Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. Ven Sanghy Khandro examines two unhealthy attitudes toward death in this 6-minute talk: excessive fear that leads to denial, and careless dismissal of it as inevitable and manageable. An earthquake in her younger years revealed her own hidden terror, prompting her investigation into Buddhist approaches to dying. She argues that approaching death with openness and preparation allows it to become a time of learning and growth, not fear. She illustrates this with Imelda McKim, a Buddhist center director who died of cancer in 1997 and found her final months brought the greatest happiness of her life through dedicated practice. With proper training, Khandro concludes, a peaceful and dignified death is possible for anyone.
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File metadata (for organising)
File: 1.02 Attitudes About Death.mp3
UUID: e5b06b1d-a6cc-46fc-ac2a-a136d0f3168f
Teacher: Ven Sanghy Khandro aka Kathleen McDonald
Collection: Heart advice (Ven Sanghy Khandro aka Kathleen McDonald)
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 6.3 minutes
Words: ~989
So, in this session, we’re going to look at attitudes that we may have with regard to this whole subject of death and dying, what Buddhism has to say about death and dying, And starting to look at a meditation that we can use to help us have more positive and realistic attitudes about death and dying and be more prepared for it when it happens to us. So death is a subject that many people don’t like to hear about or talk about or even think about. It’s often considered a taboo subject. Why is that? After all, whether we like it or not, each and every one of us will have to die one day.
And even before we have to face our own death, we will most probably have to face the deaths of other people such as our family members, friends, people we work with, and so on. Death is a reality, a fact of life. So wouldn’t it be better to approach it with openness and acceptance rather than fear and denial and avoidance? Maybe the discomfort we have towards death is because we think that it will be a terrible, painful and depressing experience. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Many people die without pain, without fear, without any problems or difficulties. And in fact, dying can be a time of learning and growth. A time of deepening our love, our awareness of what is important in life, and our faith and commitment to spiritual beliefs and practices. Let’s look at the example of Imelda McKim, who is the director of a Buddhist center in Brisbane, Australia. She died of lung cancer in nineteen ninety seven.
Two months before her death, she wrote in a letter to her spiritual teacher, Lama Zopa Rinpoche. Although I am dying, this is the happiest time of my life. For a long time, life seemed so hard, so difficult. But when really recognizing death, it turned into the greatest happiness. I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on their own death, the great happiness that comes with having recognized impermanence in death.
This is quite surprising and unexpected and extremely joyful. It is the greatest happiness of my whole life, the greatest adventure, and the greatest party. Imelda spent the last few months of her life dedicating herself to spiritual practice. At the time of her death, her mind was peaceful, and she was surrounded by family and friends praying for her. There are many similar stories of lamas, monks, nuns, spiritual practitioners, and just ordinary people who are able to face death with serenity and dignity, and in some cases are even able to remain in a state of meditation during and after their death.
With the proper training and preparation, a peaceful and positive death is possible for each and every one of us. It’s very helpful to examine the thoughts, feelings and attitudes that we have with regard to death and dying to see whether they’re realistic and healthy or not. For example, how do you feel when you read or hear the news of a disaster where many people were killed suddenly and unexpectedly? How do you feel when you hear that one of your own family members or friends has died or been diagnosed with cancer? How do you feel when you see a hearse or drive past a cemetery?
What do you think it will be like to die? And what do you think happens beyond this life on the other side of death? There are two attitudes which people sometimes have towards death which are particularly unhealthy and we should be on the lookout for. One of these is to be excessively frightened, even panic stricken about death, thinking that it will be a horrible, painful experience or that it means total annihilation. This kind of fear can lead to denial and wanting to avoid thinking or talking about death.
Is that a good idea, considering the fact that we will have to go through it one day? Wouldn’t it be better to accept the reality of death and learn how to overcome our fears and be prepared for it when it happens? The other unhealthy attitude is a kind of careless, flippant one. Where we might think I don’t have any fear of death. I know I’ll have to die one day but it will be okay.
I can handle it. I actually had this attitude myself when I was younger. But one day I sat through an earthquake and for a few moments I really believed I was gonna die. And then I discovered that I had been wrong. In fact, I was terrified of death and totally unprepared for it, totally unable to put my mind into any kind of peaceful positive state.
So that was a really valuable experience, a great lesson for me. And Sogyal Rinpoche in his book, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, a Tibetan master who said, People often make the mistake of being frivolous about death and think, oh, well, death happens to everyone. It’s not a big deal. It’s natural. I’ll be fine.
That’s a nice theory until one is dying. So if you notice that you have either of these two attitudes, it might be a good idea to do more research into what death is all about. More knowledge of death and dying will help decrease the fear of death because we tend to be afraid of the unknown, things that we don’t really understand. So if we can understand more about death that can help decrease our fear of it. And doing this will also be helpful for those who have a flippant attitude about death to realize that death is something we need to take seriously, something to be concerned about and they’ll realize how important it is to be prepared for it.