Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. The clay-statue image that opens this 44-minute talk sets the central argument: a hardened figure can only be chipped, but soak it and it becomes workable. Ven Jampa Gendun applies this to selflessness — rigid identity blocks real change, while recognising its fluidity lets us identify with Buddha nature and innate wisdom. He then distinguishes afflictive pride, an exaggerated self-image maintained through self-deception, from healthy balanced self-appraisal, and identifies self-pity as a form of laziness in Buddhist psychology. The second half follows Śāntideva’s argument that enemies are not obstacles to tolerance but its only possible cause — tolerance cannot arise on a meditation cushion, only in difficult encounters. A Q&A closes with a pointed exchange on whether anger is ever justified when defending what is rightfully yours.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 30 Tce 1991 05 08.mp3
UUID: 5ae546a7-718a-4acb-8ede-e90edbdd2cbb
Teacher: Ven Jampa Gendun
Collection: Tolerance (Ven Jampa Gendun)
Date: 1991-05-08
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 44.4 minutes
Words: ~4,722
A bust, a clay statue. And it’s just becoming slightly hard. It’s difficult to make significant changes, you know, to, to move the nose over here and the ear over here. Maybe you can sand it down a little bit, chisel away a little bit. But it’s very difficult.
But if we were to take that clay statue and we soak it in water for a few days. And it becomes pliable, workable. And then you can really begin to work with it. And if we can begin to if we understand selflessness, that we have no fixed concrete identity, in that state, that state of there’s a state of fluidity about our identity. You know, we have a sense that I am this, I am this, I am this much beautiful, this much intelligent, I can do this, I cannot do that.
And we hold very tightly that this is me. If I’m not this, then I’m nothing. I don’t exist. This is the only identity we have ever known. And we hold to it out of a fear of an open, fluid way of relating, out of a fear of nonexistence, which is one of our most basic fear, to go out of existence.
You know, I’d rather be this than not exist. If I’m not this, then I don’t exist. I I don’t know. I am nobody. This is all I know.
So if we can we hold on to that, that identity very tightly, and we can only make very cosmetic changes. But if we can soak, if we can create a situation of fluidity with respect to our identity, then in that fluid situation, if we arise in the aspect of a deity, enlightened being, identify with all our most divine qualities, identify with our real wisdom that we all have, identify know, we’re not trying to become Napoleon. We are trying to become that which we already are. We’re not trying to become something that we aren’t. We can’t do that.
But we can begin to create the space, the imaginative space to become more of who we already are, to begin to express our basic sanity, our Buddha nature, more and more, and identify with our Buddha nature and our basic sanity, with our wisdom and compassion and creative energies more and more. It was like temporarily pushing away all the weeds and allowing this seed some opportunity to have the sunshine on it, to give it space to develop, give it a chance to grow. Beginning to believe in ourselves and beginning to identify within our everyday life, enlightened actions, when we act with all the wisdom of the Buddha, when we know beyond doubt, when we see directly, when we love. Love is love in the sense that we have moments of real love, that the seed is there. We have moments of real wisdom that the seed is there and real exuberance for life, zeal, enthusiasm, creative activity.
All of the elements of the optimum mode of being are present within us and creating the space, us to become, find expression and re identifying with who we are, going beyond our sense of limitations that we place upon ourselves. Appreciating the fact that we are human beings. You know, this that we overlook. We don’t appreciate. Everything that we want is somehow outside, is going to be gotten tomorrow.
When in fact, we don’t appreciate all of what and who we are at present. And the very fact that we are a human being, and this was part of this meditation, first in a negative sense, appreciating the great freedom that we enjoy of what the possibilities could be. And then in a positive sense, appreciating what qualities we do have. Appreciating first what we aren’t experiencing and then appreciating what we are experiencing. And the very fact of being a human being.
By quote by the Dalai Lama, you know, if we realize I am a human being, a human being can do anything. This determination, courage, and self confidence are important sources of victory and success. Without willpower and determination, even something you might have achieved easily cannot be achieved. If you have willpower and reasonable courage, not blind courage, but courage without pride, even things which seemed impossible at a certain stage turn into being possible because of continuing effort inspired out of that courage. Thus determination is very important.
Know, afflictive, we’re talking about two types of pride, healthy pride and unhealthy pride. Afflictive pride, for example, afflictive pride is based upon some kind of exaggeration of who we are, kind of we have some kind of exaggerated image, some exaggerated identity about ourselves. It’s at variance with the way things actually are. Because it’s at variance with the way things actually are, we’re constantly having to practice some kind of self deception in order to maintain that self image of who we are, what we can do, who we are in the world. We have to practice some kind of self deception in order to maintain that self image.
Reality is, in a way, is a threat because reality would contradict the self image that we have of ourselves. But a healthy pride is based on a balanced appraisal of what we can do, what we cannot do, what abilities we have, what abilities we don’t have. You know, in the present moment. You know, kind of a healthy appraisal. There’s no exaggeration nor is there any depreciation.
You know, we sort of know ourselves well. We have an accurate picture of ourselves. And pride doesn’t allow us to gain an accurate picture of ourselves. Having some kind of feeling good about yourself and having within the context of an accurate picture, then we have this chronic need to be constantly propping up our self image about who we are. And we can begin to relax and be more authentic.
You know, people who are continually overestimating their abilities, continually meeting with failure, with disappointment. And then they and they’re blind to their own self deception. So what do they do? They’re forced into blaming other people, to blaming the situations for the lack of success. You know, I’m okay.
It’s the world that screwed up. Know, I never I just never get the right breaks. You know? And they’ve been very bitter and angry people. On the other hand, underestimating our abilities.
We greatly limit what we attempt And limiting what we attempt, we limit what we achieve. And therefore there’s no sense of fulfillment, feelings of satisfaction. In Buddhist psychology, this sense of self-insufficiency, self-pity is categorized as a type of laziness. It’s called the laziness of self defeatism. You know, because it opposes enthusiasm.
It opposes effort. It is, you know, oh, I can’t do that. It’s like a laziness. We I mean, it’s a very insidious type of laziness. We don’t make any effort because we already know we can’t do it.
We don’t have the ability. I would only fail if I tried. So why bother? And nothing is achieved. Talking about the disadvantages of pride, but also distinguishing afflictive pride or unhealthy pride from healthy pride.
A pride which is based within reality. And a self affirming pride. And affirming those qualities we do have in a balanced way without overestimating or depreciating who in fact we are. I know in my own experience looking over my life, the great you know, we have to develop we have to it’s very important that we feel good about ourselves. How much lack of self confidence can cost you over your life?
What you seek to achieve and what in fact, therefore what you do achieve. The necessity of how we get along with people. People with little self esteem, then their minds become they can’t relax as Lama Yeshe pointed out. And they have to be on guard all the time. They cannot be themselves because they aren’t enough.
And they’re always in conflict with others. People aren’t comfortable around them. You know, this pride of self defeatism, a sense of self depreciation. So anything which helps us to get a balanced view of ourselves, to bring our mind into balance, neither exaggerating or underestimating who we are. It’s helping us to become a healthier person, to become more content and relaxed and happy.
Śāntideva begins talk about, begins a general discussion of the nature of those who we generally get angry at, that is to say our enemies. He goes on to say, How can I be angry with those who, in wanting me to suffer, are also like the agents of the Buddha’s grace, the very barriers which prevent it? So, you know, it’s said that in attainment of enlightenment, that is by enlightenment, someone who is a happy, healthy, loving, sane human being, that in order to achieve that end, we have to rely upon both the Buddhas and upon ordinary sentient beings. It’s necessary that we base our practice upon both of them in the sense that it is through our love and compassion conjoined with the wisdom realizing selflessness that we will achieve enlightenment. We have to, you know, in going beyond this, our present ego based existence.
Our love and compassion is very exclusive. It’s only directed toward those people who we see as benefiting us, those people that we like or at best, those people who are at least neutral. It’s very difficult for us to develop love and compassion for those we see as harming us, those who we see as a threat to our welfare. Somehow those who are trying to cause us suffering. Know, Śāntideva is now asking us to change our viewpoint about them.
That viewpoint from which we have been habitually relating to them by. He’s asking us to appreciate our enemy because they are like the Buddhas. They are helping us to go beyond our suffering. So, you know, it’s another reframing. It’s a difficult one to begin to see that our enemies are ultimately bringing about our welfare, perhaps more than our best friends.
The Dalai Lama once said that we owe the Chinese a great debt. That the Chinese have been extremely kind to the Tibetans. Because due to our having to leave our country, we had to become strong. We had to develop courage. We had to really practice the Dharma.
Because of all that the Chinese forced us to endure, we are now better people. And therefore they were kind to us. You know, in dependence upon the enemy, those people who we perceive as trying to harm us, we develop tolerance. Whether we like it or not, we can only develop tolerance with respect to people we don’t like at that moment. People who are giving us a hard time.
You know, it’s people who give us a hard time, who show us where we’re really at, where we’re really at spiritually. It’s difficult people who strip us of our cocoons of our nice sweet tit for tat relationships, who shake us out of our stagnation in trying to maintain the status quo. For example, Christ didn’t say love your enemy, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who maltreat you because he was either confused or because he was particularly romantic. But perhaps he said that because he saw it as a way of becoming perfect as your father in heaven is perfect. You know, as in other words, in trying to love your enemy, to as a skillful way to grow, to develop oneself.
You know, he didn’t say to like your enemy. Not that you have to invite your enemy home for supper, but to love them, to appreciate them, and become concerned about their welfare. You know, if we can begin to know this is anyone, when the sun is shining and we’re with our friends, it’s quite easy to be loving. It doesn’t take any great practitioner to do that. But when things are difficult and people are as they say in the mind training text, when someone who you devoted your life to turns their back on you, then that person can become your best friend, your greatest teacher.
You need to grow. It’s your enemy who’s going to help you grow more than your best friend. It’s not a very pleasant way to grow. It would be a great mistake to think that following a course of inner growth, a spiritual path, involves merely the skillful avoidance of difficult situations or difficult people. Anything that helps you to grow, anything that acts as a catalyst to productive change is bringing about your ultimate welfare.
You know, this is what I meant initially in talking about refuge. If you that the most basic component to gaining the quality of well-being is in one’s own growth. Divorced of all of the various secondary external qualities which we may be able to gather around us. If the primary focus is the inner principle of your life, is growth, then you’re welcome. Though it might be painful, though it might be unpleasant, difficult situations and difficult people.
Otherwise, then you’re bound by the eight worldly, what, the eight principle ego based principles. Preoccupations of ego, expectation of pleasure, fear of pain. This is what you will base your life upon. And you will readily turn aside from difficult situations. You see no profit in working through them as far as growth, as far as your own development.
It’s not a primary concern. You know the enemy forces us to confront ourselves, forces us to change, to grow, and therefore becomes a source of our happiness. Perhaps more so than even our best friends who sometimes can stop us from growing. But someone says to Śāntideva, you know Śāntideva is arguing how the Buddhas help, that our enemies help us just as much as the Buddhas in our development and achieving enlightenment. And so an adversary says to Śāntideva, But they hinder my good deeds.
Somehow these enemies are stopping you from doing all your wonderful practices, all your virtuous actions. And Śāntideva goes on, It’s still unjustified to get angry. For if there is no practice equal to tolerance, shouldn’t I be patient with them? If due to my own shortcomings I am not, then it is me alone who hinders this source of goodness which is so close at hand. In the second verse of this sixth chapter that we’ve been looking at, Śāntideva said, There is no evil comparable to hatred and no practice as noble as tolerance.
In all manner of ways will I earnestly learn to be patient. Tolerance is one of the most important elements of a spiritual growth because without it, we will continually be destroying the creative potential of our actions through our anger. Anger is the most destructive factor with respect to spiritual growth. And without tolerance, we will continue to be angry. That’s why tolerance is seen to be so important.
One thing we have to appreciate is that like it or not, it is only when we get the only time that we can practice tolerance is in difficult situations. That is, you know, that’s very I mean, when one looks at it reasonably, one can see that. But in the practical course of everyday life, it’s overlooked. It’s not appreciated. And it’s only when we’re confronted with people who are pushing our buttons, are giving us a hard time, of difficult situations, that we can practice tolerance.
There’s no other time. There’s no other opportunity. We can’t practice tolerance sitting on our meditation cushion. We can’t practice tolerance watching television. We can’t practice tolerance, you know, having lunch with our friends and chatting away when everything’s pleasant.
It’s only when things go as we would not have them to be that we have an opportunity to develop tolerance. Only in difficult situations. And this is, exactly those problematic situations when normally we would become distressed that we need to cultivate tolerance. You know, react with more skillful coping mechanisms. So it’s in dependence upon our enemy.
If in dependence upon our enemy, we don’t practice tolerance and derive the benefit to be gotten out of such a practice, we can’t blame them for it. You can’t blame your enemy for not allowing you to practice tolerance. No one can stop you from practicing tolerance. You know, you don’t practice tolerance, it’s your fault. You can’t blame it on your enemy.
That somehow my enemy stopped me from practicing tolerance. There’s no way, there’s no one in the world who can stop you from practicing tolerance. On the contrary, Śāntideva goes on to point out that our enemy is not only not a hindrance to our cultivation of tolerance, but is the cause of our practice of tolerance. I’m quoting from Śāntideva, If something cannot occur without it and only exists with its presence, then alone is the cause of that thing. How could one call it a hindrance?
The beggar who appears at the appropriate time does not hinder the act of giving. Neither could one call those who inspire renunciation a hindrance to becoming a renunciate. For example, the existence of a flower Without a seed, there’s no flower. For a flower to grow, we have to have a seed. The seed cannot be considered a hindrance of the flower.
On the contrary, the flower seed is the cause of the flower. Likewise, a beggar does not only not hinder one’s generosity. But without a beggar there’s no possibility to practice generosity. The beggar represents an opportunity without which there’s no chance to practice generosity. And likewise, with respect to the cultivation of tolerance, without an enemy, without someone giving you a hard time, without someone pushing your buttons, there’s no opportunity to develop tolerance.
Without developing tolerance, without developing this more skillful coping mechanism, then there will always be occasions when you will become distressed and therefore angry and therefore destroy your mental growth, your spiritual growth, your psychological development. The Śāntideva goes on: There are many in this but few who wish me ill. For if I have not caused harm to others, there will be no harm to return it. So, in general, tolerance is said to be a more powerful practice than generosity because there are many more objects of generosity than there are objects of tolerance. And the world is full of beggars.
But there aren’t that many people we can practice tolerance with. Know, comes to us as a reaction to harming others in the past. And if we can practice tolerance once, you know, the situation is such that I harmed this person in the past, this person harms me, I harm them back, they harm me back, I harm them back. So there’s this perpetual cycle of harming and harmed. And it keeps going back and forth.
If once one of us can practice tolerance, then this perpetual cycle, this oscillation back and forth, it’s finished once and for all. Śāntideva goes on to say, Therefore I should love my enemies because they help me on the way to enlightenment. It is like finding a treasure at home without having made any effort to gain it. There’s a quote by Kahlil Gibran in which he says, I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. Yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.
Is rather a radical reframing process that we’re looking at, isn’t it? To appreciate one’s enemies as a source of one’s growth and therefore as a source of one’s ultimate happiness. We usually see enemies as a hindrance to our happiness. This is the exact opposite way of looking at it. So it requires a great deal of reflection, contemplation and accustoming the mind to a new way of looking at the same old situation.
Know, redefining, giving new significance, new meaning to the old facts. It’s rather a revolution. But then, so is spiritual growth. Something of a revolution overthrowing the ego empire. And finally, Śāntideva goes on and concludes, And the fruits of patience should first of all be dedicated to them because it comes through our cooperation.
They are indeed the cause for my tolerance. So even remembering the great kindness of our enemies. I mean it takes a you know, it’s not as if and I think it’s worthwhile to emphasize that we’re trying to brainwash ourselves or that we’re trying to say black is white when we say that our enemy is being kind. It is a particular viewpoint and it cannot be contradicted by the facts. It is an unusual viewpoint to take, but is pragmatic in the sense that it improves the quality of our life by developing this particular viewpoint.
And it is in accordance with the reality, that particular reality that we’re developing. You know people hold onto their beliefs with great self righteousness. This is the way it is. My enemy is hurting me. Therefore I’m justified in becoming angry and hurting them back.
And because perhaps most people in the world would agree, they take this consensus as being this is an objective reality. This is the way things are, full stop. But there is no objective reality as such even on the basis of consensus. That if we can develop a viewpoint, which is not contradicted by our direct perception, by reasoning, by logic, and which is pragmatically beneficial, which brings about an improvement in the quality of our being and the quality of our life, makes us happier, more productive, more beneficial to ourselves and others, then it seems to be something worthwhile to strive toward to try to develop for ourselves. Buddhism has a certain approach.
It has a certain and this it is consistent, internally consistent in accordance with the facts. And it develops a mentality, a reality in which there is only peace. Where one is of great benefit not only to oneself but to others. So one of the facets of this is beginning to develop the attitude that one’s enemies are kind, are helpful, are helping you to develop. This is seen as worthwhile.
It is not calling black white or white black. From this perspective of developing one’s fullest potential, of developing this optimal mode of being called Buddha, it is consistent and useful. So but it does it’s not it doesn’t come naturally. If it did, we’d all be Buddhists by now. We’d all be happy.
Does anyone have any questions? Can I comment? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
No. I think it’s been pointed out previously that you have a right to your possessions, a right to defend your possessions. You have a right to your well-being and to maintain your happiness and protect your children, and people have no right to do those things. That’s what makes me angry. No, that’s not what makes you angry.
I mean, you can one can I mean I’m angry at the moment that someone has taken some things that belong to me? You insinuating that I should be tolerant. And get your things back. You have a right to keep your thing. No, the fact of anger is not helpful.
It’s counterproductive. It’s an unskillful reaction. We’re not saying that you let this guy walk over you, you know, Steal your thing. That’s not the point. But just the fact of anger, doesn’t, know, all of the various detriments of anger which we’ve been trying to point out, it doesn’t help the situation or harms the situation.
You really don’t deal with the situation very clearly, very skillfully, very well. And it hurts you both presently and in the future. And not to say that you shouldn’t get your things back. That you don’t have a right to those things. Very gently.
First you begin to listen. There’s a threefold process of listening, reflecting and then meditating. So you listen, you gather all the data, the facts, you get the meaning straight and then you begin to reflect upon it. You check up to see whether what is said is consistent with reasoning, with your own experience, is it validated within your own life? And then out of that you begin to draw some conclusion and then you try to integrate that conclusion by means of meditation and cultivation.
You try to make it become a natural part of you as if second nature. For example, you heard something revolutionary that tolerance and we talked about something revolutionary tonight. It’s not revolutionary, it’s been around a long time. Enemy is a good friend to someone who is trying to develop themselves. So, you hear this.
Wow, that’s really far out. Maybe you’ve never heard that before. That’s a new idea. Now you check out. Maybe it’s wrong.
Maybe your enemy is your worst enemy. It could be wrong. But you have to check up with your own experience. Is your present way of relating with the enemy, those people you can see the enemy, is it helpful or is it beneficial or is it detrimental? Are you really worried about your enemy’s happiness?
Are you worried about his happiness? No. You know, so you it’s a different let’s see. Yeah. Why shouldn’t you?
Hear tonight. That’s not good enough. So, yeah, so you’re listening. So, you’re beginning to question some of your what was unquestioned previously, what was accepted behavior previously. Now you begin, Is that the best way I can act?
Is there, you know, Wednesday night they said this, maybe, you know. That’s a step, isn’t it? You do begin to question what has gone up to now unquestioned as being unquestioned. It’s not even a matter of thinking this is right. It’s never even been questioned as to whether it’s right or wrong.
I would do that. Yeah. And it seems to happen when you don’t you don’t expect it to happen. I mean, you try and practice really hard and then suddenly, you know, and then something else happened. Then, oh, it does happen.
And then next time, practice again, full on meditation or fall asleep for months on. And then, certainly, it has happened. It’s already happened, and then we’re up to something else. And it’s always endless surprising and less disappointments and endless ups and downs and maybe through those little steps one after the other and learning a lot and also listening a lot, we have to go on forever anyway. I’m going bit by bit.
And then, I mean, whatever we achieved is already planned. I really perceive that the changes in my life, it just happen all the time. I mean, the more I try to make them happen, the less they happen. And then sometimes I get really immensely surprising. But if I check too much upon them, you know, then it doesn’t really work.
Don’t even realize that. And then day, I a look at myself in the mirror and then say, oh, something has happened. I don’t know what it is, and then I’ll go out and do whatever shopping. And, you know, it happens through bits of life like that. It’s really very difficult to explain.
The way to make things happen is not very, very clear when we try very hard to write it down or think about it or describe it. But then as we do it through life, then it does happen. So it’s just happening. I think setting aside a certain time of the day to practice it, say half an hour if you’re really gonna practice it. If you do well, set aside maybe thirty five minutes next day.
Mhmm. And try and just gradually creep up on it. You know, just some personalized version of that. Mhmm. Admittedly, it’s not easy.
Admittedly, it’s not easy. Yeah. That’s a good point. Have you changed? No.
What do you think? You’re honest? I mean, you you have a I mean, you’re very you’re questioning perhaps what wasn’t questioned previously.