Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 59-minute session from an introductory Buddhism series, Ven Jamyang explores a student’s question: how does Buddhist practice apply to relationships and love? He draws a fundamental distinction between attachment—the demand that a partner benefit us—and genuine love, the wish for their happiness. Relationships built on attachment may enjoy an exciting first year but collapse when benefits cease; those rooted in care and mutual growth endure. From this practical example, he expands to core Buddhist teachings: how the changing self proves transformation is possible; how meditation works by undoing habitual stories; why trained practitioners can meditate through physical pain without anesthesia. The session includes additional questions from the audience and concludes with a guided equanimity meditation. Pitched at beginners.
File metadata (for organising)
File: Intro to Buddhism week 4.2.mp3
UUID: 548127ae-4d09-4174-aa3f-65b717d2626f
Teacher: Ven Jamyang
Collection: Jamyang Intro to Buddhism (Ven Jamyang)
Date: 2009 (exact day not recorded)
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 59.4 minutes
Words: ~7,689
First say a little bit more about the path of Buddhism because what I just explained about changing the view and changing the attitude that is in general what you are doing. What we want to what we work towards is that we eventually realize that the things do not exist in the way they appear to us. Realize in the terms that we can see it with our mental eye. Our mental eye, eye, right? Not the eye, the I.
And if we can see that then that moment we cannot react anymore with attachment and aversion in the way we have been doing so far. So we stop creating causes for suffering, we stop creating all these delusions and that means that happiness is just naturally there suffering stops there. That’s where we work towards. As long as we don’t have that as long as we haven’t achieved that yet, we work a lot with the attitude so that instead of seeing things, instead of being so self obsessed, we become more aware of the other person and try to develop a caring attitude towards the other person. And in terms of reality we try to contemplate on impermanence and on that things do not exist the way they appear and we study on the topics to get deeper and deeper and deeper understanding.
But eventually what we want is we cut the root of all the suffering which is that holding on to that eye that doesn’t exist in the way it appears. But that’s a long term goal, you know, and they say that might take a few lifetimes. But it can be done. There are many many meditators who have done that and who show that it is possible. And I think even when you have the idea that it is possible, that includes that it can be done, you know.
It cannot just be an idea. They say that if the I was really existing in the way it appears, there was no need for us to be here. If the I really exists the way it appears, we better stick with the pleasures that we have at the moment because there’s not anything else to get. But because the eye doesn’t exist in the way it appears, can change our mind. Otherwise the eye was concrete there.
There was no possibility of change. But because the eye is not like that we can change and we know we can change isn’t it? Some people can see during a lifetime I’m very different than ten years ago. That’s because the eye doesn’t exist in the way it appears. True?
What has changed? Do I go too fast? No? Okay. What is if you said ten years ago you can see you’re different?
Yeah. What’s changed? Yeah. What has changed? The fact that it has changed means that the eye the eye appears to be something concrete, something that is permanent.
Something who I am. That is just who I am. I can’t change that. No, can’t change that. Yes.
That’s a good excuse to keep on doing. Just don’t watch it. But when you so I have to believe that the eyes, it doesn’t exist as it appears. Yes. You have to add that.
Right? Yes. Not we have to Not we have to believe that. It is that. You have to observe that, that that is the case.
If it’s not true what I’m saying, you cannot observe what I’m saying. You say Hey Jamyang, you’re making a mistake because I’m observing my eye and that is really concrete and changing you know but then I’ll show you No, look there, there is a change and there is a change The fact that you have been working with it the whole week means there is a change. How is that possible? Because it is not that concrete. There is a flexibility there.
And maybe it doesn’t feel that flexible but if there is now a little bit of flexibility you can imagine that you can make the flexibility bigger. The more you practice it, more you trust what you’re doing. Is Buddhism about then bringing the mind under control? Yes, instead of the mind being in control of us. That you control any reaction that’s happening in the mind.
And when you control the reactions in the mind you can control your body. You can control your breathing, you can control your heartbeat, you can control anything. Long term view, but can be done. So you already know that if people have high blood pressure or have a lot of anxiety when they start meditating these symptoms go down. You know they change for the better.
So somehow meditation and looking at how things are because that’s what you do when you meditate. You just look what’s going on in your mind. You acknowledge what’s is going on in your mind. Just doing that changes things to become more natural, more normal. You just become more normal.
Know you’re not becoming something strange. The more you meditate the more you realize how strange you were before you meditated. But everything becomes more normal, more relaxed, you feel more yourself, you feel more oh this is me, oh yeah, you know. Finally I can relax. You’re not going to create anything that didn’t exist before.
It’s not like that. You acknowledge something that was already there but that you didn’t see. Alright, that’s what meditation is about. It’s not about creating something, it’s about undoing our creation. We create stories about how I exist.
It’s all just a story. It’s not really true. So you let out a story and you see how things really are. So it’s not making something up. Can you see that?
It’s not We have to stop creating, we have to stop doing, we have to stop adding to reality. Yeah, good. So then Michael had a question about what do I do with relationships or how does Buddhism work in relationships. So I wrote down in relationships why do we, what does it, we say I fall in love. But when we fall in love what actually happens is that we see somebody and that person gives us an extremely happy feeling, lots of pleasure.
We experience lots of benefit from that person. I fall in love because I think, oh you’re benefiting me so much. And when I feel that you’re benefiting me so much, I want you to be happy. Because as long you’re happy, you keep on benefiting me. Right, that is being in love.
You’re benefiting me so much. Love means I want you to be happy. Two different things. The Dalai Lama says when you have a relationship where there is more love than attachment, you have the chance that the relationship is going to last a long time. But if you have more attachment than love the chance is big that you have a good first year, you know, with lots of sex and lots of fun but then after that not much is left Then it’s finished.
Then the fighting starts normally. Fighting starts because I feel that you’re not benefiting me anymore in the way you did before. Hey, before you were such a good bloke. Now you have changed. The hormones have changed.
Right? The moment we cannot see the benefit anymore we first start pulling. Please benefit me. And we do that in the form of being angry. So we have this lots of temperament and fighting and only when there is enough love the relationship can survive there.
So Buddhism does not say that you’re not allowed to have relationships or it’s unhealthy to have relationships or not at all. But if you have relationships just on the basis of attachment Buddhism says that’s going to make you unhappy. And if you want to have happiness then maybe you should have a look at what you’re doing with relationships because there is a big source of unhappiness. And it’s up to you if you want to continue that or not. Buddhism does not say do not engage in relationships that make you unhappy.
Buddhism says if you are looking for happiness then this is where you can look in your life where you can make changes. This is what makes somebody unhappy. This is what makes somebody happy. It’s up to you what you do with that. If you say how can I have a relationship that is going to make me happy?
Then you can say well if there was a relationship where there was enough love then a relationship can be a very good opportunity where you help each other to grow because you have mainly the goodness or the welfare of the other person in mind instead of your own welfare. And if you have a relationship like that then you can grow both enormously in a relationship. You can help each other to bear suffering. Normally when somebody who we love suffers we want to take it away. And you can do that by distracting somebody or whatever but love might mean that you sit with a person and say you know it’s okay to feel that suffering.
I’m here with you and I know that you have the courage just to go through it. Just do it you know and you help somebody do that then your relationship is helping you to grow. Right? You use it to let your compassion grow and your wisdom. So then it can be very nice.
Are there any more questions? Mhmm. To get rid of the pain. Mhmm. Yeah.
So so many people in society are unhappy in our society are unhappy. That’s just continuing. The drug taking is continuing. Yeah but you need to have the tools to help people through their suffering. You know which is not easy.
You can’t do that from an intellectual level. You have to do the work yourself first. And I think that is already missing in our society, you know. So if you can do the work yourself you automatically will find a place where you can be of benefit to others to do the same thing. If you would start now from not having done the work, become the helper who knows it all so well but doesn’t know it.
Yeah, that’s not going go anywhere. Am I correct in my thinking? I’m starting to see a lot of people I come in contact with. Maybe I’m I’m being a. Mhmm.
I start A little bit. See they’re pain. I’m starting to think, gee, that person is suffering their own pain. Yeah. Am I Can you see your own pain?
Yeah. I can. Yeah. I’m trying to avoid it, though. Yes.
Exactly. So when you start learning about this and you try to still avoid your own pain, you’re going to do this with everybody else except yourself, and you miss exactly the point. You keep on exactly doing what you always always have been doing. So stop doing that. Just look in the mirror.
Forget about all these other people until until you have done everything, you know, and then you know it. Yeah. Yeah. That’s good. I had a question.
So who’s meditated a lot and has reached enlightenment level, do they still suffer but they just like what’s the ultimate goal that you’re still you’re just content with everything? Like you just accept it? You don’t suffer. You don’t experience suffering. Because they can accept it fully?
No, you just don’t Or they like it. So as soon as you like something there is no suffering anymore. So they say that when you realize the ultimate nature of reality that that the I doesn’t exist in the way it appears they say that you do not experience any difference in feeling when somebody cuts off your arm or when somebody gives you a massage. So no matter what happens you always just Same feeling, just bliss. You’re just blissful all the time no matter what happens to you.
That’s what they say. Amazing, What? I thought they used an anesthetic. No, they didn’t. There are many stories about the Buddha in a way he helps hungry beings with chopping chopping up flesh from his own body and he just experiences bliss he’s more than happy to do that.
That’s how big the bliss is. We suffer because we grasp on to the eye. That’s the only place where suffering comes from. The moment we can see that it doesn’t exist, the suffering is gone and our natural state is bliss. That’s our natural way of being, is happy.
Much more than a child. You know we are constantly looking for happiness, right? Everybody does that, driven. That means there must be something that we are running for. It’s not that we are all completely stupid looking for something that doesn’t exist.
Alright? The only thing that we’re doing is we’re doing it in the wrong way. But being happy is our natural state. That’s why we’re looking for it all the time because it is our nature. But because of our mistakes we can’t find it, you know.
So then when you realize where you make the mistakes, happiness is naturally there no matter what happens to you, it doesn’t matter. Yeah? So all these ups and downs from our emotions it gets completely removed from our mind. Doesn’t exist anymore because the basis of that, the ‘I’, the holding onto that ‘I’ is gone. Can you see that?
A few more lifetimes for me. And you can do that in one short lifetime Wendy. Really? Really. That’s what they say.
You can do it in a few years, they say. Have you actually seen something like that? Yeah. When I was working in Sydney, I actually had a female patient who had a wisdom tooth removed without any anesthetic. Yeah.
And she sat through the whole thing and started to finish. And at first, the rest of me thought she was crazy, like, three weeks. But now I understand that, you know, that she must have achieved a lot of work of people to actually be able to do that. You didn’t ask, did you? Did you do any meditation?
You didn’t ask her if she was meditating or she didn’t explain to you? Well, she said that well, because at first, there was a big debate whether the tooth should be removed in that because that’s malpractice and things like that. And if, you know, she goes into stress or anything like that, then we’re liable. So it was a massive big debate and then she insisted, so then you’ve got to respect the patient’s rights, but she said she’ll meditate through it. And we just thought that it could not be done, but it was actually Uh-huh.
I don’t think she had we can’t say if she was enlightened yet. You can achieve this far far far before you are enlightened. Know? This you can all achieve. Last year I had to have a number of needles in my finger.
My doctor was really, actually she was quite freaking out because it was going to hurt and this was for rabies And so she gave it to me, and she had she said, you’re gonna have to lie down because you might faint, and it’s gonna be really painful and blah blah blah. And my fingers filled up three times its size with all this stuff. And I laid there, and I meditated. And she said halfway way through Are you awake? And I was.
And it was afterwards she said Do you practice meditation? I said Well only a little bit but I can obviously I managed to just sit there and I didn’t feel it. Anyway, all I was told was it was on your finger, it wasn’t pulling my arm. Pull yourself together. You know, but these are good stories.
So you say only I a little bit of meditation and this was already the effect that I could. It’s fantastic. I can’t do it with a dentist. It’s a big no no for well depends it’s not that you can only be Buddhist when you don’t drink alcohol. It’s not like that.
Right? But there are stories about use of alcohol. What we try to do is we try to stop harming others. Right? So There was a story about a monk and when you’re a monk you do not kill, you do not have sex, you do not drink.
There is this monk and he is visiting somebody and somewhere in the conversation this guy turns into a very very nasty guy and he says to the monk: You cannot leave this house before you have done one of the three things. I give you three choices. Either you kill the goat or you have sex with my wife or you drink this glass of alcohol. And he was thinking, you know, when when I kill the goat, I can’t, you know, I can’t do that. Having sex with the wife, I can’t do that because I will lose my ordination, so I better drink the alcohol.
So he drinks the alcohol, ends up sleeping with the wife and killing the goat. So in that way, alcohol is like the gateway to all negativities. And some people describe, some Lamas describe what alcohol actually does in your energy system, how that it’s like burns your energy system. So they say not even a drop, you know. But there are also practitioners who have certain levels of practice who were used to drink beer and people who are not ordained in Tibet.
Tibet, they did that. Why can, like in Thailand say the monks, they say they’re not supposed to touch women? Why is that? You try to do with we try to get enlightened. The first thing that you try to do is to stop following your desire.
So you stop no, we first start to avoid harm. That’s our practice. We try to avoid the Ten Non-Virtuous actions. Then when you become ordained, being ordained means that you try to stop following your attachment and when you touch a woman then desire can arise in the mind. So you try not to create any conditions that desire arise in the mind.
That’s the reason. So for none it means that you don’t touch men but then when you’re gay you don’t touch the people that you are attracted to. The moment that attachment doesn’t arise in the mind the mind becomes very, very clear so you can go very deep in your meditations. When there is a lot of attachment, attachment makes the mind unclear. It makes that your wisdom cannot really arise, means that it’s very difficult to discern if something is appropriate to do or not.
Does that help? Are you happy with your question about alcohol? What do you want to hear? That you can keep on drinking and that’s not a problem? Yeah.
So if you if you would be if you think what is you know, to come here first of all, you do not have to be Buddhist. Not at all. We do ask people who come here to make sure that they don’t harm others, you know. So we ask whoever comes on the premises not to kill, not to take anything away that’s not theirs, not to commit a sexual activity, not drink alcohol when they’re here. And there’s another, no that’s five.
So that’s what we ask people to do and not to lie. Then if you at a certain point think oh this is really what I want to progress my mind in, I want to become a Buddhist. Then the main thing is that you vow not to harm others. You can do that by taking the commitment of stopping stop killing. That is what Buddhism is about, stop harming others.
Knowing that when you harm others you’re actually harming yourself and when you’re harming yourself you cannot achieve your full potential. And then you have the choice you know and some people them years or they say I can’t take the vow of not drinking alcohol because sometimes I want to go to a party and I want to have that glass of alcohol you know but I want to do this and this and this and this and this that’s all up to you. And I can only tell you what the lamas are telling you know, about alcohol. And then that’s up to you what to do with that. There’s nobody in Buddhism who says you are not allowed to do this.
It’s all your own responsibility because everything you’re will come back to you, you know. We’re only here to help you find happiness and that you decide what you take with you. There’s nobody who’s going to judge you of what you’re doing. Know, that’s not You have to get rid of that idea that you have to be a good girl, you don’t. You can be whoever you are, wherever you are.
That’s good enough. You know? And every attempt that you make to understand the mind fantastic, we rejoice in that. Because obviously you’re going make huge mistakes along the way. Of course, all the time, every day.
And at the end of the day we look mistakes and say: I wish I hadn’t done that and I’ve done that. That is going to lead to suffering for myself. I want to purify that. I do a certain practice to purify that and tomorrow is a new day. And I start again.
And tomorrow I make mistakes again. And at the end of the day I purify them and the next day I start again. And there’s nobody who’s going to judge, there’s nobody who’s going to make you feel guilty, there’s no you know, because we our mind has been deluded since the beginning of this time. How can we expect to be perfect tomorrow? We can’t.
We will be making mistakes a long time. That’s alright. It’s not really a mistake. We have certain habits that lead to suffering and we would like to change it into habits that lead to happiness. And Buddhism is just a tool how to do that.
There is no God who is saying, there is no being at all who can do that. It’s only about you, you know. And we want to help you. We want to give you the tools that you can do that on your own. There’s only one person in your life, it’s you.
In regards to the killing, what if you’re driving a car and a kangaroo jumps out in front of you? Do you kill a kangaroo or swerve and risk killing yourself? You think you have time to think like that. You better hope that. So you don’t have time to think, is it?
You react but Sorry? I don’t know and I know from people who do that with a cat and then they kill themselves or a dog. So Buddhism says human rebirth is very very precious and because we have an intelligence and with that intelligence we can actually change our mind, we can develop our mind in a way that becomes more beneficial for ourselves and for others. That we become more loving, caring, right. So having a human rebirth is very very precious and that means that if you have the choice between a small animal and a human being you would choose for the human being and maybe even a big animal you choose for the human being.
But then if you have no I can’t say that because the human being has more potential to develop themselves. Because a human being has more potential to develop themselves somehow you would try to save the life of a human being instead of the life of a dog. What happens then? What? What was the situation?
Is that will that bring bad karma? Well, you kill you kill an an animal. And, I mean, we’re killing animals all day, isn’t it? We drive home and we all kill animals. We all kill insects.
We all kill. So killing is part of life. It’s like when you live normally, your life, there’s always killing involved. We can’t stop that but you can take responsibility and you acknowledge that and you can purify that. Killing something by accident or not intentionally is something else than killing something intentionally.
So when you say I’m going to stop harming means that you stop intentionally harming. When there is a fly that agitates you, you’re not going to kill it anymore. That’s what you’re saying, you know. But when you hit it with your car, that’s just what happens. You acknowledge that but that’s not a full killing.
That’s not a real intentionally killing. So the of that will be very different than killing a fly out of anger. When did the gotta struggle with this one. When did it start? Yeah.
It didn’t. It didn’t because there’s evolution. Yeah. You know, the big bang and evolution. But does Buddhism believe in that?
Or is it Buddhism says big bang? Of course. But not just one big bang. There have been many big bangs. And for a big bang to happen, there has to have been something there before that?
Yes. So if you look into the level of matter, there matter, you know things get created and things dissolve. But the elements are always there. You cannot change that. You do not destroy the elements.
You can bring the elements out of balance but you can’t destroy them. Same with the mind. The mind is always there, always has been there. Because there was a question in one of the books that I was reading about why is there population growth? And they’re saying that do you explain it?
The root birds are coming from other planets or Uh-huh. Just out galaxies. Other yeah. What what about the animal realm? That’s right.
So I mean, how many creatures are living there on the planet? Infinite. Just So why do they have to come from another planet? They can come. You know?
Buddhism says as far as everywhere there is space there are living beings. So you can be reborn anywhere. Yeah. And can you reborn like two or three? Could you come back and like read the book?
You didn’t form one or two? I’m not sure if we can do that. I’m sure that maybe highly realized beings can do that. But I don’t think we can do that. Being reborn is three different.
Like can he come back to two fifty? No. I don’t know that’s the curtain. No. No.
So there just never was. Just always been Yes. And always will be. Yep. With cosmology, I was on a lecture the other day for the thinkers in residence thing.
Yeah. And they were talking about how they think that well, one of the current thoughts is that universes might give birth to other Mhmm. Universes and how our universe at the moment, what’s going to happen to it because Mhmm. You know, it might actually all end up collapsing. And then maybe when that happens that’s when you give birth, the universe would give birth to another universe and it’s the same as evolution.
So within that universe there’s going to be variation inherent within it. And some universes may live longer than others, some might not have the things in them to survive. But yeah, the universes might be giving birth to other universes. So I guess that’s the same as with, you know, a biological condition cycle. Uh-huh.
That was something this guy Interesting. Yeah. Really interesting. How do you briefly explain Buddhism to a devout Christian? Well you can say it’s like a tool that helps you to become more compassionate and more wise.
And when you go to church and when you’re a Christian you want to be more compassionate isn’t it? That’s what they learn and Buddhism is no different. And many things that you learn in Christianity about thinking about others, you know when other people harm you, you give your other cheek and I don’t know exactly how you say that, it’s not that different from Buddhism. So try to talk about the similarities. Don’t go into Buddhism doesn’t doesn’t acknowledge God, you know, because then you’re in the wrong place with a Christian.
Right? Talk about the similarities that because there are many similarities. And then there are some differences in view, how you view the world, but that’s not that important when you meet with people because when you want to connect you have to find what you have in common. If you start focusing on differences you very easily create separation. Alright, so if you want to have a nice interaction you talk about what you have in common.
So ask them what are you doing? Oh yeah. Right. So what can you do at Buddha House? There was a question about that.
We have on the Monday and Tuesday night learn to meditate classes from six or seven o’clock which on a Monday night there is you get in four classes that starts at the beginning of the month. You get the techniques completely explained and you know some time to exercise that. On a Tuesday night it’s more two times half an hour applying the meditations. You can come to both when you have no experience in meditation. They’re both good as beginners classes.
And then we have meditation classes on Wednesday from nine till ten. Is that right? Or from ten till eleven. Yeah? Or eleven?
Ten. Ten to eleven. Yeah. Nine no. Yoga class was ten to eleven.
Yeah. Yeah. Sunday from nine till ten. And these are guided meditations. So that means that that you have the first half hour is breathing meditation and it’s but there’s not much guidance it’s very quiet meditation and then you have a guided meditation as what we can do on equanimity that you think in a certain way to counteract our habitual way of thinking.
Yeah, so that is on Sunday. And then what we have is ‘Discovering Buddhism on a Wednesday night’ that is presented in modules and you can come along for one module or you can do the whole two year course, that’s up to you. If you would start now, next week there is a video night that’s open for everybody so you could even come and just meet with a group and see if you like the group and then a week after we start with a new module talking about the spiritual teacher. You would have missed I think four modules but you can always do that afterwards, know, you don’t have to do it completely from the start. And then on the Thursday night we have basic programme, that is quite an advanced study but if you like to study it’s not that difficult intellectually but it is more intellectual.
Discovering Buddhism is very practical, the basic program is more intellectual. So it depends on your own affinity what you like to do. We With basic program we try really we try to bring that intellectual material into practice by constantly observing our own mind and trying not to engage in the killing and in the lying and in the stealing and so that that is it’s not just intellectual. It’s also practical. And then we have Geshe Pema Tsering.
He is our Tibetan teacher and he’s teaching on the Tuesday night. What is he gonna do in Tuesday night. Is that the Yeah. You would have to wait for the next next what is it called? The next newsletter.
He’s gonna do next month, he a special topic on a Tuesday night, something that takes four weeks. So you could come four times to his teachings and then you have one topic discussed. And he starts teaching Sunday morning and on a Sunday morning he’s teaching on is called Nāgārjuna’s Letter to a Friend but that’s actually an advice that is written by a scholar to a lay king on how to practice Dharma in a lay life. So it’s very applicable to our own So some people like to come on a Sunday morning, you know do the meditation then stay for Geshe la’s teachings. Please don’t see it as a church or a replacement of a church because then you miss the point.
The practice is happening every day in your life not just I did my thing, I listened and now I can do whatever. You’re not like that anyway. I wouldn’t allow you to be lying around. What else do we have Henry? Oh, next weekend there is a weekend which is called Lamrim meditation weekend.
Lamrim is the stages of the path to enlightenment and that weekend is like the conclusion of discovering of a module in discovering Buddhism where we talked about the path, how you can free yourself from suffering. So we’re going to do in that weekend is that we do a lot of meditations that help you to find ways how to change your mind and every day in the morning the Geshe-la will come and teach for one and a half hour. Probably the mornings are going to be in silence so you get really some time to quieten your mind down and find some space to see what is going on yourself. That can be scary in the beginning but people who do it they say the shifts that can happen in my mind because I’m quiet is so enormous that I don’t mind that you have to sit through that discomfort of not being able to talk for that short amount of time. If you like to come please bring a shared lunch so a plate plate sorry a plate of food Bring your plate.
I know there’s always plenty of food in. What else do I have to say? The October retreat. Oh, and then there was an October retreat on the long weekend in October? Is it it’s not four, five, six?
Four, five, six of October. Saturday, Sunday, Monday. And that’s in the monastery on Cross Road? Yep. Yep.
But more information on that will be in the next newsletter which is coming out in next week. And there’s a quiz night coming up in September? Right. If anyone wants to come along. What day?
I think it’s Saturday the fifth. Saturday the fifth? But it would be in the Keep your eyes open on the news there. Sorry? You don’t think so?
I don’t know. I don’t know. You know, think Buddha House is quite a new community. You know, although we exist for many, many, many years, part of our community has followed their teacher to another community so the people who are from Buddha House are actually quite new and we’re all learning and we’re all beginners, you know, so I don’t think that the quiz night is gonna be on Buddhism. I think it’s not it’s just to have fun and to meet, you know.
It’s not it’s not about anything else than that. I just don’t think that it was gonna be alcohol, but or maybe that is. I don’t know. I don’t know. They didn’t talk to me about that, so I don’t know.
So instead of Buddha House, should really be called Buddha Preschool. Yes, something like that. Yes, yes. You know, and we all carry our own inner wisdom. And if you Buddhism is not something strange from common sense.
So the more you learn to understand like, Oh, have it there, know, this is what they’re talking about, this is what has value, this is what is bringing me out. If you recognize it in your own mind you actually think wow, I have everything with me. I just need to learn to know, to distinguish between one and the other and if I can do that then you can follow your own wisdom in that. So never feel that you’re not good enough or not know enough or don’t go there. Can a lay person become enlightened?
Well you just heard Wendy talking about her experience with a doctor which shows that she’s already on the way. Yes a lay person can become enlightened. You do not have to become a monk going on. So what does it mean to be Buddhist? When are you classed as Buddhist?
The definition of a Buddhist is when you take heartfelt refuge in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha then you are a Buddhist. Doesn’t say you anything isn’t it? So what we all want is we want to be free of suffering and we are looking for a way to do that. First of all you have to acknowledge that we do not know how to do it because we are sick somehow. Are seeing things in a very strange way, we are constantly hallucinating, creating things, making things up that actually do not exist.
So we have a mental disease, we’re all suffering from that. So then in order to cure from your disease you need a doctor. You need somebody who is not sick, who maybe was sick but knew how to cure themselves. So you need a doctor and we call the Buddha, he’s like the doctor. And then you need a medicine which is the Dharma, which is the teachings of the Buddha, which is going to help you to cure.
But then you also have to take the medicine, not just put it on your shelf and do nothing with it, you have to take it and you have to actually apply it. And the people who help you doing that is the Sangha. So when you become a Buddhist you say: I know I’m sick. I know there is somebody there who can cure me. I know that these teaching if I apply them they can cure me and that is how I try to get out of my suffering and find my happiness.
That’s what you’re doing. That’s it. And then when you, you know, so some people they come here and they start doing Discovering Buddhism and some people come here for years and then suddenly they feel like I actually want to do something more with this and they say I actually feel I would like to be a Buddhist, I would like to be, I feel in my heart that I want to do that. And if that’s the case, you know, there’s nobody from our side who wants you to become Buddhist, not important at all. But if you feel you want to do that, then you can with the Geshe Pema Tsering go through a kind of ritual that you, you know, accept the Buddhadharma Sangha in the way I just described.
And he asks you to make certain promises and the main thing is that you stop harming others. But if you are at that stage, you know, you just come and you talk to somebody and you will be explained what it all exactly entails and you know, how that will go and but I would say don’t rush, you know. No need. Just go step by step and take whatever you can use, know, leave behind whatever you can’t use. The main thing is that you find something that makes you happy.
That’s the purpose why we’re here, that’s all. And if you go home happy and you make others happy, we’re happy, you know. Even if you never come back, it doesn’t matter, it’s not important at all. All right, good. For those who do have plans to come back and I just want to say that I will not be a long time at Buddha House.
I’m going to leave at the beginning of September. So when you see the newsletter you will see a little article that don’t think oh my god what’s that?’ Then you know I’m going to study again and meditate more to hopefully become a better teacher. Where are you studying in Italy? In Italy. Wow.
Do you speak Italian? No. We did it in English. No, we just did it in English. Good luck.
Thank you. Thank you for coming. I think you were a very great group. All came back again and again and again. We started talking about the suffering of suffering, normally, you you want to run away and you all had the courage to keep on coming back.
So I appreciate it very much. Thank you for doing that. It’s five past twelve. I don’t know. You have to go.
Yep. How is everybody else? You have to go? No. You wanna do that short meditation on equanimity?
Okay. I’ll try to do that in seven minutes. You alright? So what we’re going to try to do is to develop equanimity and some understanding about what equanimity is. Imagine in a space in front of you three people, somebody you like, someone you dislike and someone you feel indifferent to.
And during the meditation I will call the person that you like, I’ll call that your friend. The person you dislike, I’ll call your enemy. And the person you feel indifferent to, I will call you the stranger. So first of all focus on your friend and allow your feelings for him or her to arise. Reflect on the goodness of this person and how he or she satisfies your needs, is there for you.
Feel your conviction that this person is definitely your friend. Conviction that this person is definitely your friend. And feel how you really want this person to be happy and to be free of suffering. Person. Emerge yourself in the good feelings.
So then turn to your enemy, the person that you do not like and who is not kind to you, who does not satisfy your needs, who annoys you or makes you angry. Who hurts you. Look carefully at this person and carefully watch your feelings. Feel your conviction that this person is definitely a bad person. I feel how easy it is to wish this person harm and not to be happy, but to suffer.
Then turn to the so called stranger, the person that you know a little, but whom you neither dislike or like. Look carefully at the person and note your feelings of indifference. And then recognize that the basis for your relationship to these three people is solely what they do or don’t do for you, whether they harm or hurt you, whether they benefit or harm you. Your relationship is based on what you need. It is self centered.
So according to Buddhism, our minds exist since beginningless time and we have met these three people before in different forms and we have had different relationships with them. So now return to your friend and imagine a situation that would cause the relationship to end. Imagine your friend turning against you. Feel the resentment and hurt and how you no longer feel warm, no longer wish him or her well. Where is your friend now?
Recall that this person was not your friend before you were acquainted and could very easily cease to be your friend now as you have visualized. Recall that there is no sound reason for feeling kind and loving only toward a friend of the moment. And tomorrow’s enemy. Then turn to the present enemy and imagine a situation in which you could be drawn together, a common interest, a word of praise or kindness. Look carefully at the person and your feelings.
Are you softening? Can you learn to to feel warmth towards your enemy? This has happened before and will happen again. Why hold so strongly to the conception that this is definitely an enemy? And what about a stranger?
Imagine how one kind, one act of kindness or anger from this person could immediately turn him or her into a friend or an enemy. There is no inherent definite stranger there and no sound reason for your feelings of indifference. Present friend and enemy were strangers to you beforehand. And that the enemy can become your friend and your friend the enemy. So then keep the people clear in front of you and think about impermanence of these relationships.
It’s only your misconceived belief in the stability of them that holds your mind back from of change. Your friend, enemy and stranger all want happiness as much as you. In this respect everyone is equal. And everyone is equal and having the potential to develop their minds to the fullest and achieve clarity and compassion. The differences we see in people are superficial, based on our mistaken and narrow self centered viewpoint.
In fact, everyone is equal in deserving our care and compassion. None of this means that we should not discriminate. On the practical level it is necessary to discriminate. And naturally, we feel closer to some people and are wise to keep others distant from us. This is not a contradiction.
The point of the meditation is to develop equal concern, equal regard for everyone, whether they help or harm us at this point in time. And that our present discrimination is mistaken and that we use labels that are very changeable by nature. And then we can dedicate all the positive energy and insight of doing this meditation to the well-being and happiness of all sentient beings.