Tonight is the the beginning of an evening and a full day seminar workshop on working with emotions and relationships. Therefore, today is not a complete talk in itself, rather it will follow on tomorrow. It’s not the preview, it’s a preview. Emotion okay. First of all, emotion is something that governs most of us or all of us, and more than all of us.
And when you look at the term emotion, it seemed to suggest that it’s an emotion motion. You understand? And for me, I normally use the e of emotion as energy, and emotion, the motion of energy. In many ways, scientists in their research are realising that, for example, the matter previously, the view was that the smallest existing particle of matter is the atom. But now they are saying that that’s not even true.
Even an atom does not exist. Deeper research showed that atom is but simply a process happening in the field of energy. Very much energy, very much flow, a process of energy. So just as in many ways that the whole even the matter, which is more solid thing, is also in the process all the time, so are us too. And our emotion is in many ways our emotion thoughts are flow of our being.
You understand? We are the same same body, though they’re changing, but what changes is the emotion constantly and constantly, constantly. Therefore, here, the the one thing very important to understand is the understanding of impermanence. As there is a flow and change, it is impermanent. And the biggest problem that we have as human beings of this world, that our view is our belief is very much that of an eternity, of permanency, and that in many ways, when actually events, by their very nature, prove that to be false, then there is really problem, suffering, personally in one with oneself, and in dealing with one’s love and emotions, and with friends.
You understand? So that’s why I think a lot of time, our approach generally is either normally, what we try to do with emotion is either we try to suppress them or control them, and in which case it’s more like sitting on a jackbox, you know? Jack in the box, and or on a bomb. Or else we act out, and in which case it becomes even worse. In many ways, that emotion is not so much to either to be dealt out, expressing it out or suppressing it.
It’s more emotion is very much to understand. What is emotion? What is going on? To have a more kind of overall understanding, and the only way we can really control our emotion is by by giving space to it. By giving space and having a sense of humor.
It’s like you deflate the emotion with humor, or you diffuse emotions with humor. The humor is one way that can really, how do you say, cut through a direct way. So I think the important thing is to understand that everything is impermanent and changing. And here, I will read to you an article this way, at the philosophy called the Buddhist view, seen in the context of the Western view. So, anyway, so tonight, the main thing that I just want to emphasize is the belief that we have everything is permanent and non changing.
That is what really creates problem in emotions as well as relationships. Relationships. It’s a simple point. I don’t want to complicate this. I just want to kind of contribute that to your thinking.
Because everything is impermanent. Everything is constantly in a state of change. It’s like almost yourself willing to accept, or at least willing to try to accept, that fact that everything is changing. In many ways, is a very important facet in the understanding of emotion and relationships. And that also with emotion, if you know that emotion itself is always in the in the state of change, then the whatever emotion arise, you will not be holding on to as much.
Do you know what I’m saying? You have a lot of competition. I have a lot of competition today. The cops and the mosquitoes. Especially the.
Are you okay? Or we just kind of if you want to go back, we can go back. You alright? Okay. So, anyway, what I’m going to do over this weekend no.
I’m I’m saying weekend because it’s a day tomorrow, is to spend the whole session working with questions that people have, problems that they have, specifically, and developing things from that. Today is just kind of overall view of that, And then I want to develop that way. And in this, of course, the practice of meditation comes. There’s also practice of, for example, use of compassion. All these are, how would you say, ways in which that we can cope with emotions.
And in in in the most important point in working with emotion is is this, that just as okay. Let’s let’s start from beginning. Is that, as I said before, that the only way in which we can understand emotion is by giving space to it and humorously viewing it. In many ways, that in the same manner that when very strong emotion arise, if you start actually trying to solve them while they are at its peak, you will be unsuccessful. In fact, the person who’s trying to solve the problem is the one who’s having the emotion in the problem.
So therefore, the the one who’s trying to solve and the problem, normally, the one the problem is bigger than the one who’s solving. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have a problem. So the problem is bigger, and trying to solve is weaker. And as your strength of awareness and understanding is weaker, you’re you’re going to be under the you’re going to completely overpower. So that is not when your emotions are at its at its turbulent height.
That time, you’re trying to handle it. But rather, knowing that you have emotional problem, knowing that you got to handle this look after. So when you are in a kind of a relatively calm frame of mind, when you are a little bit better, when you’re little bit even better still would be when you’re not only a little bit calmer, but when you’re little bit inspired to look into your emotions. Because you realize the the the kind of the your own stupidity and the futility and the way kind of you can just sometimes laugh at yourself with the way you’ve dealt yourself, how what you how you make make yourself a fool. So when you look at things that way, you begin to develop a kind of a sense of resolution, a determination that I must make a change.
I must try to, you know, do something about my emotions. When you feel that way, and when you feel somewhat calm, that kind of two situations like that coming together is in some ways a very good environment in which to work with emotions. In many ways, with emotion, it’s not so much working directly with it as a kind of or applying one method to emotion. Because emotion is fluid. There’s no method you can apply.
It’s more of creating the atmosphere. I mean, you know, for example, if your mood is wrong, however logical and rational you mood is more powerful than logic and reason. You understand? And emotion is the the non logic. It’s very much the ambiance or the atmosphere, the energy, the feeling.
So therefore, in many ways, trying to actually try to solve is not a particularly good solution. Just as when you even try to meditate first, when you’re trying to meditate and trying to calm your mind down, one very helpful point is if you try particularly not to calm down, then you calm down. No special attempt to be peaceful. If you make no attempt, instead, you just relax your mind. So that’s why the the best frame of mind in which we could work with emotion is when we are at rest, when we are in a better frame of mind, in a better emotional state.
Then there’s a more clarity and a willingness to look into. Is it clear? Now when you reach that state in this kind of ideal situation, if that ever comes, then at that point, you begin to come back to yourself and begin to quietly, for example, do the practice of meditation, such as like watching the breath or looking at an object. I practice mindfulness, which is to say that by simply watching or being mindful in the nowness of breath, on the nowness of maybe the when you if you look at a flower, you know, the that if you’re just in the nowness of that rather than in the past or in the future, very much just in the nowness, in the very lively nowness, if you’re there, and relate to the heart of the nowness, and begins to come to a kind of, you know, direct with that in the nowness, then with that watching of the nowness and the nowness and nowness, because it’s nowness that continues. You understand?
So that and as you begin to watch that with mindfulness, mindfulness is being in the nowness, nowness, nowness is what mindfulness is. As you do that way, it filters in many ways your emotions and your thoughts, more like a coffee filter. You know, the coffee is the same, but after it comes through the filter, it’s clearer. So that the mindful the mindfulness process processes your emotion. And so what happens is this, then what we have to do is just simply kind of being how do you say it?
Being, you know, kind of self congratulating yourself on the success of this mindfulness is not a way to solve the emotional problems. It’s that that is only the beginning. When you’re able to you understand process emotions? Once you’re able to do that, now is the really the working moment, the now. Is it what happens is after the mindfulness is developed, out of this comes a sense of awareness, and another kind of mindfulness, a clear mindfulness without kind of a discriminating awareness that dawns.
When that happens, when that kind of hums, then what you do is you slowly and when you’re calm at the state of really calm, but with that awareness, then you see when a thought or an emotion are very quiet, not so not so turbulent, but a more quiet emotional thought arises, You just simply look at it. You simply look at it. You simply look at it. That kind of when a somewhat see, what happens is after practicing my meditation, like mindfulness, you’ll find that your mind is much calmer, and there’s more awareness, and you’re more mindful. It’s clearer.
It’s less confused. As you are less confused, then you can that clarity is there. As clarity is there, that you look at that clarity with the workings of your emotion. As the emotions comes, then you almost study them. You understand?
You almost watch them. Now instead of trying to analyze what the emotions are, at the beginning, you don’t try to analyze them. Because if you get analyzed, then again, you can get caught up in the workings of emotion, in the old pattern. You don’t try to analyze emotions, but rather you just simply and quietly look at emotions with this pure, open, spacious awareness, with this fresh awareness. When you look at them, it’s this is not so easy.
This is not so easy. It’s not easy, but in fact, this this is the only way. This is the way that the great masters or great practitioners work with emotion is this way. If you with that awareness, you look at the thought or emotions. As you do look at them, what happens?
When you look at depending on how clear your awareness is, if your awareness is very clear and very strong, then that with that clarity, you’re able to dissolve. Or rather, by just simply looking at the rising thought and motion, they dissolve, Like, they’re kind of disappeared, like a bubble, deflating like a bubble. And then when they dissolve and fall back into the state, and that state of mind, after that emotion has been, how do you say, say, deflated, that state of mind is the when you fall back, and that is the state. When you fall back, that is the state. If you look into the mind in that state, that’s the state where you strengthen the wisdom.
And how how do you explain it? At that state, when you, you know, when you fall back and when emotions dissolve, and that is the state where you should rest and strengthen yourself there. Do you know what I’m saying? Do you know what I’m saying? And then, you see, if you do if you look at it now, having had a success and having had, then if you remain in that state, realizing that emotion is but empty or impermanent, having realized that that kind of personal experience of that happening is in fact the confident builder.
Inspire. So if you look at and watch that way slowly, slowly, first in easy, in gradual stages, and slowly, slowly, if you look at it. Then as you slowly continue to practice and practice and practice it, then your awareness is more and more clearer, so much so that later what happens, even in life, because of your having, how do you say, develop this kind of a good habit. Because normally, it’s a bad habit. So as a result, we have a bad reaction.
Now having developed this, maybe it may work out a good reaction. That is to the next time emotions come, you know, you don’t get caught up by them. There’s almost a split second between the emotion getting you and you getting caught up with emotion. A space. And if you’re lucky in that space, your awareness can come.
Then if your awareness is strong, can look at that what’s happening with you and grab hold of you and not get caught up in the emotion of it emotionality of it. Is that clear? Less emotional. Less emotional. There almost is a space a humor.
Said earlier, space Yes. And emotion. Yeah. That’s what? No.
Could you could you could you say that again? You must develop a No. First, you begin with the the beginning. At the beginning? Yeah.
I said know, Yeah. I think they’re literate, you know, because if they develop you see, you see, people get used to, okay, get hooked on, getting angry, and all that. But actually, to a certain extent, it’s fun, but it could create a lot of problems. You know? But when you say, for example, when you look at emotion this way, that what does it mean?
That doesn’t mean that you will not have longer have feelings. You have feelings, but better feelings. You may have emotion, but more humor. You know? You you’re not a mad cat.
You know? Because if you go on getting angry, Andy, you’ll be more more angry. And you get more more angry, and you get more more angry, you get more hook on it. You know? And then you see, it’ll take the better of you, and you become very sometimes, you know, sometimes friendship can break up because of anger.
Much as you may like your anger, it can break friendship, break you, upset you. It’s not such a good thing, you know, getting emotional too much. Little bit of emotion is fun. I mean, emotion in the sense I do I do mean emotional in the sense of, like, somebody’s got a heart and it’s got feelings. That’s fine.
There’s no problem. But rather the when I talk about emotionality in this particular working with emotion, it’s more of talking the negative side of it, conflicting emotions, how you work with that. Then out of that comes a clarity. So I think that will be enough for tonight. In fact, there’s a lot to just this simple point, I don’t want to cloud the issue by talking more and more, but just just look at this one point of watching.
First, you see, giving space to your emotion, and then developing this way of watching. Is that clear? Alright? And that’s enough. Emotion is very much the the process of of energy or the movement.
Just as in this world everything is impermanent, and all of us in a state of change, even with matter, as I mentioned last night, the science is beginning to realize there’s not even an atom as being the smallest existence of particle, but rather even atom is just simply a process happening in the field of energy. It’s very much energy in the flow, a process happening, a constant movement of changes. And in the in the same, like, a kind of individual how do you say? Participation, you can say, with this whole movement of energy is within some ways our emotion. So that when we try to control, it doesn’t work.
That’s because if you try to build a stop the river, then there’s a flood. And then if you try to act them out, then in many ways Yes. Becomes even more intense. And as everything we create through habit, so that it becomes more of a we create more. In many ways, you see, we create confusion, we create emotion.
The basic emotion, the raw emotion, the feeling that we have, that is fine. That actually is wonderful. But what we create is the unnecessary, the conflicting emotion which complicates our life, which creates stress. So, the Buddhist view is not so much to either try to control them, or try to or whereby suppress them, or to act them out, whereby you might get really indulged. Rather, you look at emotion in a very direct, in a very how do you say?
Sometimes in a friendly way. When you say direct, not in an antagonistic way, saying, okay, now, there you are. Let me just deal with you, directly. Doesn’t work. It’s just in a very friendly way.
The way only way we can deal with emotion is to give space. As one great Zen master put it, the way to control cow or sheep is to give a big grazing field. I mean, with thoughts too, when you think, when you don’t worry about sinking, when you’re sinking a lot, especially when we’re meditating, things seem to come up more. Why? Because we become more self conscious of ourselves.
Since we do not have the mindfulness, or rather, since we do not have the awareness, instead of awareness, we have self consciousness. And with the self consciousness perpetuates a feeling of that, you know, you’re thinking of the thought, and you’re trying to be calm, and trying to be calm, and trying to become, it becomes really very noisy, and very confusing, and really disturbing. So in a sense, sometimes when trying not to be calm, or try even trying not to think about it is, giving the kind of a space that way helps one to calm down. And, more so with emotion. Emotions very much involve a feeling, an atmosphere, a flavor.
So, that’s why giving emotion a space is the only way to handle it. And also being skillful. It’s not so much being strong is the way. People tend to think, like especially the Anglo Saxon tradition, is to control, upper lip stiff, to control and be in control. Then what happens?
You’ve got a big problem of repressed emotions that creates sickness. There is another way to handle that, not by suppressing, not by controlling, and thereby not losing your cool, but rather having humor, and having an understanding into the nature. So in that, in the Buddhist way is instead of what we tend to do is when we work with when we deal with emotions, it’s more like when they rise. You know? Then unfortunately, that doesn’t work.
Like, if you don’t cook, there won’t be food. Especially when you’re really hungry, extremely hungry, you try to cook, it doesn’t work. You’re hungry. And sometimes, it’s funny. When you’re very hungry, you have to eat right then.
If you don’t eat, then you’re no longer humry. But that’s not like with emotion, Emotion is that if they they when when the emotions themselves happen, if you try to deal directly with them, but then unfortunately, you don’t have no means to deal with them directly. So as a result, emotion has a better view, like this. Instead, the skillful way is not when emotions are rampant, but rather knowing that you have an emotional or a kind of problem, disposition. So knowing that in a kind of a very quiet way, when you your emotions are not provoked, when sometimes you’re when you’re in a good frame of mind, in fact, your good emotions are happening, that time to be more mindful and aware, and really how do you say it?
Kind of be responsible for yourself and say, I’ve got to work. If you really want to work, this is the time to work. See, the point is this, that when you are having emotion you’re trying to deal with, it’s the mind that’s dealing with emotion and the conflicting emotion. It’s the same mind. There’s no two.
So, therefore, if there is no clarity in your mind, in your awareness, and you’re involved with emotion, emotions, there’s no separation. You try to deal with it, then that one with which dealing is taken over. It’s like one rotten spoil, apple spoil the rest, that kind of thing, you know. So, in that way, there has to be a slight separation. We have to develop an awareness, called discriminating awareness.
That is to say, creates a kind of a little bit of a split second time, sometimes, between the emotions grabbing you and, you know, catching you and you being caught. There’s it is little space. Or more and more space, if you can pray, between emotion and you. And sometimes the sometimes this the one way is creating that space, another is kind of being able to evoke awareness. Like awareness is quicker than emotion.
As soon as emotion happens, your awareness almost reflexively comes in rescue, so to speak. You see? Because normally we try to do rationality, but rationality doesn’t work. Because rationality is only on a rational level, or a And when you’re emotional, you’re not on a rational level. It doesn’t work.
It’s on an intellectual level. It’s in a sense that that reason and that awareness, when you integrate that in your system, in your attitude, your way of being, that’s the way to work with emotional insight. And the meditation is a way of integrating that. Do you understand? So therefore, one of the best thing is to give yourself a of a break when you’re having emotion.
Now, suppose you’re having emotion, instead of trying to control things, you know, sometimes just act out. Not to just act out, to kind of add more fuel to it, but rather just, you know, instead of trying to control it. But then, you for example, if you get angry with somebody, you know, you try to control a dozen of you, you get angry, but the point is, afterwards, as soon as possible, if you can apologize and make up. So that’s one way at the beginning. And then what you do is, then you come back realizing your predicament.
And then when you’re somewhat calmer, your frame of mind is in a very inspiring state, Sometimes when your emotions are in better frame of mind, then that time you become mindful, and you just quietly give more space and just into your mind, and just become more mindful. Mindfulness practice of mindfulness develops awareness. Process of mindfulness develops awareness. Do you understand? Do you understand?
Actually mean by mindfulness? Yeah. That’s exactly. See? That’s the point.
We are not even mindful of what mindfulness is. Mindfulness is when you’re doing something to be you’re mindful. Like, you have a when you’re doing something, you know that you’re doing. Normally, what happens when you’re thinking, we we are not aware that we’re thinking at all. We just get completely caught up with it.
The aware that mindfulness is knowing what’s going on. For example, when you’re breathing out, you know that you’re breathing out. When you’re breathing in, you know that you’re breathing in. But instead of being mindful of many things, like here, the way to develop is to be mindful of something very simple and very basic, like watching the breath. And then that also you do it in a very spacious way, in a non controlling way, like almost not putting all your concentration on being mindful, but just only about maybe twenty five percent, or even ten percent, or five percent, or three percent mindful.
As long as you don’t use the thread of the mindfulness, and then the rest is like relax. When you do that, that process of just watching with the mindfulness actually purifies your thoughts and emotions, more like a coffee filter. The filter itself is the mindfulness processing, and it processes what you’re left with awareness afterwards. And when you have that awareness of, like, a clarity, then in that, you don’t you see, after you’ve got that awareness, that’s the time you work with medit with emotions. Not you don’t work with emotions first.
First, you just let your mind quietly come and be mindful. Almost like you distract you from emotions, instead do something very simple. Something very basic, like watching the breath, with which you don’t have emotional problem, particularly. Do something that is absolutely non antagonizing, in fact something quite nice. And like watching the breath, it’s difficult for you, maybe watch a beautiful flower like this, and appreciate the beauty, and get joy from this beauty.
Or, lie down and look into the sky, and see the spaciousness, and let the spaciousness enter into you, and you become spacious like the sky. Look at the beautiful mountains, become solid and reliable like the mountain. Look at the clear blue sky. And especially, it’s good to look at the sky and the sea meeting the horizon, and leaving your mind very far away there in the horizon, you know, kind of gives you space. And as the waves happen, as they’re just simply refreshing you, and when you maybe look at the stream flowing, just let the stream just quietly purify you.
Listen to the sound. Just do it in life. Nature is a wonderful aid for creating the environment and the space. I think that’s why we have nature. Thank God.
Oh, thank nature. Especially for someone who is not used to meditating or practicing. The the thing that we really take refuge is nature. Nature is, in a sense, our best meditation teacher, our best you understand? So, in a natural environment.
And then just quietly watch. Then once you are able to that nature helps to be natural, and then you can come back to your breathing. It’s like, you see, in a sense, it creates a nature inside you. As one very great master called Dilgo Khyentse, which he put it in a public talk in Paris, I was translating for him then. He said, You all should have a little sky inside you.
You should try to have a little sky. Pause it with sunshine. And radiate that warmth to all beings. And when you do that way, your feeling is transformed. And in many ways, emotion is a way of transforming.
Emotion has no exit. There’s no way to get out. Only thing we have to transform. And transforming is here, and here, our attitude. You notice sometimes when you’re feeling very heavy, just something happens or something, you know, you can just completely transform it.
And the interesting thing about it is the emotions are like that which completely takes you over, like when you’re feeling bad and negative. Like, whole your body feels that same way. When you’re feeling well and good, all your body cheers up. So, that’s why it’s very much not to antagonize the emotion, but just to give it a space. Not even try to look at it first, trying to understand, not even try to analyze it.
Because, you see, at the moment the analyzer is not so strong. Analyzer is confused. Put it this way, you’ve got a Suppose you get a psychoanalyst who is absolutely confused. It’s going to be a disaster. You’re confused, you get a confused psycho psychoanalyst or psychotherapist.
You know? You’ve got to make a really funny movie. You see, generally, it’s like the emotion, the feeling is like the same, you know? But the thing is, you see, what happens? There’s a good side of feeling.
Like a feeling, like, for example, feeling love for people, caring. Those good feelings we have, like we want to feel the joy, you know. And those we have the good feeling, but at the same time, unfortunately, the feeling has been misused. The ego has taken over and completely misused it. See, there are, for example, put it this way.
The awareness has been misused and becomes unawareness, which is ignorance. Feeling has been misused, becomes ego’s feeling. Perception has been misused, and intelligence is misused, become concepts, and the consciousness is misused. These are what we call in Buddhism and Buddhist psychology. Buddhist psychology is one of the, in some ways, India is very rich with metaphysics and logic in psychology.
Very, very rich in the Indian tradition. And within the Indian tradition also, Buddhism is the most advanced form. Like, for example, when many of the scholars and psychologists, when they begin to really have a taste of the teaching called Abhidharma, about the psychology, the mind is, how study of the mind, and the understanding of the mind, absolutely quite incredible. So incredible that it’s a little confusing. So, these are the In Buddhist view, the ego is formed by what is called five aggregates, or the five skandhas.
Skandhas is a Sanskrit word. In Tibetan, phung po lnga, five gatherings or five heaps, five garbages, five scandhas. Americans call it skandhas, five skandals. Just as Austrians say, Lama, Lama. Austrians say Lama, it’s very funny.
Probably you don’t hear your own accent, Yeah. There’s also different ways of saying Buddha and all that. Anyway, so so therefore, when they are being misused, then what happens is we go for the good feeling, but we get a raw deal. Basically that. Understand?
Yeah. And when we go for emotions, we don’t don’t want trouble. We want good things. We want you know? In in many ways, we suffer for happiness sake.
We want to be happy. But the means that we employ to be happy, they themselves are confused. So, some along, someone is really how do you say it? Playing a big joke on us. There’s a summing along, someone is fooling a big stink.
You know stink, those movies called s t I n g, stink? You know, those Just kind of a big hoax. It is, in a sense, you see, we play these hoax, and that’s the tradition that’s been passed on from centuries. That’s called conditioning. So, as a result, see, only way we react is we panic with emotion.
We either try to control or we panic. And that’s exactly what ego wants you to do. Because when you do that, what happens? Just you make it more. You perpetuate, you see?
And even if you want to meditate, ego will say, oh, fantastic. But all means go and practice. Do Buddhism. I’ll come with you. And I will teach you.
You know? First, gets it’s like the honeymoon period of the Buddhism or the meditation, this thing, you know, you know, he go and let you listen. Then when it comes down to real, touches you. Then he just says, this is not for you. This and this and and this.
And slowly, you know do you know what I’m saying? And like, for example, whenever we find a path or a way, we may find that the initial enthusiasm we have, a joy we have, is is dampened later when we actually get onto it by our own confusion and by our own things and by our own projection. In fact, we get a direction, but the direction is clouded. And why? Because, as Buddha said, Buddha taught very important four principles of life.
That was the first teaching. Buddha did not teach any Abhidharma on a very He taught on psychology on the second level. The first level was very basic teaching, which is relating that there is suffering, there is pain. That’s the first thing you notice. There’s pain, there’s suffering.
And the main point of this spiritual teaching is to remedy, to remove this pain. So, first you have to accept. Sometimes people don’t even accept that there is pain, even though they are in pain. They don’t really come to it. So, the first is accepting there is pain.
Then, if you accept that there is a problem, at least you maybe go next step to go and look what causes it. And when you look and see what causes it, you find that’s called ignorance. Ignorance. And why? You can find out that, for example, when we find even a way out of the ignorance or suffering, and when we get along with, like, as I was saying, practice Buddhism or meditation, a way out.
But even then, after a little while, that also gets confused. Not that the path itself is confused, but the way you’re dealing with is confused. Why? Because you have confusion, and your fundamental being is confused. But then he said, the fourth third is there is a way out.
Cessation. And the fourth is the method, which is like the methodic part, as well as the contemplated practices. So, so, instead of fighting with emotions or like, if you fight, then you join in that kind of, you know, you’re how do you say it? You’re playing its game. Like, when you’re in a good state of mind, that’s time to become really you realize that’s the time to handle.
And then that time, you just become mindful. And that’s where we were, you know, become mindful, you know, processing your mindfulness. After you process your thoughts and emotion with mindfulness, what you arrive at is some kind of awareness. You’re more aware, or rather you’re more clear. I mean, it’s interesting.
When you are clear, even the problems you have, you’re little bit clear about it in yourself. You see, the most important thing is you, really. You. And I find, you see, if you don’t have if you are easy, not so difficult, then you have less difficulty. It is when we ourselves are difficult.
And when we’re difficult, we cannot just you know, it’s like a child, you know, we cannot just how do say, try to control it? We have to use very skiffle ways. And so, in some ways, like, you have to be very skillful with yourself, knowing how you are, knowing your own tantrums. We learn from the society how to be hard on ourselves. I mean, society is hard on us.
Okay. But then if you are kind to yourself, then society cannot bother you. If you are, you have a real good friend, then the only reliable friend is you. The rest are just especially in the West. They’re not there when you really need to meet them.
So and also interesting is if you have if you have your own self nourishment, if you really there’s a friend in you, it’s interesting. People look in you for friendship, and people look for you for support because you have something to give, they feel that. People feel that about you. So, in many ways, it’s just kind of nourishing, giving yourself a good treatment and not being hard on yourself. Be kind be kind to yourself, you know, and enjoy, really.
Enjoy. Even if you drink a cup of tea also, enjoy. Really. Learn to have fun. Enjoy.
Especially when you work so hard, you deserve some fun. Why are working so hard? It’s for actually for happiness. But on the other hand, we don’t have fun. We just work hard.
It’s interesting, like, for example, in Paris, you know. I live in I live primarily in London and Paris and Santa Cruz, these three places. I I like, I first lived in England for a long time primarily. Then I moved. I lived more in Paris.
Now I’m living more in California. So in Paris, it’s very interesting. French people have an obsession about food and about drink and about good life, and they do. They really there’s something that’s wonderful, amazing. Sometimes I miss that when I go to America.
America is very big, huge, but they have not so much taste, really. I mean, even the French restaurants, the expensive French restaurants do not match it to the one in the village in France. And they have some kind of a how do you say? Kind of a of a they have a a touch and way of life being, especially in the countryside. So friends are very much and there’s some kind of that you find also in Italy.
It’s kind of in that in the very much in the earth kind of there’s some kind of that like, for example, when you get to Paris, when you’re there, you feel very differently, especially if you don’t live there. If you live there, it’s a problem. Anyway, so the reason why I’m saying this is French people, very much like, and they always are very I think there’s only one country where people really go on holidays. Like, in August, Paris is completely empty. Only twelve.
American children. Especially when the dull dollar was kind of apple. I was kind of you know, American children. So so people go on holiday. And so they therefore, there’s a lot of this thing about having country houses.
They’re very, you know, country houses and going on holidays and work. Very much everything is, you know and so I said, what’s funny is that everybody on a holiday, like a Friday evening, they all take off from work at three o’clock. And then all go in the traffic jam. All in traffic jam, you know. All very early Saturday morning, all in traffic jam, go to the countryside.
But you see, they have to work so hard to go to the to have the country house, to go to the countryside, to get in the traffic jam, to get home, to have all the cats and dogs, and then all those things about children in school, go skiing a certain time, go to central place, other forms a certain time. There’s a kind of all the forms of things. And then what happens? It’s all for fun and joy, but you get very little of it sometimes, you know? In the process, that the whole process takes so long.
That’s what you really get. I thought it’s not much being kind to yourself in that. No. That’s right. That’s true.
So I think it’s and especially then, you know, when you go on holidays, is that they they really have terrible times sometimes, you know? So the main point I’m trying to say is that it’s very important to give yourself a good treatment instead of trying to make everything a wonderful thing for you. That’s also fine. It’s always good to make an environment conducive for you. But at the same time, you see, know how to have fun.
Enjoy yourself. For example, I travel all the time, but I know how to have fun and joy and relax. Even when I’m traveling, I quite relax. I always have everything I need with me. Like at home, I have everything I need there with me always, so there was nothing needed, wasn’t it?
You know, just just quiet quiet at home wherever I go. I maintain trying to maintain the same rhythm. I have the same diet. So it’s like just learn to give yourself a good treatment. And also, you see, good treatment and be easy with yourself, so important.
Anyway. And then, from then onwards, from after that, then the next stage is that once you’ve done some practice of mindfulness or meditation, you have some clarity, like you have some calmness, some clarity in your perception because perception is being clarified. And so then what you do is you slowly learn to watch. Now, yes, not analyze, but watch. That’s the first stage.
Not analyze. Normally, we when we watch, we analyze. That’s where it’s wrong. Without analyzing, whenever a thought emotion comes, a subtle thought, not a heavy thought emotion, but a subtle thought emotion arises in the state of that meditation. You just simply look at it, look at the thought emotion, but just bear attention.
This is not so easy. This is quite tough. It comes after a lot of meditation. It’s the next stage of meditation. In many ways, in the West, meditation is only just coming down and getting into a peaceful state.
It’s like your daily fix. You get slightly high and then, you know anyway. But the main thing is this, in the next stage of meditation, is just to calm your mind having been pure, then you arouse that awareness. Awareness is like, for me, I cannot see so well. Now with glasses, like, you know, I can see clearly.
Like, once you have the mindfulness, having a glass, that awareness. Then you look through the eye of that awareness, with that clarity, you know, not just fuzziness, but with clarity, and look at thought’s emotion at their eyes without judging them. Just almost like watching them like the waves. As they come, just simply watch them, and then they will settle. They will dissolve.
If you don’t, how do you say, get used by them or caught in the game. Whether you’re caught or not is how how calm you are, how aware you are. So more aware and more calm you are, less caught you are. Less caught you are and you watch your thought emotions, then more and more, you are not you be there’s a lack of freedom in the emotion, in the feeling and thought. It’s like you can have fun even with thought.
You can even have terrible thought and explosive fun. That they don’t bother you. You understand? Normally, what happens is, you see, we don’t take thought as just transitory. I mean, there’s just nothing, you know.
If have a terrible thought or say, let it go. If you don’t bother with it, it’s not yet bad. You know? It’s only you participating with like, when bad thoughts come, if you participate with that, get caught. Then it becomes bad.
Just you know? Do you know what I’m saying? Just simply letting it just like the wind. Yeah. If you learn if you’re able to do that way, very spaciously, with spaciousness.
It’s almost like, you know, you have a gun with spaciousness. And each time anything like you just bam. There’s a spaciousness. It’s exploded. You know that?
I’m giving you a more vivid image. I just I I I say, release it. Let it go. You know? Don’t try to even let it go.
See, if you try to let it go, trying to let it go is not letting go. Yeah. So, most spaces there sometimes when you release spaces, you’re even not trying to let go and that’s letting go. See? So no Where do you think you are?
You’re not really. Yeah. No spaces. And then also, suppose you think you’re trying to let go and you realize that it’s just another game, also don’t worry. Don’t start saying, oh, I know I’m supposed to be letting go, but I’m not doing in a good way.
It’s how awful it is. You know? If I’m not don’t worry. If you start worrying, that becomes worse. And if you’re able to let go a little bit, that’s fine.
If you’re able to get let go one percent, that’s fine. It’s more it’s like if you’re able to let go one one person, then you say you you almost you heard you say, you you you encourage yourself saying, oh, yeah. I’m able to do this much, and that’s very good. You know? Then you I must be more spacious.
Rather than saying I’m not really perfectly. I think the worst people go are a bit too impatient for results. Because I think this is a wrong thing people understand from Christianity is they want miracles. Yeah. Miracles.
People want just miracles, but they only have faith in the miracles. Then if you go for miracles too much, then you get like fundamentalists. Do you know what I’m saying? If you go for miracles, then you you end up you end up you know, I don’t know. Sometimes it’s quite quite what really scared me when I came to America was kind of quite incredible.
Once I was in Victoria, that’s in Canada. Not the one in Australia, in Canada. It was one Sunday. I tried to turn the television on Sunday morning. No cartoons.
There were no cartoons. So I found another kind of cartoon, a preacher, evangelist of Pritchard, know. It was during the time Regan was being elected, and Regan had a deal with all the churches about supporting him and all that, you know. So it was quite quite kind of, you know, what really shocked me is kind of the naivety. He said, last night, the Lord appeared to me in my bath, something like that, you know, and told me to tell you to vote for eagerly.
Hallelujah. Lord be praised. You see, that kind of almost how do you say it? You see, I have the cheat to say that. You know, I the cheat and, you know, it’s really brash.
You know? And spiritual person should have something different. You know? Some kind of aura about him. Some kind what do you find when you watch those television?
You find, like, a really crook the businessman, you know? It’s like somebody who’s been very successful businessman and is like branch off in another business, spiritual business, you know? And then you get, like, is staged up. Everything is, like, hollibotized. Huge old people singing there, and then emotions specked up, you know?
Kind of a cheap emotions played up. And then you have few stage healing that’s happening already. You worked at it already, you know. Maybe you give few thousand dollars for someone to fake. And get up, and then you get up, you know.
And then people, I don’t get really caught up, you know, in the feeling of it, and then they actually get healed. You know why? Because the thing is happening, and it’s not that the power of the deceased, their own emotions. What heals is your own faith and your own emotions. So in one way it’s good.
People are getting healed from the mental. It’s awful. In in some ways, you see, in some ways, each person is getting people are getting healed or being well, for them it’s good. But then person who’s doing it’s got a bad karma. Preacher has a bad karma.
So, what I’m trying to say is that, that when you wait for too quick a result, then you you land that. And what happens often, funny thing is, when you go for quick result, then normally, you’re hooked. Like cocaine is a quick result. After a little bite, you become an addict. Spiritually, if you go for quick result, then you get hooked.
That’s why, unfortunately, for Buddhism, we do not have, actually, mass meetings. We don’t have millions of followers. We don’t have valleys. We don’t have Madison Garden, you know, we don’t have that. I noticed that with Hinduism also, with Maharishi, they have tried to cue on to the evangelical style, to the divine light mission, they have tried to do that, in a way, trying to give a very simple, how do you say, simple method, like a miracle kind of thing.
And people get hooked onto that, you know. Of course, some people progress from that also. It’s like a skill for me, but so what I’m saying is that what you have to really realize is not the quick show. Sometimes it’s the slow and steady way is more sure. And also, you see, in spirituality, I think it’s something that we don’t realize, is that.
You see, there are degrees of spiritual awareness. Okay. Now, for example, like in this particular instance I was talking about, the people get really hyped. You know, physic? Hyped.
Hyped. Hyped, and they have kind of a faith. Okay? Well, it works to a certain extent, but it’s not the real thing. We need to awaken from that to the next state and the next state and That’s why Buddhism is talking about enlightenment, thirteen stages, or ten stages or you know?
So, anyway, the the main point I’m trying to tell you here is the importance of giving space to emotions and then developing that awareness when you do meditation, and with that, you watch and dissolve problem emotions. So if you do it first with easy and easy and gradual stages, with small thoughts, with patience, with with the contentment, like, we should succeed a little bit to be content, not to be too over ambitious. If you do that way, then slowly and easy gradual stage, you gain strength so that you will be able to cope with bigger problems. Just as the story of the Hercules, you know, he is believed to be able to carry a huge force. And how did he do that?
When a pony was born, first day he carried it. He carried it the next day, the third day, the fourth day. So when he grew into a big force, was able to carry it because his strength grew with it. So you must grow your strength slowly. And those of you who are losing diet, can’t lose diet, can’t build your body, no.
It is slow and easy stages. Do you know what I’m saying? In in everything, you know, there’s slow and you know? The patience is the most important. Not giving up.
Not giving up. Not for just in giving up, but, you know, but it’s just in a more spacious way and with the with the inside. Okay? Now, we’ll we’ll stop there. And then The first is called form or ignorance.
Second is feeling. Third is perception. Fourth is concept or intellect. And the last, the fifth is consciousness. That’s one way of translating.
There are some different scholars with different ways translating it. Have you got a different way of translating it? I mean, there is a different way that you use the word like volition and Yes. Volition or formations. Formations.
That’s for where? For the first one, is it? As for the mental impulse. Mental impulse is for which one? It is for the the second one.
Okay. Some these days, see, unfortunately, we don’t as yet have really accurate translations. In Tibet, when Buddhism came from India, great Indian pundits, scholars, and Tibetan masters, they all sat together and clashed out in terms of In the West, not yet. Every scholar has his own way of interpreting. And since, actually, Tibetan is such a far off language from English, So when you really try to translate them, it’s very, you know, it becomes a a little confusing anyway.
So let’s, for the moment purposes of our discussion, let’s use form or ignorance as that’s the basis, then feeling, perception, concept of intellect, and consciousness. Okay? Now the first is formal ignorance. That’s like the basis. That’s the unawareness.
In a sense, it’s from the state of unawareness, which is the ignorance. So that ignorance in some way does come from unawareness, and I think the unawareness trying to be ignored awareness, that whole process of ignoring creates the state of ignorance. Almost like the government works to maintain its policies. So, you know, like, for example, president or someone, he’s got his he’s got his own you see, he’s got a main he’s you know, whatever he says, nice things he says, actually, he’s got his own, ambition or something, you know, one thing deep in mind. And everything is actually how do you say it?
Everything is is a is a even though however he may kind of mask it, deep down, that’s what really his goal is. Like this, many ways, real goal of the ignorance is to maintain or sustain ignorance. And that which is trying to maintain that aspect of Asaṇga is called ego. Okay? But ego is not so simple.
It’s formed of many things. So the next is feeling. Ego uses feeling, employs the feeling, and sends out feeling to feel out like a spy, like FBI or CIA. What’s the Austrian equivalent? No?
To feel out whether the situation is particularly for ego’s purpose, for you, for ignorance. Is it how is it? Just feed it out. Check it out. Then after checking out, it sends perception as a diplomat, like the foreign minister or like, I don’t know, you know, like Kissinger before.
Now I think shoes. Then he reports back the findings, perception, you know. And and and perception, tries to negotiate, actually. Negotiate, trying to see how you can make, like, how you can kind of make your friend, make make an enemy to your friend, you know, how you can, you know, how you can kind of whitewash the thing, you know, how you can make it for how you can kind of how do you say? You negotiate and you try to bargain and try to win, you know, make it favorable for the ego.
Or you try to transform everything, even spiritual teachings. Things that organizes. It’s a nice story that I tell sometimes. I’ve heard somebody I don’t know. Just just a story, but it’s quite amusing.
It seems one day the lord the god and the devil were walking taking a walk. They’re actually quite close friends. And walking down and actually talking to each of each of his problems. God was saying how unsuccessful he has been in his business. He’s frustrated, he was explaining.
And and the devil on the other hand has seen how successful he has been, how he has managed his business by expanding, you know, branching out in a form of McDonald’s and I don’t know what happened. Banks and all kinds of things, you know. So, then one day walking, the god picked up something very brilliant, something that was shining and brilliant. He picked it up, and he begin to preach it. And the devil asked, what is that?
No. And my friend said, well, this is called truth. You know, truth? The truth. T r u t h.
How do you pronounce it? Truth. Okay. And the girl said, give it to me. I’ll organize it for you.
That’s how it all started, the religions. So that’s why in Buddhism there is no God, no devil. Alright? In Buddhism is non theistic, in that when you begin to have an identity of something, and then there’s the organization. In a sense, it’s less least dogmatic.
You know what I’m saying? Anyway, that’s it’s for that, to maintain the purity. It’s in no way undermining undermining the, I just say, the really nature of God. I think Buddhism in some ways really try to understand the nature of God rather than talk about it in theological or in conceptual terms, but more experientially understand it. I think if you really someone, a good Christian practitioner who really understands what God’s nature is, that’s more like Buddhism when he says, it has a nature of mind.
Okay. So what I’m saying is that that when a Krishna practitioner who really realizes the nature of God, really in it, and that also has many levels of realization of the nature of God, if you really realize the ultimate nature of God, that’s more like what Buddhism talks about in terms of emptiness, in terms of truth. And we speak of also opportunity in a very interesting way, in a very experiential way. And when I talk with some of the Christian monks who are in long retreat like the Benedictines or the people like that, I find it quite amazing to see when they speak from the experience, it’s very similar. When they get into dogma, then there’s a terrorist.
Then there’s a problem. Sometimes in Christianity, the holding on to the dogma is so important. It’s like, you know, it’s like the rule. If you don’t follow, then you’ll be excommunicated kind of thing. So that’s why sometimes even many of the priests are kind of quite I just said careful, had to be careful not to fall away from the dogma.
Otherwise, the pope is going to do something or whatever. So that in in their own personal experience, it’s that way I I enjoy very much. Anyway, so so the perception is the negotiation. Perception. Negotiate.
Then it comes back with the report of negotiation. Then this the prime minister, Bob Hope, or I don’t know, or the president goes on. It’s called Bob Hope? Bob Hope. I don’t know.
How’s the about Hawke. And goes on a state visit and then try to sign a treaty, you know, with your friend or not, because they’ve already been found out, and then they signed a treaty. You’re a friend, you’re then that’s called intellectual, you know, concept development. Then finally consciousness is like the supervising of this treaty. With satellite and all, there is a lot of mistrust.
And then you see, there’s also in case, like, for example, president, he has bodyguards, but if the bodyguard should shoot him, he must have something to protect, like his own gun. That’s called emotion. In case of but there’s a deep in the ego structure, there is a very even though it’s trying to make the ego very secure, but in a very funny way, there’s a deep sense of insecurity because ego knows very well it knows the emptiness of itself, all of it in itself. In some ways, in a very, you know, ironical way, the more insecure it is, the more it maintain itself. And, you know, in some ways, ego maintain it’s a bit insecurity.
It’s like insecurity is the kind of refuge of ego. It’s very much the So that’s why we’re talking about these are in Sanskrit called skandhas. Okay? So when you talk of fifth, you know what they are. It is said that when we see something in the Buddhist logic, metaphysically say, when you see something, in the first, like, when you do this.
Okay? And if you divide it into sixty-four parts, this one, in the one sixtieth of a second, you see it purely as it is, without any concept, you see the truth. And then in the one fifty ninth, you know, aggregate of ego, your conditioning, your ego comes back in one sixty-fourth. You understand? So meditation is a way to way to unravel the condition, to be able to see clearly.
So it’s more like in the meditation, if it’s really a good perception, it’s like seeing the one sixtieth. And also another thing is that we see everything as solid, that generally our human eyes are are come are kind of how do you say? Our kana is that we see everything solid and permanent, though they are impermanent. We we we infer upon everything as being eternal eternal and permanent and solid, and this is what creates problems. Because, actually, emotions are not solid, things are not solid, even matter is not solid, and everything is impermanent.
Yesterday, were talking last night about the the real belief of the emotions or relationship in the West is based on eternity, which is more, in some sense, like, people believe in God as eternity. So, like, they’re trying to, you know, govern that kind of view with that image. And Buddhism, in some ways, not believing of eternity God. Is more understanding that everything nature is impermanent. And there is death.
Death is part of life. Not just life, life only. Then you find a big lie at death that is not permanent. Not only you don’t have to wait until death, in life you find it’s not permanent. You find that out in your relationships and in your emotion.
When people suppress emotions or try to act them out, in a sense, both is escape. They try to suppress and escape emotion. They try to act them out and escape motion. This charges that time. Yeah.
And also really pain of the scene. We have we fear we fear so much. We unlegisably we fear. In fact, we fear truth. That’s the thing we most fear.
And who fears? The ignorant fears truth. The ego fears truth. And that’s because of the conditioning. But as we begin to become more and more educated, more become aware, then we become less and less fear of the truth.
As we become more less and less fear of truth, we become more true and we become less ignorant and more aware. And fear slowly dissolves in the process. That’s called growth and developing, in a in a good sense, not Californian growth. No. Yet, as I heard it, there’s in Australia, growth industry is quite how do say?
Growth industry, they call it industry? It’s quite amazing all these days. Everything is like a business, growth industry. Everything is, you know, everything is Now, okay. Just as, for example, when you’re meditating, first, like, there’s disturbance.
You know? I put it this way. For the disturbance, when you are in a state of calm and think in harmony, even disturbances become like music. When you’re disturbed, a little disturbance becomes really hell. And then with this kind of understanding, when your emotions are just simply a process, energies, and you begin to understand them like waves.
And when you go near the sea, the waves refresh you. You don’t complain. This ocean has a lot of waves. You go to the beach, especially for the waves, and it’s for the freshness. You understand?
And it brings the fresh smell and, you know, and almost the noise of the waves is is kind of is healing. You were saying it’s like when you try to organize your emotions, you contain them. That’s true. They become Oh, yes. The thought.
Yeah. Because emotions cannot be contained. It can only can be appreciated. Because it’s emotion, it’s always emotion. I put e as energy and motion as energy in motion.
That’s what emotion is. It’s it’s a nourishment if you’re using the word. That’s why in the Buddhist teachings, the main thing the final stages is is first it says, grant your blessing so that may my turn towards the truth. Next is grant your blessing so that the so the Dharma or that is the truth or the practice may progress along the path or may gain success in our life. Grant your blessing so the path of practice may clarify confusion.
And finally, grant your blessing so that confusion may dawn as well. Those are the stages of development. And in fact, whole Buddhist path is divided into those those four themes. So shall we have a little break? Fifteen minutes break, then we’ll come back.
Yeah, you can take this one. Yeah, take take the discussion is okay. Everything is workable. In many ways, if there is awareness, know, where we do work with emotion is awareness but without control. Watching without controlling.
You don’t want to defend anything. There’s awareness all around. If there is awareness, then there is no need for remedy. You understand? Just as I said earlier, when emotions arise, thoughts arise, if you have that awareness, if you look at it with awareness, then emotions are dissolved.
Of course, it’s the degree of how strong your awareness is, how aware you’re aware. Feeling good about yourself, California needs, and stuff. I think if you see what happens, when you when you feel this way, then you really feel good. And you really feel good. Because, you know, there comes a very genuine dignity or presence.
You become very authentic, sincere. Nothing fake about it. It’s it’s it’s it’s it’s as it is. Know, there’s a of genuineness. If there is nothing if you try not particularly to defend anything, you know, if you try not to defend, then you see there’s no point of no one is going to attack you.
Do you know what I’m trying to say? Is that it? Once you give up trying to protect yourself and trying to say trying to see things as problem, once you begin to see things as workable and no problem, then in many ways no problem. Things become workable. You begin to see things in their own way.
In the Buddhist view, what we see is that, for example, the the in the nature, the heart of matter, everything is empty, like sky. In the heart, everything is empty. But it appears in the form of impermanence process. It’s moving. It’s in motion.
But yet, this energy is very creative, very, you know, independent, very independent, like, you know, like in a when you put in a certain way, happiness happens. Like in science, there’s a particular experiment in chemistry that if you put a particular substance in a water and you stir it in one way, it appears. If you stir it another way, disappears. That’s a law of interdependent origination. In Buddhism, everything appears because when the things come together.
Suppose there is a there is a very clear pool, clear water, and the moon is shining, it will reflect. Suppose the as the pool is muddy, even the moon is shining, it will not reflect. That’s called interdependent. Comes as a relative, interdependent. And so things come together and certain things come together this way.
Like you are here because of interdependent also. There’s a there’s a each there’s a little story behind how you came here. Your own interdependent story. God didn’t bring us here. God didn’t tell you this morning, go to Sogyal Rinpoche’s teaching at Buddha House.
You know, just got, you know, You didn’t know some people maybe got to know someone’s company. What? Maybe some people got to children’s company. Maybe. Then that’s independent.
Anyway, everything is interdependent. When we say interdependent, when we say God, God is interdependent, what I mean is that normally when when people say that God released that kind of very simple kind of you know, when when you don’t look at the all the interdependent play, and you don’t look at that, then, like a kind of a simple way to look at it, like God. God in many ways is interdependent origination. See, that’s wrong. It’s interdependent.
Everything is interdependent and relative. So my understanding is that there are four main principles. One of four main principles in Buddhism is that if everything is impermanent, but then the impermanence process of impermanence, process of impermanence, but yet everything is independent. Okay? But yet what we do affects the interdependency.
In the nature of everything is environment and empty. So, I think we can stop there. I’d like to know how do we handle specific emotions like the anguish caused by love, by depression, by anger, things like this. How do you handle these specific emotions? If you get a child that’s made you that has disappointed you terribly and you get extremely angry at your expectations of them, you know, it’s your own For example, in the case of a child, one’s own child, often what one expects or what one’s idea of success or whatever is not necessarily the experience or related to the child’s own experience.
The main problem lies, or the child often these days, rebelling in the earlier sixties, more now even in a subtle way. Rebelling is pushing your version of success. You know, like, a sense, the ancient way of, like, a child following in the father’s footsteps in success, in many ways, is now no longer relevant. People are kind of wanting their own way. So there has to be an understanding.
And in some ways, that when the child does not really turn out to be as you expected, it’s sometimes also the way you have created the education, the kind of environment that you created, how you went about it, you know? So in some ways, I think it’s understanding all that, and then also giving space there. There’s also just as you give space to emotions in dealing with the children also, one thing is very much space, respect to them, but in very subtly, you show way, but also respecting their own judgment. In many ways, it’s to teach a child to develop his or her own awareness and develop a kind of a self respect. You respect the child, and then the child will respect you.
If you just want exactly how you want it to be, it won’t work. Then it will be a catastrophe. Child is not able to develop in her or his way. You’re not going to get the version that you like because you’re too different. Child is not you, even it’s yours.
And it’s also really in a different environment, in a different age. Music is different. Like, for example, the music you listen in your children’s music is completely different. So, anyway, so therefore, it’s I think it’s very important to understand that way. If you understand and not to how do you say this?
Even as as you reach now at this stage, also still is not too late. Even, for example, now, when you begin to realize all this and you get angry, then you begin to instead of getting angry about the situation, which is not going to help the situation anyway, the way to remedy, the way to do