Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. Ven Jamyang frames this 124-minute session with the insight that we should dream as if we’ll live forever, yet live as if we’ll die today—capturing the essence of delight, the uplifting joy of presence and the fourth guideline in his series on cultivating happiness. Building on earlier teachings about humility, patience, and contentment, he explores why children naturally embody delight while adults lose it to habitual thinking about past and future, unmet expectations, and cultural conditioning that replace spontaneity with judgment. Through group exercises, practitioners identify qualities of a calming presence—generosity, patience, compassion, trustworthiness—and examine what blocks their development: unrecognized insecurity, the illusion of control, the obsessively wound-up mind. The core teaching: by recognizing that negative patterns don’t actually serve us and shifting from constant doing to simple being, happiness naturally arises.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 2009 03 09 16 guidelines – delight.mp3
UUID: 391f3251-b743-4a7a-beda-cdd6e54bb37b
Teacher: Ven Jamyang
Collection: 16 guidelines for life june (Ven Jamyang)
Date: 2009-03-09
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 124.2 minutes
Words: ~13,376
Welcome, everybody. Let’s see if you knew faces. You’re here for the first time, and you and all of us, you have been here before. Right? You have been here before?
You haven’t? Haven’t? I recognize you. You must be going somewhere else. Right.
So I’m Jamyang and we are talking at the moment about the sixteen guidelines for a happy life. For those, you don’t have a sheet, do you? You have one? Yeah. Just that you can have a look.
Oh, and one for this gentleman in the back. So the sixteen guidelines are like ways of thinking, ways of acting, ways of relating to others, ways of giving meaning to your life which are beneficial for the mind. And beneficial for the mind means that they make us happy. They make us happy in the short term, they make us happy in the long term and also they make others happy. And if we look into how we think and how we act and how we relate to others for instance we can already see about oh we have some problems there.
You know there is nobody who never has relationship problems. There is nobody who never does something that I later think oh I wish I’d done that differently. There was nobody who was one hundred percent happy with themselves like you know I really did that well. There was always something that we think oh I wish I hadn’t done that or I wish I could change wasn’t like this or So the guidelines have their basis in Buddhism but they are not Buddhism itself. They’re written by a Tibetan king about a thousand years ago and he was a very good Dharma practitioner but he wanted to make the Dharma available to the normal people, to the lay people.
So that’s why he wrote the text which had all these values mentioned. And some Westerners have started working with the text and they came up with the book The sixteen Guidelines for a Happy Life where all the ingredients of the text are put into them. So we have been talking the last three classes about how we think and how we can change our thinking in a way that we start feeling better about ourselves, that we it’s like you get an idea how you can be more skillful, to think about your life, how to think about others, how to think about yourself. And we talked about humility as the opposite of pride. You know, I think I was going to say all Westerners suffer from pride but I can’t see your mind.
So almost all Westerners suffer from your mind, suffer from pride in the sense that we either had a feeling that we are more superior than others and we look a little bit down on those who have less intelligence or don’t function as good as we think we function or know don’t have a good job, don’t have a nice car, any reason we can look down on people. But also the flip side that actually inside we have a low self esteem. We think low about ourselves. We feel that we’re never good enough. We feel that no matter what we’re doing, you know, it’s never enough.
So with that and that feeling of feeling superior or feeling inferior that has is called pride, deluded pride and the antidote to that or the value that helps to contract the function of pride is humility. humility being aware that we are part of the whole and that we can learn from everybody. Approaching somebody with the attitude I can learn from you is different than when we approach somebody and think know who are you? I know better. Or we approach somebody with a feeling I’m not good enough you know.
If we say I can learn from you there is like an equality in that relationship. You are more equal than when you look down or look up towards somebody. True? So then the next week we talked about patience and patience being the opposite of anger. And if we see how anger is an emotion that seems very justified, know, if somebody harms us, hurts us, says something that we do not like, we feel we have the right to be angry and we start to make all kinds of judgments about that person and we start to fuel our anger and especially if we don’t talk about it there’s only one person who really suffers from that and that is us, you know.
And when I’m angry and I start thinking about it I’m the one who’s suffering from that, not the person that I’m angry with. That person doesn’t really know about that maybe even. And anger is a very especially if it gets bigger and bigger it’s a very destructive emotion. It’s the most destructive emotion that we can have because it’s just focused on I want to harm, you know, either a person or a thing or I want to destroy, I want to break something, I want to make sure that somebody feels just as much hurt as I feel or preferably even more hurt than I feel. I want to teach them a lesson.
Anger. Anger is very, disturbs our peace and with that it disturbs our happiness. The opposite of that is patience. Patience is a mind that is not disturbed with whatever happens around you. It’s not disturbed by harm.
So if somebody says nasty words to us, normally the mind starts immediately to go a little bit frantic. When we have patience we just the mind stays calm and we say, you know, are you okay? Is everything alright with you that you have to say these things? And you can imagine that if you really have patience you become like a place of stillness around all the craziness that is in the world, you know, and people will think: Wow, that’s a peaceful person and I like that. We like peaceful people, isn’t it?
We might think that having a peaceful mind is a little bit boring and you know it’s all so quiet and so calm and not really stories are happening and but at the same if we look at other people we like the peaceful people because we feel that there is a lot of space for us when we are with a peaceful person. Am I making this up or is that true? Do you recognize that? So last week we talked about contentment. Contentment as the opposite of greed.
And greed is wanting more than you need. You know, thinking that if I have all this I’m gonna be happy. And that need is much bigger than that we actually the want is much bigger than the need that we have to survive. And wanting more and more and more, this that and we know that even if we want and even if we get it that doesn’t make us content. That makes us actually discontent.
Alright? Because anything that we get there is a dissatisfaction comes after that. Even if you have the most beautiful car and the most beautiful wife and a successful job and there is always something that says, ‘Ma, can’t I do this better? How can I prove?’ You know, it’s like there is also always something wrong, always something is not perfect? You don’t see anybody who is always happy because his life is always perfect.
Doesn’t exist, is it? Even you have a fantastic car there can be something that you would like to have differently, know? Another color on your dashboard or whatever. It’s like you just change your needs, you know, from something what we laugh about that. But for somebody who has a lot of money that might be very realistic, you know, demand.
We might be happy having a CD player instead of the radio or the tape recorder or you know somebody else might be happy having a radio because they have nothing or it depends what you have but we always have this tendency I want to have more, I want to have better, I want to have And by doing that we that feeling of dissatisfaction, that hollow feeling, that empty feeling. And no matter what we get that feeling never goes away, that can just grow. The more we try to stop it the more it will grow. So by practicing contentment we counteract that. And when we practice contentment we say I’m happy with what I have.
I look at what I have and I’m happy with that. That’s okay. I’m not striving for more. When more comes, great, I enjoy it. But when this is what I have, that’s good enough.
I like it. It’s good for me. It gives me what I need. So today we’re going to talk about, so we have done pride, anger and greed. Which other disturbing emotion would could we look at?
What disturbing emotions do we have? Jealousy. So what will be the opposite? Did I already say that? Joy.
A kind of joy. We call it delight. That’s a joyful feeling. But I thought we’ll start with the meditation and we go through the the guidelines that we have done so far so that you get a feel for that. And then we go into what delight is and what the opposite of delight is.
Yeah. So meditation doesn’t mean anything else than sitting and thinking about something, you know, just sitting with yourself and thinking about something. So it’s not a mystical thing. It’s very practical, very down to earth. And for that, you just make sure that you sit comfortable.
That’s the main thing. So it’s good if you have a straight back. And if you’re sitting on a chair, it’s good to put your feet on the floor on on a cushion if that is more comfortable. Your hands on your lap. Your shoulders relaxed.
Your head is a little bit bent forward. Your tongue is touching your palate. And your eyes are closed, but allow a little bit of light to come in so that we don’t fall asleep. And then bring your mind or your awareness to your body. Focus on your breathing.
Whatever you feel, you can observe the breathing in your body. That’s where you focus your attention to. And try to let go of any thoughts, any images or feelings that arise. And you can imagine that every time you breathe out, you let go more. You let go more of your thoughts, more of your feelings.
You don’t follow the thoughts and feelings. You just let them go. Then whenever you become distracted and do get caught up in your thoughts and feelings, just bring your awareness gently back to the sensation of the breath going in and out. And allow yourself to completely come to rest. And then we call to mind values that we have discussed so far.
Think about humility, which is the attitude of experiencing the world and what is with wonder and awe. Seeing ourselves as a small part of a vast cosmos, inhabited by people and creatures whom we can learn from. Try to tune into that feeling, that attitude. And feel that the attitude of humility is a quiet strength. We don’t feel better or worse than anybody else, where you acknowledge your strength and weaknesses, and where you realize your interdependency with all beings.
And call to mind the quality of patience, which is the ability to control our reactions and retain our peace of mind no matter what happens around us. Feel that it is as a protective suit or armor. It gives you the flexibility and strength not to be a victim of circumstances. Instead of getting agitated or angry, you remain calm, peaceful, and open, giving way to your inner wisdom to surface. And then think about the mind of contentment, which is a state of mind in which we find a point of still stillness within ourselves, which allows us to be quietly happy whatever our situation may be, and to be at peace with who we are.
Try to connect with that mind, letting go your neediness and demands to the world and yourself. And then be aware of the change of feeling that has happened over the last ten minutes while we did the meditation. How do you feel right now? And then when you are ready, you come back to your body and slowly open your eyes. Does that give a change of feeling?
Can you just let them be? Yes. You didn’t follow them. That’s new for you. Interesting.
Is that good? Uh-huh. I don’t have to follow them. Oh, wow. I have a choice.
Wow. Is that nice? Does that give you peace and contentment and These qualities that came into your mind. So just by tuning into what is the quality, what does humility mean? By thinking about humility the mind changes.
Simple, isn’t it? And when you think about humility before you’re gonna meet somebody where you know that that person is gonna trigger your pride and you’re gonna feel superior or you’re insecure or and you think about humility before you go in. How would it affect your conversation? Yeah, it’s very simple isn’t it? But so powerful, so easy to apply.
Yeah, I don’t know. I’m always, every time I think oh wow, oh wow, wow, that it works like this. So quick and so easy and difficult to remember though. And the only reason why that is, is that I think we are so habituated to a certain way of reacting. We are so habituated that, you know, well we are angry in this kind of situations or, you know, not going to accept that when somebody says this to me or does that to me.
We are so habituated and it’s like we share that with so many human beings. So we do not meet many people who say Have you ever tried, you know, to practice a little bit more humility when you meet with a person like that? We meet people who say: Yeah, you shouldn’t accept that! You know, they just help you to fuel your pride instead of helping. So that means that a habit is not only in us very strong but in everybody around us which means that to get pulled out of that you need to do something different and not rely on people who help you to fuel your delusions.
If you’re humble sometimes I get comments from people saying I think you were just a doormat in that situation, you just let them get away with that. But I don’t feel that I did. I don’t feel that the person responds to you not saying anything and thinks about their own actions in their own time. But you often get people saying, what did what did do that for? Mhmm.
You’re turning into a doormat. But it’s difficult to find that fine balance, know, where you’re not a doormat and where you don’t go into your pride. It’s like thinking, isn’t it? That if any time you don’t speak up and argue back with that person and be assertive to the point of aggressive, that you’re being a doormat, there’s no happy medium in our culture. We’re sort of taught to stand up and get angry back and retaliate in an equal sort of way.
If you’re angry, then you meet them with anger. You don’t But they’re only looking at that situation. You can see from the bigger picture to know that next Or maybe they haven’t tried that themselves to see that it actually works better. Well, you’re the only person who knows what is really going on in your mind, you know? And you have to find a balance between, you know, you have to check if you’re really not a doormat.
Because yes, you can appear like that but humility is also a strength, you know. And I think when you are really humble people see you are strong. People don’t think oh you’re a doormat. So if people give you that comment you have to check, you know. It’s not everyone, it’s just a few people that I think advocate dealing with situations in a strong way.
A loud way maybe? Yeah. Yeah, not strong necessarily. Yeah. Have to change our language a little bit.
Alright, so today we’re going to talk about Delight. Gonna try to do it without any noise today. So far. So I’ll write you a quote. Dream as if you live forever and live as if you’ll die today.
What is delight? Is that a difficult one? Enjoy. There, did it. Oh my god.
Sorry. Yeah. I’m recording heard that. And we we discussed last week contentment, which is as which is the value that counteracts greed. So I’m not going to put that with delight.
Is that okay? So you can also give me qualities of delight and contentment is part of that, but or it’s maybe even underlying, but delight itself is something What is it? I’m Dutch. So for me to hear delight, I think, what is that? What is that?
It’s a really unexpected. Something happens and you’re like, wow. And you’re really happy, but you didn’t really expect it. It’s a, yeah, a really nice surprise. A nice surprise that makes you happy?
Well, it’s really happy feeling. But it is a happy feeling. Something that lifts you up. Yeah. So it’s uplifting.
Who is good in having delight, in experiencing delight? Who are big examples? Children. Children. So what is that?
What are they doing? How does it look like? Spontaneity. Spontaneity? How did you say honey?
Spontaneity. How do spell that? E I t y. E I t y. Laughter?
We do, but it’s right. Maybe that’s why they fell off because we didn’t do enough. Don’t tell this fellow. There’s none of that at Buddha House. How do we do that?
Do we still do that? How the dog is pick up laugh. Uh-huh. Laughter. So what do children have that we do not have?
They have spontaneity. Innocence. Innocence. It’s funny, isn’t it? Does that give delight?
Not always, Yeah? Is that part of humility? Where you have that openness for what’s going to come? And then when something happens, you know, the butterfly comes and then the delight comes and So but if you look at this because there’s a quite many that we have and you look at living in the moment. How did I do this?
I did something strange. Living in the moment, innocence, less expectations, spontaneity. It’s almost like we lost that somehow, isn’t it? We lost our innocence, we lost being spontaneous, we do not live in the moment. Why?
What is that? What are we doing? What happens during our life that we stop being like that? Responsibility. Responsibility?
Is that what kills us? Is that right? You feel that too? Responsibility and busyness. So when does that start?
When you have children. So until you have children, okay, now I’m going to do bliss debate. So that means that until you have children you still have innocence living in the moment. So it’s not the kids. Then what is it?
You say responsibility when you go to work. So that means that before you go to work you’re still not sure? Where do we lose it? I don’t know what the word is but sometimes I think it’s the expectations from childhood, it’s something you might say to your peers, Oh, I saw a little dog on the way to school this morning, they go, So? And then you sort of learn that, Okay, well that’s not that good, and so I won’t actually find joy in that anymore.
And I think people take that away from you, it’s like a peer thing and maybe their parents have taken them away a little bit earlier and so they take that away from you when you’re outside of the business. So then when the child is born and when they’re young we think oh they’re so nice and so cute and how wonderful and then they reach a certain age and then suddenly they have different expectations, you know. Now you’re a grown up boy, now you can’t do this anymore, come on, you’re a girl, you have to do this and we have to let go of something in ourselves which is actually very, precious. At a certain point there is no appreciation for that quality anymore, right? So then we learn, Oh, we do not do that.
We as adults don’t do that or we as children don’t do that. And we disconnect from that quality which is actually just a happy quality. And as you see, you know, living in the moment then you have to go back to Buddha house because you don’t know anyone how to be in the moment. You know, and then we just start doing the mindfulness meditation where you learn how to do that. And when you live in the moment you stop sinking, you try not to follow your sinking anymore.
And when we think we have all these judgments like, Oh no, know, boys don’t do this and that’s ridiculous and that’s just stupid when we act like that and Oh no, I can’t do that then this and this person. We have all these reasons why we cannot follow whatever pops up in our mind. And the moment we do follow it, you know there will be people who say, did you see that? She’s ridiculous and ugh. You know, and maybe you get excluded or whatever.
But it’s a pity, isn’t it? Because it’s a very very pure quality I think that just having joy of life, joy in life. I was just thinking just before you said it, you were saying, why do you lose delight in joy? For me and maybe a lot of people, it’s I think the word obsessed is a bit strong. You can just be thinking about things that have happened in the past all the time.
You can be thinking about, oh, what’s gonna happen next year? What’s gonna happen next week? And it’s ridiculous. There are books about how ridiculous it is, but it’s very hard not to think that way. It’s a It actually takes away living your life.
Yeah. You know, because you know what are thoughts? Thoughts are just ideas that you have but life is really happening right here. And when we start thinking about what happened and what might happen we’re not here anymore. So whatever happens now we miss, you know, because we’re still trying to fix the past or we start, we try to prepare for the future.
Yeah, we do do that. But where does it go wrong? You know, reprogram the brain. Mhmm. We can do that.
I think taking things for granted takes the delight out of something. Uh-huh. Like, for example, you know, the bad weather, raining, dark dull, and then suddenly you get a sunny day. You just think you can stand here and just let the sun shine, and nothing else matters. Mhmm.
But you don’t miss it, and you don’t realize how valuable it is until you don’t have it. Yeah. And I think you don’t take the delight in the same things that you actually Yeah. Or the first rainy day when we haven’t had rain and then you’re like, isn’t it beautiful? It’s it’s refreshing.
It’s nice. But, yeah, it’s raining, filling up our racing was a little bit like, how’s the weather? And we want this stop again. Mhmm. That also has to do with not being in the moment, isn’t it?
Yeah. It’s like it’s like or having some discomfort or you can also be in the moment and think, you know, this is fun. How fantastic I feel rain on my skin and how does it feel like and know, rain has a funny, there’s a discomfort in it but there is also a lot of fun in it and same with the sun. And it’s up to us what we’re going to focus upon. And somehow we learn to make it dark and stop the fun.
I think that the opposite of delight is where we stop the fun, you know, and a lot has to do with thinking. We think things dead. It’s like we just kill it with our thinking. Right? And that’s what we do with our children and that’s what we do with ourselves.
But isn’t it also because of the discipline? Like the one thing that I thought, you know, I love my experience in Bhutan so much and really connected with Buddhism. But what I felt sad for was all the young all the young kids that were studying at all the schools, and they had the discipline monk. And, you know, if they drop it off to sleep, they’d give a big whack. Yeah.
But does that necessarily, would block the delight? That’s the question isn’t it? Did the older people have delight? Yes. Yes.
Absolutely. So how is that possible? Because they also have been beaten with a stick and still they have delight, you know. We were beaten with a stick and we lost our light. They didn’t.
Why? Because how am going to say this? The opposite of delight is delusion, isn’t it? Like jealousy of darkness or you know with your thought it’s like you put out a fire or that’s like that’s not a natural state of mind. That’s actually there a lot of ego in that.
And if you have a strong ego you are very good in doing that. Why you let the darkness in? Sorry? You let darkness in, yeah. You make it dark.
Yes. And I think when you’re more responsible and when you’re more busy and it becomes more and more difficult to be in the moment. You know, you have to think, oh, what did I do last week and what do I have to do next week? It becomes very much, you know, your thoughts are gonna go away to the path and the future. When you live in a monastery I spoke to a monk and he said: I was so happy, I was so happy in the monastery because if you study the Dharma, the Dharma goes against the delusions.
So as long as you’re studying the dharma, your delusions cannot surface, not possible. So then when you read the text and you do the memorization, these delusions cannot surface. When you, what else are they doing, the debate, the debate is focused on getting rid of the delusions, you know. So they constantly, the whole day, they’re applying themselves to something that gets rid of all the delusions. They become free of the delusions and what we feel as a burden and the darkness and that is the delusion.
So when they get hit by the stick they normally get hit because delusions come in. Know there is somebody who is angry, there is somebody who is doing nasty, is somebody then they get hit because they don’t want them to follow that illusion. To us it looks like that’s very limiting. They’re not allowed to express themselves anyway or whatever but they are not allowed to go there. They’re not allowed to go into that illusion.
No, they say if you hear the monks talking about it they say I’m so grateful that I got hit because they just hit the rubbish out of me. Is it used as a trigger to get rid of me? Is that the thing? That’s the purpose behind it. Yeah.
But that’s something very different. Oh, that’s different. Can you see that? So what in your mind would stop you from going, well, don’t hit me. That just makes me angrier kind of thing.
Because we’re there, I don’t know, this is me filling in right and I think that especially the more contact they have with Westerners at a certain point they’re going to say stop hitting me please you know or they will get angry when that happens. If you are in situation where the delusions stay very quiet and your delusion comes up that starts feeling like a burden, you know. So when the monks come out of the monastery and they start to mix with us, a few years ago we had a group of monks here and they did a tour around in Australia and you know they’re everywhere they have nice food and a nice place to live and people take them everywhere and they have really, you know, and yes they do also nice, you know, some work in between but they also have a good time and people buy them stuff and we think wow they had a fantastic, they must have had a So you talk to them and they say oh no it’s so bad we can’t go back because you know our minds go crazy and it’s very painful to feel that, that the emotions get stirred up.
So they feel it as a relief to go back because finally they can just study and they can, you know, they don’t have to think anymore and they don’t, not like that. But when do we punish because somebody doesn’t do what I want? That’s not caring about you, you know. But if I see that you are a beautiful person and when all your qualities surface, you are happy, everybody around you is happy and then something happens and you start getting angry and then I say, Hey, you know, go back. That’s different than I do out of compassion for you.
But and also for you, you know, not for me because I want you to do something. That’s really, you know, that’s sick in itself, I think. If it happens everywhere I don’t know, you know, but I know that this is the intention behind it. But they also have delusions, you know, just like us. And you would have to talk to them.
In general, I don’t know, I even wonder what if I think the more we have and the more possessions we have and the more responsibility and the more control maybe over the material world the more this happens in the mind. And if you go to countries where there is nothing, where people are poor, is this light that is just spontaneously there and it doesn’t get killed. I don’t know. But we have to work on that. Are people more aware of it though there too?
Seem to be quite closed off to these ideas and thoughts in everyday life. Whereas is it something in those societies that they’re actually taught? I don’t know. Do they talk about it to themselves like why am I delightful or why am I compelled? No, don’t think so.
No. And I think they actually will become like us when they get more and more material wealth. And if you look at India, you know, where this was very, you know, people were very happy and now the material world is just growing so fast and people could become just as discontent as we are and it’s never good enough and Did I interrupt you? I was going to say there’s other cultures that aren’t Buddhist like Bali, they’re still very much if you go out away from the tourist areas, they’re so happy with nothing. They’re delighted with every day and they’re always smiling and happy to wave and the kids are bathing in the river and waving and laughing and it’s beautiful.
So I don’t know if it’s a certain way that something they’re taught is in a certain way, I think it’s that don’t have a lot. So they have less expectations which is what we’ve written up there. And smaller things. And they have less to worry about. And they have less what happened, what they can be worried about.
And they have less to lose less to gain and what’s the big deal? And they’re going out working for the three plasmas in their house and their nice car. They’re staying at home and sweeping their little huts and is emphasizing the point about not relying on wanting things. Mhmm. You know, no matter what it is.
We’re just emphasizing this point by looking at cultures that have got a lot less, and it’s emphasizing the point. I’ve got a video called Baraka and it goes around the world looking at spirituality. In one minute it’s looking at cultures in the world that have got nothing and all these children that are really happy. And then it goes to Tokyo and there’s all these people going to the train station smoking cigarettes and sweating. And then it goes back to a less developed developed culture and every everybody’s at peace and Mhmm.
That’s exactly what I Mhmm. Yeah. Talking talking about different cultures, western society and more underdeveloped is totally emphasising the point about what you’re concerned. But then in the first class we also talked about the fact that you don’t have to be thought to be happy, you don’t have to be No, no, no. But it’s like with what we have cultivated now we also have chucked out some very good values, you know.
But we can practice that again. And it doesn’t mean that we first have to get rid of our material wealth before we can practice this or that that is the way to practice it. But be aware that when I’m attached to material wealth, when I do not focus on everyday life and instead of that think about the past, about the future, then it becomes very very difficult to be really happy, you know, and to feel delight. One way of doing it is to appreciate what I have today. So you can say, and we can do that now maybe, What did you meet today’s situation where you could feel the light?
What was that, did you meet something? I didn’t get out of bed until I had a meditation. That was the time to do that. You slept the whole day? No, not all day.
I got out of the day, in the morning. No time to be delightful? Yeah, that was my delight. That was your delight? Yeah.
What was say that again? Just to meditate. Just to meditate, being able to meditate. Yeah. What were you delighted about?
And you enjoy that moment? Many qualities that Suzanne remembers from that moment. And you could I can always feel it like, oh, wow, yeah, that was nice. And you then assume that the pursuit of material possession is just a self perpetuating one which will not lead to happiness. Yes.
It’s like it’s our desire and desire is a delusion. And the more we follow our desire, the less happy we will become. What about meeting other people’s expectations? Like what what’s your name? Kelly.
What Kelly said? expectations of others, is that what you mean? That other people have expectations from us and when we try to fulfill them we actually lose something from ourselves? It’s true and how can you stay authentic and at the same time help others to be happy? Maybe you change it a little bit in I won’t live what they expect me to be but I can authentically and then do everything I can to benefit them.
That will also make them happy, isn’t it? But I don’t have to give up myself. What made you delight today? I want to have a few more. I bought some King Island cream for half price.
Yes! I spent the day cooking a really nice meal for my family, which I don’t often have the time to do. And I was in the kitchen all day because I did some other baking and our pet dog and our two rabbits were in the kitchen with me stretched out like this with the heater on and it was so nice. All the legs around like this, all of them were stretched out together. When you were working?
While I was cooking and the kids running around playing dress ups. Oh wow. It was nice and warm and cozy and raining outside, which was good. There were lots of things about the whole day. I like doing that when you have time to enjoy it.
Yeah. And when you have time on a day is that we have many times the feeling I have no time. And having the feeling I have no time is like your mind goes faster than where you are right now which means that you lose the moment, you know? Try to fit too much in. Today I was just cooking so I was just standing there and I just stayed with it all Yeah, and then something, the energy shifts, isn’t it?
And then you suddenly start to appreciate the moment and you are much more in the moment. So that’s, yeah, I have that when I have a holiday, a holiday, free day, but it takes quite a while before I get to that place where I think, Oh yeah, now I’m here, yes, yes, now my mind has stopped running around and But it’s a good practice isn’t it to bring the mind back again and again? Very hard. Very hard. Okay we’re going to do some we’re going to do an exercise already.
Yeah maybe. What I would like you to do is to sit in little groups together. How many we have? Two, four, what about if we have? Two, four, Two groups of three and two of four.
So I want you to talk about if you feel sad and depressed and you know heavy and what kind of person would you prefer to be with in order to shift that mind? What kind of qualities does that have that does the person have? And that you make together a list of what kind of qualities that are important. So when you feel sad or depressed or heavy or you know in this feeling of you know that all your life is just fading away. What kind of person would you like to be with in order to shift that mind?
What kind of qualities does that person have? So write down as many qualities as you can. There is no good or bad. Yeah, do that first. Okay?
Yeah, one, two, three, four. You want to sit in another group then, Suzanne? You can choose. No, want to ask Kevin if you want yes? Okay.
You go together. You’re gonna be there. You’re gonna be to the yeah. To the back. That’s good.
You’re four and you’re three. Everybody has a Maybe you can introduce yourself so that you all know each other’s names. Do you have some? You have some? We can bring that back to the group and then I’ll give you another exercise from there.
Stay a little bit where you are. Just if you can turn around. That will be good. So I’m just going to see if we have something in common with each other and then we can do another exercise so don’t walk too far away from your group. Don’t go too far.
Yeah just maybe turn your chair or sit in the chair where you can look. What kind of qualities that we come up with? Someone who is generous. Generous. Patience.
Do people agree? Generous person? Generous and what? Time? So not money.
You know, I feel down here you have two hundred dollars going shopping. It’s not that. Generous and an open heart and giving person. Time, love, compassion. Yeah.
Empathy. Patience. A person who’s patient. Wisdom and skills? Skill Skillful?
Yeah. When we are a little bit down and sad. When we’re sad do we want somebody with humor? Funny humour. Not if you’re really down.
So at a certain point the person with humour can help you but in certain instances maybe better not. Yeah, but sometimes you know sadness goes deeper and deeper. If you’re on your way down you don’t want to meet anybody with humor who tries to pull you out. Want to meet somebody that allows you to go there, who is generous, who’s listening, who gives you space, who so that you can go here and then when you’re here then the humor can come and then that can lift you up. Think, I don’t know, I make this up right now.
It depends on your relationship with that person. But why is that the right sort of humor? You really have to check what is going on for you. Know? For your friends for a reason.
You know have to find them. Yeah. But why do you choose that particular person in that moment? The heart. An open heart Honest?
Mhmm. You’re looking for peace. Unconditional? Is that a little bit the same? Somebody gets you unconditional support.
Yeah yeah. Reliable? Yeah. Trustworthy. What makes somebody trustworthy?
When is somebody trustworthy for you? Confidentiality? Is that also what you mean? Yeah? Sure?
I think you mean something else. Confidentiality. Non judgmental. When we talked about patience and anger, you know, judgment has a lot to do with anger. So when somebody has patience then this normally is absent anyway.
So I want you to think, look at these qualities and I’ll leave them there and you go back to the group and you give yourself two minutes where you’re just quiet together and you think, What would that mean for me if I would have these qualities? How would I change my life? And then you each, you know, take say minutes to give the essence of that. And if you are talking, the other people are listening in the group, really listening, you don’t say, Oh, I have or you don’t actually say nothing you just wait till the person is finished. Okay, can you do that?
We can also do that in the group but I think it’s maybe nicer to do that that with yourself. Is that a clear No. So you look at the qualities and you think for yourself if I would have these qualities, what would it mean for my life? How would I change? How would my life change?
Yeah. And you think about that for a few minutes and then you go back to the group and each of you gets a few minutes to express that and the other people just listen. Yeah? Okay. Is it?
Why? It’s a fantasy. We have to start somewhere, you know? How would my life be? If you can see Wow!
If I could do that I’d be a saint. How wonderful is that? But you can imagine just as that we did in the beginning, how does it feel when I have humility? How does it feel when I have contentment? How does it feel when I have patience?
You did that and you start to feel things and then you imagine, Then what would happen to my life if I would be like that? And you can also take a few, you know, you don’t have to do the whole lot. What would it mean? Would your life change? What would go?
What would come into your life? What, how would you think differently about yourself? Whatever you want to say, you know, and it doesn’t have to be much but try to give the essence what it would mean to you. So a further step in our journey is to be fair to say that a lot of Yeah, yeah. And get some inspiration maybe, you know, like, oh, because although these things are not too difficult to talk about they are quite difficult to practice when we get challenged you know and the more you have a picture what you can become the more you can actually start to actualize that and become that.
Because it’s not a fantasy, you know, it can become reality. Make sure that everybody gets a turn. I have to just go faster than I thought. It would. That’s good.
If you’re done, we can come back. So would your life change? Yeah. No. I didn’t Nice?
Sorry? Would your life change? Yes. Oops. So what do you have to do in order to develop these qualities?
Make a choice. Make a choice. Yeah. Make a choice to if somebody rings up or if you’re in a situation, I am going to try and be patient. Mhmm.
I am going to be try try to be light hearted or just make a choice to try even though you might not feel like that. Make a choice to try and be like that. And then we discuss that maybe in an hour or ten minutes you may start to feel a little bit like that. Make that choice. So what you’re saying, if you make the choice to be more patient and more lightheartedly what you do is you do not go there where your mind automatically would go.
You might not feel like it initially. No, if you say I want to move towards this you say I move away from something else so you’re going to move away from your own heaviness and you’re not going to let that story bring you there what the person is telling you. So what if you are in a situation yourself that you just you know what you talked about you know my mind can go around obsessively and you know it’s like everything shuts down. What can you do yourself to Do you have a choice there? Yeah, psychologists talk about a thing called catastrophising which is always thinking what if the worst happens?
And it’s such a silly thing to do. Mhmm. It’s just called worrying. What can I do? I can I I thought, what’s the opposite of this catastrophizing?
And I I just straight up the top of my head said, fabulous. Mhmm. Fabulize about life. Uh-huh. I’ve got all these plans to do different things next year.
It’s all gonna work out really well. Why wouldn’t it? I could probably be good at that. Not in an egoic way, in a life changing way. What if this relationship just falls to bits and, oh, I can’t bear the pain.
No. It won’t. Because it’s just gonna be fabulous because I know there’s a glimmer that so what can I do? I can fabulous. Uh-huh.
Can I borrow that word? Can we? That’s a great word. I can fabulize about five years. I can fabulize relationships, a career change.
I can fabulize about anything I like. Yeah. Okay. So then you turn it around and now going to be very I can’t help myself now You’re still thinking Even when you’re fabulized you’re still thinking, you’re still not in the moment, you’re still not here, you’re still not living your life I think it’s a happier way but it’s never going to give you that real taste of life because you’re doing still the thinking and the thinking itself, positivenegative is not living We think words, we think concepts but that’s not what we experience. So in order to feel more delight of being uplifted or good qualities they are in the present moment in our mind right now because we open up instead of closing down.
So I think it’s a very good start and I love your word. Fabulous. No, it’s great. It’s fantastic. We have already some people who borrow that they’re going to talk about that tomorrow with everybody that they meet.
And I think you know yes we do have the tendency to worry and to make things more dark and to make problems and if we make problems it becomes we go around and around and around and you don’t see any way out and then for that it’s very good to first turn it around and say but that’s not necessarily true what I’m thinking, that’s just a thought. What if it will be the opposite, how would it look then? That’s just as much chance as that one, you know? So I turn it around but it’s both still thinking. Attraction and karma and if I can be positive even if I’m not feeling that then oh look this just happened.
It was that instant karma with the laws of attraction or this is starting to fall into place. Is that law of attraction? And it is that what we’re doing is we comment everything that happens to us and the things that happen they happen to us and then when they happen we have certain feelings arising in our mind and then if these are negative feelings we can hold on to them and then we go over that again and again and again and when they’re positive feelings we try maybe to get more of that but both reactions actually close the mind, both Staying in the moment and saying: Oh yeah, that really hurts but I just let it go, you know? Oh that was really nice but I just let it go Then I stay more in the moment and then I can experience more. Then I don’t let my experience be taken over by my thoughts but I stay with what is ever happening right now without judging holding onto it, without trying to change it, without this is just what is happening in my life.
In order to get there you need, you know I think we have learned to live so much in our head and in our thoughts so it’s almost like very scary to suddenly start to experience and be the little boy again because we do not have the tools in order to survive. It almost feels like that that we don’t have the tools to be adults when we go back there. So you go slowly slowly you go down to the experience you know. It’s not that today you’re going to experience and you don’t think anymore. It’s not possible.
But I just don’t want you to forget to go to experience. I’ve been reading a book called Power of Now and I totally agree with Yes, from Eckhart Tollee. What’s it called? Or you can give it to the colleagues. It just goes on about thinking about the past is ridiculous because it’s gone, it doesn’t exist.
Thinking about the future is ridiculous because it will never happen. All you’ve ever got is now. And if you’re if you’re thinking about the future and the past in the now, you’re missing your life. Who who’s the old books? Eckhart Toll.
So when when we’re applying these when we’re trying to be this type of person to a friend, the person we would like in a friend, what you’re saying is if somebody rings us What I actually meant is if just develop these qualities in yourself and be also the friend to yourself. Yes, but what I’m saying is the things that stop us from being that type of person is when that friend of ours wants help is I guess thinking about, you know, here she goes again, she rang me up last week about the same problem and I’m getting it again this week and next week there’ll be a different problem. We’re always projecting what we think is going to happen or she never learns anyway because I tell her the same thing every time and she’s back again with another issue and I don’t think it’s that important or whatever. So instead of thinking all of that then just put that all out of your mind and just listen again like you were listening the first time ever to that person. It’s bit more awesome.
And you can even say that if someone somebody really listens to you with an open heart, an open compassionate heart you feel that part of your suffering is taken away. So if that person comes back to you and keeps reading the story you might have to check where your mind was in the first place, place. Maybe your mind was actually thinking about something else. How long is this going to last for? Then this person is never going to stop.
But if we really give compassionate attention and really try to hear what is the problem you know and put the finger on that. Then normally the talking can be finished quite easily. When think in that situation you try and suggest somebody’s positive quality and they’re refusing. They’re wrapped up in their own story that they’re trying to give you. Yeah.
And they’re not hearing. And so they keep going in circles. So then you say what you just said. I have the feeling you’re wrapped up in your own story and that you’re going around and around. And I know that if you you have a choice, you don’t have to do this.
You can step out of this. And then you’re quiet. And then they go around and then you said they they did another round. Really? Why not?
It’s on a date. But people want I feel that’s my experience that people want that you know on a certain level and they’re so happy when you cut through that and they can stop because that’s what they want. They want to get out of that but they’re using their old system and if you want to be polite and you keep listening and at the same time you start thinking that’s not really loving, you know? But if you say you know that you go around in a story again and again and you have done this already three times and you say I don’t mind giving my time but I just have a feeling you don’t feel happy when you do this. And if we find a way that we cut through that circle I think you can break free from that unhappiness.
I’ve never had I don’t know. Don’t know. You say we’ve heard this story before so let’s move on. That’s what we do. I’ve heard this story ten times just let’s move on.
No, you haven’t heard something because that’s where they’re going around. And even if you can cut the habit, you know, they have It’s like when we have a problem we just keep on going isn’t it? And we don’t realise that we’re going around and we do not know how to get out of it and we know that we’re very unhappy with that And we hope, we keep on ringing people and we hope that one day that stops Right? That we have said it so many times that it stops That’s what we want. So if you help somebody to stop it Sometimes you best not necessarily to be their friend.
One of my life changes was when a good friend of mine says said to me, well, how does doing victims serve you? And I didn’t like doing that. They made me ask. I ask myself that every day. Yeah that was my next question because when we’re going to develop these qualities and I didn’t necessarily mean it that when somebody rings you up this is what you’re going to do, right?
I meant it in general the whole day, twenty four hours a day. What kind of person would you become? And how would you feel with yourself? I want to know how you feel about yourself. I don’t care so much about how other people relate to you but how do you feel about yourself and what would change in your life?
Would you be happier with yourself? You be easier with yourself? Would you be getting over things easier? Would you, you know, just to get that feel. And yes of course when that happens you will be more skillful on the phone and you will be more compassionate with your friends.
Build the temple for us. Sorry? Everyone would be building the temple for us? I would say we would be like a guru if we were like that, if we had them all completely realised. Yes.
Something we didn’t put up there, I guess I wanted to say, you’re feeling down or whatever and somebody I’ve had people say to me, Yes, it’s old news, man. And I’m thinking, yeah. And what benefit is this me telling you the story three times? But when the person on the end of the phone is offering you solutions Mhmm. And is being inspiring and motivating.
Okay. This is not best now, but what about this and what about that? I tried this and then all of a sudden your thinking shifts from how do I solve this problem to okay, well maybe I can only do as much as I can there, but I can think about other things in my life. And so somebody with solutions. You like that, somebody with solutions?
I don’t. You know, but it can be, you know? Yeah, you don’t have to, you know, not everybody is like that but that can be very good in certain situations. And what I hear you saying is that when you think about problems we somehow have the feeling that we have to be able to solve the problem. And many problems they either cannot be solved or they solve themselves when you give them some space, you just back off a little bit from them.
Not solving the problem but I can’t really solve that problem that much. Can only do my best. I can think about other things that are taking me away from that problem. Exactly. Because when there is a problem what we do there we put a focus on and there we go around.
But by doing that we actually, it’s like if we fixate the problem more into something concrete. That’s when we focus on something else and we’re to do something nice and say okay I’m going leave that for today I’m not going to give that any thoughts or just many times you see that it starts to change naturally When you think about something you also concretise it. Right? You concretise it? Did I say that right?
It becomes more concrete. Becomes more concrete. So when I have a problem and I think about it over and over and over and over again it’s I forget at a certain point it becomes stuck and there’s no movement possible anymore. So we make it more permanent. But everything in life is impermanent, everything.
So also every situation. But if we hold on to that it is in a certain way and we do not back off from that then it’s very difficult for that to become more natural, yeah? But if there is a problem arising for instance somebody said to me Oh yeah, you’re gonna care of my dog the next five weeks. I thought: Oh really? Yeah you said that.
I can’t remember, you know. And then I have a, I make a problem because I think: Oh but I’m not sure if I’m gonna be here every five weeks. So I said: I’m not sure if I And then he said: Oh that’s not a problem. But for me it was, you know. So I might go through and I think: Oh my god what are we going to do?
What are we going do? What are we do? And then it becomes really really big, you know. But this problem just solves it or this person could solve it like that but because I hold on to it you know it’s obsessing my whole day. So if I could just say okay I’ll trust him he will sort it out I would have had no problem.
We make problems, we hold onto problems as being problems. But you let him down because you said to yourself then that you made I didn’t say yes. He hurts. No he didn’t, I didn’t. That was my surprise and we never talked about this.
You just put it in my No, no, no. Normally when I say yes then I do what I say. So you said just something interesting Kevin that when if we want to develop these qualities there is something at the moment that blocks that, that prevents that. We have to let go of some part of us in order to become this. What is the most cherished part in you that you feel that you have to let go of if you would become like this?
Eye, but which part of you? You know it’s like The part that doesn’t want to let go isn’t it? The part that wants to cling on to it and make it bigger. I don’t know how to So there’s a part that likes to make things bigger? Is that a controlling aspect?
Yeah. I love your honesty so much. Your nastiness, you to let go of that one. Sometimes sometimes it’s think I’m I’m like, I’m such a nasty pain. So what does that nastiness bring you?
Unhappiness. But how does it benefit you? Well I keep asking myself this question because at the time, at the time you just probably want to get your own way, I’ll get some meat that you can’t eat yourself, you try to get something externally. It meets a need. You know which need?
Insecurity. So this helps you to feel secure? No it doesn’t help me to feel secure but I think you get so caught up in what you want or what you think somebody else should be doing But you say that fills the need. It doesn’t actually fulfil the need but that’s how you think it’s going to be. Yes.
It can be that this came into existence because of your insecurity. Because when you’re very insecure and you have to find a way to get what you want then you might put some nastiness in that as a tool to get what you want. But then you don’t get what you want anyway and then you just feel twice as bad because you’re upset. Someone is drunk. Yeah yeah yeah but somehow you still believe that it is benefiting you because you still do it.
You haven’t really seen very clearly that that is not benefiting. So you must have the feeling somewhere that there was still some benefit in it. Doesn’t matter but just what we’re trying to it a little bit that’s all. Nastiness. Sorry?
I hadn’t thought of that before. So what would happen if you give up your insecurity? Oh if I gave up my insecurity I would be far less needy. I would be able to let go of many things. Yeah.
How would I be? Oh, would be quite liberating. Good. Insecurity. This is personal, this doesn’t have to be for anybody like that.
What else? What do we have to let go? I was just going to say that’s a big thing though, isn’t it? To get rid of insecurity. You just don’t don’t do it like that do you?
But I think I think if Jeannie would, if she sees this coming up the nastiness and she would say Oh there is this nastiness now I’m going to create my story again and I know it’s not going to make me happy I’m gonna stop doing this and I’ll sit with my insecurity and I’ll see how it feels I’m pretty sure that very quickly she will find the place where she does feel secure. This is something that we build up in a time of danger, many times when we are little, many times I don’t know I think maybe in other lifetimes you know and we somehow believe that this works and we know it doesn’t but our whole body tells us this is what works, this is what helped us through the time but you see now it doesn’t help me, you know. So when it comes up and you recognize it and stop following it knowing, Oh this is a very old habit that is actually not benefiting me. Then you come to what is underneath that and then you sit with that. And because you are a different person, you have different knowledge, you have different tools, you know when you start sitting with this that naturally shifts because this is not part of our natural mind This is not who we are, nobody has this in their mind as part of them, you know.
This is like a not knowing how we really are. Yeah, does that make sense? It feels like natural but when I say this is not natural what I mean is that our mind is wind up and we do that naturally, we wind up our mind. But that wind up mind is not a natural mind. It’s a wind up mind.
And we’re so used to doing that that it feels like natural to do that. But what I mean with natural is that we start to unwind and see where the mind naturally wants to go without us doing that. In that mind there is no insecurity. This is the wind up mind. Because we wind up all the time.
We don’t I know. All the time. And then the problem is that because we’re so used to winding up the mind Even when we come here and when we start meditating and when we start exercising we still use that winding up system And we still not unwinding So the winding up might become a little bit more pleasurable but it’s still winding up The unwinding, we need a lot of wisdom to see ‘there I’m doing it’ That’s what I said, you’re still thinking when you talk about making things fantastic. Unwinding and when start being, when you stop doing, when you stop creating stories, when you fantasizing about what life could be or just be here and when you start being here you have to unwind and when you start to unwind we freak out We get scared. We do not know what happens.
Feel like all the way that we always lived our life We can’t use it anymore. So we don’t know how to live our life, how to feel secure, how to I don’t know even make money or be competitive or be we can’t use all that anymore. It’s scary, you know? So, so but that is where we’re gonna unwind and you go first through a lot of fear before you can come to a natural state where there is no insecurity Do you believe me? Absolutely.
Okay. Good. Sometimes for a lot of people the natural state feels like the wound up state. And it’s almost like I want to be in an unnatural state which is happiness and peace and being in now. I realise So you have to change your language because it gives you a much nicer message that actually you are inside, deep inside you are, you have peace, you have happiness.
In that natural state your natural at the moment was still at the point I was trying to make from my perspective. But if you start labelling it in the way that you feel it right now it might start obscuring you to go there But if you say what I’m actually doing at the moment is quite sick, you know, that obsessive mind is so sick It’s so unnatural and yes I’ve been doing that my whole life and I do not know how to stop doing that but it’s not natural. There is somewhere, a place where I can just be without keep on doing that, where I’m naturally happy. Then you give yourself If you think like that it helps you to connect with that part of you It’s like you make a bridge And then it can wake up If you recognize it, it can start waking up And part of you feels like, Oh, he knows now. You know?
I can’t just offer that the way I see it is that we create patterns of thinking. And we just don’t even remember where they started from. But if we kind of try and look back then maybe we’ll start to see where they came in, like what age of our lives and so on, what have we learnt from our parents because we’ve taken a lot of their beliefs. You know what I’m just saying? So we don’t even remember what was natural anymore because we just created this of tapestry of thought around us and we just follow the same thread through.
So if you start unravelling then you can get back. So maybe that’s what you mean by unwinding a little bit. Yeah, you can say okay I’m thinking now in this way that believing things exist in a certain way and I’ve adopted that from someone. That’s not the right way of thinking. So I’m first going see where that was coming from.
What I say is like don’t engage at all with it. Don’t engage at all. With where it came from? With the thoughts at all. Okay, yeah.
Start being. Just leave the thought for whatever they are Yes they come from somewhere Yes we started at one time, yes but even when we have learned it from our parents it doesn’t even mean that it started there you know most likely it started before that. If we’re going to go back to where those came from it can become an endless story. What if you’re going back further than this existence? Yeah.
And even if you go back to this life you know if what we have heard today already about beliefs that we have taken on, that we received from our society, it’s huge. Which is all not natural. But there is a characteristic in thought that thought is never in the present moment. So by following thoughts we go either to the past and we try to change that or we go to the future. Never in the present moment.
So by doing that we empower the thoughts no matter what kind of thoughts. We make them stronger by just by going over them again and again. So if you can bring your mind to the if you can see that and that thoughts in itself have no power but that give them power by keep on thinking about it, by not being in the present and then let it be a help to bring the mind to the present moment bring the mind to your experience then you don’t even have to know what you’re thinking why you’re thinking and because the being instead of doing, you know thinking is doing and if you can go to a state of being instead of a state of doing the unravelling naturally starts to happen. In our first class, well second one or whatever, talked about beliefs and then checking the truth of the beliefs. I suppose this is where I’m coming from in a way too.
It’s like you can go back to, well what is the truth of that line of thinking? Yes, where you can do that. I know it’s still thinking, giving power to those thoughts, but sometimes that seems to help to clear it. You know it’s like to me it’s a bit of like a fast track. If you can do it.
If you can do it, yes. So these are options you know and also what Martin said that if you have a negative thinking you can change it into a positive thinking that is an option but it doesn’t cut through the thinking It’s still a doing Checking is this true what I’m thinking you know? Most of the time it’s not true what we’re thinking anyway. And it’s good if you can see that because it can help you to stop thinking. I’ve done a lot of work trying to find where my thoughts came from, right?
So with that experience I say: You don’t have to do that. Like that necessarily. It’s harder to actually stop thinking. That’s the hard thing. I didn’t say stop thinking, I said be more in the present.
That’s something else. Do not try to stop thinking. Just be more in the present. Did I say that? Oh, sorry.
I thought you did. Let’s check it. I would not say stop thinking Bring your mind to the present moment Then the thinking naturally you disempower the thinking, don’t give it any power So that they become naturally they will arise less frequent naturally they will cloud the mind less intense We can’t stop thinking we are human beings so we won’t be able to do that but we don’t have to keep engaging with these thoughts all the time. And yes check if they are too, you know if it’s because we make many stories with our thoughts all the time. Spinning and my body feels of tension and I can feel yet it doesn’t feel like anything’s going through my mind.
I’m just vacant and I feel like I should Where do you feel the being uptight? Why? Where? In my body. In your body.
So what’s happening there? I don’t know. Where does intuition? What? Where does intuition find out?
But thoughts is not just that brain works, you know. Thoughts can also be There is something down there doing this I don’t even know what it is You don’t even have to be conscious about it. It can be subtle thought, can be very old that has to do with just surviving that suddenly comes up and you have no idea what’s going on but you feel your whole body is reacting to something. Know so I would say there is not enough awareness to see the thought but I wouldn’t say there is no thought. I’m not sure if I would call that subtle memory because maybe I don’t know.
What Kelly describes I feel that more as a deep emotion that you don’t know where it’s coming from or where it has to do within. Your cells hold emotion. Yeah. You don’t actually remember what it is. Your cells know.
Mhmm. Just not telling you. Not yet. Until you let it go, and then they tell you. Then you know it.
Yeah. So I just What? So I was just being silly. I just being silly. Can listen to it, you know, what’s going on, what’s going on and connect with it.
And allow it to be there, know, give it space. Become that good friend for yourself. Give yourself time and space and compassion and empathy and wisdom and sit with that part of yourself with that. Cool. Had Here we haven’t completely finished that one.
What we do is that we have learned to survive with some qualities that do not make us happy but they give us a feeling that we are either in control or we survive. When I’m the victim at least I know I’m still existing. But as soon as that stops I’m not sure if I still exist. As long as I’m nasty and have this nastiness coming up I feel that I have the feeling that I can still get what I need. It’s the only tool that I have to get what I need.
So that’s why I have to keep on cultivating it. It’s like subconsciously or we’re not aware of that. There is some benefit why we do not develop our good qualities which is not a real benefit but somehow we believe in that. So you can wonder if you think like how would I be if I would have all these good qualities and you think oh wow fantastic. So what prevents you, what kind of qualities prevent you from doing that?
And you say well I have this nastiness, am I controlling that? So what is the benefit of having these qualities, these negative qualities? How do they benefit me? And if you can say they don’t, they really do not, know. The next time when it comes up you will not follow that so naturally.
You will say, No, but this has no benefit. I have something else what I can do. So I thought maybe today we can finish off with a meditation. Is that alright? Just to feel the delight because we were talking about delight.
And if we are not careful, we go very easily into the heavy emotions and the dark stories, but it’s actually all about delight. You might remember that. Don’t waste it. So I want you to go home and feel the delight. So make sure that you’re comfortable.
Comfortable. And then bring your mind or your awareness to your body. So we’re first going to focus the mind. Let go of any thoughts or any feelings that arise. And whenever you become distracted, you bring your awareness to the sensation of your breath.
And you allow the mind to come to And then call to mind all the good things that you have done in the past. Think of the positive qualities that you have inside you, such as kindness, patience, generosity. And think of the occasions when you have those qualities to help others. Taste the warmth of appreciation and think how wonderful it is. How wonderful it is.
Then gradually broaden your sphere of attention to include people you feel close to, all their positive qualities and the different ways in which they care for you and for each other. Be as specific as you can. And when you feel the delight arising in your mind, that sensation and think how wonderful it is. How wonderful it is. Then move your attention further outwards and rejoice in all the caring actions that are taking place between people you may have never met.
Teachers in schools, medical staff in hospitals, parents at home. Is there anyone who does not contribute to the well-being of others in some way? Think about the people who work for the better world in areas such as conservation. Think how wonderful it is. How wonderful it is. Reflect on the life stories of the saints of all the different religious traditions who devoted their lives to spiritual practice and service.
Rejoice in their qualities and deeds. How wonderful. Can you extend this feeling of warmth throughout the whole universe beyond the bounds of time and space? How wonderful it is. How wonderful it is.
What would happen if you rejoice like this on a regular basis? And if you want, you can make a commitment with yourself and say, I’m going to do this every day, twice a day or more. And then close this med this meditation with a wish. May all beings be happy. And thank you very much for coming.
Coming. Have a delightful week. And if you forget, be in the now. Just be in the now. And look around and enjoy the colors, the sounds, the birds.