think is on the basis of every action that we are doing.
Every action is preceded by a thought. You know, you cannot do an action of your body and speech without first having a thought of what you’re going to do. And the time between your thought and your action might be very small or you might not be aware of the thought that you have before you engage in an action. But if you start looking into your mind, will start recognizing the thoughts and eventually you will see, oh, yeah, I can remember, this thought was there before the action. So if we change how we can think, we already have more control over our actions.
Not just do we feel more happy because of the way we think, but also our actions will be we we will engage in a different way in our activities. And what we said with that is when you change your mind, change your life. As soon as you can change your thinking, the way you see things, way you perceive the world, the way you perceive others, the way you perceive yourself in the midst of the world and others, you you your life will change. And after that we talked about how you act, how we act. And with that we talked about kindness, kindness, honesty, generosity and right speech.
And if you look into how we behave, then it’s like in every moment we engage in action. Know, action can be that, you do nothing, but there is always some activity there, there is always tension in the muscle, is always direction that the mind is going. And every action that we can do skillfully helps to make the world better, ourselves to feel better, helps others around us to feel better with what we are doing. So the more we can practice mindfulness and be aware of what we think and how we act, the more happiness we can spread around but also the more happy we will feel. So last week we talked about right speech and I don’t know if anybody has questions about that?
What was it in summary? Because I’m What was it in summary, Jenny? It’s only in what was it in summary? It’s only in three points. It’s only in three points.
Well, what was it? For me, I think it’s better to hold back if you can rather than blurt something out. That was your summary of the right speech? Well, that and right speech comes from a place of loving kindness, so if you’re always coming from that perspective then you won’t say angry harsh words. Michael?
For me, right speech was about talking in a loving way as she said. Jenny? I would prefer that you don’t say a lover because that means that I could never have right speech. But maybe somebody that you love? Yeah.
Yeah. But the Buddhist idea of love is to love everyone. Yeah, but when you talk about love, are you not talking about love in the way Buddhism talks about love? When you talk about love, are you talking about attachment? So love kindness.
Loving kindness means that you speak in a way that you want the other person to be happy. Skillful speech also might mean that you have to say something that is not so pleasant to hear for the other person. Know, maybe you need criticize or to direct some behavior or So how do you do that in a skillful way so that the other person can take it? You know, how do you do that with loving kindness so that a person really can hear what you have to say? That has to do with right speech.
Right speech honors and respects the other person completely. You know, don’t wanna attack, you don’t wanna hurt, you don’t wanna at the same time what you can say can be felt as hurtful. You know, but if you’re not coming from that intention, that hurt can, you can even help somebody going through the hurt or, you know, letting go the hurt. That’s when you how to say it? Right speech is very much on balance, isn’t it?
Finding a balance, how to say the things skillfully. The presentation. The presentation, yep. That was when we talked about kindness. Yeah.
And that didn’t come from me. That came from mother Teresa, I think. Was it? I have to have a look at it. But somebody else said it.
I just So that was that it doesn’t matter the words what you say, it doesn’t matter it it matters the feeling that you leave behind in somebody’s mind, how they think back of the conversation you had. Can I say something? Yes. I just have a question. I wasn’t here last week of course, but I was wondering about your interpretation of right speech and to me it might be different things for different people depending on perhaps the nature of that person.
For one person, it might be that they need to say something. And another person, it might be that they need to hold back Mhmm. And always done with respect for the feelings of that person, but it seems that it could be different at different times. Yes, definitely, definitely. Right speech is not something that is dictated somewhere, or this is right to say.
It always depends on the circumstances and the person that you’re talking to, and finding the right words to say. Yeah. And sometimes you say nothing. Right speech can be that you stay quiet. Yeah, because it’s very I do observe I have a lot of ‘you’s and a bit of an accusing tongue.
You know when you accuse someone and say you, you, you? Yeah. I noticed that coming out of my mouth. Do you? What I did when I was starting to observe speech Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Very hard sometimes just to stay well, I find it difficult to be quiet. Uh-huh. Well, you know, in times when you’re really annoyed about something, it is better just to sit with it.
That’s that’s the How to relate to others, that’s where we start today. How to relate to others. The first one, you all have a paper so I don’t have to write that down. It’s respect and then next week we’re going to talk about forgiveness and then gratitude and then the last one is loyalty of that group. How to relate to others means that at a moment we relate in a certain way to others that is not always giving us the result that we actually would like to have.
You know, we relate to others in a way that maybe frustration comes up, anger comes up, sadness comes up, jealousy comes up, all kinds of disturbing emotions can come up in relationship to others. And we want to shift that, we want to transform that into a behavior or into a way that we relate to others that these disturbing emotions do not come up and do not come into our relationship. Is that true or do I? So if we look at how we relate to others, we as human beings, as sentient beings, we are very self centered. If we relate to others, have the feeling that we are the middle of the universe and then everybody else walks or moves around that.
And somehow we have the feeling that we are independent creatures, that we make our own choices, that we make our own decisions, that we do not need others without. Sometimes we need others, but most of the time we are pretty independent to handle things ourselves. For me this comes as strong as like when I go to the shop I have the feeling, listen I have my own money, I can look at what I want to have, I just get the products that I like, I pay with my money and I go home in my car and gives a very independent feeling. I don’t even have to say hi to anybody that I pass. I can just be almost unknown doing my shopping, no social interaction.
And if we look into the guidelines, then it says that that feeling of independence that you do not need anybody to do that is completely wrong perception. In reality we depend completely upon others. So the only reason why I can go to the shop with my purse full of money is because there is a person who gives me the money. You know, and then I can say but I’ll work for that, yeah, but you know there are many people who work in the world that do not get any money when they work or only a tiny little bit, you know. So I’m very lucky that I find somebody who gives me enough so that I can not only do the shopping to survive but maybe I can do a little bit more than that.
When I go to the shop it looks like everything is always there in the same way, isn’t it? And move things around, but the shop is always full. We never see an empty shop in the West. Only on television when they go to certain parts of the world, sometimes the shops are empty, but we always have a full shop. So somehow we don’t have the feeling that we depend upon others when we go to the shop.
But it was only because of others that the shop is so full. True? There are so many beings involved in stocking up the shop. And not just bringing the products from the truck into the shop, but bringing the products from the field into the can and from the can to then the can has to go to the shop. Many creatures, people are involved in that whole process.
And then if you look into the creatures, involved, if you look into the animals that are involved, many, many, many animals, countless animals. Many die in the process, many get harmed in the process, many have to work really hard in the process, many live in terrible circumstances. And I forget that when I go to the shop. I don’t see that. There’s nothing that reminds us of that.
Is it? It’s all clean, clear, as if the products were always there, and always will be there. We cannot even imagine that tomorrow there is no woolies anymore, or there is no meat and woolies. We would get in panic, we would not know what to do. So you can look into any aspect of your life, you know, breakfast, going to your work, wearing your clothes, where does it come from?
How many beings were involved? What kind of process needed to happen for me to have this clothes, for me to have this breakfast? And if you start thinking like that, it’s like the whole universe opens up for you. Just suddenly you become aware, wow, I’m around with so many sentient beings and somehow they all help to bring this together so that I can have my breakfast and go to the shop and can dress myself and What would change in us if we realized that more? How would our relationship to others change when we become more aware of that?
More appreciative. More appreciative. More understanding. More understanding of Of the people involved. Involved.
Of the people involved. Connected. Uh-huh, more connected. Have respect for all these different people in their roles. Help people play.
And you see that everybody has their own role and you need them all in order to have the end product. Is that a good thing? Does that change the mind in a positive way when we thinking about that? Can you feel it when you start doing it that the mind immediately softens and opens up and the heart starts to feel in a different way? Or is that just me?
Our tendency is to overlook that and because we overlook it we actually create obstacles to our own happiness. So the more we can see that, the more happy we will feel. Sometimes you might think, oh no, I don’t want to open up for all that suffering that is there in the world, all these people who get paid really badly and have to work so hard in such difficult circumstances. I don’t want to think about them. But actually when you start to think about them, the compassion in your heart might actually start growing.
And because of that you will feel much more satisfied, more happy, more content with what you have. You may be less demanding to the world that you need more or need something special. And I think when you become more and more aware of that, you become more warm to whoever is around you. You know, you realize like, we do depend upon each other, even coming here. If there will be one person with a bad temper, we would all have a hard night and we would say, Wow, no, I’m not going go to Buddha house anymore.
Right? So we depend on each other and on how we’re going to make this evening and how we feel afterwards about that. And everybody pays their own contribution, but if you know, if you know that everybody gets affected by what you’re doing and if you get affected by what everybody else is doing, the more you become aware of that, the more skillful you will start acting, you will start relating to others. When we talk about Or maybe we do a small a small reflection to to get some connection with respect. So just close your eyes for a minute.
And then think about how you interact with others. How do you treat others? How would your life change if you could react to the rude person in the same way as you react to the kind person? And then relax. So respect.
First, have to define respect or get an idea what respect is. Because, you know, as you mentioned, that can be different for everybody. Right speech can be different for everybody. Respect can be different for everybody. What is respect?
What are characteristics of respect? Consideration. Consideration. Of what would you consider? Thank you.
No. No. No. No. No, no.
Thank you. Consideration. What is the difference between respect and kindness? So we can say when we act respectfully, we also have kindness our heart. But is kindness the same as respect or is kindness an attribute of respect?
One is an aspect of respect. So what’s Can I wrap this up? Acknowledgement. Is that a better term? Do people agree?
Awareness. Awareness and acknowledgment, is that the same? No. No. Acknowledgment is a little bit further, isn’t it?
You first are aware, and then you acknowledge. Acknowledge. So this is a very is it like this? Thank you. Acknowledgment?
Mhmm. Yeah. So what if somebody has worked his whole life really really hard and comes to a certain view because of his life experience but you don’t have that experience? You can say I don’t agree with that. Is this a positive thing?
Or are you you don’t have to I mean, to respect someone, you don’t have to agree on what they’re saying either. Uh-huh. Because you don’t have to you may have a difference in opinion. Yeah. But it’s just about treating the other person gracefully and Gracefully.
Trying to change their opinion and just So these are change just characteristics that you don’t change somebody. What do we do with this? Can it stay or can it go? This is your class, I want to know from you. I can say I’ll I’ll I’ll rub this one out because I can be patronizing.
Is it more about stepping into the shoes? Empathy, was that that was not what you meant. Me? Yeah. It’s a bit funny to I can hear you saying I appreciate where you’re coming from but to me that feels like you want to protect yourself in coming where you’re coming from.
It’s not unconditional. Respect If you value someone then you’re appreciating them. So you find that it is a form of respect or part of respect? Appreciation? But do I wrap this one out then, where they’re coming from?
Do you support respecting appreciating other people’s opinion or But isn’t appreciation sort of like an accolade? An accolade. You have to translate it in another word for me. Appreciate. You’re saying you appreciate.
You appreciate something you sort of agree with it or go along with it. Or But can I respect someone’s point of view without agreeing another person from another culture, like a different belief system? You can respect that without agreeing So then what is respect? That you that you do not change it, that you don’t interfere, that you you don’t Allowing them to be who they are and not they are. Stay neutral.
Is it an honouring? I don’t know what it is. It’s hard isn’t it, just to define a word, And we use it so many times. So sometimes when we have a problem we do it the other way around, right? We say what is the opposite?
Disrespect. Oh, sometimes we’re very good in this part. You remember? We can’t come up with anything here and then this one. I’ve got to focus on the other.
I think if you respect someone, you’re just open to listening and hearing what they’re saying, aren’t you? Yeah. You have an open mind. Yeah, and it can be that the respect that we’re talking about is maybe not exactly the same as that it is used in the West. Forgiveness and tolerance can be respectful as well.
Forgiveness is something else than respect. True? Maybe treating people how they deserve to be treated. How is that? If you understand everyone to be connected to you in some way, then they deserve to be treated as somebody who has helped you become the person that you are.
And so then all those other things can be a part of that action, showing respect. Yeah, so what you’re saying, if you remember you ask how you are connected to everybody, then you treat people with respect naturally. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, say say that again.
So if you remember that you are connected to everybody then automatically respect comes in your mind. You feel that they deserve that. No, no. I’m saying that if you Say it again. You can be rude to me.
Doesn’t matter. If you do have an action towards another person and you remember that you’re connected to them, then that action will be respectful. To me that sounds the same. But what happens? What is the characteristic of that respect?
Can be anything depending on the situation that you’re in. But something happens in your heart, isn’t it, when you remember that the contribution from everybody to it? Someone else Valuing? I think that’s a good one. Yeah.
People agree? Mhmm. Valuing? That’s wrong. An e?
No e. No e? Just a I? Mhmm. Alright.
Just looked funny. Disrespect. What is disrespect? Disregard. Disregard.
What else? Just courtesy. Just courtesy. No. Courtesy.
Courtesy. Yeah. What? What? Can you explain me the word courtesy?
Politeness. Politeness. Disrespect. Lack of consideration, and it’s Yeah. The opposite of.
About rudeness? Rudeness. What is that? We don’t like the differences anymore. We had that’s what it is, isn’t it?
Intolerance. Is that disrespect? So what about looking down? Is that disrespectful? So looking down would be saying someone’s inferior.
Yeah. Not listening. Not listening. Yeah. I would like to have some words that, like rudeness is not a negation, isn’t it?
If I say not listening, discourtesy, disregarding, I, I, the actual word is ‘regarding’, isn’t it? And then I do the opposite. But do you have words that are just like rudeness, are, is a word that expresses the disrespect? Dismissive. There’s also dis.
Selfish? So, if I talk about words, then what we are doing, we’re trying to define something, isn’t it? What we feel, how we look at something, how we and it’s very difficult to really define what respect is and what not respect is. So when we start talking about disrespect, we have disregard, discourtesy. It’s like this is negation.
This is not regard, not courtesy, not tolerant, not listening. But what if you make a positive word? Like rudeness is a positive word in the sense that Ignoring. Ignoring. What is that?
Callousness. You use all these difficult terms to know. Callousness. What is that? Callousness.
Callousness. Someone’s been cruel. Cruel. Cruel. If I say cruel, is that alright?
It’s quite thin. This is this is something not caring. Yeah. It’s not caring. Cruel.
Not caring. Speech. Harsh speech. Harsh speech. Talking harshly.
So is respect careful? Respect? Uh-huh. Okay. That’s a very good point.
That’s a very good point. But then you decide who deserves it and who doesn’t. Yeah. Really what makes you I mean, I’m sure there are people that would probably think each one of us don’t deserve it if we’re going on our opinions of other people. But I think everyone should have respect regardless of whether they deserve it or not.
Someone can’t earn your respect if you haven’t met them even though they may have contributed to your Is that true? Sorry? Is that true? So I can’t respect You know, I’ve never met Nelson Mandela, so I can’t respect him. Maybe it would say you can’t either Maybe not if you’ve never met him, but if you never are able to recognize that we’re there.
Uh-huh. You know, all the people that contribute to the shopping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could never know everyone. That wasn’t all.
No. But when you think about them, even if you don’t know them, there must have been somebody. So you can feel a feeling, The thinking about all those who are involved when we, you know, with everything that we, Buddhism says every pleasure that we experience completely upon others. The more we acknowledge that, the more respectful we will be with whoever is in front of us. Because we realise that somehow we are connected to that person, if we like it or not.
If somebody has to earn your respect, that means that the person that’s waiting to get into the line and I let them through, don’t really deserve it because I don’t know them and they haven’t earned my respect or, you So could it be maybe two ways of seeing respect? One is that just on the basis of you are just another creature with feelings and you respect that and you honor that and you allow somebody to be that and then there is a kind of respect that you have towards somebody who has that earns your respect by having done something special or by playing a role in your life that you look, I say that, you look up to a person. That can be both respect, isn’t it? True? If also someone treats us badly, and therefore, on the one hand, I say that?
No. You give your own answer, think. But why not? This is your conclusion. He’s just saying if you don’t, then you’re allowing if you say only respect those people who behave well towards you.
I heard what he was saying. Heard what he was saying. I I’m big on that respect, and and I had a a teaching lesson the last few weeks where I took on a student and and committed to teach them the next month month and then maybe try and get offer them work. And I’d already found them some work at QAH as well. And, you know, so I’ve been working really hard on this person that I didn’t really know because she showed an interest in learning.
And then all I’ve had in the last two weeks is really a lot of disrespect. You know? She hasn’t been there when she was meant to be. She’s had to take off early for a bridal thing or a shopping expedition or lunch with a girlfriend. And normally I would go into anger with that.
Normally I would be angry. And then I thought, no, actually, I respect the fact that she’s actually showing me she’s not that interested in what I have to teach, and I respect the fact that she’s chosen a different journey. Do you know what I mean? So instead of going into anger and feeling like a victim because I’ve given all this energy in teaching, which is what I normally do until these classes. You know?
I thought, okay. What’s this meant to bring me? Is that easy to do? Right? It wasn’t.
It’s not easy to do. Anything that we’re doing here is not easy to do. Feel like it’s another letting you down or you know what I mean? Yeah. Mhmm.
I thought, well, be respectful. Be respectful of her choices Yeah. But also allow her to own that. So when she rang today and said, oh, I might come in next week, I’ll say, oh, I’m sorry. You know, we’ve I’ve had more time with you and you’ve chosen not to go down.
Expecting. It’s not all about what you want and what you’re feeling. Yeah. But it’s Every of these guidelines is very, very you know, when you talk about it, it sounds quite easy, but when you’re going to practice it, it’s so difficult because when do you practice? When you do feel angry, when you do feel jealousy, when you do feel attachment, when you do feel pride, and these are the moments that you feel very righteous, you feel justified, you feel that you are better than somebody else, and then you have to completely change that and remember how you depend on everybody, remembering how whatever you’re doing is going to affect not only you but everybody around you.
Remembering that it’s very difficult when the delusions are in the mind, when the negative emotions are in the mind. Very difficult. Every time that you can turn it around, you will have so much, you feel so much power that you can do it. And that you do not depend upon that other person how you react. Because that’s how we normally do.
That if somebody says something nasty, whoops, the emotions are there and we start to act in a way that we actually don’t like ourselves, that has a negative influence on our own mind, on others. And the moment you start feeling that you have some choice there and some power there, you know, it’s like you have the guideline for happiness really in your hand. You know how to do it. But it’s not easy. If it was Sometimes it feels like a contradiction.
What? I know that’s really wrong and painful. It’s very, very painful. That’s right. It is.
It is. Situation on Saturday where I had to confront something, and I’ve been stewing about it all day. Uh-huh. And I was literally seething, bubbling over, and I found myself about half an hour, an hour before I was about to meet this person. Really reflecting on that and just just taking some time to calm and center and make sense of it all.
And I knew I needed to approach it in a certain way. And I managed to you know, I did pull it off, and it was probably one of the hardest conversations I’ve had for a long time. But I did feel exactly as you said afterwards. I felt really empowered and Uh-huh. I felt in control and and it was worth it.
Mhmm. It really was worth it. Even though I didn’t have to be really mindful about the speech, the words I was using and and how to approach the situation. Mhmm. Yeah.
The effect can be very big, isn’t it? It’s huge. It doesn’t make you feel like I have lots of people yell at me in my job and people say how come you don’t react? And I try to think about where they’re coming from when they’re yelling, like they’re scared or they’re upset about something. It’s not a personal thing to do with me because I’ve never met them before.
I just try and be respectful and explain the best way I can why they’re having to have such long waits to see the doctor and they’re swearing at me, like I had a lady and her daughter last week swearing at me and I just said, please don’t speak to me like that. I’m trying to do the best that I can for you and I don’t like it when you swear at me. They just kept yelling and yelling and then I said look, I’ve explained to the best of my ability, I’ve got a line up of people behind you, can you please just have a seat and we’ll get to you like I explained. And they went off yelling saying they’re going to complain about me so I gave them my name. But that was it.
As soon as I walked away from the window I didn’t have any anger because I didn’t react to them, and so everyone around me was seething How dare they speak to you like that honey, how dare they? And I was just like Next! And I didn’t even think about it for the rest of the day because I hadn’t reacted, so then I got angry and then I was able to just let it go and it didn’t affect the rest of my life. And the next person was just there and I went on with my night. And so I didn’t get stressed and if I reacted to everyone that got angry with me then it would just rise up in me and I’d be so stressed I would hate my job.
So I just try not to react even if they’re yelling, spitting, abuse. Conduct yourself. Good. Fantastic. I have a problem with doing it anymore.
I used to. It used to be really. But the more you just practice it and The easier it becomes. The easier it becomes. It’s just second nature.
Good. And and sometimes Uh-huh. Just going to this thing that I call now. I’ve heard the expression of mind snap. It’s all of a sudden, just all this primitive rage.
And And you you it comes up. It’s me. Oh, and somebody else. Yeah. Yeah.
I’m I’m mindful of it and become aware of it in other people. Mhmm. I can sense it there. Mhmm. Good.
You want to say something? Doesn’t. It’s like, well, I’ve got respect. But I don’t don’t even have to work with that. But there are other occasions when I can just snap, and I’m not proud of it.
So what has that to do with respect? Sorry? What has it to do with respect? I think Because we’re talking about respect. I think that these stories make it seem that when we respect other people more, it also allows us to respect ourselves more.
Mhmm. It’s something that we didn’t really say. It’s self respect. Mhmm. Mhmm.
So not getting into those frame of mind. Mhmm. You know, a way of respecting yourself. Yeah. Definitely.
It’s not her problem, it’s their problem. And the more you can separate yourself from that and at the same time stay connected with that person. I think that’s a lot of what you’re saying about valuing what they’re saying. A lot of the staff that I work with will say, that’s not my problem mate, go and have a seat. And I find that irks the person even But if I sort of say to them I’m really sorry that you’re having to wait, we’ve had this trauma come in, we’ve had this and it’s just a busy night, we’re down a doctor and sometimes they go don’t care, that’s your problem.
I’m here because I’ve twisted my ankle and I want to be seen to her.’ you’re like ‘yes, I can understand.’ So you’ve got to still make it your problem, so not brush them off and make it seem like well I don’t care, you’re not important to me. But I think part of that is valuing what they’re saying and listening to them and respecting where they’re coming from. But I think when you take on somebody’s problem what you do is that you react to what they are saying. So it’s not saying oh it’s not my problem, that’s not making it, you know, that’s not what you meant. No.
It’s saying, you know, emotionally you make it not your problem. Sometimes when people yell at you, it hits you and then you start to react back as a way to defend yourself. That is that you react. And then it becomes your problem. If they were attacking, I always look at it as though they’re not really, it’s nothing that I’ve personally done to them they’re attacking.
I would probably become offended if it was something that I’d done or more worried but because they’re sort of not attacking me personally I find it’s easier just to Most of the time people get angry not because it is something that we have done. Most people become angry because they’re just angry in that moment. Yeah. What’s running? You can’t see what’s running.
Well, doesn’t matter which chemicals, but you always go back to the chemicals. As if we have this factory here that is producing all these things and we have no control over that. But we do have control. Yeah. It’s us creating the Serotonin and melatonin.
So how do you make It’s tough. It’s tough. What is where where do we I mean, it’s about you touched on it the self respect as well, isn’t it? And I guess if someone’s yelling at you or is behaving badly or you feel unsafe in their presence, I mean, you know, there’s gotta be a limit. And I guess that’s finding the balance of being someone’s doormat and not Well, I think when you’re somebody’s doormat, you you that is a form of self disrespect I would say.
But if somebody abuses you, you can become the doormat or you can stay in your self respect. And I think self respect means that you do not react. That you empower yourself and that you feel so self confident that you do not need to react. Being a doormat you do react, You react with fear, you do what they want. Sometimes my need to please is so high than I am, you know.
So the need to please, that is like your weakness, isn’t So then you open yourself up to become the doormat. So when you work on that fear and you overcome that, then you won’t go there anymore. Not easy. We can sorry. Is it okay?
Okay. We’ll do more talking. We’ll go in little groups. But I first wanted to do a meditation with you just to get the feeling of respect. Respect.
Yeah. Just sit comfortable. So I don’t have a clear definition of respect, you know, but what we have said is one thing is that you acknowledge that we have the same needs, that we have the same physical, psychological, spiritual needs. And then another one is that somebody has qualities that we really respect. These are two ways of looking at respect.
Sit comfortable and then think think about respect. Just whatever you have defined as respect or whatever you feel is respect. And then reflect on a situation when you have demonstrated this in a very positive way for yourself and others. Recall the incident, the people that were involved, what was said and the positive feeling that you experienced. Notice where you are experiencing that positive feeling inside yourself, as you recollect this positive situation.
Where is it located in your body? Focus on that area in your body, sensing it in a receptive receptive way. Imagine it as an image, a shape, color, sounds or words to describe the sensation there. And once you become aware of it more clearly, let it expand in a way that it is even more beneficial to more whatever experience results from this, noticing the sensations, the images, the colors and the words. Then think of a situation which is a challenge for you.
It can be a problem internally, mentally or physically, others challenges, or a challenge in another area in the world. Then imagine that you radiate the quality of respect into the situation. Imagine it infusing the problem and notice how it affects it. What has changed? And what insight has this exercise given you?
And then take the light and using your positive quality of respect in this way. So was that nice to do? Good, helpful? How do we respect the elder in our community? So where are they respected?
If they’re not respected in the western world, where are they respected? Which cultures do respect the elder? Mhmm. Chinese? Asian cultures.
Old cultures. Very, very, very cultures that are very, how to say, like the Native Americans and the Tibetans and there it is almost like the older you get the more wisdom and the more quality you have, isn’t it? And it’s like people want to hear what you have to say, let’s all be quiet because the owl is going to talk. As we don’t do that anymore, don’t we? Say our Sorry?
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Not? It does give one the opportunity though. There’s always opportunities for wisdom. But not all people are wise or have something, have something important to say.
I’m not saying that a lot of them don’t have lot But all older people have definitely more years of experience in life than we have. Sometimes their prejudices and so on are even more ingrained in it. Not open to change, they’re never going to change. humor. humor.
humor. Mhmm. You make jokes? Yeah. Uh-huh.
And does it loosens them up? You sure? So do we agree with that? That that I don’t know. It almost feels like you know, I know that there are people that you think that they haven’t learned much, that’s almost what you’re saying, they haven’t learned much in their life.
And if you look at how we treat older people, don’t know, what do you do exactly with them Australians? Because you’re saying, no, you’re saying in Europe they do differently and I do not really see the difference, so I would like to know. Truly. Yeah. They go to a nursing home.
Is that what you’re doing here with the older people? Only when they’re aggressive, you drug them? So how do you think in Europe we take care of them? I think sometimes they’re kept in family more. So you’ll often see and I’ve actually worked in this area for a long time and what you actually see more in the ethnic cultures is perhaps more often seen in the home living with their sons or daughters in their family, and having a lot more support.
And whilst nursing homes or whatever might have to happen at times, that’s less likely to happen so soon in ethnic cultures and often Asians. And you mean ethnic cultures here in Australia? You have seen it there, that they keep their parents. But it goes both ways. Think a lot of those communities that have three generations or four generations living under the one roof, so the children really don’t ever leave home.
They’re supported. In those cultures, children are supported right through until they get married. Whereas, speaking for Australians, what I know, the expectation is that you leave home way before that time. If you’re talking about getting married in your mid-20s to 30s like they are these days, you don’t stay home until that time. So it’s a whole different culture for every generation, not just the elderly generation.
You stay home until you get married and then you get married often you’re still living under the same roof together. And so your mum’s cooking for you while you’re going out to work and looking after your children while you’re going out to work in this day and age. Then it just sort of continues that way. So if somebody has more life experience than we have and you would really listen to them without knowledge, would that change something? I mean because you can go to all the people who have Alzheimer’s and you think whatever comes out of their mouth, most of it might not make any sense.
But what if you think this woman actually has lived seventy years, she has gone through her whole life and this is how she appears in the end of her life. She must have something to say that makes sense. What do you hear then? They don’t always forget long term, it’s mainly short term stuff like where they left their keys So what can you learn from them? What do they have to share?
What can they share? So what if you think that you you actually have more inside life than they have? I think personally that’s where the respect comes in. Yes. One needs to recognize that they have had a life and there have been somebody age Mhmm.
To treat them respectfully is all you can do, and that encompasses a lot. Mhmm. You know, different things. You know? It may be spending time with them.
It may be listening to them. May be touching them physically. It may be feeding them. Often older people just want to spend time with young people and that’s what’s lacking in our culture. And I think some of the grouching can actually come from that lack of respect.
What I hear many times is when people talk to older people they talk as if they talk to little patronising you. I get so upset when I hear that. I think when somebody treats you like that how can you not become like you know? I think it just aggregates the whole situation that they’re in. Being a younger person myself, life seems to have changed a lot in the last couple of generations than it has generations before then.
So older people sometimes seem really out of touch with what’s happening Yeah. Right now than maybe older people would have fifty years ago to younger people. But older people, you know, if you look into the mind and older people have exactly the same delusions as we have, the same disturbing emotions as we have. Live experience can help you deal with that, can help you, for instance what you said, they can give you a perspective. All the people can say, ah, don’t worry, that will change or, you know, because they have the experience that things change.
Or they have the experience how to work with their disturbing emotions or not. And hardened. Mhmm. Mhmm. Sabotage.
You know? So that’s the difficulty. Can you still take a lesson from that, though? Like, is what you learn from somebody else, you know, about what you wanna get from it. Yeah.
You know, I like into that. Seeing seeing an old person who’s really old and cynical and maybe they’ve been through things which have made them that way, that still teaches me something about life and myself. So even when they have no clue what’s going on in life on a physical level, on a material level, they still know what goes on on the level of the mind and life experience. True? You said older people are many times out of touch?
I’m saying Because of the big changes, like younger people’s point of views, the lack of respect comes in. Younger people feel like they don’t know what a computer is or the way we do things these days. A lot to do with technology. And that’s the first generation ever that there’s been such a gap, because technology is really away from all our basic human needs in a way. Are we does it are we saying we’re trapped within our YMP group to a degree unless we have a common interest?
No. I I I don’t know. I think there’s some very happy old people. My parents my parents go out well, they’ve always gone dancing, so they mix in circles where they dance. And there’s so many people that well, they’re so young at heart still.
I don’t know when they think they’re going to know because they’re still in their eighties. And they talk about people that are older than them and I think, well, might be these two ninety year olds. Amazing how many of them have fallen in love again. You know, their partners And when they’re in the 90s they said to the 80s, oh these are the young ones. Is that right?
It’s just about technology because those sort of things change, human emotions in a way, those sort of things I don’t think change over the ages. I don’t think human emotions change at all because Buddhism is quite old and somehow it’s still quite valid. It tells exactly how we feel, how we behave, how we react and gives us the tools how we can change that. And yes, we adapt that to our life in the way how we present it, but the essence of the practice never changes, it won’t, it can’t, you know, because the mind is still the same, the human mind is still the same. So if people can do less than we can, is that a reason to disrespect?
Have less capacity than we? No. If they have less smart than we? No. They have less physical abilities?
No. No. But we do treat them a little bit like that, don’t we? We judge all the time. Sorry?
The whole respect thing is about judging. What? Is it? So when we judge them as something that we do not approve of, then we disrespect them? Yeah, or if we judge it, we prove it, and then we do respect them.
Yeah. It’s how we use respect, I think, in our society. Yeah. So we’re selective. We’re very selective.
Can I just relate an incident? Sorry. I I I I can answer if I could. I don’t have any answers. You have all the answers, Michael.
Stop asking questions. So then how do you treat her? I well, I I I treat her the same way, but I say, well, he’s got every life. It’s it. He wants to Do do you get angry with her?
No. No. I don’t know. Uh-huh. Yeah, but you have to ring up and vote for them, otherwise they’re gonna be kicked out.
That’s what they say. Can we come back to here? We’re dancing tonight here. You know, I hear that you look down on your knees, who that? Sorry, just repeat.
I hear that you look down on your knees, who said that. I didn’t think I was, but there has been It feels to me like that. But it means that you do not agree with how she thinks and that you have certain thoughts about the way she thinks. True? Yes.
How dare you to think like that? So that’s your judgment. Good. So how does respect lead to happiness? Maybe we do this one first.
We talked about the four ways of thinking, you have them on the paper: humility, patience, contentment and delight. Which one is connected to respect? humility. So we practice, when we think with humility, practicing respect is quite easy. True?
Yeah. humility has again to do with realizing how we are connected with others. Also realizing that we can learn something from the other person. At the moment we can see that we can learn something, there is respect, isn’t it? At the moment we are curious about what do you have to give, what is it that you have that I do not have?
So that’s an easy way if you think, oh how do I get there?’ What can you learn from your niece? Tell me. Now what can you learn so your niece is tolerant? No, she’s intolerant. So what can you learn from your niece?
What does she have that you do not have? She has an opinion. You have an opinion, so that’s not what you can learn. What what does she have that you do not have? Conviction.
I see. I want Michael. Come on. You can. If you develop a mind that is full of humility, you can see easily what your niece has to.
What did she good at? No. We’re not gonna let Michael get away with this. She’s prepared to she’s prepared to put forth what she thinks. Mhmm.
She’s prepared to say Is that something that you’re lacking? I try to temper it. You put too much forward what you think? No, I don’t think I do. No, don’t know.
So that is the quality that your niece has that you would like to learn from her? But I didn’t see it as a quality. But I’m asking you what kind of quality does your niece have what you do not have that you can learn from her. And it doesn’t matter. I want him to be willing to learn from that.
It’s about a positive one, I would appreciate that. She has a lot of good quality. Yeah. Tell me one that you do not have. I know, this is your problem.
Just have it. If you can say this, you you conquer yourself. She has You really conquer yourself. You will feel so free if you can say it. Has strength.
Strength? In? In being able to speak her mind. And that’s something that you do not have? Okay, so you can learn that from your niece.
How does that change how you feel about her when you see her like that? Still feel No, how does it change? I don’t want to hear what you still feel. I wanted to hear the change. She’s showing me something.
How does it change your feeling? Acknowledging that she has that quality, that she can speak her mind. That that’s something that you could actually look at her, how she does that. And then maybe help to develop your strength? Yes she does it, there is a strength about it.
I’ve seen it as So how does that change when you look at her like that? How does it change you? Okay, sit with it for a I’ll ask you at the end of the class. Good. Thank you.
Thank you. That’s really hard what I let you do, but I thought you needed it. Okay. Are you sure you mean that? Does, he does.
That was coming from a good place. Respect, oh, as far as I can see. How does it lead to happiness? Peace of mind for ourselves. Acceptance.
That part of peace of mind? Or is that a separate acceptance? What else? I think other people respect you internally if you respect them. Is that true?
I would like only to speak from my perspective. Is that something that you want? Yeah, I think being respected makes you feel good. You good. We just let go of the idea of even having respect and just do it.
But you need, it’s not that if we let go of everything we naturally have for spite, do we? No, we have happiness. What? All our opinions and the work that we put into them. And all the chatter.
Deciding, do I respect this person? Do I respect this person? Do I respect them less now? Should I respect that person because But if you would just stop that chatter, would you naturally go to a feeling of respect of which you Just allow respect to happen rather than actually think better. How do you do that?
No, it’s not easy. How to suspect me to happiness? Because you let go. You free yourself up. You’re afraid of her.
No, no, you don’t have to make yourself doing anything. Don’t let go of all your shoots and have to and don’t go there. Look for one person that you can respect and then develop on the basis of that person the quality of respect in your mind. Don’t think I have to respect everybody and actually I don’t want to because, you know, don’t go there. How does suspect lead to happiness?
Harmonious. Harmonious? Yeah. It makes others feel good. It makes others feel good.
You’re not talking about moments, do you, Martin? No. No. You’re talking about feeling angry with but then feeling that you need to respect them because they have a different opinion and you do. Respect my boss even though he can be quite unpleasant sometimes.
I respect him because of what he’s put together and he’s an intelligent guy. So you respect him for certain qualities and certain things that he has done and other things that he’s doing you do not feel that respect. Are we happy when we’re respected and are we respected more when we give more respect to others? Are we happy when we are respected? Are we?
I think so, I think we’re all more happy when people respect us and you can see that as soon as people start to disrespect us how quickly the unhappiness comes and the discomfort and the lack of confidence that comes up and the Do people respect us quicker when we respect them? You say yes. More opportunity, perhaps not always, but more opportunity. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of people, if you set the example, it may not be immediate, but if you keep offering that respect even in the face of their disrespect Mhmm.
Eventually, they’ll come around. Mhmm. Maybe not everybody, but I have too many examples that I can think of where people haven’t eventually started respecting you because you’re just continually respecting them. But it’s very hard to practice if somebody really disrespects you again and again and again, it’s very, very hard to practice respect, isn’t it? Because when somebody disrespects you, you feel that your heart goes down, closes down and you get uncomfortable and you lose your self confidence and then, I mean, you have respect, you need to have the confidence, you know, so there is a tension there I think.
Where do we learn the idea from anyway? What if we just did without it? With respect. Yeah, mean we learn what respect is or what it isn’t or whatever, but what if we just eliminated it altogether? And then what?
And then what is there? What is left? If you don’t think of that? Whether you do it or So you think this is a concept or you think this is a state of mind? I don’t think it’s a concept.
I think it’s just something that we’ve just created. You think so? Could you say that if you honour yourself and honour others, would that be a way of Is it respect part of honour? I’m just thinking Can I bring this back to something completely different? You think that it’s a concept and if you just get rid of the concept you’re happy?
Might be happier. Yeah. So what if respects actually refers to a state of mind? Not a concept, a state of mind. Not an idea.
How do you learn kindness? How do you learn kindness? Let’s get rid of that one too. I like that one though. You like that one?
You like respect? It just seems it’s problematic. It just doesn’t seem like, you know, it’s not really graspable. No, and when we start to grasp it it becomes sometimes a little bit I think it’s actually not graspable. I think any state of mind just as kindness, when you start to talk about kindness you want to grasp it.
It’s like the kindness just slips out of your hand because kindness is very open and very, very open. So it’s very are many rules associated with it, so many conditions and Is it? I think it’s just a very open state of mind wherein you realize that the other person has exactly the same needs as you have on different levels and that you acknowledge that. And then, you know, that’s very easy. Yeah, That’s a very easy that idea or thought without even really labeling it.
You know what I mean? Sorry? We could have that idea or those thoughts without even actually labeling them as such. But in the West here especially, it’s expecting seems to have this whole is a heavy load. Yes.
You have earn So how can we earn respect? Let’s talk about that earning. So there is a respect there. There is a respect. Yeah, I know that you get angry, so let’s look at that.
There is a respect where we acknowledge the needs of everybody on a physical level, on the emotional level, on the spiritual level and we we we acknowledge that. And as soon as we acknowledge that there is respect in the mind. So that’s easy. You feel like that you understand, you agree, you and then we have the respect that we can have for somebody like a role model or an I don’t know if the word authority is a good word, but somebody who has a figure, a role model. You have a problem there?
If you want to model yourself after that role model. Know, I don’t have a problem. You have a role model? Or a mentor. There’s people I admire.
Can we do a round who we admire? Who has qualities that we would like to have? Or that we would like to develop. We start in the front, Michael. Mind that we do a quick round?
What kind of role model that we have? What do you have? Who is your role model? I’m asking you, what is your role model? We’ve several.
People like Peter Singer, the professor. People like Mahatma Gandhi. What are the qualities that you like most? Mention one or Honesty, integrity, concern for others. Yeah.
So you can look at them and you see these qualities and you can strive to develop Yeah, fair mindedness? Yeah. That’s good, that’s good. You have role models? His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
What qualities does he have? Well he can practice the Dharma, why his life has been threatened by the Chinese. You admire that? Mhmm. Yeah.
Good. You have a role model? My professor is Uh-huh. From the United States because of his wisdom and enormous compassion. Mhmm.
Jamie? What would have the? Why? Because it doesn’t seem to get angry. Mhmm.
And because of all of the other things. Just some of the little things she says, I think, you know, forgiveness. Mhmm. If you act with honesty. Mhmm.
And motivations. Good. Virginia? Yes. Think it’s the humility, like, Dalai Lama and the Presidents of nations.
Yeah. But is that your role model too? Or you have other role? Would always be like a more personal, a famous figure. Figure.
But You have a role model? Yes. And it’s a man. Yeah. He’s very he also has a lot of humility.
He’s very kind, patient. Mhmm. Really, most of of these qualities that I’m looking at. Do you feel that if you know the person that you have an easier connection with these qualities? But I like it that you have people that are close around you and that you you are somehow it feels like your heart has more connection to that.
Honey? My role model would have to be my brother because he was very tolerant, He had very few attachments, which in my family wasn’t really regarded very well, but he stood by what he believed in. Mhmm. And he was just very open minded and and very humble. Yeah, whenever I think about anyone that I’d like to be more like it was just for him.
Great. I forgot your name. Interesting. All qualities, isn’t it? Martin?
You know, I admire people that are great musicians or great painters for their skill, and I admire people who are I think the older I get, the more broad my admiration of people is. Like, you know, I admire my brother. I I hone in on people that and I want to be like them that are really good on, you know, just that’s negative. I’m just not gonna deal with it. Let’s just be happy.
I know a few people that are masters of that. Mhmm. Just really polite or somebody that’s helping me, you know, a counselor or somebody who’s pleasant at the shops. Just I I really take little bits of joy just out of people. It’s taking a little bit of effort just to be polite.
Mhmm. Just waiting for a minute. Mhmm. As well as the great people Mhmm. And friends that have gone overseas and are really proactive in doing things with their lives.
Lives. Think it’s correct, the older I get, the more open and more appreciative I am. So you also feel that you strive to achieve similar kind of qualities? Older I get, the more that some of this rubs off on me or yeah. That I get inspired.
Mhmm. A bit more like a bit more like my brother or just got this really happy or a bit like my mate who’s gone around Europe and he’s really living life or yeah. And a bit of it rubs off on me, and it’s almost like the older I get, the this thing’s speeding up and this wisdom and this no. That’s just great. Good.
Thank you. I forgot your name. My role model is a lady who’s in her late seventies. Mhmm. And she was a very my life many years ago when I was quite ineffective in my life, and she taught me how to be strong Mhmm.
And how to be myself Mhmm. Which is something I didn’t know how to do. So she definitely is a fantastic role model to me and to many other people that I know. So, yeah, of all the people that I know, apart from people that have done wonderful things in the world, I think she’s an amazing woman. Thank you.
Are you? Yeah. Anyhow. I don’t yeah. I can’t think of my feet that well to any particular person, but I admire quite a few people in the arts.
And and one person that does come to mind is quite radical. But thinking of a a performer, say pink, a young person who will go out there and the music’s completely radical, but has a really lot of good messages and is really passionate and not afraid to say what they think and they feel and put themselves out there. Uh-huh. And there is a lot of positive messaging there. You went last week?
Sorry? Did you go last week? Very humble. She’s very. She went to pink.
Yeah. Pink. Pink. Yeah. I think she’s great.
Yeah. That has some you know, who’s gutsy too. Yeah. Not frightened to put himself out there and that real passion. The other person that comes to my front of mind is president Obama.
Uh-huh. He commands respect. Uh-huh. He commands it almost just from being, you know, from everything that he exerts. And he seems to have won that universally.
Many different things that he stands So when you talk about somebody like that, do you feel the qualities surfacing in yourself? I feel you would like to aim for that. Yeah, yeah, And it helps you to connect with that potential in yourself. That’s great. Thank you.
Forgot your name too. Chris. My uncle, uncle, since he’s a little girl, he’s always the same thing tolerance, wisdom, he never judges, he sees the whole of someone, He sees all the levels. He actually if you’re having a conversation with him, he’ll give you things to think about, an angle of a person you might not have thought about and why they’ve reacted to why they have. So he gives you this whole of something that you’re talking about and I do respect that.
And he never changes. He’s always the same. No matter what age group he’s with, race, it doesn’t matter. He never changes, you mean that he always has his qualities. But he changes.
Well, depending on whatever you’re talking about or what you’re talking about too. What you’re saying is that his qualities are very consistent in him. Not harmful. He’s got strong opinions but he’s not harmful with his opinions. He actually looks at all the sides, all the angles and they respect him very much so.
Thank you. That’s great to have some people like that in your mind. I’m very lucky. B? Actually I never thought of having anyone as a role model until you mentioned this question.
Uh-huh. You don’t have to, you know. It’s He says he sees everybody as an old friend. That is how he approaches. And that is how people feel and then there is no barrier.
It’s like he looks at you as if he has known you your whole life. Without much expectation. It is hard. So I think what I learned today is I think I lost I lost respect for myself Mhmm. Because I expected, like, my husband or whoever to respect me.
But if I don’t get that, I it’s really too complicated, you see. Mhmm. So that’s why I fell. Mhmm. And now I understood it a bit more.
So I suppose this is why, I I didn’t think I was a role model. Mhmm. And Who did you have before him? Who was your role model before you knew the Dalai Lama? Well, I I I when I when I was younger, I love music.
Mhmm. So so I’m Carlos Santana. Mhmm. Because not only because he was was passionate about the guitar, but when I heard about the sort of person he was too. He’s he’s he’s a very good person.
Mhmm. That’s like an admiration that you have. Yeah. Yes. But but also when you hear your personal qualities with a person.
But for me, I I read his book on compassion. And as a role model. He wanted everybody to be the same. Yeah. And he read books that I at the time.
And I suppose the second one I could think of was Chögyam Trungpa. Yeah. His book on spiritual materialism. So it’s not like I admired the whole person because, you know, I think that some people say he drank or He showed the aspect of things that we would not I like that approach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He’s very honest there. Thank you. I suppose I’d have to say my dad. Uh-huh. But not really I haven’t really had a good relationship with my dad when I was younger, and I suppose he’s someone who has a lot of undesirable qualities as as well as good ones.
But making a a new relationship with him as an adult has allowed me to see good qualities about him, which I can see in myself a lot as well. So and cultivate them. It’s something that I’m trying to do. So Mhmm. In some respects, it’s still a role model.
A role model. That’s great. Thank you. And you, you, Jamyang? Me.
Well, know that when I was around thirty, I had a little bit of crisis and somebody said, so who’s your role model? Who would you like to become? You know, who’s your example? And I couldn’t think of anybody. And I thought, well, when I was young Jesus was my role model.
But at that point, you know, I somehow lost that connection and when I was thirty I thought I have nobody. And then it took a long time before somebody came in and picked you again. I don’t know. You know I have a strong connection with Lama Zopa Rinpoche. If he’s the role model as I would like to become like that I’m not sure.
I should say yes but I think what he does do is that he inspires me to develop further and further and further and further and never, never stop, never stop. Know, you can always do better. And it doesn’t mean that I’m not happy with what I’m doing, but I always have the space for improvement. Or maybe I should say, in every moment you do the very best that you can, you know, that also leads to doing things better and better. Yeah.
So in a way he inspires me very much to do that. Yeah, and in that sense you can call him a role model. So Jesus and Lama Zopa. Don’t tell anyone. We have this Buddhist nun at Buddha House.
I love Jesus. But yeah, what he did was not that different from Buddhism if you go to the essence. I know that I did meditations, and I didn’t know I was doing meditations, but looking back these were just Buddhist meditations. You know, but Jesus inspired me to do them so. I want to finish with a meditation.
Is that alright? Just a nice to connect further with respect. So just relax. Make yourself comfortable. And then let the mind settle down.
And you can focus your awareness on your breathing, observing the movements of your abdomen. And then let go of any thoughts, images or feelings that arise. And then call to mind the role model that we just talked about. The person that you admire, that inspires you. And think about the very specific qualities that you respect in that person.
Consider which qualities of this person you would most like to develop within yourself. Are they qualities that you already possess? Try to remember a time, when even on a smaller scale, you demonstrated some of these qualities in the way you thought, spoke or behaved. What do you already have in common with that person? Now imagine this person to whom you look up as a baby.
And then as a small child. Reflect on how they had to learn to speak, walk, read and write, just as you did. Reflect on the moments in the middle of the night, when they may felt uncertain and afraid. What mistake do you think they made? How did they cope with their mistakes?
Try to accept the vulnerability and humanity of this person you respect. They are a human being, just like you. Spend some time focusing on their vulnerability. Does it make any difference to the quality of your respect? Is there any reason that you can develop the same qualities that you admire in others?
Can you transcend your own limitations, including the limited view of yourself? And allow yourself to think back for a few minutes, just as they may have done. Expand your mind. Try to see that there are no limits in developing our qualities. And then we can close this meditation and tonight with a wish, may all beings be happy.
Thank you very much for coming. Thank you. Next week, we’re gonna talk about forgiveness. How many weeks do you have to? After this, two more.
Two more. Two more. Really? Yes. Oh, poor you.
You’re going to America.