Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. A Nazi concentration camp where prisoners queue toward the gas chamber — who do you reach out to comfort? Ven Jampa Gendun uses this stark meditation image as the centrepiece of this 44-minute talk on equalizing self and others. He opens with his own story of cutting an elderly man’s toenails at Mother Teresa’s House of the Dying in Calcutta — a moment that exposed his own condescension — then walks through three guided contemplations: a doctor moving through a ward of mixed patients, distributing relief supplies in Sudan, and the concentration camp scene. The second half asks how we can feel gratitude toward strangers and even toward enemies, including the Dalai Lama’s remark that the Chinese forced Tibetans to truly practice Dharma. A Śāntideva verse and brief loving-kindness sit close the session.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 02 3 PA 1989 10 14.mp3
UUID: 8ff125ac-d285-4f8f-8308-19aa0ac1da7f
Teacher: Ven Jampa Gendun
Collection: Three Principal Aspects of the Path 1988-1990 (Ven Jampa Gendun)
Date: 1989-10-14
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 44.0 minutes
Words: ~5,155
What good done to You know, we do good to people. And good done to people as if to an object is of little spiritual worth. So not little spiritual value. There’s a feeling of in such a way of relating, there’s a feeling of superiority. You know, some kind of self righteousness.
You know, you’re simply saying, you know, I feel good about myself. I’m warm and happy, and I feel good that I’m able to help you. Whatever I’m able to do for you, I feel good about that, about myself. With such an attitude, beneath the superficial help that we may be able to bring to someone, we may be undermining their own feelings of self worth. We’re encouraging the recipient of our help to feel worthless, to feel worthless than perhaps they may already feel.
Know, maybe they’ll begin to see us as good and themselves as bad. It’s difficult for someone in need, in a really difficult position, to struggle against the pressing attention of someone who’s undermining them by doing them good. This sense, people don’t need us to feel sorry for them. I remember Mother Teresa saying once that, you know, she’s an expert on poverty, not just statistically, but on the reality of it, she probably is the one. And she said that the poor really don’t want your money.
More than your money, they want your respect. Want to Edison said they want to be treated as equals. They want to be able to have their respect back. I remember a number of years ago, when I was living in India, in my self righteousness, I thought I would go to work in the house of the dying in Calcutta, one of Mother Teresa’s facilities for the dying people. I remember, you know, I was feeling very self righteous about myself.
I had just done a retreat, feeling much as if I were a saint, you might say, or something like that, feeling very holy. So I went down to Calcutta, I began to work in the House of Dying down there. I remember one of the There was an old man who had just taken off the streets. Maybe an hour ago he was lying, perhaps dying almost on the street, and I was cutting his toenails. He didn’t like the way I was cutting his toenails.
I just wasn’t doing it the way he thought it should be done. It occurred to me that I found myself becoming mean, well, you know, look who I am, a sophisticated, educated Westerner. And there I come to the East and here, and you were just a beggar, just dying on the street. Here I am cutting your toenails, and you’re telling me you don’t like the way I’m cutting them. I felt very indignant about the whole thing.
But this is, you know, this is not my approach. This is where I was coming from. I really wasn’t seeing that this, you know, that tiny equality of this person being in myself. Here I was, I’m feeling good about myself. I’m able to help you.
I was very condescending. And maybe he picked up on it properly. Indians are very sensitive in that respect. And maybe he was just my my guru, my teacher, kind of showing me actually where I was. So again, we have to try to see the equality of ourselves and others with respect to those who are perhaps in a superior position in some way, economically, as far as status, rich people, famous people, powerful people.
And we have to look to those who are perhaps we tend to think of as inferior to us in some way, educationally, economically, socially, in some way. We tend to see the essential equality of ourselves now that we always trying to go beneath the superficial appearances. And we have to begin to see the equality of self and others. You know, if don’t see that, the equality of self and others, without understanding our common humanity, which we’re all involved in, then the vast majority of people are simply going to be indifferent to. It’s as if they don’t exist.
We will never quite be able to see how our existence is very much bound up with others, how we’re interdependent with all that lives. This feeling of isolation, this feeling of smug self sufficiency, this is an expression of misconception that the skin encapsulated ego is the product of some kind of optical delusion. Then Śāntideva goes on, Although there are many different parts and aspects such as the hands, as the body that is to be detected, as one body. Likewise, all different sentient beings in their pleasure and their pain have a wish to be happy that is the same as mine. The insight that’s to be gained through the practice of equality of self and others is that essentially the happiness and the suffering of others is no different than the happiness and suffering of ourselves.
Essentially no difference. The meaning of the practice of equalizing self and others is that is developing the mind which seeks to join with happiness and separate from suffering with respect to others, you know, to the same degree that we seek to gain our own happiness and seek to remove our own suffering. You know, to the same degree that we’re making effort, we expend all this energy, all our time removing our suffering, bringing our self happiness, to that same degree we are willing to expend that time, energy, effort on others. So this is the meaning, the essential realization of equality of self and others. And then we begin to sense that there’s no difference and we treat them quite equally to ourselves.
Again and again Buddhism is saying, you know, let’s get back to see reality as it actually is. Again and again, all the various realizations are simply based upon looking at the actual situation. You know, the Buddha is continually pointing, saying, Look at this, look at this, look at this. It’s not so much that we have to pressure ourselves, you know, make demands upon ourselves. You know, these are probably just all expressions of our spiritual materialism.
If we simply continue looking at the real situation, then things will go well. Understandings will naturally arise. It’s not as if some phrase is going to pop up in our mind, Ah, all sentient beings are equal and wanting happiness and not wanting to suffer. It’s just that simply we will begin to recognize in our everyday experiences and the way we deal with people that we’re treating them that way more and more. We treat them as if they wanted happiness and didn’t want to suffer just like I saw.
Simply by looking again and again at the actual situation that this is the way, this is the fact. We don’t need to pressure ourselves into it, but simply keep the mindfulness of this and looking for it to validate it within our own experience, if in fact it is true. All the various realizations, you know, the determination to be free up to seeing deeply into the nature of reality, is simply validating within our own experience. It’s not like we’re trying to impose some doctrine, some idealistic concept upon ourselves. It’s simply beginning to adapt ourselves to become in harmony, to accord our actions of body, speech, mind with the way things actually are, you know, very scientifically.
So our ego centered approach is in conflict with the reality of of our situation. Rather than devaluing and objectifying others, we’re seeing them as form beings. We look at people and we see forms. That’s the first thing that arises in our mind, first concept. Rather than we are objectifying them, devaluing them.
Rather than seeing them as form beings, try beginning to see them as essentially feeling beings. People are essentially feelers, having feelings, happy feelings, unhappy feelings. When you see a person, you see them as some form rather than seeing them as a feeling being. They want they want happy feelings, they don’t want unhappy feeling. That’s kind of their essential makeup.
So we have to look again and again at the real situation in which we’re in. In this development of equalizing self and others, there’s a system which is set out by the late junior tutor to His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, Kyabje Trijang Rinpoche. And in that he has a system which makes use of the conventional and ultimate quality of our situation. The conventional is divided into two, from the side of others and from one’s own side. So if we look at it first in the development of we’re developing we’re seeking to equalize ourselves with others, which essentially means to develop the motivation which seeks others happiness and to remove their suffering to the same degree that it seeks our own happiness and remove our own suffering.
In order to do that, we’re going to look at the conventional situation first from their side and see if we can develop this feeling of equality of self and others. We’re going to use various images. Initially, these are actually meditations to help move our mind, to help us to see the actual situation. Suppose, okay, we’re in a situation, for example, we’re a doctor and we walk into a ward full of sick patients. Okay, some of these patients are male, some of these patients are female, some of these patients are beautiful, some of these patients are ugly, some are poor, some are rich, some are famous, some are powerful, some are enemies, some are our friends, and most of them are just kind of indifferent blobs sitting there on the bed.
Something like that. They have all these various superficial differences. They have superficial appearances. We’re going to react. You talk about this obsessed mind?
We’re going to react with some kind of compulsive pattern, some particular way of relating with each of these particular appearances. You know, there are all these varieties of superficial appearances and our egocentric responses to those appearances. So that’s what we’re working with. In response to this, we’re going to develop various feelings for each one of these people when we walk into the ward with our stethoscope hanging around their neck. You know, perhaps essentially, if we classify it to the minimum, to some we’re going to feel an aversion, to others attraction, and to the majority indifference.
But, okay, that’s how we were responding to them, as if they were quite different, the different varieties of appearances. We react with varieties of responses: aversion, attachment, indifference. But if we look at it from their own side, we’re looking at the situation from their side, they’re all sick, they’re all perhaps in great discomfort, They’re all equally in need of help. All equally want to be happy. All equally don’t want to suffer.
From this point of view, which one are you going to attend to first? Which one are you going to expend the most energy in caring for? Which one are you going to be the most gentle, the most caring? Which one are you going to give the most time to in helping cure them? There’s going to be some difference in the quality of your treatment toward these, some of it because of your attachment, your aversion, feelings of indifference.
You know, Our natural reaction, natural response, the way of relating would be, you know, to give the beautiful, the rich, the famous. Those who are pleasant, who treat you well, those are the people who are going to expend the greatest energy toward, that we’re going to give the most care to. Now it’s because that you have consistently made this biased choice, that you’ve consistently relied on this reactive pattern due to the superficial appearances, that others are basically a source of conflict and threat for you, that they’re a source of frustration and disappointment. You know, that they simply have always remained as objects for your own ego gratification. Because of that, that you essentially are unable to love and be loved by others.
Simply by consistently using these reactive patterns as a basis for a way of relating in dependence upon a misconception of their appearances of the actual situation which they’re involved in. Reacting to them not from their actual needs from their side, but how they appear to you from your side. Seeing someone as beautiful, someone as ugly, someone as rich, someone as poor, someone as friend, someone as enemy. And dependent upon this, then all these difficulties, all these frustrations, disappointments ensue. Our inability to love, our inability to be loved, to feel loved.
The more we train ourselves to see the basic quality of everyone, having overcome our habitual tendency to stick them rigidly in categories of friend, enemy and stranger, then the more our heart will open, increasing immeasurably our capacity for love. By freeing ourselves from prejudicial views we will be able to appreciate fully that everyone without exception wants and deserves to be happy and wishes to avoid even the slightest suffering. Therefore, from the basis of equilibrium we will be able to cultivate universal love, compassion, and eventually the full realization of bodhicitta, the open heart dedicated totally to the ultimate benefit of all. So, another image. If you went down to up, if you went to Sudan, you were going to take some relief supplies to Sudan.
On what basis would you hand out those relief supplies? This is kind of We take a look at this image in how we would actually react, how our feelings would arise in such a situation using our imagination. All these people are standing there, holding out their hands to you. They’re hungry, they’re starving, they’re all in need equally. But there’s some are some are you know, there’s going to be different appearances to these people.
You know, some of them wait very patiently, very meekly, very quietly, you know, very kind of with smiles on their face saying thank you. Others yell out, make demands, unpleasant. You know, maybe they have to maybe they even abuse you. So who are going to give the supplies to first? What would be your natural inclination, your natural tendency?
Who would get the best supplies, the most supplies? You know, honestly, who would you know, what would be your natural tendency? You might catch yourself, but what would be your natural tendency? They’re all starving, they’re all dying, they’re equally in need from their side. We’re looking at it from their side, which we very rarely do.
You’re probably going to react to, in accordance with the petty needs of your own and the need for your own aggrandizement. In the end, they simply aren’t feeling beings. They become very much they can become very much objects for whom you’re doing good. We can begin to camouflage our own poverty, our own feelings of insufficiency, own hollowness to doing good to these various objects. This is looking at the situation from their side, the conventional situation that their needs can be equal, but due to the appearances which we judge people, which we discriminate by, we have varying ways of reacting which don’t accord to the actual situation of their real needs of the situation.
You know, in this example of a hospital ward or giving away relief supplies in Sudan. If we look at from the conventional situation from our own side, the equality of others. Okay. Another image. The actual teaching given by Trijang Rinpoche doesn’t use this image.
I’ve adapted this image. It has to do with a concentration camp during the Second World War. It’s more of a contemporary image. We’re in a concentration camp, a Nazi concentration camp during the Second World War, and we’re lined up to enter into these barracks where they have the cyanide showers, where we’re going to be gassed, where we’re going to die. We’re lined up.
Moment by moment, the line is getting shorter. Inch by inch, everyone in that line is coming closer and closer to their death. You know, when we look at back at us, you know, our fellow prisoners, some of our some of the prisoners are rich, some are famous, some are beautiful, some are our friends, some of them are our enemies. The vast majority. Yeah.
We’re quite indifferent to them. They’re simply strangers. So the line is shortened. Becomes shorter, slowly, slowly, and each person enters into the doorway they’re never seen again. One by one, walking in the doorway, they come closer and closer to the door, the line shortens.
Each moment, they come closer and closer to their death. Now, in this situation, who are you going to comfort? Who are you going to put your arm around? Who are you going to smile to? Which of the children are you going to pick up and put your arms around and bring some comfort and warmth to?
If you look into the faces of these, if you look into the terror and the fear and the pain in all these faces, If you look into their eyes, none of them want to die. Whether they’re famous, whether they’re beautiful, ugly, whether they’re rich or poor, whether they’re your enemies, or whether they’re your friends, they’re all filled with fear, they’re all filled with pain, none want to die. Completely equal, no difference whatsoever, you know, based upon these superficial differences. You know, maybe just, you know, from your side, maybe just a word, some kind of gesture toward them, some going out to another human being in their final moment. But maybe it’s so much pain, brings so much comfort.
But who are you going to give it to? Which one are you going to pick to comfort? You know, it’s very different beings. Are their hearts essentially any different? Are there some people who don’t need love, who don’t need a feeling of comradeship, of smile, kind words.
Is our enemy, is that ugly person, the poor person? Are they somehow kind of immune to pain, kind of numb to terror? They don’t care that they’re going to die? Is that the feeling that you would your root gut feeling that you would seek to that you would actually manifest at such a time. That somehow perhaps it doesn’t matter.
Can they bear the pain any more than your friend? Can poor person bear the pain any more than a rich person? The ugly person any more than the beautiful person. In such a moment, how can you deny the common humanity, the common vulnerability, commonality of their experience, that they all want happiness, that none of them want to suffer equally, no difference whatsoever, just the same. You know, we we draw our friend near to us, if we draw the beautiful one near to us, if we draw the the rich one near to us, you know, we push away our enemy, we push away the poor, we push away the ugly.
To be able to do this, it demands that you deny the reality of who they are, that you have to devalue them, that you have to make them into some object, that you have to harden your heart, that you have to become insensitive, that you have to deny your own wisdom, your own compassion. You know, you have to stop growing. We can begin to look at the kindness of others just in general. Beginning to see the kindness of others, the equality of others, the kindness of others, not just their friends, but also strangers, people we feel indifferent to, and also, believe it or not, our enemies, the kindness of our enemies. Seeing that all people, all beings are in some way kind to us, equally kind to us, if we can develop that new perspective, that new shift in attitude, which is the equalizing self in others.
You know, we look at, for example, the very clothes that we’re wearing now. The food that you ate this afternoon, this building that we’re sitting in presently, are all dependent upon the kindness of others. We’re all being constantly benefited by others. All the vast majority of people who you feel unrelated to, as if you felt you have a feeling of indifference to, as if none of these people existed, are in fact an integral part of our existence. Almost everything that we do is tied up with the actions, the activities of others.
You may say, Okay, what you say may be true somehow about the food, the clothing, this place that we’re staying in. But they do what whatever they do, these various activities, they’re they’re not doing it out of kindness for me. They don’t care about me. You know, they’re doing it they’re doing it for their own welfare. Maybe simply to make money.
That’s their job, so they do it. Okay, we’re going to take another situation, develop some image. Imagine that you’re a parent, that your child has just become sick, maybe had an accident. It could possibly die, and you’re very upset, you’re very worried, you’re frantic. You take your child to the hospital, and the child is admitted and is immediately taken to the operating room, And you’re in the waiting room.
You’re completely absorbed in the welfare of your child. All you can think of, all that you want in life, is to see your child well again. That’s all that matters. That’s the only important thing that’s completely absorbing your mind, is the welfare of your child. You know, at that moment, you would literally give anything that your child be well again.
Anything, even your own life, own body, for the sake of that child, that it be well again. And then after a few hours had passed, the doctor comes out and said, you know, the operation was successful. Everything’s going to be okay. Your child is going to be well. At that very moment, what is your natural response?
What is a healthy, sane response? Not just the fact of relief, and that’s quite a healthy response and quite a justified response, but with respect to the doctor. What would be your reaction, your response to the doctor? His helping, his having saved contributed a great deal to the actual saving of your child’s life? Would think, you know, wow, I wonder how much what size bill he’s going to send me.
Oh, this hospital must cost a fortune. Look at all the equipment, it’s brand new. And then they got I.V. drays all over. It must have cost a fortune. You think that?
Would you have this accountancy mentality? Would that be a natural response? You would probably be overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and thankfulness. The fact is the doctor is going to send you a bill. In a few weeks, you’re going to get a bill in the mail.
The fact is the hospital is going to send you a bill, a big bill. And sooner or later the anesthesiologist, they’re all going to send you their bills. But the natural, healthy response at that moment is a sense of overwhelming gratitude and thankfulness that the doctor had gone through the hardship of training, of schooling, had developed the skills, that there were all these facilities, the operating room, the modern technology, the support staff, the nurses. All this came together and gave you the one thing you wanted in life: to see your child well again. At that moment, the question of money doesn’t even arise.
You don’t even care what their motivation was. The doctor might be completely money hungry. It doesn’t matter you got what you wanted. That’s what’s important from your side. The great gratitude and kindness you would feel over and above any attitude, motivations, which his intentions might be.
It wouldn’t bother you in the least. You know, why should we be forever bound by others intentions? By whether we’re correct in understanding their intentions or not. From our own side, which would be a healthier response? Which would be a more authentic, satisfying type of response in this situation?
To see the doctor and say, Oh my God, what kind of bill is he going to send me? Or say, Oh, I feel a sense of gratitude and thankfulness for him for giving you what you wanted. Either way you’re going to pay the bill, but which is going to be most satisfying? Which is going to be the most health promoting, growth promoting? This involves simply a shift in perspective in the way we view others.
We begin to appreciate them rather than persisting in our feelings of indifference, our feelings of unrelatedness to others. In way the world is not quite so alien as it was before. The universe begins to become more and more source seen as a source of support in actively supporting our existence. So this is the way we can begin to approach seeing the kindness of even strangers. In all the various ways we rise above our reactive petty patterns, are not based upon any logic.
They’re just habitual tendencies of our mind to view the people who made this house, people who gave us our food, made our clothing, as simply a part of a mechanical materialistic process, which is without any feeling. Over and above our projections of what their attitudes may be to develop the ability to rise up and determine what our reaction, what our response might be, what is the healthiest way to relate to this situation. Then we can begin to relate to the enemies, to see the kindness of actually those who we, up to now, see as bringing us harm, who we have aversion towards. So, you know, the Dalai Lama once said that the He said of the Chinese that, We owe the Chinese a great debt, for actually they have been extremely kind to us. He was talking about to us, he was talking about the Tibetan people, the Tibetan refugee community.
You know, due to our having to leave our country, to endure the various hardships that we’ve undergone, we’ve become strong. We’ve developed courage. The Chinese have been very kind to us. They made us practice Dharma. They made us do really practice Dharma.
So this is the healthy response of a trained mind to adversity, what most people would conceive of as an enemy, as an obstacle to one’s growth, as an obstacle to one’s happiness. This is the essential quality of the training of the mind. No longer seeing suffering and pain, difficult situations as obstacles to one’s happiness, but sources of growth, sources of possible learning. You know, in dependence upon enemy, in dependence upon people we don’t like, people we don’t get along with, we develop patience. You know, it’s people who give us a hard time are somehow It’s people who give us a hard time who show us where we’re really at, like this guy in the house of the dying who I was clipping his toenails.
He showed me where I was really at. They really helped us travel a spiritual path, to develop, to grow, however we may conceive of it. It’s difficult people who strip us of our cocoons, of our nice, sweet tit-for-tat relationships that we usually are completely wrapped up in, who shake us out of our stagnation, who force us to give up trying to hold on to the status quo, they help us to grow. Christ didn’t say, Love your enemy. Do good to those who maltreat you.
Bless those who curse you and pray for those who hate you, either because he was confused or because he was romantic. He saw that it was a powerful means to become perfect as your father in heaven is perfect. In other words, he saw it as a powerful means to grow, To seek to, you know, to seek to love your enemies. Your enemy is going to help you to develop love probably more than your spouse, all those people who are so agreeable to you. So when we talk about growth, fundamentally, we mean enlarging and expanding, you know, our horizons.
A growth of one’s boundaries both outwardly in perspective and inwardly in-depth. Concomitant with growth we experience more satisfaction, authenticity and fulfillment. In this respect, it would be a great mistake if we were to think that journeying on a spiritual path is simply this skillful avoidance of pain, of difficult situations, of difficult people. Anything which helps us to grow is to a trained practitioner, kind, is to be highly thought of, is to be valued. Anything which acts as a catalyst for us to change, Ultimately, our enemy becomes a source of our ultimate happiness, of our final goal.
The enemy forces us to confront ourselves, forces us to change, to grow, and therefore we have is a source of our happiness. This is the viewpoint of a trained mind. It’s not our viewpoint at present. The enemy is actually going to help us on our spiritual path more than the person we’re attached to. Therefore, it should be held more dear, should be even more valued.
In this way, we can begin to develop an even mindedness, an even minded attitude towards everyone, towards friend, towards stranger, towards enemy. Understanding that the various ways in which they’re constantly helping us, that they’re all being kind to us. This process, it’s not that we become robots. It’s not that we don’t still have our likings and dislikings. We still like to be with our friends.
But still, we can have unconditional positive regard for our enemies and for those people who are strangers, for everyone. We can appreciate how each person in their own unique way is contributing to our well-being and our happiness. Again from Engaging in the Bodhisattva Deeds, Talking about the value of sentient beings in general. In cultivating the qualities of a Buddha, we rely both on the victors, that is the Buddhas, and the sentient beings. Just as we pay homage to the victors, how can we not pay homage to sentient beings?
So this is the equalizing of self and others from the conventional point of view, from the side of others and from one’s own side. Then next week we’ll continue from the ultimate point of view, the practice of equalizing yourself with others. I’ll stop there. If you’re comfortable, you’ll meditate on loving kindness.