Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 46-minute talk, Ven Pende Hawter offers concrete guidance for helping someone who is dying or approaching death, drawing on Buddhist and universal principles. He opens with tonglen meditation—taking in suffering as black smoke to dissolve selfishness, breathing out white light as healing and happiness to all beings—and explains how the dying can transform pain into compassion. He then divides approaches by two dimensions: consciousness (helping the conscious versus unconscious) and faith (working with the religious versus non-religious). For Buddhist practitioners, he walks through specific practices including reciting the names of the thirty-five Buddhas, visualizing Medicine Buddha transforming into Amitābha, practicing phowa (consciousness transference), and placing blessed objects on the body or mantras in the room. He offers practical suggestions for unobtrusive support in secular settings—reciting mantras quietly, placing written mantras on cloth or the body, and creating calm environments with images or music. Throughout, he emphasizes that the crucial factor is the dying person’s state of mind at death: cultivating compassion, positive thoughts toward the guru or Buddha, and remembering that pain can become the path to enlightenment. He warns firmly against imposing unwanted spiritual ideas on the dying, illustrating with a story of a fundamentalist visitor agitating a patient. Pitched at both Buddhist practitioners and those supporting dying people of various faiths.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 09 D and D 1994 11 13.mp3
UUID: 26c09d7f-e0f2-4f81-b6a9-f76412185ea3
Teacher: Ven Pende Hawter
Collection: Death and Dying (Ven Pende Hawter)
Date: 1994-11-13
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 45.9 minutes
Words: ~6,094
Black rock of, selfishness at your heart, it it completely smashes it because, the antidote to selfishness is compassion. So the way to smash, if you like, our selfishness is to develop compassion. So as we take on the suffering of others in the form of black smoke, it smashes that black rock of selfishness at our heart, which then disappears to the ends of the earth to enter space. At the same time, once that black rock is smashed, then that the opens us up to all of that white light healing energy within us. So as we breathe out, we visualize breathing out white light, which goes to all of those other living beings and brings them both temporal and ultimate happiness.
In it, in other words, it brings them everything they want to to make them comfortable and happy, any material possessions or anything they want. It also brings them the the ultimate permanent type of happiness that comes from ultimately from the spiritual teachings, from the Dharma. So we give them every temporal happiness and we give them the ultimate happiness that comes from from the Dharma. So giving them happiness and the causes of happiness is what it amounts to in the form of white light. So taking on their suffering in the form of black smoke, sending out that happiness, the ultimate happiness in the form of white light.
This technique can also be combined with the recitation of words or mantra with the breath. For instance, often when I when I do this technique, I’ll combine it with one of the mantras. So for instance, on the in breath if you use the mantra of the Buddha of compassion, on the in breath, on the out breath, this this is, if you like, the perfect mantra to do with this exercise because it’s the mantra of the Buddha of compassion. So you recite the, take in the black smoke, breathe out. As you breathe out the white light, recite yourself.
Visualize taking suffering and the causes of suffering of all living beings and breathing out happiness and the cause of happiness, which is the dharma to all living beings. We now visualize that every living being around us, all of the countless living beings around us have all been completely purified of all their sufferings, pain, problems, and have all been led to this state of ultimate peace and happiness. So we feel a sense of, of of joy, of rejoicing that we’ve been able to lead all of these beings to this state of ultimate peace and happiness. And we can relate this to the Buddhist teachings on the Sūtra path and the Tantric path. The Sūtra path is called the causal path because over a period of a very long period of time, through countless great eons, we create the causes to become enlightened.
But the tantric path is called the resultant path because we visualize that we are already enlightened and we already have the ability to lead all other beings to enlightenment. So the type of meditation we just did, if you like, where you imagine that you’ve just led all other beings to enlightenment and that you yourself are enlightened is like a meditation of the resultant path. And because we were visualizing we already have attained the result, the benefit to the mind is very great, and it’s one one reason why tantric is called the quick path. Again now just focusing on the white light coming down through your crown and again completely filling your own body with this white healing light energy. Again just focusing on that, your own inner healing.
One of the most powerful meditations we can get someone who’s sick or dying to do is a meditation whereby they use their sickness or pain or problem as a way of generating compassion for others. So if a person can generate the thought by me experiencing this pain or sickness, this problem, may that create the cause for others not to have this pain or sickness or problem. By me having this AIDS may that create the cause for everyone else in the world to be free of AIDS and have good health and a long life. By me having this pain, this pain from cancer may that create the cause for everyone else in the world never to have pain and to have good health and a long life. And if people can, if a person who is sick with some problem can learn to do that, it can turn around the problem, the pain, which a person normally is very caught up in and consumed by, if you like, and can only think of their own suffering.
It turns it around and brings it into the path of compassion. So the problem then becomes the fertilizer for compassion. And it’s like the because sometimes you make the analogy it’s the analogy in a sense of of the Buddhist image of the lotus, the Buddhist symbol of the lotus. It’s like the lotus, just as the lotus grows out of the mud, out of something dirty into this beautiful lotus. So within our mind, with all the confusion, etcetera, is the potential to obtain something beautiful to grow.
And it’s a bit like, you can say out of you can even be a bit more gross if you like and say out of the shit of the mind, something beautiful can grow. So out of the the pain, the confusion of our situation, then compassion can grow. We can use that to develop compassion. I want to show you an amusing poster. It’s it’s well known, of course, that we’re born alone and we die alone, and it’s only our own mind can help us at the time of death.
Others people can’t help us or go with us at the time of death. And I was very amused years ago, driving along the street, and this poster caught my eye. And I went and asked the man at the post office if I could have it in the days when I was known as Ken. And this poster I saw on It’s a Sunday Sign, and it says, Queensland grief, why Ken must die alone? And I was most amused by it, and I went back and asked the man if I could have it.
Thought I was a bit funny, but it was it was actually a story about I think it was an English fellow called Ken who was living in Queensland, and something like his sister in England wasn’t allowed to come out to visit him or or vice versa, something like that. And so it was why Ken had to die out. So I like that. The other thing Barbara showed me, she has an amazing book before lunch, and I’m gonna pass it around because it’s there’s one image here that all of these are just amazing images in this book. Don’t be tempted to look at the whole book.
And there’s an image here called dying and it’s a very it’s just an amazing image. And it shows a person lying there dying, and the sort of the soul the consciousness is rising up through the crown of the head and going up to this brilliant white light. Just if just from where you are, you can see this image. Quite amazing image, striking image. So I’ll pass it around.
You can just have a look at it sort of in your own time a bit more closely. It’s a very striking image. So this afternoon, I’m going to talk a little bit about ways that we can help somebody who’s dying at last. There’s probably some of you came just for this. And in summary, we can say we can divide people into into certain groups so there’s two main groupings that I’m going to talk about.
The first group is those who are conscious as opposed to those who are unconscious, how you help the conscious as opposed to the unconscious. And the second grouping is those who have a religious faith as opposed to those who don’t have a religious faith. And in summary, with the first groups, those who are conscious versus those who are unconscious, if a person is conscious and you’re trying to help them, then you try and get them to do the particular practices or or think the the particular thoughts. If a person’s unconscious, in effect, you have to do it for them. And we’ll talk more about religious versus nonreligious shortly.
Now what I’m going to do is to first talk a little bit about practices that are specifically Buddhist, because I’m aware that a number of people here are here because you’re a Buddhist and you want to know Buddhist methods to help those who are dying, perhaps Buddhist practitioners. Although the principles here, of course, can be translated into other faiths. So when I talk about reciting mantras into the person’s ear, then you could just translate that into reciting Jesus’ prayer or the Lord’s prayer into the person’s ear. So and then I’ll talk more about more general types of ways to help people who are dying. So specifically spiritual practices or practices relating even to Tibetan Buddhism.
So when someone’s dying or has died, then the sort of the general types of prayers that we do. So prayers like refuge, bodhicitta, special bodhicitta, the prayer of the four immeasurables, those those types of general prayers, perhaps even mandala offering, those general prayers that we would perhaps do at the beginning of teachings, prayers that the person may be familiar with, but certainly prayers that can uplift and inspire the mind. Many of these are actually practices recommended by Lama Zopa Rinpoche in particular, but also other Lamas, and perhaps even there’s other practices that some of you will know that you’ve had from other teachers, specifically Buddhist practices. Then, Lama Zopa says it’s good, one good practice to do is the visualization or the recitation of the thirty five Buddhas, the confessional prayer to the thirty five Buddhas, and visualize the purifying nectar coming from the thirty five Buddhas into the person and completely purifying all of their negativity. Again, perhaps in translating this into, say, Christian terms, you you visualize perhaps Jesus or Mary and again or some other saint and visualizing that healing purifying energy coming through the person.
Again recitation of the seven-limb prayer and mandala offering, short or long mandala offering. And then one one practice Lama Zopa talks about a lot as a specific healing practice for the person who’s died or is dying is a practice involving the medicine Buddha. So he talks about visualizing the seven Medicine Buddhas above the dying person or the dead person’s crown and then perhaps while reciting the names of those Buddhas each of them absorbs into the one below. Those who are familiar with Medicine Buddha practice will be quite familiar with with this. Each Buddha absorbing each Medicine Buddha absorbing into the one below until that comes down to the main Medicine Buddha, the central Medicine Buddha, reciting their names, perhaps reciting each of their names seven times as you do in the Sadhana.
And then the central Medicine Buddha transforms into Amitābha, Amitābha being the Buddha of long life or infinite life. Hang on. Sorry. Infinite light. Amitayus is infinite life.
So the Buddha of infinite light. And many of you will be familiar with those figures, others of you won’t. The specific meditational deities related to, in particular, the Powa practice and probably what Khensur Rinpoche teaches in two weeks time will be related to the Amitābha Powa almost certainly. And so I might even pass these around, just images of Amitābha and Amitayus. They’re different aspects of no.
They’re not quite different aspects. You can think of them as different aspects of the same being. Perhaps one is in the Nirmānakāya aspect and the other is in the Sambhogakāya aspect. But, Amitābha is the Buddha of infinite light and Amitayas is the Buddha of infinite life. And Amitayus is one of the three main long life deities in Tibetan Buddhism along with White Tārā and Namgyalma or otherwise known as Ushnisha Vijaya.
And those are specific long life practices that would often be given to somebody where the lama says that there is an obstacle to the life, a threat to the life force, and often then to counteract well, I may have time to talk about this later, but there’s two or three different indications or things that can cause life to finish. There’s an exhaustion of lifespan, an exhaustion of, merit or positive energy, and an and an exhaustion of karma or or a lot of negativity that’s ripening. And the specific antidotes to each of those three things. So for instance, one of the antidotes to an exhaustion of lifespan is to do one of these long life deity practices. So I’ll just pass those around.
That’s Medicine Buddha. Okay, so Medicine Buddha there as well on the cover, so I’ll pass those around just so at least people can see those images. Medicine Buddha absorbs into transforms into Amitābha and then you can do the basic type of PoWA visualization. So you would then visualize for instance the person’s consciousness shooting up from their heart. Well, you visualize Amitābha above the person’s crown with an unobstructed tube of light going from Amitābha’s heart down to the heart of the person who’s died and at their heart is their very subtle consciousness in the form of a very tiny white drop, a white reddish drop at the heart and you visualize that drop, their life force or their very subtle mind shooting up this channel, this tube of light into the heart of Amitābha and if we have time later we’ll talk a little bit more about that practice.
Remember earlier today we did the meditation of the different subtle channels so this is a slightly different visualization of just the one channel and the very subtle mind shooting up to Amitābha’s heart. Other practices is to dedicate any positive energy from for what you’re doing for the person towards their happy rebirth. But in particular, the sort of prayer you would make for someone who’s died and that I always use at funerals is a prayer that, you know, through any positive energy that’s been generated, may that person quickly take a happy rebirth and meet with spiritual teachers in a spiritual path so that they can quickly achieve enlightenment for the benefit of others. So that’s like the ideal scenario or the thing that you you have the wish for that person to achieve. There’s quite a long prayer called the king of prayers.
It’s it’s pages long and a very extensive prayer, and Lama Zopa says it’s very good to do this for someone who’s died. And in September, he repeated that this was this is a very good very good prayer to do at funerals, Buddhist funerals, and even to give everybody a copy and encourage them to read this prayer together. And, again, in in future, I intend to do that at funerals. It’s good to do the Guru Puja as we did here last night possibly integrated with Vajrasattva practice and this practice of the thirty five confessional Buddhas. Now all of that can be a little bit complicated, so as an alternative you can just simply visualize Guru Śākyamūni Buddha above the person’s crown because that’s an image that’s very well recognized and it’s a simpler sort of image and most people are familiar with it, so you can just visualize that image above the person’s crown and the consciousness shooting up into the heart of Guru Śākyamūni Buddha.
I’ll be saying a little bit more about later again with the Pohwa practice that’s something that a person can learn themselves as as you’ll be doing in a couple of weeks time and so ideally if you’re working with someone who is sick and perhaps approaching death if they can learn this PoWa practice, this transference practice while they’re alive that’s ideal. One of our who was it now? Oh, that’s right. One one of our patients at the moment who who a lady who’s dying of AIDS and is extremely keen to embrace Buddhism and to have a Buddha’s funeral. It’s the sort of practice I would try and teach her a little bit before she dies.
And one of our Dharma students from Chenrezig who is currently doing our volunteer training course and who is absolutely terrified of death, has some terrible fear of death and wasn’t in good shape after my death meditation last week during the volunteer training course and other things that happened that day, but a real fear of death and he’s asked me to teach him this technique to help him to overcome that fear of dying. So ideally for the person, you know, if they can to learn that practice before they die so that a person can do it themselves. Otherwise, it can be done by a lama or someone with with some realizations for on their behalf when they die. I think I showed you yesterday these small money pills, these blessed pills of Chenrezig which is good to put in the person’s mouth before they die. And then one of the main practices we can do for anybody who’s sick or dying is to recite mantras or prayers into the person’s ear.
And we can use any there’s many different types of mantra we can do, perhaps anything we’re familiar with, but some of the ones that are recommended is Guru Śākyamūni Buddha’s mantra, Medicine Buddha mantra, Chenrezig mantra. One that’s probably very important is the name mantra of their guru. All of the Tibetan lamas have their own particular name mantra and some of you will perhaps know the name mantra of Khensur Rinpoche. Is that is that true? Do some of you know that?
Have you ever asked him or been given that? It’s been given. It’s been given? So for instance, if you have a devotion to a particular teacher then or sorry, if if someone is dying and they’re connected with the teacher then it would be very good to recite the name mantra of their guru into into their ear. As I said, one of the best practices of Pohwa are the best thoughts you can have when you’re dying is to have the image of your guru uppermost in your mind.
That will certainly throw you into a better type of rebirth and and keep that connection with that teacher in future lives. Maitreya mantra. And it’s a mantra that’s often mentioned, and Lama Zopa often it’s one that I’ve never memorized, I must admit, but it’s Om Ah Hum Guru Vajra Sarva siddhi Phala Ho. And then there’s another mantra which is often recommended as being very beneficial, and I think it’s called the wish granting wheel mantra, Om Padme Vimale Hum Phat and that’s one that’s often recommended for some reason. Anyway, any different any mantras that you know or are familiar with, the one I most commonly use is Medicine Buddha Mantra.
It seems to come automatically and seems quite suitable. So if a person has a religious faith, then placing images, perhaps setting up a little altar at the person’s bedside is probably something many of you do anyway if the person has a spiritual faith of any religion. But say for a Buddhist, placing images of Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, their teachers, in particular their teachers, the Dalai Lama, etcetera, near them so that that image is is with them all the time. Anything to remind them of their faith and their practice. Now again this relates to any philosophy but it said it’s very good to play any religious implements that may invoke faith.
So whatever that might be, playing of instruments or music, recorded music, different types of pujas or practices, and of course, for a Christian, there could be any types of hymns or prayers or any anything that will invoke faith. Now this next one’s interesting. It’s recommended that when a person dies, that you place them on their right side. And it’s not something we always have to do, but perhaps, you know, when a monk or a lama dies, this is perhaps the practice that will be done. Place the person on their right side, block the right nostril with cotton cotton wool, And it’s said that it’s good to do that because the winds that move the non virtuous superstitions run through the right channel.
So by lying them on the right side and blocking the right nostril, it stops that negative energy running through the body. And it’s also said that this posture of lying on the right side, many of you are familiar with, the posture in which the Buddha passed away and many Lamas passed away, and that we’re recommended to sleep in, it’s also said to block all the other exits other than the crown. So automatically it blocks the other exits from the body where the consciousness may and therefore the consciousness in a sense will automatically leave from the crown and lead to a better type of rebirth. Now, one of the students who works in a, sort of a hospice or nursing home in Bendigo asked Lama Zopa, you know, what practices you can do that are sort of unobtrusive, that, you know, other non-Buddhist staff around aren’t going to be upset about. And then he came up with some unobtrusive practices.
So some of these things like writing Chenrezig or Medicine Buddha mantras on paper and touching the body with it, perhaps putting it on their chest, on some part of their body. And when we were at Chenrezig, Just in September, Lama Zopa wrote out he’s had it for several years, finally got copies of it. It’s what he calls the eight great mantras. Eight or ten? Eight great mantras.
Eight or ten great mantras, I think it’s ten, I’ve written eight. And he recommends that if these are placed on the person’s body at the time of death, that can help to purify their karma. I might even pass this around as well just to show you. I mean, it just looks like a lot of Tibetan writing, but these mantras have a lot of power and just just it’s it’s hard for us to understand how these things work. And again, I think there’s some leap of faith there.
Because Lama Zopa says that it works, I believe that it works because I have such faith in Lama Zopa. But I’ll pass this around, and you can have a look. I think this is the ten great mantras, and they’re very powerful mantras, even just having that on the person’s body is said to help to to purify their karma. Perhaps so, but in particular to put it on their body. You were there, weren’t you?
But it was passed out to everybody. He said, ideally put it on the person’s body when they die. Yes. Does the instructions say for how long to let the person lay off? No.
Basically, I guess it’s until the consciousness leaves because then it’s just an empty shell and it doesn’t matter. And again, I mean often it’s not convenient to do that and it’s not it’s not so crucial, it’s just it’s just one practice that may be traditionally done and and I think it’s quite okay. Most people when they die you lie them on their back that’s not a problem. It’s more how you handle the body, I think. So other unobtrusive practices, Rinpoche said to recite this mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, onto cloth or incense and leave that on the body, and that helps to purify the negative karma.
Now the next one is quite an amusing one. He said to you can or sing mantras under your breath as though you were singing to yourself, but you’re used to the tune of popular tunes. So you think of a, you know, my what’s I’m not sure what I don’t listen to the pop music much these days, but think of, you know, something that’s popular and just it as though you’re singing a song, but it just happens to be one of these mantras. Green sleeves? Yeah.
Sound of music? I mean, anything. Yes? Yes. Okay.
Is someone not being very comfortable with? Okay. And, again, I’ll be mentioning many different things here, and it’s a matter of selecting from these what feels comfortable and using whatever feels comfortable and obviously each person in the room has their own philosophy, their own beliefs and you’ll take from this and adapt to it as as suits your own situation. Now coming on perhaps to slightly more general things, I’ve talked a little bit about already about just explaining to the person what’s happening to them. So for instance, when I’m with someone who’s died then I would just quietly explain to them perhaps the various stages of the dying process, just a bit like the passage I read out actually, you know, don’t worry, you’ve now died, there’s nothing to be concerned about, just let go into the light, you may be experiencing these different visions.
Or even before the person’s died and with their relatives, if you just explain what’s going on that will take away a lot of the confusion and the fear. If you explain the dying process or just say, well the person, you know, your loved one, as they’re dying they either are or they will go through this process where the mind goes from a more external or gross level to a more subtle level and they may not recognize you or be able to talk to you but they are still very much aware that you are there. Just that explanation can be a great relief. I mean the nurses and that would do this sort of thing automatically I am sure. But just to explain the process, and that takes away that sort of confusion and fear and lack of understanding.
Incidentally, just another specifically Buddhist practice is this thing about stupas. So Lama Zopa, who now is very keen on the stupa idea, is very keen for people to when they’re dying, for instance, just to hold the stupa or to put it on different parts of their body. And and he says that because of the power and the blessings of the stupa and the mantras inside of it will very much help to purify the negative karma of the person who’s who’s dying. The stupa itself has has great power, great energy, and it can be put on their chest or their crown. And incidentally, it’s said that the Lamrim Chenmo, the great Lamrim graduated path, if that’s either in the room, if that’s even in the room with somebody who dies and Lama Zopa Rinpoche said this, that can that can act, that can transfer their consciousness, just the power of the Lam Rim Chenmo or putting it on the crown when they die.
And early this year, coming back from India, I I carried back for the various Australian centres six copies of the Lamrim Chenmos, and it’s quite a big text. I mean, it’s quite heavy and six copies weighed quite a lot. And I had it on the plane in the luggage compartment above my head, And I had this image of this compartment flying open, there’s six Lamrim Lamrim Chenmos falling on my head and killing me. And I think it would have been a really good way to go. I mean, you know, killed by six Lamrim Chemos, I think, would have certainly been a good rebirth.
And with those Lamrim Chemos, there was another bit of calm arriving on that trip because there was one stage we were waiting to go through the airport and I was carrying these six Lamrim Chenmos and I had my foot up on a chair and I had the Lamrim Chenmos resting across my thigh and when I was with another woman who’d come back with me, and and it was time to go, and she walked through. And I put my foot down, and I got this sort of this this quite sharp pain through my leg, and I sort of fell to the floor in sort of agony and clutching of these Lamrim Chenmos and sort of going down to the floor as as and she walked through and sort of looked around and wondered what was going on as I was sort of getting up, and and I sort of hobbled around for about five minutes, and then I could walk again. It must have just cut off the nerve or something in my thigh. So, obviously, some purification there with carrying the Lamrim Chenmo. Now perhaps the crucial thing with this whole discussion, as we’ve alluded to this weekend, is what is most vital, most important is the state of mind at the time of death.
And everything that we do for a dying person is related to trying to help them have the best possible state of mind at the time of death. So doing whatever we can to encourage the person to think of positive things. As said, positive qualities like love, compassion, Jesus, Buddha, their spiritual teacher, emptiness. And Lama Zopa says that that Tonglen meditation thought that we did as a meditation at the beginning of this session is especially powerful. And even if the person can mentally imagine that they’re taking on their death for the benefit of others, So by me by me experiencing this dying process, may that create the cause for all other people not to have to experience the suffering and the difficulties of the dying process?
Then even death becomes the path of compassion. I mean that’s pretty profound stuff isn’t it? So even then being happy to die as a way of developing compassion for others. So someone who’s practiced this over many many years this thought will able to arise at the time of death. If we practice that sort of thought now with small problems like, well, know, little aches and pains, headaches, mental problems, whatever it might be, it can even be tiredness, post lunch tiredness, pain in the knees, all those things.
By me experiencing this difficulty or this whatever, may that create the cause for everybody to be free of it. It’s an immensely powerful technique and also very hard to do. I mean, I have a hundred chances every day to do that technique and I forget, I have ninety seven of them. So we just have to gradually try and practice through our life. And so eventually when it comes to big things like divorces and car accidents and and those things, we can still then, you know, by me going through this awful divorce, may that create the cause for other people to have happy marriages and not to have to go through this, etc.
So everything can be brought into that path of compassion. Sorry, sir. I just wanted to say that I I also find it very useful in it’s a very equalising sort of thing and very humbling to have a sense of really being in touch with the pain that so many other thousands of people are experiencing right now. That’s where I find it very useful as well at that time. Stephen Levine has a lovely expression, he says, not to think of it as my pain but as the pain of what you’re saying.
It’s not my pain, it’s the pain, it’s the pain of the universe, it’s the pain that every living being in the world experiences. It’s not just mine, pain is something that happens universally. As I said before, if we take a human body it’s the result of karma and delusion and everybody else in the world who’s taken a human body also has a body born of karma and delusion and will inevitably experience suffering of body and mind. So our pain is a universal pain because everybody experiences that pain. So doing whatever we can to help the person to have a positive mind at the time of death.
Now there’s one very important point here related to religious people or religious ideas, and that is that we have to be very careful that we don’t push spiritual ideas onto somebody that they don’t want to hear. For example, a minister who might come in and minister or a monk who might come in and stand at the end end of the bed and start reciting prayers or blessings or something and that agitates, might agitate the person who’s dying and so that’s going to be detrimental. One of the lamas said that if you push these ideas onto someone and they don’t want to hear it and they develop anger or aversion to the spiritual teachings, that’s going to create the cause for them not to meet a spiritual path in their future lives. So rather than help them, you’re actually harming them at quite a deep level. So you have to be very careful and I mentioned almost every time I give these talks I mentioned my own experience because it’s such a vivid one of a patient I was caring for, or that we were caring for a couple of years ago, and I was at his place sitting out in the lounge and a couple of friends were visiting him, or a friend and his girlfriend who had adopted a fundamentalist religious belief and who felt, I guess, that it was their job to convert convert Tony before he died.
And so I heard Tony’s voice getting higher and higher and then he said, Pender, come here. And I went into the room, and I’m wondering what was going on. He said, get this effing so and so out of here. So I said, oh, what’ll I do now? And so I said, I’ll just assess the situation, and even then, the fellow who’s kneeling at the side of the bed leaned across and said, oh, now, Tony, one more thing now.
God still he wanted to carry on even after after this anger and this request for me to get the fellow out. And so I just sort of reminded him that he should respect Tony’s wishes. He’d ask him to leave and would he please do so. And I think I would have used force if I needed to. But anyway he left to his own accord and shook my hand as he left.
And as I often say, I mentally could see this headline in the paper, you know, Buddhist monk arrested for beating up fundamentalist Christian at bedside of Catholic patient, and would have done my reputation, reputation immeasurable harm. But luckily it worked out okay. But that was an example of an inappropriate use of religion. Motivation was okay, but totally inappropriate. And an awful example I heard of that of a similar case was years ago with one of my physio patients who had been in a horrific accident when she was a young woman twenty one or something in Brisbane a tram collided with a bus and they caught on fire.
Many people died in it and other people suffered tremendous terrible injuries. And this woman was severely burnt and spent two years in the burns unit, the first six months of which she was totally blind. A lovely part of the story is that well, she she also had a near death experience at that time that she told me about. But a lovely part of the story is that at some stage after that it occurred, her then fiance came in to see her and she offered him to she said, look, I’m very badly scarred and disfigured and I’ll fully understand, you know, please let’s break off the engagement and you go and find someone else.