Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. Ven Jamyang explores the first of the 16 guidelines for life: generosity as a state of mind, not mere action. In this two-hour teaching, he distinguishes the generous attitude—the wish to give freely—from conditional giving. The talk covers what we can give (time, labor, possessions, money, speech, attention), to whom we give (loved ones, strangers, and those who have harmed us), and why anger and self-clinging block generosity. The deepest layer examines the Buddhist view of the self: that the solid “I” we experience is an illusion, and loosening it brings greater happiness and capacity to give. The session includes group discussions and a guided meditation on interdependence, showing how every possession comes through others’ kindness. Suited for practitioners with some Buddhist background.
File metadata (for organising)
File: Jamyang – generosity.mp3
UUID: 4be75bd8-a1f0-4426-805a-6e6b3de28c56
Teacher: Ven Jamyang
Collection: 16 guidelines for life june (Ven Jamyang)
Date: 2009 (exact day not recorded)
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 123.4 minutes
Words: ~10,919
You’re here for the first time. With me as With me as teacher. You never have used teacher. Oh, just for this For the sixteen guidelines. One and a half.
Uh-huh. I hope I don’t disappoint you. So maybe we start today with a small meditation just to bring the mind here and to calm the mind and to find some space for daily activities. So make sure that you sit comfortable. Thank you.
With a straight back. Your shoulders relaxed, your arms relaxed. Relaxed. Close your eyes. A meditation is nothing more than allowing your energy to be here.
Try to let go of all the chatter, of all the busyness. No matter what has happened in your life so far, there is nothing that we can change about that. No matter how many times we think over the past, No matter how much we try to change the scenarios, we cannot change what happened. So there’s not really a good reason to put any energy in that. So every time that you see that your mind starts dwelling in the past, try to think like that.
Try to see that it is of no use doing that. And then bring your mind back to the present moment with your body and with your breath. So you can let your mind rest on your body or you can let your mind rest on rhythm of your breath. And you can do that by observing the movements of your abdomen every time you breathe in and breathe out. Also, also learn to let go of thinking about the future.
There’s nothing that you can do right now to change, to influence whatever’s gonna happen in the future. Our actions at this moment determine our future. So the only influence that we have is by directing our actions in this moment. So the best thing to do if you want to influence your future is bring your mind back to this moment. Letting it rest on your body or on your breath.
And then reflect on the guidelines. We’re thinking that what we’re trying to practice, what we’re trying to do, is we’re trying to develop a certain state of mind. And we do that because we realize that the opposite of that state of mind is not making us happy. It’s actually making us unhappy. And each of these sixteen guidelines are states of mind that lead to happiness.
Some guidelines have to do with how you think. Some with how we act, some with how we relate to others, and some with how we find meaning in life. And all these states of mind have the characteristics of being open, relaxed. You can find joy and happiness in them. All these guidelines are harmless.
They’re even benefiting ourselves, benefiting on us. And they’re all a way to challenge and to change our self centeredness. They’re all not about me, but focused on the other. So instead of the heaviness that comes with me, me, me, they represent the lightness that comes with letting go of me. So during this class, when we talk about the guidelines, try to keep checking with your own mind, that your mind does feel open.
Focus the way for me. Your mind feels relaxed, happy. Because if it doesn’t, you might be doing something that is not actually practicing the guideline. And so we can set a motivation for doing this tonight. And try to do it with the knowledge, and maybe also with the compassion that knowing that if you feel more happy, if you have tools how you can open your mind, how you can be there for others, that that that not only is gonna benefit yourself, but everybody around you.
So today, we talk about generosity. Did I already say that? Somebody, I don’t don’t know who that is, John Bunyan? He said, you have not left today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. Is that true?
You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. So how many times do we do that? Not every day? Do we sometimes do that? Yes.
Yep? And we’re aware, I know you cannot repay me and I’m gonna give it to you anyway. Do we do that? Not every day. Mhmm.
Sometimes. Sometimes. How is that if we do that? How do we feel? Good.
Good? You look horrible, honey. I know. Sorry. You don’t wanna be here?
No. I wanna be here. It’s just I’m still not that well. You have I don’t Don’t feel good in life. Yeah.
You drink enough? You drink enough water? Yeah. I’m just still really sick. Yeah.
It’s like a almost like a poison in your body that Yeah. Swine flu. It’s not food. Well, tell everybody that you have swine flu. Yeah?
People run away. Yeah. I’m alright now. Well, I’m not contagious now, but I’m not alright. Yeah.
How do we feel when we do something for somebody and we know that that person can never repay us? Wonderful. I think even even grateful for for that person. Uh-huh. For that.
When a situation arises where you can you can do something for someone else, you know, it’s kinda exciting. Yeah. True? Does everybody have that experience? Sorry?
Depends who it is sometimes when you’re doing it for. Yeah? What is the difference? Some people expect to give. Yeah.
Is it and then what happens in the mind? My mind, yeah, it’s like, oh, that’s the limit. Too much. Don’t expect me to give. I don’t want do it anymore.
You want to give freely? Well, to a point sometimes that some people don’t accept the gift or don’t appreciate the gift. They don’t understand perhaps that it is a gift. And that changes you’re giving. One expects something from you then.
My benevolence. Yeah. Yeah. That’s how our mind works, isn’t it? Yeah.
Is that? Generosity? Giving Giving and kindness. Do they go together? Being generous an act of kindness.
Can you give without being kind? Can you? Was like, how can you give if you’re not being kind? Might feel obligated. I think it is possible.
Or you might do it Is that giving? Is that generosity? Not too generosity. No generosity. So we can give without being generous?
Perhaps being generous is selfless giving. Selfless giving. And, otherwise, it’s like you’re trying to get something out of it. There is a thought behind it, you know. So giving generosity is a mind.
Generosity is not just an action and we already get this straight away. So So generosity is an act of giving and you said kindness needs to be there. So then we say what is an act of giving without kindness that is for instance the trading conditional giving or expecting something back. Trading, I like that word. Conditionally.
Maybe generosity doesn’t always have to have kindness because big companies quite often give generously to different charities, Yeah. Not always. I know it’s a good tax deduction, good advertising, and there’s a whole different spin behind it. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Is that wrong necessarily? No. It’s still giving. It’s still giving. It can still be generous, can it?
Well I think so, but it just doesn’t have to always come from that place that we’re all imagining it comes from. Uh-huh. So if I know that by being generous I actually feel much happier, I have a lot of benefit from that. And then with that knowledge I am generous or I’m giving, is that less selfless? So we cannot really hello.
If somebody is generous and then they have all these profits that come from that from themselves, it’s tax deductible and I do have good advertising and people might actually come to my shop and buy even more. But we cannot really see the motivation, can we? That is behind the act of giving. We can suspect, oh, there is also a big part selfish, but maybe it’s why selfish. We don’t really know, do we?
Well, don’t think there’s anything wrong with both parties benefiting. A lot of the charitable organisations work that way, because otherwise maybe people would be tired of giving continuously and receiving nothing all the time. It can empty your pockets. So they find a way to work together so you can continue giving but you are receiving. So if we stick with generosity because then we stick with what is happening in the mind.
Alright? Because if we want to develop one of the guidelines, then the main thing is that we recognize that state of mind and then we can use the giving to generate that state of mind. Yep. So what else can I say under generosity? Giving with kindness?
Beyond expectation. Is that true? And then people expect you to give something. For the first time, yes. You know what mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I know what you mean. You don’t get dependent on people. They don’t perceive to be a generosity. So they have an expectation but you don’t go beyond that expectation all the time.
You say oh no I can’t do this. But I know compassion is really. Yeah. Well, generosity could be generated by compassion. Yes.
Yes. Generosity is, in Buddhism they say it’s the wish to give. Sounds so easy, So what can we give? Between giving when you can give away something you don’t really want, can’t you? And then you can give away something you really want and then not have to then carry it through by not thinking, oh, oh.
There’s a difference, There’s a difference. Yeah. So if you clean up your house and you have all these things that you don’t want and then you go to somebody and you say, no, I’m going be generous. That’s not really generosity, is it? Don’t know, because I could go and sell them and keep the money for myself and decide to give to Goodwill or somebody else who needs it.
Uh-huh. Yep. But then there is a step in between, you know, but looking like oh no I don’t want this anymore and then I give it. It’s not as good to do that as it is to give something that you think someone would like. Yeah, or something that is really something worth to you and then you give that away.
Giving of yourself. Giving of yourself. So what can we give? Time. Time.
What else? Physical labour. Labour. Possessions. Possessions.
Money. Possessions. Money, resources, ideas, Speech, what can we give? Sorry? What can we give?
Speech. Speech? Yeah, like kind speech. Kind speech? Yeah, speech with a positive intention.
Kind speech. Because I can give many kinds of speech. But you meant the kind speech, you can say a nice word. Support. An ear?
What? An ear. An ear? Yeah. So you can someone an ear.
You can listen. You can listen. That’s time. Maybe attention? Giving somebody full attention, that’s a big gift, are there some things that you think: Oh yeah, I do that, I do that, I do that.
Oh no, I don’t do that. If you look through that. You know, we all have It’s not that there is somebody here who has never been generous. We have all kinds of generosity. But some people are very generous with their time.
Other people are very generous with their labor. But when they have to give money then it suddenly becomes difficult. So just have a look at that and then think what you are good in giving and what you think: Oh, when it comes to that, I’m not so good there. You know, and just make your own conclusion in that. So maybe you can think, oh, what I’m not good in yet, I’m going to try to do that.
Maybe once a week once a day or that’s the opposite, isn’t it? Attachment. How else can we call that? The opposite of generosity. If you look at this, Kim says, now I can see where I hold back, where my attachment is.
But how can we call that? Stinginess. Correct? You’re not sure? Did I make a mistake?
I don’t know. I think it looks like it. You guys should know. Hanging on to everything you learned. Yeah.
It’s not nice, but it’s not really dishonest. No. As long as you’re not taking stuff from other people. If you just held on to everything you ever had and didn’t give anything. Holding on to?
So is there is there something wrong with hanging on to perceptions that you love. Like, I’m quite prepared to donate things that I had no longer need for. I’m prepared to give money, time, all of the above. But if you ask me to give away a painting that I absolutely am in love with, forget it, it’s not happening. What’s wrong with that though?
Why can’t I have nice things that I love and cherish? There’s nothing wrong with you having nice things and cherishing them. And also the guideline is not about wrong or right. Right? There’s nobody who says, Oh that’s really wrong if you do that.
Generosity is about, and all the guidelines is about, how can I find means to be more happy in my life? So that’s your choice what you do with that. Yeah, so you choose how far you want to go and if you can be generous all the time with everything you have, if you master that you can imagine that you feel very very happy. It’s totally non attachment, isn’t that what you’re saying? Yeah, even more, you know, giving gifts is even more than non attachment, but you don’t hold onto anything.
That is a very, very happy state of mind. And then you can see: Oh, but I’m not there yet. I quite like to hold onto this, hold onto this, hold onto this, you know. But I’m quite good in doing this and this and this. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just that the amount of happiness that you get gets bigger the more you can give.
I see what you’re saying and like I said I can look at but I can never see me letting go of those. And I’m not a cluttered person, so when I have something, because to me that’s something that I treasured, it says something about me and I want my children to have that when I’ve passed away. Like I had some things in my mum that she treasured. I just don’t see why I should have to or how I can work towards it if you like. Yeah, that’s maybe a better way of saying.
Because I just can’t see myself. Yeah, no, and at this moment you cannot do that. And you can’t say that! Oh can you mind? You don’t know.
But what you can say is that as long as I’m not ready to do that I will not do that and I don’t have to do that. There might be something that triggered Okay, think of the most important possession you have and then think about one of your children getting seriously ill from something and then donating that item to an auction to raise money for that research into that. There might be something that came along one day that would prompt you to say you know what, that is more important and I can be generous for that cause. You never know. And you you said you wanted to pass it on to your children.
That sounds scary. You wanna share something? But only when she dies. Don’t be too kind, Matthew. Yeah.
I I could pass it I could pass it on to them, but what I mean is they I couldn’t necessarily have you come into my house and say, like that painting, and me think, oh, that’s nice. Do you have it? I couldn’t do that. Your kids are gonna take that painting to the dump when you die. I’ve always hated that damn painting.
Generosity is not necessarily if somebody comes and says I like that that you give it, right? But there can be occasions that you, that it is for you very important that you give something that is very special to you, that can happen, you know. And for instance, I know that a friend of mine, she did a kind of a training where you had to work with each other quite on a deep level. And then at the end that was said that you you both give something away that is very precious to you. Maybe not a big painting, but maybe it’s a small thing, but something that has deep meaning for you.
And you give that consciously to somebody else. To exchange something, you know, or to maybe seal what you have shared or to whatever you have been doing even give that more meaning. And she said that’s a very very powerful tool to do that, you know, to say and now I’m going to give something away that is very very precious to me. What would that be that I’m going to give to this person? Generosity is always you choose that you want to do that, right?
Nobody’s going to come by and say you have to be more generous and now you have to give away what you actually don’t want. That’s not generous. Never give anything that you cannot give yet. They can swap. Oh no, that’s not going to go well.
So if we look into what we are giving, to who are we giving? Who do we give to? Everybody. Everybody? Mhmm.
So so I’ll divide everybody into maybe we can make a little longer list from this. I’ll divide everybody into our loved ones and into strangers and into enemies. Oh. What about soap? Can you, I mean, you can use soap?
That is sometimes here, sometimes here. So who do we give to? This includes the self, right? It’s just that when we talk about the self and I’m going to give it to myself, normally what happens is that I don’t give it to myself, I take it. And when I take something the energy that is behind is not generosity.
Right? But if I have a generous attitude towards myself that is also generosity, yeah? So if you gave yourself an hour every day to meditate, would that be generous? Yes, if you feel that that makes you happy and that is good for everybody and that it is, that can be an act of generosity. And if you say and this is my hour and the children have to go and whatever, then maybe the generosity is not so generous, maybe there was something else also involved.
So if we give to loved ones, is that easy? Yes? Not always. Not always? Why not?
Because it’s easy to give when you’re in the mood to give but when you’re not in the mood then it’s hard. Yes, yes. So we have this to give at certain times. Especially with attention. I find that the hardest thing to give if you’re tired or grumpy or something and the kids say, well look at this drawing and they’ve just been saying that for the last hour.
It gets to the end and it’s like, not now, mommy’s doing this. Uh-huh. That’s not always easy. Uh-huh. But if you look at these three categories, so yeah, this is not always easy and you cannot always give this all the time.
But if in general you give, to which one do you give? Loved ones. The loved ones first. And then? Strangers.
And then? Enemies. Do we give to the enemies? Probably not consciously. Not consciously.
We. Because they’ve hurt us. And we think they’re really, really nasty bad people. Do we give to them? Is forgiveness giving?
Is forgiveness like we genuinely forgive them? Swaying. That’s forgiving. It’s not giving. Giving to yourself, yes.
Forgiving is giving to yourself. It’s giving yourself the space to start again. Do you know the last time I apologised to someone that did wrong by me, for my part in it even though it was very minute, I was still giving to myself because it made me feel like a better person. I didn’t want to lower myself to that level, and I was genuinely sorry for stooping a little to that level. So for me it wasn’t really for them, it was really apology, it was really helping me heal and recognise my behaviour.
The enemy may not actually feel they need to be forgiven. No. They might not actually feel their behavior has been being manipulative. No. Yeah.
Then we’re gonna talk about forgiving. And then, you know, sometimes people say, think that forgiving is that you go to somebody and say, forgive you for what you did. You know? And then the other person gets angry and like, but I didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah.
So when you talk about forgiving you mainly talk again about a state of mind where you let go of any anger, resentment, aversion to whatever has happened. And if you let it go then you don’t hold any grudge anymore. That’s something that you can do completely on your own without the other person. I don’t think that’s generosity, no. I think generosity is the wish to give, to be of benefit to others or yourself.
And yes, forgiving is being of benefit, I think after the forgiving you can start giving I think when you give to strangers or particularly enemies that even makes you feel better than giving to a loved one because it’s something about a loved one that almost not expects it because they don’t but it’s more expected. Like it’s not such a surprise to that person but when you give to an enemy the reaction is priceless. What holds us back from giving to enemies? Anger. Anger?
So when we’re angry, is that easy to generate a mind of generosity? What are we going to give to enemies? Let’s get that sorted for you. So I’m sitting here trying to imagine more. Yeah, because it’s very difficult, isn’t it?
When somebody’s an enemy, you are angry. You have anger in your mind. Well I had a guy at work who abused, he worked under me and I asked him to do something once and he screamed at me, got really angry and swore at me, and I got angry back and said don’t speak to me like that, go and do what I’ve asked you to do, and we had a bit of a discussion. We both went into the office and discussed it and anyway a week later his partner died and I’ve heard that his partner had died so I bought him a rose called Remember Me and I gave him a card and I’ll never forget his reaction because he was just so surprised that we had had this huge thing a week before, but I guess I just wanted him to know that I wasn’t holding onto that and also because I understood what he was going through and I wanted to show him some kindness. But he never leaves me alone at work now.
He always comes up to me, the rose is blooming, it’s going really well, I’ve just proved it today because it’s been years, it’s been like two years since this happened and then, hi honey, the rose is going really well, I’ve got a flower on it and it’s really lovely. It’s totally, not that I wouldn’t have gotten over that anyway, because I don’t hold grudges, but it’s nice that that’s actually turned it into a friendship. Yes. So at the moment you can really give to the enemy, that can actually turn Yeah, it’s totally dissolved any anger or anything, even from his side. But he’s not an enemy now.
Right? Of course not. And I don’t I don’t really believe in enemies anyway, but I mean, I guess the anger was still quite raw then. I guess that dissolved it completely. Can you only give to an enemy once they’re no longer an enemy?
Do you have to transform them? Well that’s what I tried to get clear. Yeah. You know? Because when you have when when you label somebody as your enemy, that person has done something that hurts you or upsets you, so you are upset or you’re angry.
And then how easy is it to generate a mind of generosity towards that person? It can’t. Like these two minds are contradictory. But then if you would try to be generous, what would happen in that process? Yes, first resistance, so that’s still the anger that you work through and then you keep on thinking like, I don’t know, I think Honey had a kind of luck that something painful happened to this person because when you see that that person is suffering it’s much easier to open up again and to drop your anger.
But, so then when you keep keep on working and when you really try to think how can I make this person happy, you know, and try to think about giving something, then your anger naturally will melt? Your anger naturally will go. And the moment your anger is gone, the person is not your enemy anymore. Ter? A generous act would be non reaction to perceived negativities coming from that person.
And they’re only an enemy really, as you said, because we make them one, but our response to that. So a generous act would recognise that someone’s in pain for whatever reason being so negative in whatever way, we don’t know what motivates them, but our generous act would be to not react, be sort of neutral and diffuse the situation in a sense. Is that generosity? It’s it’s wise. It’s wise.
And it’s good. But is that generosity? You think it is? Self Self preservation? Oh, how do you mean that?
So self preservation, it’s funny isn’t it? Because normally we use our anger out of self preservation. As an initial sort of Yeah. As our initial reaction. And now you say like, oh but it’s actually better to preserve myself when I do not react like that.
In the long term, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that’s wise, isn’t it? Yeah. There’s a lot of wisdom there if you see that.
Yes, yes, but you start with having the wisdom and thinking about it and recognizing then that when you engage, but I have another option an option at a small wise, you know, and all that knowledge will help you to go quicker to not reacting or you will stop reacting or But how do you prevent getting hurt by the other person? Okay, you might not get angry with them, you might not have a go at them when you really want to, but that doesn’t take away the hurt that you feel as a result of whatever it is that they’ve done. Right, so we go on a sidetrack? Uh-huh. Are people happy with that?
Yeah, because often we know we shouldn’t get angry, we know it’s not going to solve anything, we know it’s destructive, but we’ve still been hurt. Yeah, and if we never would feel hurt it’s much easier to be generous. So why do we feel hurt? What is that? Ego.
Not always. Not always? I felt like somebody can do something hurtful which wasn’t necessary. Hadi, when you say ego, what do you Our sexual selves is being assaulted. Uh-huh.
How do we hold ourselves? And someone attacks that and we try to preserve that in some way and the stronger we try and preserve that, the greater our possibility how greater our reaction can be. So it’s really just holding on to that notion of ourselves. Holding on to the notion of self. Do you agree with that?
Knows it doesn’t wanna listen to you or is mean to you in some way. It doesn’t include the thing of yourself. It always does. No. It doesn’t.
I mean, you have no hang ups whatsoever and nothing to preserve, then person could say anything they wanted. And it’s really just it’s like water off armor. You know, might as well be a tank, and they’re taking you with ping pong balls. So you’re telling me that my husband husband turned around and said he didn’t love me, that how is that what? That’s gonna hurt.
I’m not what am I preserving? It just hurts. I’m not asking why. He doesn’t love me. But why do things hurt?
What is behind that? There is a reason why things hurt, isn’t it? Maybe some attachments? For instance when we don’t get what we want or when we get something that we do not want. What you just said, somebody can say something which is not necessary.
Who determines that it’s not necessary? That’s you. So that person gives you something that you don’t want. Or you say how dare they speak to me like that?’ And I’m speaking for myself here as if I’m the Queen and no one can speak to me like that, you know? Hello?
Why shouldn’t they speak to me like that? I mean I’m just another person, maybe they’ve had a bad day, maybe they’re not actually speaking to the Queen like that, maybe they’ve just had a bad day and they’re frustrated, they’re not intentionally setting out to hurt me, but I automatically get angry and that sense of self flares up and it’s like how dare they speak to me like that? I haven’t done anything that warrants that. It’s almost like it’s not really fair for someone to come along and talk rubbish to you when you had a good day. But what is it?
There’s a sense of I again, isn’t it? Is. And there we go I and that perceived notion of what I am. And that’s someone attacks your perceived notion of some sort of aspect and you think how dare they speak to me or how could they do that to me or how could they think Can you see that? I’ve got lost slightly because we’re talking about hurt.
So what is the hurt? Yeah, what hurts? And I said that it’s when you get something that you don’t like. And I said another one. When you don’t get what you want.
Yeah. That gives us a feeling of hurt because the I doesn’t meet its needs. And it can be anything, you know, from compliments to criticism to blame to anything where the eye feels like I don’t like this, we feel a hurt. So how should you make that into a positive emotion? Can see what you saying, doesn’t meet our expectations.
Well as long as you hold on to that eye in a certain way, that long you will perceive hurt every time when the eye doesn’t get what they want. So realizing that that I doesn’t exist like that is How does it exist? How should it exist? This is an odd class. Big one.
You guys want to know about the I? So take the eye out of it, that’s the last four chapters of the sixteen guidelines and I do not know them heart. Sorry? You can get that Sorry? You can get back to us on that one.
So, when we feel hurt, we feel that I get hurt. Of course it hurts me, what you say. My husband goes away, of course it hurts me. And that me that we feel that here. And that me that appears as if there is a kind of an entity sitting there, which is me, and that hurts.
And that me lives in the body, or that me is the body or that me, you know, that it owns the body and the mind, that I appears as an entity that functions. True? We feel that here. And it looks really real. There is something really there.
I am really there. This is my eye that really exists. If we start looking for that and say, well, what is that actually, what you feel here?’ Then you can’t find anything. So when you say, okay, it feels like it’s in the body, sometimes it feels a little bit out of the body, but it’s in the body. So I’m going to look in the body.
Is there any structure in the body that is that I? And the medical world hasn’t found that yet. So it’s not in the body. And you can say then is it in the mind? And if you start looking in the mind, although it might sometimes appear as if there is an I part of the mind, for instance I’m observing all the time, but that I is not really in the mind because I can say this is my mind.
Right? If I is part of the mind I cannot talk about my mind. The thing being analysed cannot analyse itself. Sorry? Yeah.
Jess said there was an eye outside the body and the mind. And then so you’re going to look for that. Then what is there outside the body and the mind? The mind is made out of consciousness, the body is made out of matter and they meet with each other. If the I is something outside the body and the mind there needs to be a third kind of thing.
According to Buddhism that doesn’t exist. So that I being something else doesn’t exist. But that I appears to be very self sufficient, seems to have some power, some control, it seems to be independent, it seems to be like a single entity and if we look for that, we cannot find that at all. Consciousness is mind, your awareness. According to Buddhism.
Consciousness is in every moment consciousness is there. Is there unconsciousness in Buddhism? No. What? Unconsciousness.
What? Unconsciousness. Oh that’s just a label, know that’s just a name that you give to something. So we have a mind stream and in that mind stream we perceive things, we experience things and that mind is always there. Even when I sleep, even if I’m not attentive, my mind is always there.
I cannot say when I sleep and I’m not aware I have no mind. So in that sense Buddhism talks about consciousness. So you can be not aware of what’s going on but you still call it awareness. And that’s a little bit in the translation I think there is a difficulty. We mean a little bit different from that.
But that’s a little sidetrack. You see that that I that you can’t find that? So we somehow create, we have created that I. It’s like an idea that we hold onto, a belief that we hold onto, that there is an entity that we have to take care of, that we have to defend, that we have to nurture, that we have to listen to. And Buddhism says that I doesn’t exist at all like that.
It’s a hallucination. Buddhism doesn’t say there is no I, Buddhism says that what we feel as being the I, that doesn’t exist. But there is an I because I’m here. The I will be there is like the this is my I. When I talk about I, Buddhism says the I is the mere label onto the basis of body and mind.
So I have a body, I have a mind, they come together and then I put the name I on top of that. That is what the I is, not more and not less than that. Illusory I, there’s got to be an alternative. Illusory You know what I mean? It’s like actually a construct in a sense but it’s So the I, the I that exists, there is an I that doesn’t exist and there is an I that does exist.
The I that does exist is the mere label onto the basis of body and mind. Then how does the Dalai Lama get reincarnated if there is no I, if he doesn’t remember past life. He does remember his past life. I know he does. How can he remember it if he isn’t he?
Has to be But he still feels I. He just still talks about I. There is still, how to say, The Dalai Lama has a mind stream. That mind stream keeps on going. On that mind stream you create karma and that karma you experience the results of that karma.
That all doesn’t change. If I believe in that I or not that all doesn’t change. So for instance, if you say, if you have somebody that holds really strong to I, which is actually the opposite of what we’re trying to practice with the sixteen guidelines. The sixteen guidelines is all about letting go of that very tense sense of self. Letting that go, you know.
So if you say, but that is really mine, the more you have the feeling of mine and me, the more attachment you have, the more anger you have if you don’t get what you want. When you try and describe ‘I’ in yourself, like ‘I am this’, like if you came up with five words to say ‘I am this’, ‘I am that’, ‘I am friendly’, ‘I am this’, ‘I am that’, they can all change and you can be a completely different person. There is no permanent I there. Yeah, but there’s no I there, that’s she’s saying. That’s part of what I’m saying.
Get I understand that. But you say if there is no I, Even if we are all connected and is one conscious No, no, no, we are not all as connected as one conscious. Didn’t say that. That’s where we go then. If we say there is no I, then we get this feeling of everything is melting together.
It’s not like that. There still, I call this a table. I think this is a table. If I start looking into all the parts, I cannot find a table. I can say, is this the table, is this the table, is this the table?
No, this is not a table, this is not a table. I can’t find a table. When I look in basis, and we call this the basis, I can’t find a table. So this is the basis for the name table. Table is the name given to this basis.
Just as that the I is the name given to this basis. So as long as I have a mind, I can use the word I to refer to the basis. That ‘I’ never disappears, that always exists. I feel much better now, thank you. Good, because you can think: Oh my God, then I don’t exist.
No, you always exist. You cannot vanish, not possible. But then when we hold onto so strongly what we know is that I’m very attached, I get very easily angry and I feel very unhappy when I have that. So when I am miserly, what I believe is that I have to hold on to my money because something would happen and I need all this money and I try even to make more money of that because I all this, because if I don’t have it and I have all these stories happening in my mind. That is and that appears to be like a true story.
That is really true, what I believe. Right? But what that does with my mind is I feel very unhappy. And I feel very, it becomes a little bit dark and narrow minded and I am unhappy. And even when I hold onto the money that is not a guarantee that money is not going to go.
Right? One crash on the market and the money is gone. No matter how hard I hold onto it. So I’ve had all this unhappiness of holding onto my money and then the money is gone anyway. Is it easy to let go of what for some people money?
No it’s about the attitude. I don’t care if it’s money or anything. I’m just giving you an example. So when you say that makes me feel miserable, I have a choice to choose for another attitude. I can develop a generous attitude wherein I have the wish to share what I have and maybe I’m even capable of sharing what I have.
And the more I do that the more my mind opens up, the happier I start feeling. And my sense of I, my I doesn’t feel that important anymore. What about attachment to people like your children and your partner, children especially? Same. I would find it a lot easier to part with everything else but I feel that attachment to my children is causing me pain losing them but I don’t know how to detach myself.
Anybody has any suggestions? If you own the children, the children will do exactly what they want But the fact that they do sometimes different things means that you don’t actually own them to start with. So they’re not your children? No. They’re not your children?
That’s a wrong idea. That’s a very good suggestion. Take labels away. The pure essence of love and connection I feel towards them, the fear of losing that connection with them. These are two different things.
The pure love of having that connection is something different than the fear of losing them. There is a mixture there. But you won’t always have that connection that you have now because they’re going to grow up and they’re going to maybe travel and they’re going to get married and move And I might die, and you might die? That’s what it is. I don’t care about it, it doesn’t have to stay the same, I’m not that So are you afraid of death?
Maybe not the same, yes. Yes. Your death, their death? Both. More theirs because of the pain.
You know what, both because I’ve lost my mum so I’m not only scared for the pain that I will feel, but for the pain they will feel when I die. So there is still that pain related to the death of your mom that you haven’t adjusted that’s coming there. So you have to find a way to do that, to let your mom go. Any suggestion? Yes.
But not now. We can do that another time outside Mhmm. If you want. Yeah. Is that alright?
Mhmm. Okay. My issue is really I find it very easy to be generous Yep. To people who are kind to you, to people, family, to my patients, to people who are suffering. But if someone, as I perceive, crosses the me or the I or does something that you don’t approve of.
Yes. Then I really have difficulty with the generosity. So we talked about that, that it is natural, that it is difficult then, as soon as anger arises, the mind closes down and you don’t want that person to be happy in the first place. So how can you be generous? Mean for example having a bookkeeper steal thousands of dollars.
Well, feel angry with that, and I want her out. I don’t know how you, well, how to approach that in another way. How you approach that in another way? If you’re really wise, you say, okay, this is not so wise to have a bookkeeper like that. There’s also no need to be angry because whatever has happened already has happened.
So anger is only going to fuel the whole situation, it’s going to make me more unhappy. Maybe I’m going to engage in actions that I later regret. So I’m not going to get angry, but I’m going to fire her. And then you think about how grateful you are that at least did it the first few years maybe properly and because she has helped you all that time, you know, she has some mistakes, you give her a present. Give her some chocolate.
Just finding compassion for the maybe the reason she stole. I can do that. I don’t I can feel compassion for people who stole because I think, well, she obviously means it or she’s scared. So why don’t you give that away? Pardon?
Why don’t you give that away? That what she stole. I’ll give it away. To her. Not formally.
It can happen. No, no, no, In her mind. In her mind. Somebody steals something, what happens is that you feel they took something that is mine. Actually it wasn’t the money that mattered really because it doesn’t matter to me actually.
It was the fact that the dishonesty in the lies that got to But some people do that. But if you give that money to her in your mind, really give it, apparently you owned her that from from a previous life, that was a debt that was still open. So you better give it to her. So you can say okay, I hope I paid off my debt and then you create some merit on top of that by giving something extra. Does that help?
Yeah, that’s great. But also, think of the impact, and I don’t know if this is right or wrong, but in that situation of you giving her a goodbye gift, for example, saying, well, you can’t work here because we can’t have people doing that. Here’s some chocolates and everything. I wish you well. Think of the impact that would have on her as a person.
I’m never never nasty. I can’t confront. So I’m never nasty. I wasn’t angry with her, but I felt the anger inside. I can feel the hurt and pain.
It’s all Mhmm. In here. Yeah. Really shocked. And then it sort of goes to dis ease because You want me to give you another one?
Yeah. I would. I would. So when you feel so angry, but you don’t show that, is that honest? No.
So you say she’s dishonest and I don’t like that, but at the same time Then you’re telling us not to be angry. No, no, no. So it’s about the balance, right? She is already angry, but she’s not showing that. Nothing.
And I’m not saying she should be angry, it’s better if you can somehow find a way that you let go of your anger. But if you’re angry and you hold it back, that person will notice that anyway, no matter how kind you are. Just as you find out that she cheated, no matter how well she tried to cover it up. So we all have, I think we all have dishonesty. If somebody does something to us that we don’t like you can wonder, karmically you must have done the same and maybe you’re still doing something similar.
What is it that you are doing that is very similar than that person is doing? And the moment you can see that immediately you think, oh, you know, yeah we’re all human beings and you can let it go. We do, we’re so It’s which indeed, no just kidding. When something bad happens to us, we’re so quick to think, oh, they’ve got bad karma, but we never look at No. Our karma as well Yes.
To be in the situation in the first place. Yeah. The money. Don’t know. It’s time.
She will have bonded. So what I would like you to do is that we go in little groups and you talk about what you are good in and giving and how you do that so you can fluff yourself completely up in the group. And then you talk about what you’re not so good in and giving how could try to find an idea how you can improve that or how you would like to improve that. And make a commitment and tell in the group this is what I’m going to do to become better in that. And you well, if the moment you say it, yes, a commitment, and next week I’m going to check on you.
Commitment is with your own mind, you know, that if you realize I find that really difficult and I can see that if I could change that, that would be much better for my mind. And what I’m going to try to do is this and this and this and this to change that. That is what I call a commitment. It’s maybe a big word but Alright. Maybe we go in couples And I would like you to go with somebody that you don’t know yet.
And then when you sit with a person then introduce yourself, make sure that you know at least each other’s name and then talk about that. Okay? You’re not allowed to do together, girls. I know that you know each other, you look like each other. Is that alright?
And we do about five, seven minutes, see how you go. But I would like to try or yeah. You forgot. You don’t like that word. Okay, I’m going to give you another challenge and I want you to swap with whoever you’re with.
Find someone else and then what I would like you to do is to tell somebody that you don’t know. First of all talk about an act of generosity that you have done where you felt that you had a really pure motivation, where you you might was completely open and you were so happy and whatever. So tell about that. And then talk about an act of generosity where your motivation was not so pure. My god.
You know, and what you experience in that in that moment. And it’s not about, you know, oh, I’m a bad person or whatever, but just for yourself to have the two together and how the difference and how it feels, what it does to you. Is that alright? Is that you don’t have to do it in public, you just do it with one person. Look for somebody.
We don’t like to do that, do we? The eye doesn’t exist in that way, so don’t worry about it. If everybody is done, we can come back to the group. How was that? Good?
Does that help to shift some things in the mind? More questions? Good. The more wisdom can come. More confusion, that’s good.
More wisdom can come. You get more confused about what? I the generous thing that I’ve done? You can’t? Is that because there are too many or is that?
Because I don’t remember the things, I don’t think about it. Uh-huh. Maybe, you know generosity is a virtue. It’s a virtuous mind. And recalling your own virtue and rejoicing in that and dedicating that is is that makes it even more powerful.
Maybe maybe that’s for you that you try to remember the good things that you’re doing, you know, so that you have more to rejoice in. But then you’re looking at the past. Yeah, you can rejoice in anything that you’ve done in the past. You can. Yeah.
Would that enhance your sense of self? Well, you do depends how you do it. If you say Rejoicing in itself is just being happy that you did that. If you say, oh this makes me a better person than, you know, then your ego gets in the way. So when the ego comes in you get this feeling like I’m a better person than them.
So if you have that there is something else happening. But just merely rejoicing on the virtue that we’re doing is very very powerful practice that creates very quickly more merit. Lama Zopa, he loves that practice because he says it’s so easy to progress on the path, because you can rejoice in your your own merit and in your own good actions, but you can also rejoice in all the positive actions that other people do. And you get a lot of merit from doing that too, you know, so, and you can rejoice in all the virtue that has been created since beginningless time and you can even rejoice in the virtue that is going to be created in the future anywhere in the world, anywhere in the universe. So by remembering that you create a lot of merit and there doesn’t have to be an ego involved.
I think the ego comes in as soon as we start comparing ourselves with others and think we’re doing better or worse. That you say oh wow I have improved in that, like that? Yes, like oh well I did better than before, or I feel like a better person than before, I’m going towards where I want to be because in my spiritual path that’s okay. I think if you say I’m a better person, I think what we’re doing, what you try to do is you try to create virtuous actions, actions that are beneficial. Sometimes causes and conditions arise which make it very very hard to create virtue.
So then maybe you can already be very happy when you don’t harm. So maybe you have trained your mind in a certain way, maybe with generosity and you progress but at a certain point you become very poor and you become so poor that you cannot give away anything anymore. If you then start thinking that now you’re a bad person because you’re not generous anymore, that’s a wrong conclusion. So but you could say, wow the cause and conditions are now so difficult but I could give this little bit away and that can be maybe more giving than what you did before, you know. Yeah, wasn’t really comparing what just the feeling of giving.
Yeah. Like remembering to like you said before about making commitment or whatever. Yeah. Just to be more aware of Yes. You can rejoice in any virtue that you create.
Remembered Yeah. To be more giving. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Is it wrong to be generous in some areas and less generous in others if there’s a reason that you’re more generous in some areas than others, like if you’re thinking that there’s a reason that’s more benefit to other people if you give this rather than this, is that wrong? Why do think things are wrong? Well just for example, I give a lot to people in time and kind speech and of myself. I don’t go down the street handing out fifty dollars notes and the people that I give to, I often think if gave this person twenty dollars it would have less of an impact than if I gave them twenty minutes of my time and said the right thing to bring about some change in their life and to help them with that. The twenty dollars would soon be spent and forgotten and it would be easier for me to get twenty dollars depending on the day if I had it in my purse, but it would probably be easier and then I could just walk on by.
Or could I actually stop and stop But are you creating that illusion just so you don’t have to give twenty dollars You don’t know, do you? That’s only a family member can ask these questions. I really thought about it, I it would be easier because I don’t always have twenty minutes either. Oh, they’re gone. I think if you have one area that you do not use in giving, you know, that area represents part of you.
Mhmm. So it will be good to and then you maybe you find all these reasons why you don’t practice that. And I think you should get rid of all these reasons and try to practice that. Just to get more balance in your life and to make sure that you do everything and maybe keep a little bit more time for yourself and give some more money and see what it does with your mind. Try it.
It’s not about what it’s going to benefit others, it’s about you being able to give that. So even if people flush it through the toilet, it shouldn’t be any of your business basically. If you want to practice generosity it’s your practice of giving. So you’re not really thinking about what that’s going to do for them? No.
You’re just giving it? Yep. Okay, because maybe I think too much then. Or you could shave your Because otherwise the person needs your approval to do something worthwhile with your money and if they’re not going to do it, you know, but giving gives merit to you. So what you can think is what kind of object gives me most merit when I give to that?
So there are things that give you more merit than other things. But that’s Buddhism again, I’m having many side tracks tonight. So for instance if I give to my teacher that is more powerful or my motivation doesn’t matter too much in terms of merit than when I give it to anybody else. Say that again. I shouldn’t say this.
So there are different ways of giving. I can give to my teacher, I can give to my parents, parents are very powerful, I can give to sentient beings, you know, I can make charity. These have all a different effect I think on the long term and I think it’s important that you do all of them so that you give part to this and part to that and part to that. Because if you’re giving it all to your teacher just so you get good merit, that’s not good either. That’s wise.
It’s just smart. It’s just being smart. But I think it’s also good to give to all sentient beings, you know? To get something back, though. Would you like a small water?
Yeah. Sorry? Would you like a small water break? Yeah. Thanks.
Thanks. Water is the best offering, it doesn’t cost you anything and you can give as much as you want. It’s fantastic. That’s what we’re doing here all the time, making water offerings. It’s true.
Very good. Yeah. Yeah, you’re implying that you didn’t actually necessarily have to give in actuality. If your mind, if you work towards a generous, it’s a state of mind. It is a state of mind.
If you’re an actual fact you may not even have to give. Well if Westerners say that it’s always dangerous. No but this didn’t come from a Westerner, this came from If you have you no money, many people say, oh I don’t really have to give, I’m just wishing everybody to have everything. Yeah, yeah, Generosity is the wish to give. The wish to give.
So that happens in your mind and then it can be followed by an action. And that action should be related to your situation. So if you have a lot of wealth and you start thinking about that you have the wish to give, but you don’t give anything, then you’re actually not generous. But if you Sorry? I wouldn’t have thought so myself, but that’s why I was surprised when I heard this and it said.
Yes. Can you see what I mean? Yeah, think so. So we’re talking about a state of mind. But if you leave it like that or if you leave it without, then that’s not enough.
So maybe they’re just trying to explain to you the state of mind behind generosity and not So some people think, so giving is that they give something and there are many people who give something but they have not a generous attitude. Behind So because of that they explain that generosity is a state of mind. Right? Westerners then turn it around and say: Oh, it’s just a state of mind. It means I don’t have to give anything.
So there’s finding a balance, you But it’s better to give if your mind is in a state of generosity and you do not give so much, then that you give a lot with a very stingy attitude. The mind is the most important thing. Yeah. That’s probably what you’re saying. Yeah.
Yeah. Good. There was something else that I wanted to say before. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, different objects.
Yes. Can you explain that? Yes. So if I give to my dad what happens? Is that better than giving to a homeless person?
Or you can’t? Yeah it is. According to Buddhism it is but this is not Buddhism. Buddhism talks about there are certain objects that are more powerful to create merit with than others. So for me to be generous, it doesn’t really matter who my object is.
Yeah. Right? I can be as generous to anybody and it’s I can be equal generous to everybody. But in terms of merit, there is a difference. Yeah.
Yeah. So then if if I wanna be The mirror isn’t it to do with your motivation? Yes. You still have to have the right motivation. Definitely.
But then there are still objects that are more powerful and if I have that wisdom then I still need to generate that whole mind of generosity before it works. Easy, the selfishness comes so quickly enough. Automatic. Automatic, We know. So I have meditation and I have an exercise.
Which one would you like to do? Are you sure? So I think the exercise, you can bliss a little bit more out. But I think the exercise the meditation is more gives you more essence. That’s what the meditation.
You choose them. Meditation. I think it’s better for you. It’s maybe not so much pleasure, but I think you can do more with it. No.
It is a nice meditation, actually. But it challenges our stinginess a little bit. You alright, Lee? Just make sure. Yeah.
Yeah. Old man. Young man, old buddy. That’s true. Yeah.
That’s very true. So make sure that you sit comfortable. Bring your mind or your awareness to your body. And then focus on your breathing. Let go of any thoughts, images or feelings otherwise.
Whenever you become distracted, bring your awareness gently to the sensation of the breath going in and out. Just enjoy the experience of coming to rest. And then let let your imagination take you to your favorite room in your home. The coziest and most comfortable place where you most like to spend your time. Settle yourself down in the place where you normally like to be.
Take a deep breath and relax. And then take a good look around the room. Pass your gaze over all the objects that it contains. And then focus on all the objects that you have received as a gift. Each one will carry its own memory.
Can you take your mind back to the moment of the gift and the expression of the person who gave it to you. Why did they give it to you? And how did you feel at that time? To go from object to object when you think like that. And now focus on all the objects in the room that you purchased for yourself.
Each one will have its own individual history. Where did it come from? What is made of? Who might have grown, woven, hammered, printed, designed, assembled or carved the object for your eventual use? How many people were involved in its packaging and transportation?
And stretch your mind as far and wide as possible to encompass all the beings who help to bring this object into your possession. Do you own anything that you did not receive through the generosity of another person? Survey the room and try to find one single thing that is there without the involvement of anyone else. Then consider the idea that it is only through the kindness of others that we enjoy possessions, sustenance and nurture. What are the invisible connections between us that enable us to keep each other alive?
What are the effects of thoughtless and unskillful actions we are so caught up in, such as taking more than we need. From the comfort of your favorite room, reflect on how you would like to behave towards other beings. Is there something you can do to repay that kindness? And then dedicate any positive energy that we have generated with doing this meditation to the peace and happiness of all beings. Thank you for coming.
Next week, we’re gonna talk about respect. And then we’ll talk about how we go further than the last few weeks. Maybe I’ll let you choose what we’re gonna do.