Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 141-minute session, Ven Jamyang teaches the first of the 16 Guidelines for a Happy Life—a secular ethics text written by a Tibetan king for laypeople—with focus on humility. Rather than Buddhist doctrine, she opens with audience participation, asking what humility means and what blocks it. She traces humility to the recognition that you are part of an interdependent whole, contrasting it with deluded pride rooted in beliefs about needing success, being right, and independence. Working through participants’ examples, she shows how these beliefs create suffering and how releasing them reveals freedom. The session concludes with a somatic meditation where participants locate bodily tension from a conflict, dialogue with it, and invite humility to shift their relationship to the situation. Welcoming to newcomers and practitioners alike.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 2009 03 09 16 guidelines for a happy life, humility.mp3
UUID: deb760d5-796a-42ba-8328-d7d9d9f29596
Teacher: Ven Jamyang
Collection: 16 guidelines for life june (Ven Jamyang)
Date: 2009-03-09
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 141.5 minutes
Words: ~10,121
What does that mean? Can everybody hear me? Can you hear me through the mic or not? No? Sorry.
No. Yes. I have to put it up a little bit. You don’t wanna hold it all night. Is that better?
Yep. Good. Thank you. Welcome, everybody. Many for the first time, which is great.
Maybe everybody knows me, maybe not. My name is Jamyang. Although I’m a Buddhist nun, we’re not gonna talk about Buddhism tonight. We’re gonna talk about the sixteen guidelines for a happy life, and we’re gonna talk about the first guideline, which is humility. Very short, just to refresh the memory of those who were last week and, help you catch up if you come here today for the first time.
The sixteen guidelines is a text that originally was written by a Tibetan king who wrote it for the laypeople in his kingdom because he wanted them to be happy. And this king had studied the Dharma, the Buddhist teachings, but he felt that studying the Buddhist teachings in the form it was was too difficult or maybe too complicated. I’m not sure what his reason was, but he put it in a form that it was quite easy to remember, so it was very accessible for laypeople. And so that means that it doesn’t talk about any Buddhist terminology, but it is based on the Buddhist concepts and how you can transform your mind by applying the values that we’re going to talk about. And I think I forgot to bring did anybody bring the sixteen guidelines on the paper?
Did you bring it? No. No, I didn’t do it either. I had all these copies. So I’ll tell you.
And because we talk about humility, forget the rest. The next time I’ll bring a paper that you can read all the guidelines and that you have an idea what we’re gonna do. The sixteen guidelines are explained in four groups of four guidelines. The first one is about how we think, the first group. Then there is a group about how we act.
Then there is a group of how we relate to others. And then there is a group of how we find meaning in our life. And each group has four guidelines under it. I assume, I’m not sure because it’s not written anywhere, that every guideline counteracts its own delusion. So if we talk about how we think, then we have four guidelines.
One is humility. One is patience. The third one is contentment, and the fourth is delight. Maybe I’ll write them down. Have a look at it.
You still remember? Yeah. humility, patience, contentment. Wow. You’re good.
Contentment and delight. So if we talk about how we think, we’re talking about something that is thoughts thoughts. We have thoughts on many levels. We have thoughts on a very gross level, the thoughts that we are aware of in everyday life. There are thoughts that are very, very subtle that we don’t even know that we have.
How we think about ourselves, you know, we can hold on to beliefs and we keep on thinking, why are people treating me like this? But actually, underneath, there might be a belief that we have about ourselves that somehow triggers people to treat you like that. Do I say something spooky now or strange? Do people know this? Yeah.
People heard about that? I’ll take a very short sidetrack. Buddhism talks about we have actions about body, speech and mind. The actions of mind is everything that we think. The actions of speech is everything that comes out of our mouth and the actions of body is everything that we do.
So every action of body is preceded by an action of mind. I cannot engage in any action of my body without having a thought that I want to do that. True? Even if I do not like the thought and I say no, I don’t want to have the thought and you still engage in the action, there is still a thought that tells you to do that. So every action that we’re doing is preceded by thought which means that thought is much more subtle than an action of the body.
To really change your thinking is very difficult, it’s very subtle, it’s a very special job almost to do that, you know, because to identify, oh this is a thought that is actually making me suffer, this is actually, this is a thought that is not making me happy, that is already the problem. And then when you can see it, that the thoughts that you have are not beneficial and not helping you in being happy and with happy I mean happy in a healthy way, you know, not the excitement happy, but peaceful, happy, happiness where you are content, where you are satisfied, where you are we are looking for that kind of happiness. If you can recognize the thought that is not helpful in that, then that is first needed before you can change it. True? If you can’t see what is wrong, cannot change it.
So first we have to learn to identify that. There are many thoughts that we have, you know, so on the gross level the thoughts, I think we can all manage that. Then we have to go deeper and look into thoughts are very dependent on a culture even, how we think about things. You know, for instance, if we see two young people in the city and they’re kissing each other, what do we think? What do we think in this culture?
Love us. What if we were in Pakistan and they were doing that? What would they think? Greeting. Greeting.
They’re kissing on on that they’re kissing on the mouth and doing even more than that. How would you see that in in Pakistan? Inappropriate, something that needs to be abandoned. What do you think when you see so it’s not only culture, but also how we feel. So one day, you wake up and you feel very happy and everything goes well that day and you see these lovers.
What do you think? You see how happy they are. And, yeah, do you when you are happy, do you rejoice in the happiness or do you feel envy? You rejoice. So then you wake up miserable depressed and, you know, your relationship just broke up and and then you see people kissing there and they can’t stop.
What do you think? You don’t want to see it, do you? Different reaction, isn’t it? So how we think depends on many, many things. So today, we can think differently than tomorrow.
If somebody has been really rude to me again and again and again, think differently also about other people than when I think than what I think when people are around me who are really loving and caring and nurturing me and my whole thought pattern will be different. So if you can see that, then you can also you can also how to say? So that means that if we’re miserable, we have miserable thoughts in our mind. We might make up miserable from something that we dreamed of or something that has happened in our life or yesterday, but then we’re going to add to that. We fuel that feeling of misery, don’t we?
Somehow we create that that keeps on going, that I cannot move away and that happened naturally without us knowing. So that is what we can change. We can stop fueling when we feel miserable and we can start rejoicing when we feel happy. And both that will help us to, you know, increase our feeling of happiness. So if this is how we think, what we’re going to do in the sixteen guidelines is that every night we’re going to go through one of the guidelines and we’re going to talk about what it is and what it is not, and we’re gonna learn how to identify it in our own mind and learn to connect with it.
And for that, we’re gonna do a few exercises so that you really get so I don’t tell you everything. Because I think you all have a fantastic inner wisdom that can speak. And if you learn, like, this is my wisdom and this is not my wisdom, you know, then all the rest you can do by yourself. And then I learned a lot from you guys too because, you know, my wisdom is very limited. And when we start sharing, it’s like you you become you hear a much more a much richer story than when you do it on your own.
So maybe before we start, we do a very quick run and introduce ourselves and maybe say very short what we would like to know about humility. That would help me. Yes. Is that alright? The definition.
Okay. What it is? Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
So what is it? Yeah. Oh, how do I get it? That is a different question. How do I get it?
Yeah. Hello. Robert. Robert. I think you don’t see a lot of it.
You don’t see many humble people? See humble people. In our western competitive society, being a humble person does not bring accolade. So what would you like to learn about it? Well, I again, you know, I I understand the the definition by the dictionary.
Yeah. The the acquisition of it, but mostly because Would you like to feel it, or would you like to Yeah. Because it’s You know, our culture is easy. Yeah. What would you like to learn about it?
I’m gonna cut you off. What you know, very, very because that is your wisdom. Go go straight to the point. Just to practice off. The practice off.
Fantastic. Fantastic. Then now now then you can grab that. Great. Thank you.
Because you know it. Yeah. You stop diverting yourself. Thank you. I’m Jonathan.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Thank you. You’re giving a lot already. Yes.
Do you? I’m Jeannie, and I said I don’t even know what the medicine is or may whatever it is if it’s up there. Don’t think I’ve got a price. So we start with what is it? Yeah.
Yes. Right. Yeah. Great. You already thought about things a lot.
You know? Yeah. What would you like to know? I would like to know how to access when others around me are always. Great.
Because that’s a challenge, isn’t it? Not just doing it in your meditation cushion, but then what do you do with others? Yeah. So we have to find out, doesn’t it? By looking at what humility really is.
Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Mhmm. That’s what you would like to know.
Okay. Can I stay out of Buddhism when I tell you that? When we talk about that? Yeah. Because that’s what I have to try, isn’t it?
But I think we will find out, actually. Yeah. Anything is good. Thank you, Kate. Yeah.
And I think I’d like to know how to apply it without Yeah. What’s your name? That’s okay. Uh-huh. Mhmm.
What would you like to know, Virginia? I’d like to understand it in a way that means here. In a way that means here. Yeah. Because there’s.
Yeah. I’ll be that And that’s we’ve heard before. So so that we have to talk about that and see if that’s really true, if it’s meant like that or not. Yeah. Yeah.
That’s your main thing that you like what you Yes. Then you would like to practice it. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
That’s what you would like to learn. Yeah. Thank you. Let’s talk about that. First first of all, hear Michael would like to learn, and then we go into what humanity is.
Yes. My name is Michael. And Mhmm. And I I wanna be careful what I say more to make this stronger. Because I know I don’t I feel You see there’s a strength.
So if we’re gonna define humility, I’ve heard already many things, you know, but my memory is last two seconds. So you have to help me. I’m not sure what it is. So you so I heard it’s a strength. So we haven’t determined yet if humility is something that we want to strive for, isn’t it?
We first want to know what it is and then we can say, yes, that is going to make me more happy or no, actually, that is going to make me more suffer. Right? Strength. Maybe not everybody agrees. Is it a strength?
Yep. I think people would like to think of humility inherently living simply. You think humility living simply? Yeah. What do you mean by that?
Is that having no material possessions, or is that or hardly having having hardly any material possessions, or is that But living simply doesn’t mean that you have not many material possessions, or it doesn’t mean something else? It’s it doesn’t help having to No. What what do you mean with that? Make children cry. What do you mean with that?
Don’t It’s I just it’s really that I humble when you live simply. Yeah. It’s you. But what do you mean with living simply? I I really do.
I really wanna know you Not too much material. Okay. Great. Yep. Yep.
Yes. You can. Yes. But what Robert what I heard Robert saying is that when you do not have material, not so many yeah. You said it’s easier to be which means that if you have a lot of material possessions that might maybe easily go to your ego.
That’s what that’s the good. Okay. Okay. You do not necessarily need this to be humble, but for you, it would helpful. So this is not what being humble means.
Living okay. So can I can I remove? Thank you for that. So you just said envy. Is that the opposite of humility?
It interferes with that. So when you have empathy in your mind, it’s hard to be humble. Yeah. Yeah. K.
So I’ll take this one out, and I’ll leave it there as an opposing factor. Did you put up your hub? You Alan. put your hand up. Yeah.
Yeah. Uh-huh. So I thought that would be good. Okay. So humility might be done being treated like everybody?
Yeah. Is that is that humility? Is that humility? But, yeah, just sort of Feeling equal to others? Yeah.
Is that is that so what if I put a both and we leave them for a little while feeling equal? Yeah. Depends how you do it, isn’t it? So so that’s a dangerous one to write down. At least we do not feel superior above others.
Don’t think Is it I don’t think it’s necessarily putting yourself beyond others. So whatever I say, not feeling superior. Do people agree with that one? Yeah. Not feeling.
Yeah. Yeah. Not putting yourself first. Is that conversational respect? Everything?
Empathy? I’m talking about humility. Not putting yourself first. Not putting yourself first of putting yourself first. You’re doing I think is it is it the way that you do it?
humility is the way of thinking. Right? It’s how we think. Uh-huh. So you say it’s a quite a quite a quite strength?
What was that what you’re asking? Does it have to be a quiet? Well, I don’t know thought if I think it’s it’s gonna be quiet. I think it’s quiet. Quietness.
Do I put a e here or first a t? An e? I do not understand this rule. Quietness. How we think.
So I can behave humble, you know, and I can walk and but inside, I can still be the opposite. Right? So being being humble has to do with how we think, and that is reflected in how we act, but it’s not about how we act. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That makes you humble or not. I don’t know. You guys have the answers. You know?
So Acceptance of self and others? Yeah. Situation, your life. Yeah. Culture, you know, with with royalty.
Oh, it’s it’s the queen. You curse the name down. And do this, that, and the other. Because But that’s an act, isn’t it? We can do that without being really humble.
Yeah. So if I would put something else opposite of humility, what would I put there? Both. I’m I’m not familiar with that term. You have to give me some other Alright.
Pull up yourself. Yeah. Yeah. That’s Oh, pull up yourself. Yes.
Self importance. What? An example about Gordon Ramsay. Who is who is that? Arrogant.
Uh-huh. Arrogant. Self centered, I heard. Yeah. You’re always right.
Self righteous. Self righteous? Why? Show us like this. Yes.
I would like to do it right. My computer always changes that. Another word for arrogant? Yeah. What kind of delusion is that?
I superiority. I superiority. If I say pride does that make sense? Is that all part of pride? Pride?
Like? Yeah. This is this is deluded pride. So you have pride that you can say, wow. That I did that really well or that person did it really well or but I can also say, I did that better than you.
That is deluded pride where you have the comparison between me and you? What about the delusion of separation? That comes with this, isn’t it? The delusion of separation. It’s an interesting way to say that.
I call it the same. I don’t call it one. The same. The same. And this creates separation.
Is is this being grateful or gracious? Is that part of humility? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
So, in the book they say that when you have humility, you have the experience that you are just a very small part of this huge universe and that you are standing in and say, Oh wow, what can I learn from this? You have an attitude of learning, what can I learn from this? Do you agree with that? If we have these qualities in our mind, it’s very difficult to learn anything, isn’t it? Because we are already right?
And we know everything better and we are anyway more important than anybody else. So we can’t learn. It’s like we just put a head over our head and then that’s it. As when we see this, I haven’t seen actually yet that we can learn from everything. How would we say that in a different way?
humility means keeping an open mind. Yep, Keeping an open mind. Brilliant. But it is even more than that, I think. Exactly.
Do we agree with that? So if we have that mind that can feel that, do we have all these qualities or maybe even more? No? Which sure not. Well, not all the time, do we?
No. No. Not all the time. But if we have humility in our mind, do we have these qualities? Yeah.
Yeah. And more. And much more. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you can rejoice in your success, but then you’re still you’re still very tiny. And, you know, it’s just the thing that comes and goes, and what else is there to learn?
And maybe with the pride, we hang on to the success. I’m so successful and look. You know? I I I was the best person in this, so I was the Mhmm. Mhmm.
If you can’t stay humble when you have success, then that’s even better than yeah. Yeah. Low self esteem. But they go hand inherently, So how do we feel when we feel humble? Do we have experience of having been humble somewhere in our life?
And you feel how small you are, yeah, and how big the universe must be somewhere. If we think about happiness, which one? On the left? Does anybody thinks I think I’m gonna be more happy when I do this. Uh-huh.
So somebody who shows to be happy but you can also see this and this, what do you think of a person? They’re not happy. Although they appear as being happy, they’re not really happy in their heart. So Well, that’s what we have to check, check, isn’t it? Because first we have to see what makes you happy and then we are going to make if that is also going to make you successful.
Because our society tells us this, practice this and you’re going to be successful. In order to be successful, you have to practice this. Don’t go there. You’re a loser when you do that. Are you happy when you feel like this?
Is he happy? Is he happy? But is he happy? But do you see that he’s happy? Uh-huh.
Yeah. Ignorant but happy. Yeah. We do. We do.
And actually, you know, we we we can look inside and say, do I feel happy when I have this in my mind? Do I feel happy when I have this in my mind? And I can imagine that if yet that, you know, everybody is where they are and you can experience this with a feeling of happiness and radiant happiness, you know, radiate happiness. I don’t think it’s long lasting, but at the same time, you know, maybe maybe I don’t know. I think it’s but, yeah, we cannot judge what really goes on in other people’s mind.
Yeah. Do you agree that we can see this in our own mind if this is making us happy or not? Yeah. So so can we use that as a reference and see if everybody you know, how that is for everybody? And then Yeah.
No. It is not. This this is in this is this is feeling very insecure. Confidence. Confidence is Yeah.
Obviously I would I would get that. I would call that this is deluded pride. I would put confidence into deluded pride or something. If you are self confident, then you can have all these things in place. If your confidence is based on hiding a feeling of insecurity, then you talk about me and, you know, I’m so good and I did this really well and when I said that, this happened to that person and it’s all about me.
When you’re just confident and it’s based on a healthy pride, you know, just because you know the qualities that you have and you enjoy them and you happy to share them and you but you do not boost your ego with that. That’s something else. That’s like that’s like a strength, isn’t it? Yeah. But at the same time, we can’t judge others.
No. So although we can We don’t know. We don’t know. And Buddhism, let’s say, when you talk about the mind of others, you actually go into degeneration. You know?
It’s better not to go there. And I I think you’re right, but I think, you know, if we stay with ourselves and say because when we started and when we talked about, you know, what would you like to learn? You first said, I first want to check if this is really what I wanna learn because I’m not sure if that is a quality or that people gonna treat me as a doormat. Right? So I feel like we are in that stage like, okay.
We put some qualities on it, but not all of them. There are many more qualities that we can fit in and maybe they come later. We have put what is the opposite, and then you can say, okay, is that worthwhile to develop or not? Or do I gonna damage myself with that? No, I want you separate from your environment.
For you. And if you choose, if you make choices, your environment will adjust to whatever whatever, you know, is fits with you, which means let go of your environment. So if humility is that you realize that you are a little part of something bigger, There is some intelligence in that, isn’t it? And you said that very well, like, when you have pride, you separate. You have this feeling of separation.
When you have humility, you feel that you’re part of a whole. So what is more in accord with reality? What is more real? Are we separate or are we part of a whole? Part of all.
If we look at how we function in the world, how our life exists, is it that we are an individual standing in and of itself, independent, having, you know, we can manage on our own, we don’t need anybody? Or is it that we actually, for any Buddhism even says, for any feeling of happiness we completely depend upon others. But how is reality? What is reality? Because that is a reality.
Yeah. But we should Is it a reality, or is that it just is is that just a hallucination? Even to be unsuccessful. So do we depend upon others? Do we depend upon others?
In reality? Does does he live reality or does he live in a in a in a fantasy world? Can you remember that we started with that? Living a simple life? Or, you know, sit Yeah.
I I always think that that that is something that is not necessarily related to being humble, that you can be rich and being humble and that you can be poor and being not humble. Yeah. Yeah. So this has judging in it. Right.
So looking for examples of people who are humble, now let me first talk about is it worthwhile to develop this or not? And then we’re going to look at how the world and and what is more connected to reality. That was my question. So I said so I said you depend for every happiness that you experience. You depend upon others.
Right? But where you made you made some happiness We’ll get there. We’ll get there. But I want to know is what is more reality that we depend upon others, that we realize when we’re humble, or that we’re standing in and of ourselves and that we’re independent and that we make our own decisions and that we decide what we’re going to buy and how much money is in a purse? What is reality?
But You’re talking about reality. You’re talking about what we want. I’m talking about how we think. Is how we think, is that reality? Or is that something else?
It cannot be. Yeah. Well So the way I think, is that my is that reality or is that not reality? Yeah. Your belief structure.
Yeah. Then what is But yeah. So what is reality? So reality so we will we believe most of the time that what we think is reality. No.
Give me an example. Yes. So you’re on this side. Self righteous? Yep.
But you’re not you you you realize that you’re not always right even if you feel you are. If this is delusion if this is delusion, does that mean that it is a reality or that it’s not is is that in delusion. It’s a real delusion. So if I if I think that I do not depend upon anybody, I go to the shop and I buy the clothes that I like and I do not depend upon anybody. Is that is that correct I depend on many, many, many people in order to be able to walk to the shop, to have money in my purse, to be able to see the clothes I’m seeing, to be a many, many, many beings are involved, isn’t it?
But somehow I have this feeling or this delusion or this hallucination or however you want to call it that I don’t need anybody to get what I want. And it creates a kind of protection and it creates a kind of feeling separate from everything. And we are doing that very strong in the West. And we believe that that is the world. Right?
And that is how everything looks like. And that is how conventional reality looks like. But if you see how things really function, then it is different. If I look at things, they can look very permanent, but it doesn’t make them permanent. So I can appear to be very independent, that doesn’t make me independent.
I can still be very dependent but not realize that I’m dependent. So that is what I mean with reality, that if I say, well, everything is permanent, I can see the building is permanent. It hasn’t changed. I was here last week, it was exactly the same, you know, that even the tank has anything here inside, it’s not changing, so it must be permanent. Right?
Then you can explain me that that is wrong. That my observation is not correct. Right? So even it’s just move one chair and then you are right. Then you are right.
No. But we know that everything is changing even if you can’t see it. But can you drill down to this side, but I understand, you know, like, this is probably what we think of as reality. It’s not right. But Can you see that that is not right?
Yes. So then here. Yes. I think what we think is not reality. So even being humble, the thought leads to being humble, the thought of being humble, that in itself is not reality.
But I do think that the thought of being humble is more in accord with reality. And everything, again, I sometimes have to jump into Buddhism, Buddhism says that if you live more in accord with reality you experience more happiness. The more your thinking is aligned with how things really are, the more happy you will be. The more how you think is different from how things are, the more suffering will occur in your mind. Can I finish this one?
Yeah. And then your question. So, for instance, if I realize that my relationship definitely is not going to last, because everything that starts will come to an end. One day that end will come and it might be at the end of my life, my partner’s life, or before that. If I really know that, then when it happens, well, that’s just the nature of relationships.
That’s the nature of everything. Everything comes to an end. If I really know that, it’s not a surprise. But most of us are very surprised when something stops or something breaks or something gets destroyed. We say, how is that possible?
My auntie said, she was eighty three, she was dying. Me? Why me? Why me? You know?
Never thought about, you know, you you get born, definitely, you’re definitely you’re going to die one day. We can’t escape. That’s just how life is. But somehow the way we think, somehow we deny that. We think we hold on to as things being permanent, things, relationships, us, my body, my mind, it’s all permanent.
It’s like we stop it and it’s changing every moment, but we stop it. And then after one year we look in the mirror and think: Oh my God, where did that come from? Right? We realized something has happened. But I didn’t see that yesterday and I didn’t see that last week.
So, must have come must have come during the night somehow. I don’t know. That is how the deluded mind works like. That is how everybody’s mind works like. Everybody, everywhere in the world the mind works like that.
But I think that certain cultures have, you know, if you look in the West and everything that we’re doing has to do with that, we increase our desire. I want this, I just go and get it. Right? We do never think, oh, actually want this but, you know, I can’t get it and it also doesn’t matter too much and I’m happy even if I don’t have it. We have this thing that we almost can amount what we want to have and it’s there, which means that our desire is triggered very, very, very strongly, which means that our delusions are triggered very strongly, which means that our pride is triggered very strongly more than that you see in the some other cultures.
I think like India, although India is catching up very quickly. Yeah. The UK, you’ll be happy. Yeah. Yeah.
How long does it last? Not long. Not long. Very quickly. Go on, isn’t it?
Then you have to change. Get another partner. Get another car. Yes. And then you create an addictive behavior very strongly.
Yeah. And the better you succeed, hey, the better you’ve done it in this society. And if you’re not striving, you know, and it doesn’t mean that if you’re humble, you’re not striving for that. But It’s not valued. This is not so valued.
No. So are we gonna put ourselves at risk and develop this? Is it still worthwhile to develop? And if so, why? The more our thinking is in accordance with reality, our thinking is not reality.
Isn’t in accordance with reality. That’s why suffer so badly. Yeah. The more we the moment we really see reality, suffering is gone. Yeah.
This is what We are living in a created reality, isn’t it? That is based on thoughts, on conceptual constructs, on beliefs, on that is our reality. So, if you would break all that down there is still something left. And the more we approach that, even if we use constructs, you know, because humility is a kind of thinking that is like a concept that we create in our mind, but it is more in accord with reality because we feel that we are part of a whole, that we depend completely upon others, that we want to learn every moment. That means that we’re open with our mind every moment, that we can learn from everybody.
Right? That is more with how the world really functions. Sorry. You experience more happiness when you get yeah. So you’re saying you’re judging.
You’re saying that people that live like that will not experience as much Yes. Yes. Yes. She’s saying I’m judging. I’m judging these people who look so happy that they’re actually not that happy because when they do that, they will be happier.
Yes. That’s also a touch one. Yeah. I know. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It goes a little bit, but that’s okay. Please please come. Can I do a little side jump for her to make something clear?
Yeah. So in Buddhism, we talk about ultimate reality and we talk about conventional reality. They both exist at the same time. They are like different features of the same kind of thing. In the conventional reality that is where things things are impermanent, changing from moment to moment, where things have a function, where things are like an illusion.
So if everything changes moment by moment by moment, it comes and it goes. The moment it arises is already going. Right? What we do, we hold on to something as if it is real and it’s always there. But in fact, your chair is conventional reality.
Your body is conventional reality. They’re changing moment to moment. They are impermanent. Well, they are, but I I thought that that was more like ultimate reality. No.
This is no. Conventional reality. So that is everything that we see. Then we have certain thoughts about that, which might not be in accord with this conventional reality. For instance, we think that many things are permanent instead of impermanent.
And thinking I do not mean on the cortex level, you know, because we can, with a rational mind, can say no, I know the chair is impermanent, but my mind deep inside perceived the chair as permanent. I think that this chair is the same chair as two seconds ago. Alright, so intuitively things appear as being permanent. That’s not in accord with reality. True?
So this is how I see it. So the teachers say this is how things exist on a conventional level. We create something, so for instance we see that things are independent. We perceive things as that they do not come into existence due to many causes and conditions. If somebody beats me, you know, then I think I blame that person, you did that.
I do not realize that there were many many causes and conditions that lead up to that one experience. Right? I just blame one, whatever I can. Independent, so of causing conditions, for instance. In reality, it does depend.
When I see the chair, it looks like that is one thing there. I do not see see that a chair is made out of many parts. I do not see that a chair was before it was a chair, it was something else. It was metal and it was cotton and I do not see the fields where the cotton grew and I don’t see all that. I just see a chair and I have somehow to believe it’s one thing, one chair.
I do not see the parts. I do not see how it came together. So, perception is different from how things actually exist. So if you look at our perception, you can say we’re living in a constant hallucination that is not telling us how things really exist. So this is how things exist on a conventional level.
And then if you look on the ultimate level, they say that everything is empty of inherent existence which means that nothing exists in and of in and of itself. That there is not a true existence in the sense that if there is a chair because we name it a chair. Before we name that a chair, the chair was not a chair. So this arises together. This is very very very subtle.
So we cannot see that with our eyes. We can only see that when we meditate and when we have really a lot of knowledge about how things exist and do not exist. This one we can’t see with our eyes, but because this is also quite subtle, we cannot realize this nature of conventional reality. Instead, we realize this, we see this. This is a deception due to the coarseness of our sense organs, of our body, of our thinking, our rational mind.
This is a complete hallucination. This is like an illusion. Does that make sense? Yes. So, they say when we realize this, all suffering is gone.
When we realize, when we realize, what you want to realize is you want to realize both, both at the same time. But for a long time we realize this when we are awake and when we are, you know, interacting with the world, we realize this in meditation. Then we come out of meditation and we go back to this world. And when we go back to this world, our sense organs still give us a little bit of this information, but because we have this knowledge, we are more able to see these qualities in reality. Right?
And then slowly, slowly you refine your perception and then eventually you will be able to see both at the same time. When you do that, you’re perfectly happy. Never ever will any kind suffering arise in your mind. Never ever. So you accept the ultimate reality in yourself?
Or No. Or you Sort of when you die. It comes it comes by very quickly, but, normally we can’t recognize it because we haven’t recognized it in our life. So only when you realize it in your life, you can recognize it when you die. Otherwise, you know, at the moment this is always present, but we can’t see it, can we?
So how can we recognize it when we die if we can’t recognize it when we are awake? Too subtle. Well, it’s too subtle. It’s like we’re just not capable of doing that. But we can train and become capable.
Does that make sense? Yeah. So when I’m talking about is that in accord with reality, I’m already talking about is it in a court with how things conventionally exist? That’s the main question. Yep.
Okay. Sidetracked. Are we gonna talk about humility? And I want you guys to go in groups. humility is not easy.
So we can do an exercise exercise if you want, and that we go in little groups of let me see. Two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve, thirteen. Is that three groups? Two of four and one of five. Yeah.
And that we talk about because we talk about, you know, humility is actually not so valid in a culture. Pride is. So at the moment, we still cultivating pride. What kind of beliefs do we hold on to that makes us developing pride? Yeah.
But I want you to do that in groups and then write it down. And then I give you And I’ll write the questions down. What beliefs do we hold on to that makes that we keep on developing pride? Why do we think it’s so important to develop that? How do we depend upon that?
Are these beliefs true? That’s the second question. And then how would we feel if we let go of these beliefs? How would our life change in our actions, how we relate to others, and how we find meaning. Yeah.
And I’ll write the questions down. You want me to count? One, two, three four. One two three One two three four. Five.
Yeah. Three groups. And you get ten minutes. Write it down. Now we come back to the group, and then we do a meditation exercise.
Yeah. The loop right. Yep. Can I ask you one thing? Can you make sure that everybody talks in your group?
Because some people are so quiet that we have to encourage them to talk. Maybe not. But Come back. Excuse me. I ring the gong.
That was a little bit more than ten minutes. I’m very sorry. Let’s see if we can come to if we think the same. I don’t know. What beliefs do we hold on to?
What did you come up with? Just I am more important? Yeah. I am more important. Winning is important.
We have grown. This is competition. So if there’s a group of twenty, how many people can win? We’ll talk about that later. I think this is for mind.
Not sure. There are other ways how you can learn. What what else? So I say self worth depends on how much money you have as a belief? That’s just one of the beliefs that you saw.
What beliefs do you guys hold on to? I don’t know how much money you have. I want to hear personal beliefs. Successes? What is that?
That Belief. Yes. You can continue to start thinking that. And if you can replace the task, then you sit back and go, what painted that room? Is that is that defined pride or is that diluted pride?
It’s the length that that we develop that brings pride. But is that is that diluted pride or good Okay. I’m not completely one hundred percent sure. I can imagine that it can contribute somehow but we’ll leave it there. Yep.
If I am right, then I’m not a failure. Yep. I’m not a failure when I’m right? Yes. I’m right.
Can I turn it around? If I’m wrong, I’m a failure. No. I’m not I’m not failure when I’m right. Yeah.
Yeah. This is a strong one. And this is something that is not successful when I’m right when I’m right. When I’m so yeah. What what you said was?
I’m a failure when I’m not. Yeah. So you’re successful Well, at least you not fail. So I fail when I’m wrong. I fail when I’m wrong.
That’s behind that, isn’t it? I think in the whole world maybe. More? So if I say that I come back to what you said, separation. I am I stand alone and I am independent.
These are already, already, already beliefs that we hold on to that make that happen. But if you look at at how much separation there is here between ourselves and the world and then you think about what if we would start working together and that it’s going to be more important that we work harmoniously together than necessarily my success. So instead of thinking I’m more important, just say the success of the group is more important, it’s most important. Winning is most important. You can think working together is most important.
Can I create activities where people learn to work together and enjoy whatever result comes from that together instead of doing that individual thing? I’m not saying that you should not do this at all, you know, but I’m just putting you something else forward. If you are a leader because because you are just a leader and you know that when you step in that position you can actually be of greatest benefit to that group. There’s nothing wrong with being a leader. You know, that’s just the qualities that you have and that you offer to the group.
Nothing wrong with it. But if you say, hey, I’m the leader here and I’m more important. My opinion is more important than you are and I’m right here. So we have to, you know, then then it becomes different. No.
But that’s because they were raised here in the West in a certain time. They had certain values. Victoria idea of being correct. That’s the biggest one. I am right.
I am right. How strong do we hold on to that? And if somebody lets us know that maybe we are not right, we keep on thinking about that all day. But I’m right and I will prove I’m right and how do we gonna do that? We all do that.
It’s not just you. We all do that. I do that definitely. That is pride, you know, and that makes you not happy. That makes you but if you can think about, alright, so how can I use this opportunity to learn something?
Or how can I create from this situation something that is going to be most beneficial to everybody? And even if you think about the people who are involved, how can I make them happy with the situation how it is right now? And let go of your own right. You might be right or you might be wrong, it really doesn’t matter. But holding on to that, that is causes a lot of suffering.
Because we believe so strong at the moment that we need to be right in order to feel good. So then when you’re wrong you really feel really, really, really bad. So first you have to let go of the belief that you necessarily need to be right and then you can also make mistakes. Who doesn’t make mistakes? You know, so the stronger you do this then the stronger you’re going to do that.
Personally, I go with that one, I don’t need to be right. Then the fear of being wrong just gets less. Yeah. How do we feel if we let go of the beliefs? Have you tried that?
And? You feel free or you Free? Naked? Yeah. I heard that.
Vulnerable? Insecurity? A whole image. Sometimes there’s a whole me, isn’t it, that how we present ourselves to the world? And we take it off, and there we are naked.
humble. humble. humble. So just by letting go, straight away go to that quality. So that means we do not have to develop that quality in a sense of there is nothing there.
What we have to do is to remove this one and then naturally the humility is there. Being feeling naked or vulnerable is part of humility. Being if we are naked, we also somehow drop our armor, you know, and we are we we are ready to engage with the world. We we We have nothing to hide, nothing to protect, nothing to Yeah. So if you are if you see that this is like a burden, and when you let the beliefs go, you get a freedom.
And, yes, you do feel naked, and it might in the beginning be a little bit scary. Is would it be scary? Is it? Could be. Mixture.
What can I mistake from you? Yeah. So in Buddhism, we say that protection shield that we build up is actually not a real protection. It’s actually damaging yourself all the time. So the best protection is actually to generate compassion for yourself or others.
So, that’s like a softness that you have where you just want everybody to be free of suffering. The more you generate it in your heart, the more protected you are from any harm that comes from outside. But I think, I don’t know, if you really go to a very vulnerable place, although you’re vulnerable, although you’re insecure, although you’re somehow I feel you are untouchable, it’s almost like, know, even if somebody would come in who would be rude, somehow they might not even see you or they might suddenly change their mind or they might, you know, not do what they intended to do. But if you see somebody with the protection, hey, you wanna see if you can open that up. But what do we do when we see somebody being vulnerable?
Yeah. So what if we feel we have a little bit, you know, I wanna be right. I had a I had a conflict with somebody and I thought, but I know I’m right and I’m going to tell that person that I was right and he was wrong. So, I go to this person and this person and I have really determination and I thought about it many times that I have enough reasons why I can prove I was right and I go in the room and there is this person and he is completely disarmed. What do I do?
What does it do with me? I lose the need to myself, isn’t it? I’m not going to say, and you know what? I wouldn’t be able to do that. Just seeing that person in that state immediately I drop my armor to.
Sorry? Sorry. Said it at might that, oh, okay. I’m not gonna have to know. But someone else who doesn’t have to know, will actually impact that person.
Is that really true? Because I had the get three names after him. They’ll send him his VA because it’s the way of the world. Business is all But I’m talking about that you have a yeah. Being vulnerable is not the same as being stupid.
Right? No. Look. If we have examples, I was in court last week just before I think I’d come here and I was getting. It was easy to have that compassion, that Mhmm.
And love and well-being you’re surrounded by. Then I go But there were three people. That weakness and he went for it, and the lawyers went for it. Mhmm. That’s and that’s what you see in our Mhmm.
People do cry on vulnerable. That’s not necessarily rare. Yeah. But there are different ways of being vulnerable. Right?
One is one is that you have vulnerable is that you show who you are or vulnerable is that you have a weakness where somebody can’t tap in. I see that as two different things. So what you were saying is that when you saw that I was talking about you have a conflict conflict with somebody with so one person, one person. Right? As soon as you get a third one in, you already start messing things up.
When? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Think so. It’s giving up and then Yeah. I think that we are talking about it’s very difficult to talk about the mind and about I don’t know. It’s it’s it’s you’re talking about is a nice, wonderful position of strength.
We wanna see that. That’s our practice. Think all women are afraid because that’s the weakness. But I mean, that’s not what we’re looking at. No.
I have yeah. It’s it’s like you can be which is weak, or you can be vulnerable, which is a strength. That’s a different thing. Know what you’re getting at, but it’s it’s just the reality that we see every day. Yeah.
But I know what you’re saying, and then it and it’s quite correct. Mean, is you know, if you if you if you sweep away this delusion I think, you know, because I I can imagine what you guys are saying, and I can see that, and I can it has happened in my life or whatever. But if I really honestly check inside my mind then in these situations I did not really drop my protection. But a moment that I really drop my protection, I’ve never ever had somebody encountering me in an aggressive way so far. And every time it’s still very, very, very scary to drop that protection.
So then you hold back and you might not drop it completely and when you don’t drop it completely, you already open up for more dispute or, you know, disharmony. Yes. But if you want to fight about who can win, you need two people who fight. And then one can appear as the victim and one can appear as the perpetrator, but you still need two people. If one person would step out and not fight, really not fight, there cannot be anything.
But how to do that is a real art. And I do not have the quality to do that. I know that if something happens, there are two people involved. And you need both for it to happen. And if one stops playing their role, the game is over.
I’m lose anymore. But most people are locked in. And won’t I won’t say the card. Anybody can make a decision to go. Okay.
Thank you. You just missed the meditation, but thank you for coming. Thanks. Hope to see you again. This week, hopefully.
Okay. Great. See you, Jonathan. Yeah. And you can only look into your own mind.
Yeah. Yeah. But I think before you practice, you first have to see that is actually good quality. And in order to develop, that’s a quality where I will experience more peace, more contentment, more, you know, what other quality you would like to have in your life. In order to do that, I have to give up all these things that in society look like they’re going to benefit me.
I have to let it go. Letting go of need for success doesn’t mean that you won’t get success. It’s that you’re holding on to or you’re striving for success. You stop doing that. And success might if success we say in your karma, it will naturally come.
You do not have to push for that. Right? If you’re right, you’re net you know, it’s like you you you stop holding on to that and making that important. I don’t know if you guys wanna do meditation or that we just do a dedication. Meditation?
I wanted to do a meditation on that you that you look inside and how you can change it because yeah. I do hear you talk a lot about, you know, this is what people do and this is and the only thing what we can look at really is that what do I do and what can I do differently to make it better for me? Sounds selfish, but what you’re doing, if you create more humility, you actually make it better for everybody. You know? So in that sense, looking for me is looking for everybody.
Talking about how other people feel and think and and why they do that, and that’s that’s all hypothetical. Very difficult word. So try also when you go home, you know, when you take this with you, just look inside. Just look inside.
Just talk to yourself. Look at yourself and work there. That’s the only place we have. That’s the only workplace we have. Is that okay?
Not easy, but can be done. Alright. So sit down comfortably. Close your eyes. Doing this meditation is not about sitting still.
It’s just about, you know, making sure that you feel completely relaxed. And then think about a situation in your life that is or was a challenge or was threatening for you. A situation that cause causes or caused you mental and or physical suffering. And when you recall that situation, reflect on the details. Who was involved and what was said?
Most importantly, how is it affecting you now? How was it affecting you in the past? How does it affect your health? While you go over the details, try to feel what happens in your body. Notice where you carry the tension, the stress, or physical symptoms related to this.
And then focus on that sensation in your body. Go to the place in your body where you feel most. And then have a look at it. Is that sensation closer to the skin or maybe deeper inside? If that sensation will has a would have a shape, what kind of shape would it have?
And if it was a color, what would that be? If it had a density, what does it feel like? Solid, translucent, or something else? Does it feel cool, hot, or neutral? And if it had its own mind, what is the main emotion there?
What is it feeling? How old does it feel, that sensation? Does it feel young like it hasn’t been there for a very long time, or does it feel old or ancient? And when it was first put there, ask what its job or purpose was. Even if that isn’t helping you now, it may help them.
And if so, how? So that sensation may also be carrying some wisdom. Ask the sensation what it knows. And then check. Are you willing to let it change in a way that will be more beneficial?
And if so, then you can, in your mind, ask for help to allow humility to influence the situation. And this can come from the quality itself or from a wise part of your own mind. Just let go and watch what happens to the image and the feeling in the area of your body that you identified earlier. Let it change as you ask for help. Allow to change much as possible or as much as is appropriate at this time.
Or if it can’t change, simply accept it as it is. And familiarize yourself with any new feeling, image or insight. What do you know now? What have you learned? And then imagine that you offer whatever transformation or insight you have to others who are in a similar situation anywhere in the world and also to those who were involved in the problem in the first place.
And then bring your awareness back into the room. And if you feel ready, open your eyes. This might be an exercise that you wanna do more than once, maybe even for the same situation because it can work quite deep. And you can basically shift anything that you would like to shift, anything that is still bothering you and is in your mind. Just try to check where it is in your body and what kind of feelings arise and use these techniques to change it.
Did that make a shift when you did that? Yep. Interesting. Okay. Thank you for coming.
So now I’m not sure you think that next time you have more needs to talk about humility or not. Because my plan was just to move on. You happy with that? Yeah. Good.
Good. If there are any questions, you know, we can always do that. Maybe five minutes in the beginning or yeah. Thank you for coming.