If you cannot do the visualization, just simply pray to consider that the consciousness of the dead person becomes one with the Buddha. If you pray strongly in a prayer form, and there’s a short practice of phowa in Tibetan. I pray to Amitābha, the Buddha of Limitless Light. By your blessing, may I accomplish the profound path of phowa just that prayer doing it three times is sufficient you can say it in English or you can do it in Tibetan don’t chant it like that, do that before you touch important that Buddhism should express itself through social action now more because the initial stages of Buddhism just people who are interested in Buddhist practice coming together is that initial stages is kind of finished now becomes establishing stage where the people who are practicing it’s like for example otherwise if you just come to Buddhism if you don’t do anything you’d be bored and you lose faith normally western people lose faith when they get bored so you have to inject all the time with new enthusiasm with new ways of expressing I think for western people the most important thing is to express express the practice even simply expressing yourself, you know, that meditation in action is a very important part, that’s very important when you express yourself fully, if you’re able to express yourself fully even when you drink a cup of tea That’s meditation.
I’ll tell you a little story. This happened in Holland last summer before. I was teaching in Amsterdam for the week, and the weekend was in July in doing in the countryside in fact in the what’s the place called now? I forget and maybe it doesn’t matter I was doing a weekend on meditation and it was quite inspiring. And it was Sunday morning, I’ve done some practice, and I was feeling quite inspired.
And I was sitting outside, it was a very beautiful sunshine morning. I was there having a cup of tea and just had my bread in my lap. Now I must have the question. What is Buddhism in relation to this piece of bread? What is practice?
What is practice of Buddhism? And I realized that if I butter the bread properly with compassion, with my full completeness, mindfully, that’s Buddhism. That’s meditation. So that I from that moment, I realized that is the the basic bread and butter Buddhism. It is the bread and butter.
So that way of expressing, see, expressing. Lot of the time practitioners only meditate and they don’t relate that the integration of the practice into life, that that transition is not helped through that helping through that transition is a very important part of putting meditation into action see to do meditation is one thing but to put meditation into action is another thing but also just simply because you put meditation doesn’t mean you will be able to put into action you need to be helped through the transition of putting meditation in there and this is where you need to learn that after meditate to practice in the morning maybe you have your breakfast quietly and bread and butter Buddhism. That’s that’s in the quietness, in that peaceful moment of quietness you begin to your practice begin to resonate. You understand? That’s very important.
That’s where you learn compassion, that’s where you learn many things. And then you begin to have, how do you say, some kind of a how do you say, you begin to have some character in your practice, you have some, then you have some result from your practice. Some, you know, then that will give you a satisfaction. And then they can you understand? So if you don’t have that kind of way, you’ll find after a while, you begin to realize it’s, you know, too much kind of philosophy or too much Tantra or too much Tibetan or too much this or too much that, then we easily blame, find fault and blame, and then we evade the main issue.
So first of all it’s important to try to practice in an integrating way. Because Dharma is neither Tibetan nor Western neither East nor West it is personal there is a whole field of new psychology that’s happening in the West you see the first was the like the Freud and then the Jung and then the humanistic psychology which is more working with emotional relationship then is a new psychology that’s called the transpersonal psychology which is psychology that transcends the ego, the person ego and experiences more different dimension of spiritual experience, realizing of that so in a sense that for Western people that psychology is having a very big effect it’s become very popular and that’s also the integration of Eastern Western views are very much appreciated in that field of psychology what I’m saying is that the that kind of a person experiencing the dharma is more important than just following a Tibetan dharma or the Theravāda dharma or you understand? That’s important. That’s first step. Then to be able to do it in social action.
It’s important. You had a question? It’s a good point because you see if you realize fully often the attachment comes not from looking at again at something that is the object or attachment but often the attachment comes or still the sting is there when it’s not been finished, work through. It’s one way to avoid the subject, another is to face it. Facing through is the best way.
So in facing through for example, reminiscing, the the my point is there are two. My point of, for example, reminiscing, it creates a kind of a bond of a love, which creates a kind of an intimate situation where the person may use that space to talk of his own her or her fear as you begin to talk of his own fear it’s also a way of sometimes venting out emotion for example if you’re very emotionally uptight and you have a good friend good friend or your love or somebody with whom you have a good communication and you feel that whatever you say the person not going to judge you and if you begin to say all these things even the hurtful things are no longer hurtful because it’s just a sharing of love and it’s a process of healing. Clear. Then it frees attachment that that problem that you have, like it it heals the sore and that sore spot is made into soft spot. But in actual fact, if the soft spot not understood well, it becomes a sore spot.
That’s fast. It’s main thing is a vulnerability. And vulnerability in the soft spot, working with that. That that sore is the biggest problem. And attachment is a sore that must be transformed into softness.
So that that when there is a true love there is no attachment. Okay, I I give an example. For example, when you are I mean this point you said also raises the next point is the fear of separation or the detachment sometimes comes. When you’re parting from your dear ones and loved ones at the moment of death sometimes it could in fact kind of deeply arouse the attachment and longing. The fear of the separation could impact how do you say arouse more how do you say attachment.
And for this is a finishing it well is very important. Here for example when you have a when you have a if you take an example of your own life it’s like when we are in a certain situation with someone with whom we love very much, a very close friend, or your husband, or your wife, or your partner. When there’s a real loving, you know, deep relationship happening. There’s a deep communication happening that creates a totally different dimension of space. And it creates a really magical whatever.
You understand? In that time when you share deeply, slowly, slowly, if you share deeply, it seems very interestingly the the how do you say? The the selfishness, the self seem to dissolve, the nobleness of the love seem to come and becomes very soft and noble and then you want to be noble also so you understand? And then there is very much love there but in that love interesting if that love is in that particular situation there is not attachment. It comes when you don’t have that kind of communication, and you start longing for it.
Or you begin to have had a taste, then want to you understand? And when you begin to not have that communication, the attachment comes. So that’s why for example in the Western relationship, a connection, so important connection. If there’s a connection like for example husband or wife or partner, there’s a kind of you know, grunting and disgruntled sometimes it’s just a big hug that can solve the whole problem. Just needs some kind of confirmation.
You understand? Okay. It’s possible to free the attachment because I’m I’m not going to get any kind of hours. Sometimes if you tend to if you tend to hold back in that way could be misunderstood something. You participate.
If you want photo album, photo album. But how you show the photo album, how you account, there where you are. And sometimes when powerful emotions come like attachment comes, and if you give your love, because in the attachment there’s crying out for love in the fullest way. And then if you can give and reassure your love fully, sometimes we are afraid because we do not know whether we can give that full love or not. Clear?
So if you give that unconditional love, that’s what Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says, unconditional love, completely, then the attachment is satisfied. At least in that stage. And then when that space is played, then you can confirm saying, okay, when you die, you die in the state of mind without attachment. In the state of calm, without anger, without, you know, then you explain what the use of being attached and what the use of being because it’s totally different life. You understand?
And so let go of all these things. Instead, keep the the goodness, the love and compassion, and to feel the presence of the Buddha and invoke the light, unify one with. And I say that you’re there supporting and giving the same love. So if you do that then you may be able to work through that how do you say that attachment. And it’s often when we’re not able to share deeply like that then the attachment, like unfinished love is an attachment.
Like often in a western situation, a couple who’s been involved in a kind of a love affair between the two. Suddenly the relationship, something happens, you know often in a passionate thing often it ends up quite dramatically and there’s a deep deep sore a wound because you feel something unfinished you want to resolve the sense of attachment still there because of unresolvedness you know re re kind of re invokes this thing so finishing is very important finishing and also working out grudges and forgiveness it’s very important part and the dying person should not be allowed to die passively should be made to actively forgive and how do you say interact and the amazing thing you can do is dying person can actually can can inspire you very much. They can do wonderful things. They can do amazing things. Like for example, tell you a story.
This happened in Melbourne. It’s a professor who’s who’s dying. And his wife is one who normally is very fragile person. She can be an emotional wreck very easily. She can feel easily, you know, the blame and the guilt.
So the husband who was dying was concerned about this fact. And so he made sure he told all his friends arranged so that when after he died at the funeral, at the eulogy, that his friends would recount. And then what happened was this? When he died, after he died at the eulogy, the friends, they all start saying how this husbands told them that how wonderful the wife has been, how loving she had been, how supportive she has been. Had it not been for the her love and her strangers, he would have not able to die so peaceful.
When she heard that when she heard that, it just kind of gave her such a deep satisfaction of love that it was like almost she was expecting the blame instead she got the praise just totally turned the table around and instead of she never lost her control she never broke down there was not a how do say she didn’t go through a terrible time in fact she recovered through the period of bereavement really quite easily so the dying person sometimes do it in such an amazing way and also other times you see the other side of this sometimes I’ve heard and seen cases of for example wives or for example, if the husband is the most stronger person and is the breadwinner and all of that if he’s dying, if the wife is left with two kids, especially kids with big sobs, Daddy, why are you dying? And then, you know, wife saying, why are you dying? You know, you don’t die. Why are you dying? You know, the daddy starts shouting and crying and shouting.
And poor dying person has no choice. He’s dying. But he said, why are you dying? And you goes on and keeps saying, afterwards, you know, begins to feel slightly guilty, you know, saying, well, maybe it’s his fault, you know? So, and that kind of that, you know, why are you dying?
Why are you leaving us alone? You know, that kind of can make sometimes terrible memory for the wife for the kids instead even if dying if you say that okay I think in a relationship like in a in a marriage I think the you say till death do we part. Do understand? That the death is the most important. I think the most important moment of marriage is a death.
It is a death sometimes you prove the love that you have. And particularly if in life you feel you have not loved fully. If you have regrets because sometimes Western people have a lot of regrets after someone died. They do not love fully, there’s a lot of guilt. You just give out your love fully.
And you say that, look, you’re dying but we are with you. We love you. And if the kids also are there, in that present, if their wife is able to do it, not thinking of herself who’s left behind but thinking of the dying person who’s going through this totally unknown situation so if you do that because the wife is able to do that she feels her nobleness her gesture also gives us strength and husband feeling this also feels so know how you say loved and will give back more love and this loving situation could inspire could be a very good memory for the wife satisfaction and for the children too, a good memory to cherish. And it’s often the memories that helps you when you’re alone. So attachment I feel attachment can be a very attachment is a very fertile ground, very rich ground to work with, especially from a tantric point of view.
And this is where your skillful work would be to transform into love clear I think it’s very important to realize that in the teachings when it’s given in a kind of an traditional manner it’s a guideline but the important thing for you is not to take it how do you say literally in that way but yes literally also but there has to be some emotional work not just on the head level going through then it becomes quite death experience see what is important for you is emotionally accept emotionally accept, that’s I think you’ve got the basic ingredients from the teaching of the different sides of how to look into death and so on so then then you just go and face yourself just as you face with someone who’s dying but don’t go with Buddhist knowledge. Don’t go when you’re faced with dead with Buddhist knowledge as such. Just to go quietly yourself and look into yourself, own fears. And emotionally come to accept it, the reality of death. There’s a famous slogan which says, but death is real, comes without warning.
This body will be a corpse. You know? If you emotionally come to accept it, and maybe sometimes I think if you really go through that problem, maybe if you go through that condemnation, maybe you go through some emotional problems, for example, want to cry or just, you know, free something. Sometimes that acceptance is, you know, that way it’s important. But I think that’s one thing.
And secondly also, sometimes in the West people feel that once they accept and gone through that emotion, then they’re ready. It’s not true. When we say look into death is that whenever you remind yourself of death, begin to appreciate the life and not to waste life. That’s the main thing. It is for this reason that you need to how do you say?
Sometimes soften that through meditation. When contemplation doesn’t work, it begins to go in a kind of a circular way. Then you stop contemplating, just quietly watch your breathing and be simple in the nowness through meditation. The meditation clears the headiness, and then your heart is more open. As your heart is more open, then you look through that.
Clear. Meditation could be one ways of actually beginning with contemplation. Got to be skillful. Also another thing is when you see someone who’s like your parent or someone who’s dying that could be really important that could be wonderful learning situation sometimes, you see, we know death will happen, but we don’t really believe that that can happen to you, really, that’s our basic denial, you know, we’re hoping against hope, and suddenly someone close to you suddenly dies, then it really hits you. Then suddenly, know, it becomes another very different thing.
And that situation can really inspire and help you. And then I think sometimes look working with dying people. Maybe that’s a good thing. If you cannot do death meditation, go and see a dying person. You don’t have to meditate.
It’s happening under your own eyes. Important thing is you have to use your intelligence and your common sense and try to relate these instructions to your life, to the reality here. This is one way and then you may have totally different history, different way altogether. That’s called contemplation. Processing through your own personal experience.
At the same time, meditating is also good. It’s also like meditation and contemplation. If you find it too confining to do it in the room, go out in the nature and do it. Outside, while you’re walking or something, it’s more natural, more free flowing like it’s very interesting someone I know who has cancer in her womb, you know and she’s been doing this Vajrasattva practice of nectar flow and it works perfectly well, it really works very well but somewhere when it comes to that plate it doesn’t really go through, nectar doesn’t go through, it doesn’t do a really good wash there, all this you know some obstacle somewhere. So I told her don’t do it when you’re sitting in front of the shrine, go out, go out and walking.
Then she went out walking once she was on the top of a and because she was doing the practice once she was on the top of a little hill suddenly at that moment she had a feeling of kind of negative working through her that like I’m It’s just kind of to practice game. Understand? So sometimes you have to try it outside in a different way. You have to learn to let go. And suddenly you discover.
You know the story of Eureka? That one. Anyway, basically in the training that I give as regard to death and dying is I will first look good through the meaning of death then the acceptance of death and working with changes. Oh yes, changes is a very important part particularly working with you, your death meditation because sometimes changes are more real. Those are really the deaths of life.
I find also very interesting sometimes when you’re in a state of shock, when something very disappointing happens, something really shocking, something terrible happens, suddenly that state of mind that you are in, in which you are shocked, that state of mind that shocked you just rest in that and look in the state of mind a little bit, it may may have some benefit in opening and then just to letting go letting go of situations actually letting go of things letting go of an anger letting go of a big deal you know, you’re making a big deal of something, you just let go of that big deal you know and when you let go of that, there is a kind of you know, little bit of space comes. In that space you realize the freedom of death, all kind of you understand? It’s important that you can you have to actually experience in life through letting go. Actually, not just contemplating death. That’s called suicidal.
Please don’t contemplate death ways of contemplating death so anyway in training I do look working through changes, then there’s meditation comes and contemplation comes. Then how to help someone who is dying emotionally? Working through the fear of pain, first basic communication what I talked about, working through the fear of pain, fear of separation, and the fear of unknown. In the area of the fear of unknown comes the spiritual health comes. Then also how to help one’s own death.
Then how to help someone who’s dead. Then the the process of death as spoken of in Tibetan teachings come into play. In the Dzogchen meditation practice, we have a particular stage state called Né is the state of stillness, Nyam is the state of change or movement, Rigpa is the state of awareness and this application of meditation is quite interesting it is to say that when you, for example, are watching the breathing or looking at an object, whatever method of your śamatha practice may be, shiné practice may be, after a while when this calmness of the shinne experience is stabilized, you reach to a state of more calm, then out of that calmness you awaken the awareness. Understand? Awareness.
And with that awareness it’s like your eyeglass, and you look through that when a change arises or thought arises, just simply look at it if you just look at it with awareness that awareness that change that comes will fall back into the state of stillness just as the wave it arises it falls back into the stillness of the ocean. And that is the way you look slowly at your more softer thoughts first, and then later on with the awareness is strengthened, then with that awareness you can look into fear and dissolve the emptiness of fear too. Clear. Like for example, Buddha said, nature of life is pain. But he further said, nature of pain is impermanent.
Then he further said, moreover, the experience of the pain is non existent. When you realize the non existent nature of the experience of the pain, no longer the pain is not such a big deal. Or rather first, when you know there’s a pain but then when you realize impermanent, then it’s not so permanent, not so incessant. Please, it will pass. But then you realize that when the experience is non existent, then you begin to have a deeper confidence.
That’s more so that the realization of the the how would you say that? The non existent aspect of the experience of the pain is where you begin to realize the different aspect of mind, the nature of mind or awareness or we call it Rigpa, pure awareness, insight. So, that practice, and it’s called absolute bodhicitta. Lojong is the training of the mind. Training of the mind, I feel, is more purifying your conditioned mind.
Lo is the state of mind which is conditioned. That mind to purify. Okay? There is a practice called seven points of mind training of Lojong in that one the absolute bodhicitta point if you work with that that may help you when you work with there are four slogans related with absolute bodhicitta one slogan related with absolute bodhicitta with meditation side of it and one slogan related with absolute the same thing with the post meditation aspect of it if you work with that it helps very much in that the first thing is said to be all all Dharma should be regarded dreamlike you begin to realize the dream like, the emptiness, the quality of all phenomena. And sometimes you realize it through meditation more.
Okay? And the second you realize that even the mind itself that is realizing everything in emptiness, itself is empty. Even the mind that is having fear is empty. Because when when you’re really trying to look with mind doesn’t have any character, doesn’t have any color, and that’s the type of investigation if you do it deeply Then lastly, you may say well, then, you know, the so-called liberate attitude is you may develop a kind of how do say twisted logic when you start saying well, if everything empty then why bother and even liberate that which says why bother why say why bother if empty then liberate that you know that even that possibility to become a twisted logic Then the final and the most important thing is rest in the nature of ālaya or künzhi. And this I give you an example.
When you show a movie, movie, there’s a projector. Okay? And in the movie there’s so many mechanisms there and there’s a screen there on which you project this phenomena and then all these different things in the machine are your sense organs, you know? And then you put a picture through and it’s projected on. But behind all this film there is a bulb that gives the light.
And this light of the bulb is so unbiased that it doesn’t really it’s not involved in the fickleness of the movie. It it gives light. It doesn’t matter whether the movie is a pornographic movie or movie about Jesus Christ Superstar. It just shines through anyway. And the projection is going on.
But the point is, in meditation, is you come back and retire in the state of the bulb. So you go back from your thinking fearing mind to the mind that is the light. You go back and retire. In fact, in meditation, what you really do in meditation, you retire into your ālaya. You retire into your how do you say?
The the light, you retire there. Then from that ground you have the rikpa, you know, the awareness. You understand? And to to get used to your light, not with darkness then in the post meditation one should be a child of illusion that’s like you take the that you unscrew that bulb put it into your torchlight whenever dark situation comes your flash on. That should be a child of illusion.
That’s a simplified way of putting the lojong, simplified way. So that examination of looking at the four slogans of absolute bodhicitta is a very good way of enriching the understanding of things and creating the basic generosity of understanding. Also, think in your case, there’s a lack of generosity.