Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. A guided visualization — walking a country road into a sunlit forest, lying on soft grass, and dissolving into open sky — opens this 46-minute talk by Ven Jampa Gendun before shifting to the session’s main theme: recognizing the equal kindness of friends, strangers, and enemies. Continuing a series on equalizing and exchanging self with others, Gendun focuses on appreciation from one’s own side. He uses a hospital story — a surgeon saving a child — to argue that gratitude is a healthier response than calculating others’ motives. He quotes Śāntideva on why sentient beings deserve the same respect as the Buddhas, and the Dalai Lama on how enemies, by forcing genuine practice, become our greatest teachers. The talk closes by previewing upcoming topics: the disadvantages of self-centeredness, the technique of exchanging self for others, and the taking-and-giving meditation.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 02 HoM 1993 04 07.mp3
UUID: 2b419619-bfd6-4deb-bc63-c1212fb1bc8a
Teacher: Ven Jampa Gendun
Collection: The Heart and Mind of Awakening (Ven Jampa Gendun)
Date: 1993-04-07
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 46.0 minutes
Words: ~4,850
Imagine you’re walking down a dirt road in the country, far away from the city, far away from all your problems and troubles. A beautiful sunny day. Feel like a small child, warm and happy, carefree. And there’s a path that leads off into the woods, walking along that path into the woods, to the forest. It’s a very beautiful place.
Birds and animals. The sun speckling on the leaves. Stepping over a small stream of water. A very safe and beautiful place to be, full of light, heaven. And walking deeper and deeper into the forest.
Can you come to the clearing in the middle of the forest where there’s a small knoll, small hill, a soft green grass covering it. You take off your shoes and begin to walk up the small hill, feeling the soft, luxurious green grass under your feet. And you come to the top of this small hill, and you lay down on your back, on the soft, luxurious, thick green grass. And you feel the warmth of the sun permeating down into the very depth of your bone, you feel an inner glow of bliss, of comfort as if your body were melting like butter in the sun. When you look up, and there’s a depthless expansive sky completely clear.
And with each of your breaths, gentle in and out of your breaths as if the sky begins to come down toward yourself and you begin to rise up into that deep expanse. Complete openness, clarity, deep sense of well-being and relaxation, The soft in and out of the breath. With each gentle breath it’s as if you’re becoming integrated, becoming apart of that vast open space, with clarity. Allow your mind to become one with that vast open expanse of space. Becoming more and more aware of your breath.
Slowly begin to separate from the vast open expansive space. Begin to feel the soft luxuriant grass beneath you. Begin to feel the presence of your body. It feels very comfortable and warm and safe. Slowly sit up.
Look around you. Think what a beautiful world it is. What a lovely life. And very slowly, stand up. And gently begin to walk down the small hill.
Putting on your shoes. Walking into the woods, the forest. Over the small stream. Out onto the path, out of the woods, Onto the dirt road. Going back home.
Bring your mind back to the breath. Easy, gentle. Now flow with the natural breath. Very gently become aware slowly, slowly, but be aware of it. Stay with your sense of peace and quiet.
Slowly becoming aware of what’s going on around. So we’re looking at the methods for developing an alternative to our usual approach for relating with others. The method the alternative is the awakening heart, a mind, an attitude which is very involved in concern with the welfare of others. Concerned to the extent that it’s willing to make it a primary value in its life. A primary goal is to develop oneself so that one can be of more and more use in helping others.
That’s the degree of concern that we’re seeking to develop in awakening our heart. And the method that we’re using is equalizing and exchanging self with others. The method which facilitates this the making this choice a living fact. Equalizing and exchanging self with others. We’re looking at the first of these, that is equalizing self with others.
Last week, we can look at equalizing self with others. We can look at it both from the conventional point of view and from the ultimate point of view. From the conventional point of view, we look at equalizing yourself and others in terms of from the side of others, and then from our own side. Last week we looked at it from the side of others. So tonight we’re going to begin to look at it from our own side.
The equality in terms of conventional reality of others from our own side. That is to say, trying to see the kindness, equal kindness of all others. All others are being kind to ourselves in a very unique way. That’s the experience from our side. In terms of from their side, all of these beings and all the people in this room, in spite of their various temperaments, their various shapes, colors, sexes, genders, whatever, they all want to be happy.
None of them want to suffer. That’s the equality from their side. Equality from my side is that they’re all equally kind to me, trying to come to some appreciation. Not just our friends, but everyone, including those we at present feel indifference toward. And then the most difficult of all, a category of people we don’t like, our enemies.
All of them as kind. It’s easy to appreciate the kindness of friends. They are our friends because we are aware of their kindness. But it becomes much more difficult to develop this appreciation toward those whose kindness isn’t as apparent to us at present. Strangers and enemies.
You know, in terms of strangers, that is to say the bulk, the vast majority of people in the world, The clothes that we wear, the food that we had for tea tonight or that you had at lunch, the very opportunity to sit in this building is all dependent upon the kindness of others. Those vast majority of people that we feel totally unrelated to, we feel as if it is as a sense that all of these people don’t exist for us. But in fact, they are an integral part of our lives. Without them we could not continue to exist. Almost everything that we do, everything that is important to us, everything that we value is somehow tied in into the actions of others, exists within relationship of others.
Know, pointing out all of these ways in which others are kind. All the food that we eat, the clothes that we wear, the transportation that we can take advantage of, all of the good times that we have, the fact of us sitting here. You know, I think the first thing that comes to mind is we begin to question, you know, these people aren’t doing it because they care about me. They aren’t doing it for me. They’re not really being kind.
They’re doing it because they get something out of it, some profit. They get money. That’s why they do it. That’s why people work in factories to make my clothes. That’s why people work in restaurants to cook my food or to grow my vegetables.
That’s why people become carpenters and laborers to build buildings like this so we can sit in it. They do it for the money, for themselves. So we have to begin to challenge this particular attitude. It is a way of interpreting the facts. But we can begin to reframe.
To reframe means to take the facts remain the same, but our way of looking at it changes. That is a way of looking at the situation. But it isn’t the most profitable, most useful way we can look at the same facts. You know, imagine for example a situation where your child was deathly ill and you rush your child to the hospital. And you get to the hospital, and they immediately rush your child into surgery.
And and the one thing that you want most in life, the one thing which is most important to you at that moment is the life of your child. All that you want out of life at that moment, all that you could ever ask for comes down to one thing at that particular moment in your life. Let your child be well, Let it be happy. Let it be safe. That’s all you want out of life.
That’s the burning, most important desire that you have. Your mind is completely focused upon that one want. Let your child be well. Let your child be safe and happy again. So you’re waiting out in the waiting room.
A few hours go by. The surgeon comes out and she says, It’s going to be okay. Your child’s going to be fine. So what would be You know, aside from the relief and the joy that you would feel that your child is well again, what would you feel toward the doctor? You know, would you think, Damn, I wonder how much this is going to cost me?
You know, all of these bills are going to be locked. No doubt in a few weeks you’re going to receive a bill from the doctor, from the anesthesiologist, from hospital. But would the concern for the bill be your natural response in a moment like that? What would be a healthy response, an authentic response? You know, one of gratitude, for example, one of thankfulness, of appreciation, of valuing.
You know, that someone had gone through many years of study and developed the skills that all of these people, this institution was built, and all of the facilities were developed whereby they all came together and were able to fulfill your one desire, that one thing that you wanted most in life at that moment. That all of these conditions came together, these circumstances, these people, this institution, this building, this equipment was all working, supporting, bringing about your one single most desire, that your child be happy, that your child be well. Yet there existed all the necessary facilities and skills and staff by means of which your child is alive now, that your child is well. You know, sure, they may in fact be doing all of that for pay, and they probably are to a larger or lesser extent. But that’s not the important point.
Whatever their motive, whatever their motivation, it is our response which is important for us, not their intention. Now why should we be forever bound by others’ intentions, by our projections about why other people are doing what they’re doing? Isn’t an attitude of sincere gratitude, of sincere thanks, of appreciation, a healthier response than the response of an accountant, of a banker, adding up debits? Either way you’re going to have to pay the bill. So it simply begins it’s a matter of shifting the way that we view others.
We can begin to appreciate them rather than persisting in our present feelings of indifference and unconnectedness, unrelatedness. The world is not so alien to us anymore. The universe is actively supporting us. It’s simply beginning to appreciate that the world is giving us what we need, what we want. And the people around us are facilitating our growth and our development, our well-being.
Appreciating. You know, wisdom is appreciation, appreciative awareness, becoming aware of what is already there. You know, the simply not taking for granted but having a sense of thankfulness and gratitude. And though it’s very difficult, we can begin to consider the kindness of even our enemies. And we’re trying to develop a sense of equality in terms of the kindness of all others, in terms of friends, enemies, and strangers.
In terms of enemies, the Dalai Lama has said that we owe the Chinese a great deal. We owe them a great debt. You know, actually they have been extremely kind to us. Due to our having to leave our country, we had to become strong. We had to develop courage in facing all the hardships that we’ve had to endure.
The Chinese have been very kind to us. They force us to really practice the Dharma. And dependence upon the enemy. Enemies are people we don’t like, people who push our buttons, people difficult people. People we don’t get along with, we develop tolerance.
You can’t develop tolerance with your friends, those who are always doing nice things to you. You know, it’s people that give us a hard time who show us where we’re really at. You know, it’s easy to practice loving kindness toward when the sun is shining and we’re on a picnic with all our good friends. We all feel a natural inner glow, a feeling of connectedness and openness. That’s not really a challenge to our growth, to our development, to real love, and real connectedness.
It’s difficult people who strip us of our cocoons, of our nice sweet tit for tat relationships that we usually develop with others, who shake us out of our stagnation, who take us beyond our grasping at maintaining the status quo, keeping the things the way they are. You know, He didn’t say, Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who maltreat you because he was either a romantic or was confused. He saw it as a powerful way to become perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect.
That is to say, as a means of growing. To grow fundamentally means to enlarge and expand our horizons, the growth beyond our boundaries, going beyond our limits, of what once was, of who we once were, outwardly in terms of our perspective and inwardly in terms of our depth. To grow is concomitant with a more satisfying, authentic, fulfilling way of life happiness in the most profound sense. It would be a great mistake to think that traveling a spiritual path is simply the skillful avoidance of painful situations and difficult people. Anything which helps us to grow is kind, is acting as a catalyst for change, is contributing to our ultimate welfare.
It is the enemy who confronts us, who forces us to change more than our friends, more than our family. And therefore, it is our enemy who is our greatest source of our happiness, who is our greatest teacher. So in this way, you know, if we can begin to reframe these objects of our relations, Begin to You know, we have chosen one way of viewing strangers, One way of viewing all the people that we come into relationship with in our transactions. One way of looking at people who we dislike. That is simply one way.
It’s not absolutely true. It is provisionally true perhaps. But we can choose an alternative way of looking at the same situation, the same fact. Another truth is this other truth is pragmatically much more useful to our own well-being. And we’re being wisely selfish when we choose to develop these attitudes of looking at others.
You know, we’re not no one’s asking, and Buddhism is not asking, that we see black as white or white as black. We’re not trying to propagandize ourselves. We’re not trying to brainwash ourselves. We we have to stick with the facts, you know, what is real, what is true. The truth is like a someone once said, I think it was Isaac Singer said, Truth is like a crown woven of feathers.
It’s very delicate. It’s very subtle. There are other truths which are just as valid and which perhaps are more useful for those types of values that we want to begin to express in our life. So we can begin to reframe, look at the same facts, same situation in a different light. It’s just as valid.
But one is more useful to ourselves. One is more enhancing to our well-being. One is able to help us to express our deeply held values. One is able to help us to grow, to find ultimate happiness. The other is just going around in circles.
It hasn’t done us any good up to now. It is dead. It is life inhibiting. So, you know, we can argue, we can argue with the argument. But in as the Buddhist said, you know, I teach two things, suffering and the way out of suffering.
That’s all. He wasn’t interested in theology and philosophy, arguing with the current philosophers at that age. He took the standard of his practice as to whether it facilitated going beyond these neurotic compulsive patterns or not. Whether it facilitated a sense of peace, of fulfillment, whether it developed love and compassion. You know, we we can argue about the existence of God, the nature of the universe all day long.
But we cannot argue about the primary experience of suffering. That is our immediately lived experience. And so it is on this basis that we determine what is a useful, pragmatic truth. That which helps me to go beyond my suffering is the truth that I choose as long as it accords with the reality. So, you know, there are many ways that we can view this world.
Some are more efficient, more effective. We can choose what type of worldview we want to develop. Buddhism has a particular worldview, a particular way of looking at the facts, a way of approaching reality, a way of approaching relationships. It is based upon the premise that we don’t want to suffer, that we want to go beyond our suffering, that we want to find some kind of lived fulfillment in our lives. These particular alternatives facilitate that view, that way of experience.
We can argue. We can hold to our particular conception, and we will die with that particular conception. And it will have done us no good. We will die with the same delusions that we were born with, never having really found any quality way of life in the meanwhile. That’s our choice.
That’s open to us. You have that freedom to decide. So we’re trying to develop a begin to develop an even-minded attitude towards everyone, friend and enemy and stranger. Understanding that each of them in their various and unique way is contributing to our welfare, is kind to us. You know, they all aren’t being kind in the same way.
Your enemy is not being kind to you in the same way as your friend or the stranger. They are all contributing to our welfare in a very unique way and trying to see the nature of their unique contribution to our ultimate welfare and beginning to appreciate, beginning to see they’re all equally as kind. We will probably still prefer to associate with our friends. That’s quite natural. But we can have an unconditional positive regard for strangers and enemies.
An unconditional positive regard. Unconditional in a sense that whether they’re kind to me, whether they appear to be hurtful to me or helpful to me, I’m conditioned by those two factors. I’m going to have a positive regard. That is to say I’m going to relate to them in a positive sense, in a caring manner. Why?
Because I begin to see that they are equally kind to me. That they, from their side, all want to be happy and don’t want to suffer. You know, we can appreciate how each of them is contributing to our well-being, our fulfillment. There’s a verse from engaging in the bodhisattva deeds, or the bodhisattva’s way of life by Śāntideva, which is the source text for this discussion of equalizing and exchanging self for others. He says, In cultivating the qualities of the Buddha, we rely both on the victors and on sentient beings.
Just as we pay homage to the victors, how can we not pay homage to sentient beings? You know, it’s I think in a way, you know, Mother Teresa talks says something similar to this. You know, if if you in the bible, if you how can you say that you love God if you don’t love your fellow person when you cannot see God? You know, it’s it is in a sense hypocrisy. Śāntideva is saying, why is it that we respect the Buddha who we cannot see?
And we do not respect living beings who are the cause of Buddha who are all Buddhas to be. And dependence upon these people, all the people about us, we are going to find our ultimate happiness. They are the they are the direct cause of our growth just as much as the Buddhas are a direct cause of our growth. You know, without sentient beings, cannot become Buddhas. Without Buddhas, we cannot become Buddhas.
They both are equally they both contribute equally to our ultimate welfare. Why is it we respect one and not the other? On the foundation of this equality of self and others, we’re going to go on to look at the disadvantages of self centeredness and the advantages of other centeredness. You know, we are involved in a basic epistemological error. These rules by which we conduct our lives.
The basis upon which we rely upon the guiding principles of the way we relate with the world. Somehow seeing our self centeredness as being an effective means to find happiness. You know, our egocentric approach, this me first attitude that permeates everything that we do, all our relationships, all our transactions, not only doesn’t bring us the happiness that we hope it will, that we assume it will, but in fact it’s the source of all our problems. And it’s self defeating. It’s an error, trying to see that in terms of the disadvantages of self centeredness and the advantages of other centeredness.
Then we’re going to look at the imaginative technique of exchanging self for others gaining more universal perspective. And exchange our self centeredness for the centeredness of others, for other centeredness. And then we’re going to involve ourselves in a visualization technique of taking and giving, generating compassion for another imaginatively and taking on their suffering, generating love for another to be giving away our happiness to them. So this process leads to an awakening heart. Essentially a more meaningful, authentic, effective interaction with interaction with others, bonding with others, a type of connecting with others.
We have to connect with others. So we’re trying to facilitate the most authentic, healthiest, most effective, most useful, the best possible mode of interacting with others, of bonding with others. You know, there’s like a softening of this hard leather of our hearts. We develop kind of a soft spot, some kind of sensitivity. We develop a tender heart.
And we a feeling of connectedness, of warmth, of concern. Feeling connectedness with everyone. You know, this bond, feeling bonded with everyone. And we begin to discover that we are loving people. We allow ourselves to be loving in all the various situations that life brings us.
We keep our hearts open as much as possible. And we discovered some kind of self existing warmth with inside of our ourselves, that we have always been loving people. We were just shutting ourselves off. It was hidden from us, as it were. You know, this discovery brings more than just a temporary high.
It brings a commitment to further training. Ultimately, you know, seeking awakening. Ultimately, a commitment to enlightenment for the sake of all living beings. And it becomes our desire to awaken, to develop optimal mode of being, to develop optimal skills and abilities for the benefit of others. Some kind of authentic freedom.
So the fundamental method for finding happiness and eliminating our suffering is more and more concern to concern ourselves with others, to more and more concern ourselves with others’ happiness and others’ problems. In the individual vehicle, sometimes called the Hīnayāna, we develop a concern for our probable, problematic future existences, our probable future problems. We become concerned and we begin to train in ethics, concentration, training wisdom. And we begin to see that our sense of isolation, our sense of smug self sufficiency is an illusion. You know, in the individual vehicle we befriend ourselves.
We determine to grow because we become anxious about the consequences if we adhere to our present rules of conducting our life and ways of thinking and communicating, the probable outcome. We open our hearts to ourselves. We become compassionate and sincere and serious about solving our problems at a very deep level. Universal vehicle simply extends what we’ve already developed in terms of the individual vehicle. It’s a logical extension, logical conclusion.
You know, through this training of ethics, through the training of concentration and wisdom at the individual vehicle, we begin to see that this sense of isolation, this sense of self smugness, self sufficiency that we try to hold on to is simply an illusion. So our hearts which have begun to open to ourselves begin to open to others. You know, seeing our essential connectedness and sameness. So we said that the conventional point of view of the equality of self and others has two parts. One in terms of equality from the side of others, and the other in terms of from one’s own side.
From the side of others, the essential insight to be gained is that all living beings, whoever they might be, from the most intelligent of humans down to the lowliest of insects, wants to be happy, doesn’t want to suffer. This is like our bottom line. This is the commonality of living beings. This one basic fundamental quality of all life. They all want to be happy.
Whatever might constitute that happiness, whatever form that happiness might take, they want that. They don’t want suffering. Whatever form, whatever shape that suffering might take, they don’t want that. You know, though essentially what we mean is that the needs and wants of everyone are basically the same. Though these needs and wants may take on superficially different appearances, still essentially they are the same.
The needs and wants of all living beings are they want happiness. They don’t want to suffer. And there’s a practice that we do quite often called Offering to the Spiritual Master. And in this there’s a verse which is as follows: There is no difference between ourselves and others. None of us wishes even the slightest of suffering, nor is ever content with the happiness we have.
Realizing this, we seek your blessings that we may enhance the bliss and joy of others. So we must we have to begin to use the experience of our own everyday life to see that from their side, from humans down to this lowliest of insects, all sentient life wants to be happy. And and don’t want to suffer. I don’t think you know, people talk about realizations, they talk about concentrations, mystical experiences, but this very one simple understanding can transform your life, I think. It is really something it’s a really great gift simply to know and to feel very deeply that all living beings, that everyone in this room, everyone that you’re going to meet tonight and tomorrow during the course of your day, just like you, wants to be happy.
They don’t want to suffer, just like you. And it’s sort of you you develop you have a shared humanity, a core value. You begin to develop a sense of connectedness. I understand you at some deep level. I don’t understand your history or your idiosyncrasies or your peculiarities, but basically I know what you’re about.
I know you want to be happy. I know you don’t want to suffer. There’s a sense of relatedness, of connecting, of a shared value which is very profound and deep within all of us. Instead of, you know, beginning to break down this habitual devaluing, objectifying of others into mere unfeeling things which are there at our disposal. You know, you feel anything.
You are simply an object. This is our habitual way of interacting, relating with others. You know, we use the in discussing the equality of others from their own side, using the imagery of a doctor coming upon, That we are a doctor coming into a ward and there’s all these various sick people, all equally ill, all equally in need. But different in the superficial appearances. Some are beautiful, some are unattractive, some are male, female, some are rich, some are poor, some uneducated.
All of these various differences. And I’m trying to sense what would be my instinctive reaction beyond my intellectual evaluation. What would be my gut reaction coming up on this ward? Would I be attracted to this person as opposed to this person? Would I spend more time, be more careful in my examination, expend more energy, use more of my talents involving myself with this patient as opposed to this patient.
And then, you know, we looked at you’re on a supply mission to Somalia, giving out UN relief aid. And there’s all these people. Some are quite cooperative, same pleased, very humble, patient, submissive, you know, all those kinds of things which facilitate things going easily. And some are quite obnoxious. Some are very demanding.
Some are belligerent. Some are uncooperative. Who would you instinctively be inclined to give to first? Who would you be most inclined to give the most to? We looked at the equality of self and others from our own side.