Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. Opening with the observation that some people go to bed well and are found dead by morning, Khensur Rinpoche builds in this 79-minute talk a complete case for patience as the essential daily practice. He starts with a morning motivation — greeting each day with gratitude, resolving to help rather than harm — then turns to anger as the central obstacle to a good life. He maps nine doors through which anger arises (harm to self, to loved ones, and help given to enemies, each across past, present, and future), traces its consequences through destroyed merit and bad rebirths, and offers a key doctrinal reframe: others’ harmful actions are the ripening of our own past deeds — we set the target; the arrow simply finds it. A brief Q&A covers how to sustain patience toward someone persistently hostile.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 40 1999 08 15 PT Tolerance.mp3
UUID: e39da423-41ee-4f05-b297-9274d59b30c3
Teacher: Khensur Rinpoche
Collection: Public Talks 1988-2003 (Khensur Rinpoche)
Date: 1999-08-15
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 79.2 minutes
Words: ~4,301
The importance of how to live a good life. So in general, the there are numbers of sentient beings or different different creatures living in this universe or this mother earth. And among the among the among the sentient beings the the human being are the one sentient being which are considered to be most fortunate and important. human beings are the most fortunate beings in this world because they have intelligence and they have a knowledge to use, make use of this present life. And if they are able to use it in the proper way then they have a probability and capability of achieving a state of happiness where there is no suffering at all.
So we have a body and a mind and if one make use of that mind or direct that mind in a positive side and train that mind very train that mind well, one can make use of that mind to attain or abandon all these sufferings. So as human beings, having this precious body and mind, which has a huge capability of attaining such a state of ultimate happiness and overcoming sufferings — knowing that one has such a precious body and mind — it is very important to use it in a positive or right way. So it’s very important to lead a very good life. So the way of leading a good life is, say, every morning you wake up and at the time you wake up you should think that you are very fortunate to have the chance to wake up again still alive and finding it very important and think that one is fortunate or lucky to have, I mean, still alive in the morning because there are many people who died, who I mean, who were fine at the night, mean, leave of the night or the night and next morning they found dead in the bed.
So by knowing this be these certain deaths or instant deaths, by knowing this that it had not occurred to you, rejoice and one should feel happy. So at the very morning, at the time you wake up, feel yourself very fortunate to still be alive and then feel rejoice and then develop the motivation that I should live a very good life. And by arousing such a motivation, one also develops the intention that one will use one’s mind and body to benefit others as much as one can, and also thinking that one will not bring any harm — if one cannot bring help, at least think that one should not harm others, including all sentient beings. If one develops such a motivation, then that such a motivation is very, very useful and beneficial. So developing such a motivation from the the early morning is very important because if one has developed a negative motivation like harming others then due to bad influence or due to that motivation one will or one is likely to involve in a bad actions which a bad action ends and by performing such action it will bring a difficulty or a suffering.
So developing a proper motivation from the very morning is very important, and on top of that motivation one should do a meditation and so forth, which are also very helpful. So along with such a proper, good motivation, one should then go to one’s work. Due to that motivation one will be able to work very well and maintain peace and harmony with colleagues, and by doing this, it will bring health and happiness for both oneself and others. So, it’s very important to develop a kind heartedness and kind heart and being kind heartedness and always maintain a good behavior that one should not show any harsh physical gesture and also I’m using harsh words with intention of harming others, should never involve or try not to do such actions. So it is very important on these skills or these actions are very important to have a happy to have happy life or only happy in this life because if one is very harmonious and very very communicative in the positive way to others then by having such skills everyone will very likely to be in touch with you and will like you and always be happy with being with you.
So these skills are the main causes of happiness in this life. So at this time of the era there are many things happening in this world and the science of the world is developing. And because of that development of science, many things have been produced and invented which are very helpful to us and which make life easier. So the external sciences are developing in this world and inventing many things which bring help to us. Along with it, it’s also important for one to develop one’s inner mind along with these external advances, making it richer and keeping peace with these advances, and if one can do that then it would be even more helpful or more beneficial.
But the development of external science is very helpful to overcome the sufferings of this present life and attain the happiness of this life. Yet the quality of the inner mind is even more, even better than the external science, because it gives and provides happiness in both this life as well as after death. So it’s very important to develop the inner quality or develop one’s train one’s mind because if one by having a developed or inner quality then one one will always be in peace and have kind heartedness and due to that have happiness all the time. So to to have a good happiness and peaceful and harmonies one should maintain, develop one’s, direct one’s mind in a positive way and develop the inner qualities. And so if one fails to develop such inner quality or develop the quality of one’s mind, then because of that, one will not likely direct one’s mind in a positive way but is likely to engage in bad things, and due to that one will have less happiness and a disturbed mind and cannot maintain peace and harmony.
No? In harmony. No? So the most important thing is to train one’s mind, and it’s very helpful to develop that inner quality. For example, if one has a good inner quality or a trained mind, even if one has a physical illness which causes huge pain, having such a mind helps one reduce the physical pain.
And if one does not have such a quality or a trained mind, then even a very slight physical illness which gives a small pain, with the additional mental distress, makes that little pain into huge pain. So it is very important to maintain tolerance or practice patience in this life, especially with regard to anger. So I’ll speak something more about patience or tolerance. Leading a good life and living in harmony with others is very important, and what prevents us from doing such is anger — it is the anger which causes us problems or pushes us away from all this harmony.
So there are many ways of getting angry. For example, there are three ways it comes through one’s way of thinking. There is a way of developing anger by thinking that such and such person has harmed me in the past, and by thinking that a person is harming right now, or that the person might harm me in the future. So by directing the mind in these three thoughts, one develops anger. And another way of getting angry is by thinking not about oneself but about one’s dear ones, saying that such a person has caused harm for my partner or my relatives and they are harming them and they will cause problems. By directing the mind in that way, it also makes you get angry. And another way of getting angry is by seeing other people helping one’s enemy — a person whom one dislikes — and seeing that this other person is helping one’s enemy to develop and progress in every field, and that he helps him now and will help him in future as well. Thinking in that way also develops anger.
Actually, there are many doors to develop anger. But in general speaking, in the major part, it has been set out as three times three, or nine main doors of developing anger, which are divided into past, present, and future — thinking of harm caused to oneself, harm to one’s dear ones, and seeing someone helping one’s enemy. So these are the three main categories, nine main ways of developing anger. Actually there are many more; for example, some people don’t really need others to make them angry — one just simply gets angry by oneself, just by feeling or knowing that a hot wind blows. Just by having that, one develops anger, so there are many. So in general there are many negative thoughts or negative intentions which act as obstacles or harms to one leading a meaningful life. Among these there are many like attachment and hatred and so forth. But among these, the main one is anger — anger is the greatest harm or obstacle for one to lead a meaningful life.
So anger is the main obstacle and causes harm to leading a meaningful life. Because when one has anger, during that time there is no peace and happiness within oneself or in one’s mind. Because of that anger, the mind has been shaken or disturbed by the anger, and due to that there is no independence for the mind — the mind has been controlled by the anger — and due to that one will lose one’s control over the mind. And there is the danger of not only saying harsh words to the person one dislikes, but also using very harsh words to the dear ones whom one truly likes. So because one has lost all control and the mind has been overruled by the anger, as a result one will lose one’s happiness also.
Not only that, it destroys others’ happiness as well. So there are huge disadvantages of developing anger or getting angry, because by getting angry one not only destroys the happiness of both oneself and others, it also destroys the causes of happiness which one has cultivated in the past. For example, the virtuous actions which one has performed in the past like doing meditation, practicing generosity, and helping others, and so forth — the power of that anger also destroys the benefit of those meditations and so forth. And if one was going to enjoy a huge result, it will reduce the amount of that result. And if one has cultivated the causes for long-term happiness, anger also acts as an obstacle to reduce the duration of experiencing that happiness.
So that means that anger is the main cause and it also destroys one’s sources of happiness as well. So there are lots and lots of disadvantages of developing anger, and by developing anger, one will have problems, unhappiness, or suffering in the future, which will also act as a cause to experience huge suffering in future lives. So anger is the main cause for unhappiness as well. And also the result of developing anger is that one will have a bad rebirth in the next lives — the result of developing anger will be that one is born as an animal or type of animal which is short-tempered and gets angry very easily, like snakes or scorpions and so forth. And also not only that, one will be born in a place where everything is difficult and short-tempered, and due to that one undergoes problems and suffering for years and years.
And not only that, one will also have very awful physical appearances in the next life as well. It is true because you can see like, you can see this in this present life itself because if you look at a person who is not angry, then you can see how peaceful he is. You can see him very nice and not you don’t need to mention about his mind. Spirit calm, calm and and his faces are very nice. And if you look at an angry person, his mind his mind is all, I mean, completely disturbed.
And you can see his face looks very awful. When someone knows another person is angry, other people just don’t want to look at his face because they recognize the angry face. So due to that it is certainly true that by developing anger one will not have good physical appearances in the next life as well. It is the mind that is the main cause, because when our minds change, it also acts to influence the physical appearance to change.
For example, if you know someone is angry and suddenly you came to know in your mind, oh, he’s angry and then suddenly that mind talks to or give a message to the eyes that, oh, he’s angry, don’t look at him. So it’s like avoiding people when someone is angry then everyone it’s been avoided by others. So these are all, these are the main disadvantages of having, getting angry or developing anger. And because of getting angry or being a very angry person then people start avoiding you, and due to that you start losing your companions or your friends, and sooner or later you will find yourself in loneliness. And due to that, one one feels loneliness.
And by feeling loneliness, one becomes very unhappy. And then there’s likely a danger of using drugs and so forth to keep yourself company. And after that, for the worst, one might commit suicide. So there are many so there are huge of disadvantages of developing anger. So it is very important to overcome the anger in general. So for the method of overcoming anger in the Buddhist teachings, we always say that patience or tolerance is the one which acts as an antidote towards anger.
So anger mainly comes from the physical gestures or actions of other beings, and sometimes anger also comes from being so greedy that one cannot attain or get what one wishes, and by not getting what one wishes, then one gets angry or upset. So they are the main two ways of get I mean, getting angry. So one gets angry by seeing the gesture of the other people in unlikely way or not appealing way and then also hearing a harsh words from others. But actually the fact is that those physical gesture or those harsh speech or words cannot actually harm or cause harm one’s mind if one one if one can control one’s mind because it entirely depends on one mind. If one sees, maintain the peace within one’s mind and no matter what one hears or what one sees and one being able to maintain one’s mind calm and seeing that they are not harming me, it’s alright, then by seeing, by having maintaining such a motivation or such a thought within one’s mind, no matter how they act, everything they act becomes very appealing or will not able to harm one’s mind.
And if one cannot maintain such a peaceful state of mind, then by seeing other people’s gestures and hearing harsh words, and on top of that one’s mind thinks, oh, now he’s started trying to harm me, or he’s harming me, and so forth — thinking this, then every action they perform becomes very awful to one and makes one feel disturbed. And due to that it mainly depends on one’s mind. All these things — physical gestures or harsh words — are fabrications of one’s mind. If one thinks they are harming me, then indeed everything they do appears to be harming you, and what they say becomes harsh words.
So if you don’t, if your mind has been peace and so forth peace and and peaceful, then no matter what they act, it won’t become harm to you. All of this — what we think in this way: I have never harmed such and such person. But I don’t know why he is doing this. He is always harming me. And by thinking this, one sees him as always causing you suffering or a problem.
By thinking that way, one gets angry. But the fact is if one analyzes whether it is true that one has not harmed them but they’re causing one harm — if one investigates that thought, it is not true. One will come to know that it’s not true because what the Buddhist teachings say is that it may be true that one has not harmed a person in this life, in this present lifetime itself, but in the beginning in the past all these problems of getting angry or the sufferings one gets from others are the result of causing harm and giving hardship to that person in previous lives. So what we say is the fact is that one has harmed such a person. If one didn’t harm them in this life, one definitely has harmed them in previous lives. So what you need to do here is that one should always maintain or develop patience towards others when others are causing harm to you. Think in such a way: there is nothing to blame — the person is not at fault for harming me, because it is my fault. Say a person has hit you on the head with a stick or whatever — think that it is my fault because I have harmed him or her in the previous lives and due to that now I am receiving the result of doing such in the past. And it is like thinking that I am the one who set up the target for the arrow. So I set up the target in previous lives and now this time I become the target and the person is holding the arrow, so the arrow has to shoot the target. This is just the nature of it — I am experiencing the result of my fault in the past.
So by thinking that way one can maintain maintain or develop patience or tolerance. So one should develop the thought: one should not think that he has harmed me. Instead one should think, oh, he has helped me — because by hitting a stick on my head, he has let me ripen the result of my negative action in this particular lifetime itself. This hitting on my head now clarifies and purifies one of my faults in the past. And by thinking that, you should thank him and think, oh, he really helped me. Because if he didn’t hit me that stick on my head, then I might not have clarified or purified that negative past action, and it may have brought me to a lower state in the next life. So think that way — it has been very helpful to be hit, to purify my faults. So think that this person has helped me. And also develop compassion for him — thinking that he has helped me but he himself has cultivated a very bad action, which will act as a cause for him to have a lower rebirth in the next life, and by being born in lower states in the next lives, he will have to undergo through huge suffering. By thinking that, instead of getting angry at him, one should develop compassion for him.
So instead of thinking he harmed me, you should give thanks. You should thank him for what he did to you. So if you if you if you think in such way then one will one will one will able to maintain tolerance one can tolerate to others and also can practice patience very well. For example, the great master Buddha Śākyamūni has stated that one should not get angry at the person, thinking that the person will never truly harm you because he has been a parent to you many times in your previous lives and he will never truly harm you. And why he hit you is because it’s not his intention — it was anger that compelled him to hit you. He had no independence; he was completely under the influence of anger, and so due to that he hit you. One should not get angry at him by thinking that it was not his fault.
It was that anger. So one should develop, instead of feeling harmed or angry, compassion — like a mother, for example. A mother has a single son and that child is mentally sick, like a crazy or mad person, and having these mental problems, the mother will always have love and compassion towards her only son and always go to see him at any time. And so she knows that the son has been controlled by such and such illness and he has no independence. And so she always approaches him and one day he might hit her on the head with a stick, and instead of getting angry at him, what she will develop is more compassion towards him — thinking it’s not him. He didn’t harm me, she will think, because he has no choice: the disease has captured him and caused him to hit me. So instead of getting angry, she develops more compassion towards him. So likewise one should maintain compassion towards others rather than getting angry. Okay. Yeah, so we’ll stop here and and accept a few questions if you’re here.
I’m very willing to take a few questions, but if you don’t have any, it’s not compulsory. Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. The best thing is to run, escape. It’s like when someone is approaching you intending to kill you, and the best thing is to try to negotiate with them, to maintain peace, consulting them and saying, no, this is not the right thing to do, and asking them to stop, using a surrendering hand gesture. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. I can’t have an exact Tibetan word for that, but I’ll try my best. This is what Being Being a victim, yeah. Yeah, okay.
So, you mean, is there any difference in these things? Yeah, there’s definitely no difference in patience and tolerance or Yeah. I’m explaining that say Anthony is my victim, you know. So taking advantage of — I don’t really understand what you mean.
My country. Yeah. No. No. So the way — we use tolerance and patience as one word. So maintaining patience is like, say I harmed Anthony, and by Anthony maintaining himself undisturbed and still in a normal state or at peace —
So that is called the patient or tolerance which we describe here. So the definition of patience is not responding harshly, and maintaining our mind undisturbed — keeping the peace — is called patience. So, as we said, not responding harshly doesn’t mean one should not respond to him. It means one should give an answer or respond. The way of responding is with kind-heartedness, with a kind heart, and developing compassion — developing love and compassion towards that person is the answer of repaying for his getting angry.
I’m making you that angry, actually. No. No. Sorry. He’s getting angry towards you.
Sorry. By developing love and compassion towards him, not only will he receive the benefits — for you, in having developed such love and compassion within oneself, one also receives huge benefits from it. It helps both oneself and others. Opposite to that, if one becomes angry, then it causes unhappiness and puts oneself in distress. And if one gets too angry, then there’s the danger of fighting with each other, even hitting.
At this time in the world, the people are so greedy and they want too much, and as the result of being too greedy, they can’t get what they wish and due to that they start using weapons like bombs and guns and so forth and destroy people, countries, and places. So it is more or less like everyone in the world is getting crazy or mad. So these are the results of getting and developing anger which cause unhappiness for oneself, for others, for country, or for place, the world itself. And today, Australia is very, very good. Yeah.
At this stage, Australia is very good, not too bad. Okay. Yeah. Think it yeah. It’s, I mean one should maintain, compassion and love towards the person who gets angry to you continuously.
But it’s be sure that the person will not be angry at you whole twenty four hours. He I mean, and the person has a period of very peaceful mind for a certain time. So and the best thing is to, so while he’s in calm or peace you should, I mean the best thing is to try to deal with him and when he’s not his mind is not disturbed, just talk to him. Say, I mean, what makes you feel angry to me? Just find the basis or the cause which makes him to get angry on you.
So there is a kind of work you can do, like communicating with that person to find out the main cause of their getting angry. And then by finding that, you may find that the foundation of that anger or angry and you can avoid that. It means you can avoid the person or stop person getting angry towards you. The best thing is to communicate while he’s in peace. Yeah.
Okay. Yes. Alright. So we’ll do the dedication prayers.