Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. A short story about a little girl begging her grandmother — “Say never, say never!” — opens this 45-minute talk by Ven Jampa Gendun, crystallising our collective refusal to face death. He examines the irrational beliefs behind that avoidance — that we somehow deserve exemption, that death lies in some vague, distant future — then walks through the Buddhist nine-round death meditation: death is definite, its timing wholly uncertain, and nothing we own or love can accompany us. A Tibetan hermit who ignored four death-warnings from his master sharpens the urgency. The session closes with a guided taking-and-giving meditation, developing compassion for others as a direct expression of keeping death in view. Accessible to newcomers and seasoned practitioners alike.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 29 HoM 1993 06 30.mp3
UUID: fcff6171-b98e-491b-96be-61316aaafc26
Teacher: Ven Jampa Gendun
Collection: The Heart and Mind of Awakening (Ven Jampa Gendun)
Date: 1993-06-30
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 45.3 minutes
Words: ~5,392
Begin by redirecting, reprioritizing our values or getting back in touch with some of our central principles that and certain guidelines that we’ve set over the course of our life that we like to live by, the way that we see as a means to express the finest part of ourselves. The Buddha said that of all the various mindfulnesses, mindfulness of death is the most powerful, the most important. You know, we’ve talked about the basis for our growth, Buddha nature. We’ve talked about the fact that we have all the internal and external conditions necessary to facilitate that growth, our development. And we have to understand that unless we begin to exercise this opportunity to make use of our chance to grow, we’re going to lose it.
We’re not going to live forever. That’s definite that we’re going to die. Some time ago there was a woman who had a terminal illness and she was asked by the interviewer, What do you regret most about your life? And she answered that I had not thought about death until now. Death is not the least — death is not the last taboo at all, a very modern one.
In this era of demystification, death becomes something perverse and more mysterious, more terrible than ever before. We need to have death back again. Its transcendence puts banalities, emptiness, frustrations, vanities, and some kinds of love in their proper place. Contemplation of terminal issues is not the least morbid, but life enhancing. But the fact is that for most of us, death is something dark and unknown, something to be feared.
And fear is basically dependent upon irrational beliefs supported by unawareness. So the undercurrent of anxiety which permeates our life is based upon some kind of mistaken core assumptions, some grandiose ideas about ourselves and about the nature of our life. Our grandiose beliefs about death include, I shouldn’t have to die. I should have a one hundred percent guarantee that I won’t die tomorrow. I should be able to control things so I don’t have to die.
Death should not be this way for me or my loved ones and I will not let it happen because it’s so unfair and it’s terribly sad and makes me feel lonely and fearful. So on our way to developing awareness of death, we have to begin to challenge these grandiose ideas about our own death and the death of those we love. We have to ask ourselves, what’s so special about me that the that the universe should single me out for some sort of special treatment or single those I love out for some special treatment. Death may be — death is unfortunate and terribly sad, but it’s terribly normal. We our irrational beliefs around death go unchallenged because we because they go unnoticed, and they go unnoticed because we are unaware, and we are unaware because, to a large extent, we’re cowards.
We would rather forget death. But even though we we cannot, to some degree, admit its existence, still we would like to put veils between ourselves in that impending time of our own individual death, enough veils that we don’t have to acknowledge its existence as in terms of uncertainty. Sometime in the vague and distant future, not anytime soon. That’s what we keep telling ourselves. You know, there’s this great fear at some level of our being around this this thing called death.
This thing where we’re going to lose everything that is familiar to us. Everything that we work so hard to gather together. Everything that we value. Everything that we love is going to be taken away from us. We’re going to lose it all.
Everything that we base our identity on, the conception of who we are, and even even to the extent of if we are, our very identity is lost and we go we know not where. So the essence of of cowardliness is not to admit our fears, to cultivate an unawareness. So each of us at some level has a dread, some anxiety about death. We would like to pretend it simply doesn’t exist. We would like to maybe turn the channel to another station, another program.
Let’s not talk about it. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed it, but if you go to a party and you begin to talk about death, you are ostracized very quickly. You end up by yourself. Or people kind of begin to fumble around feeling rather uncomfortable.
It’s not something which is party conversation. I know I know when I was in I remember Ajahn Buddhadasa. He said, you know, death is probably the most important event in our life, but we never talk about it. It should be on everybody’s lips. We should be discussing it, its nature, what we’re going to do about it, and how we’re going to face it, and how we face others’ deaths, and what we can do about helping others to face their death.
It should be the current of all our conversations, but in fact, it’s just the opposite. And there’s this a very short piece by Katherine Mansfield, you know, in putting across this idea about let’s not talk about it, turning the the channel, you know, moving to another program. This little girl is talking to her grandmother, and she says, does everybody have to die? Everybody. Me, Kezia? sounded fearfully incredulous.
Someday, my darling. But grandma, Kezia waved her left leg and waggled her toes. They felt sandy. What if I won’t? We’re not asked, Kezia, she said sadly.
It happens to all of us sooner or later. Kezia lay still thinking this over. She didn’t want to die. It meant she would have to leave here, leave everywhere, forever. Leave leave her grandma.
She rolled over quickly. Grandma, she said in a startled voice. But my pet, you’re not to die. Kesia was very decided. Ah, Kezia, her grandmother looked up and smiled and shook her head.
Don’t let’s talk about it. But you’re not too. You couldn’t leave me. You couldn’t not be there. This was awful.
Promise me you won’t do it, grandma, pleaded Kezia. The old woman went went on knitting. Promise me. Say never. But still her grandma was silent.
Kasia rolled off the bed. She couldn’t bear it any longer. And lightly, she leapt on to her grandmother’s knees, clasped her hands around the old woman’s throat, and began kissing her under the chin, behind the ear, and blowing down her neck. Say never, say never, say never, she gasped between kisses. And then she began very softly and lightly to tickle her grandma.
Kezia, the old woman dropped her knitting. She swung back in the rocker. She began to tickle Kezia. Say never. Say never.
Say never, gurgle gurgle Kezia, while they lay there laughing in each other’s arms. Come, that’s enough my squirrel. That’s enough my wild pony, said old missus Fairfield, setting her cap straight. Pick up my knitting now. Both of them had forgotten what the never was all about.
But in in talking about death, it’s not that the significance of becoming aware of death is not just to become conscious of our fears of death, nor simply to overcome our fears around death. The significance of contemplating, considering, thinking about, talking about death is to appreciate our life while we still have it. To ensure that we do not waste our lives, to ensure that we do not we are not one of those cowards who dies a life of many deaths. You know, the living deaths of banality and vanities, of emptiness, of inauthenticity, of meaningless, purposeless, series of hollow events, which for most of us constitute a life. The student went to his master in considering death and asked his master, how do I prepare for death?
And the master answered, learn to live. And the the student quite rightly asked, well, how should I learn to live? And the master returned, prepare yourself for death. You know, for those who look death squarely in the in the eye when life is still flowing through their veins, a great a strange paradox comes true. That is to say that that living gracefully and dying gracefully are one and the same thing.
And to to face and to take control of our fear of death means to to take control of our life. There’s a a beautiful quote by Montaigne, which just came out in a new book on the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche, which is highly recommended reading if you’re interested to go into this subject. There is no place on earth where death cannot find us. Even if we constantly twist our heads about in all directions, as in a dubious and suspect land. If there were any way of sheltering from death’s blows, I am not the man to recoil from it, but it’s madness to think that you can succeed.
Men come and they go and they trot and they dance and never a word about death, all well and good. Yet when death comes to them, their wives, their children, their friends, catching them unaware and unprepared, then what storms of passion overwhelm them? What cries? What fury? What despair?
To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to the common one. Let us deprive death of its strangeness. Let us frequent it. Let us get used to it. Let us have nothing more often in our mind than death.
We do not know where death awaits us, so let us wait for it everywhere. To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave. In the the Buddhist methods of becoming aware of death, there are several means. One of them is called the the nine-round death meditation, where we begin to look at our our situation.
First from the fact that the death is definite, you know, overcoming our you know, we can have different levels. We can have different beliefs, contrary, contradictive beliefs at different levels of cognitive awareness upon the same around the same subject. And I think we probably do. You know, we can intellectually hold one thing, but emotionally hold the complete opposite. I know I shouldn’t do this, but it feels so good I can’t stop.
And I think this is true also with death. Though intellectually, we may all agree, yes, yes, I’m going to die, but at some level of our awareness, we still hold to our own immortality. And so overcoming that coming to the determination at a very deep level of being, I’m going to die. You know, who hasn’t died? In terms of looking at all the beings who have inhabited this world as far as our history is able to take us, all the kings and queens, all the dictators, rulers, saints, artists, criminals, writers, students of Buddhism, whosoever, they all lived.
They all ruled. They all painted or wrote. They laughed. They cried. They lived their life in each of their various ways, and they all died.
I think it would be a safe assumption to say that everyone on the face of the earth living to this moment will be dead, say, a hundred and twenty five, a hundred and fifty years from now. Everyone. Not one will remain. But, you know, beginning to there was there’s a story about a Tibetan meditator who lived in a isolated area in Tibet. And one day he went to see his teacher, and he requested his teacher.
He was quite concerned about his the approach of his death. And he said that if you somehow become aware that my death is coming, would you let me know? Would you would you send me a message? And his master agreed. So a few weeks later, the the meditator was in his cave in an isolated area, a messenger came with a letter saying that someone had died to the village to the south.
And the meditator just acknowledged the fact, well, that’s that’s to be expected, isn’t it? But but that was all. And a week later, another message came. Someone has died in the village to the north. Oh, yes.
That’s sad. But we’ve all got to go sometime. And then finally, another letter. Someone to the east. And then another.
Someone to the west had died. And then a few weeks later, the meditator himself fell mortally ill, and he called for his master to his deathbed. And he said to his master, you know, I ask you that if you became aware of the impending of my death, the approach of my death, that you inform me. And his master said, but I I did inform you. I sent you four messages.
So, you know, that when the when we hear the bell toll for others, we should associate it with our own death, and it is also tolling for ourselves. And our lifespan is is continually decreasing. You know, seconds become minutes. Minutes become hours. Hours become days.
Days become weeks. Weeks, months. Months, years, and years, a lifetime. It is as if, you know, we’ve boarded on an overnight train. I don’t know, maybe going from Adelaide to Perth.
And as we proceed on this this few days journey, no matter what we may be doing, whether we’re laughing, reading, eating, sleeping, enjoying our life, being miserable, depressed, being bored, inexorably, moment by moment, the train is rushing toward its destination, no matter what we make whether we’re aware of it or not. And we when we come to the terminus, when we come to the station at Perth, we have to get off. We don’t have any choice. And our life is creeping along at its petty peace, but it’s still creeping. And how much time do we spend in the course of our busy lives, our busy days, trying to develop ourselves, to grow, to change the quality of our attitudes, our mind, which is the basis of our life, the basis of the way we experience our being, whether it be a fulfilled life or a meaningless life.
You’re looking at the the quality and the quantity of our of our everyday existence. How much time do we actually devote to understanding ourselves, our mind? How much time do we practice in an average day? How many hours do we do we spend sleep? How many hours do we spend eating, socializing?
How much time do we spend feeling depressed, feeling bored, frustrated, angry, lazy? As opposed to how many hours do we spend to actually consciously devote it to doing something to realize our potential, to solve our problems, to development of the wisdom and compassion in benefiting others. And if we begin if we think of if we think about these carefully and in terms of ourselves, then we’ll we will develop some kind of determination that to use our life wisely and mindfully and try to bring some kind of meaning and purpose to our life. But even though we can come to a firm conviction that we are going to die, But it’s not going to be anytime soon. It’s going to be sometime in a vague and distant future.
We simply and it’s even more difficult to come to this realization. That the time of death is uncertain. We simply don’t know when. You know, the the human life expectancy is uncertain. You know, fetuses die in the womb.
They babies die at birth. They die in infancy. They die in adolescence as teenagers, in their early twenties, in their late twenties, in their early thirties. They die at thirty six and thirty nine, and early forties, forty two, forty five, middle age, forty eight, their fifties, fifty two, whatever. There’s no there’s no age that people have not died at.
It doesn’t matter how young or old you may be. The fact is, how no matter how young and healthy you may be, there’s no guarantee that you that you won’t die tomorrow. We simply don’t know. And I think probably all the people who will die who die today, The vast vast majority of them, the thought had never occurred to that they were going to die, that they that they weren’t going to live a long long life. But they didn’t live that life.
They died today. And we hold that same belief somewhere that we’re going to live a long, long life. We’re just like them. We could die today or tomorrow. They did there’s no reason why we can’t either.
And there are many causes for death. There are as many causes for death death as there are individuals. One of them is going to find us and be the cause of our death. You know, we hear about all of these various disasters, about earthquakes, about landslides, about forest fires, about storms and floods, and natural disasters, about wars and famines and civil wars and terrorism, all the things that are that the daily news is made out of made up of. But we, at present, may feel very safe and secure from such disasters.
But for us, there’s still there’s heart attacks, there’s cancer, all the various possible diseases. There’s car crashes, and there’s drownings and murders. And then, of course, there’s always old age. People die anytime and any place. You know, people die in their sleep.
They die going to work, coming home from work, at work, at lunchtime at work, playing sports, cooking dinner, watching television, listening to Dharma talks, giving Dharma talks. Probably. Probably. They even die in hospitals, reading books on Buddhism. And death can occur at any time, in any situation.
And looking at the at our human body, how fragile it is, how vulnerable, how susceptible, how delicate. You know, this this within a minute, this body can change from being strong and active to being help helpless and full of pain and weak and on the brink of death. A piece it is a piece of glass, a shred or a sharp piece of metal. A air bubble, a virus which we can’t even see. It doesn’t take very much for us to die.
You know, if we in considering this, if we gain some kind of conviction through this contemplation, then we’re going to develop a determination to to develop our minds, to to to begin now because we’re not quite sure how long we have to practice. And there’s a there’s a saying that the that today of your death may come before the tomorrow when you begin your practice. When you become sincere about doing something to change your life. To begin leading the type of life that you’ve always dreamed that you wish to live. And what what is going to help us at the time of our death?
You know, the looking at all the possessions that we’ve gathered together, all the the the objects of enjoyment that we spend so much time pursuing, that we spend a whole lifetime acquiring. You know, at the time of our death, of what use are they? We can’t take one CD with us. We can’t take the title to our car. We can’t take even if our mortgage is paid off.
We can’t take even a single brick, let alone if our mortgage isn’t paid. And how about the people? You know, we’ve done so much. You know, even the people who love us sincerely, who we love, who we’ve worked to, who we’ve given everything to that we could in terms of in spite of our selfishness, who want only the best for us, who if they could would trade places with us, but they can’t. And they they can’t accompany us.
We have to go alone. And even this own bodies, we’ve taken the best of care of, which we’ve given the best food, most stylish and softest and most pleasant clothes that we could afford to wrap it in, to give it vitamins and minerals, lotions and perfumes, and shaved it and washed it each day, tried to keep it smelling nice. Even it, at the moment of our death, has to be left behind like a piece of meat in a butcher’s window, lifeless and of no use to anyone. It can’t help us. But even, you know, we can barring even those the big death at the end of this life, we can think of death in terms of the little deaths that we that occur over the course of our life.
There’s very many occurrences which we experience over the course of our life when our whole life is turned upside down, when all our values and beliefs and are called into question, when there doesn’t seem to be anything worth living for, when everything becomes meaningless. You know, the death is is the end of something that was, and the new is yet to begin. And this happens oftentimes during the course of our life. It’s a rather frightening experience, isn’t it? Change.
And how many people are willing willingly enter into change, voluntarily enter into change? Or do you have to be, you know, dragged by the hair into change against your will as it were, through divorce or death, separation of some sort? You know, what gives us the confidence to to enter into change, to joyfully invite change in our life? It’s only to the degree that one feels a sort of preparedness, that one has confidence, that I don’t know exactly the particulars or the specifics of where I’m going to land at the end of this this transition period, this flux. But I know I’m going to land on my feet.
I have that sort of confidence. You know, I don’t know exactly where and what it’s going to look like, but I’m going to land on my feet. And what gives us that confidence? What can give us that assurance, that conviction in ourselves and our own abilities? There’s nothing other than how to the degree that we’ve developed our mind, the skillfulness of our attitudes, the quality of our over our overall emotional life, which can hold us in good stead, in which we can take refuge in and invite change.
We can look in death and not be afraid. You know, the two coping with this dread of death is not just a small thing, a particular technique that makes us feel better about our eventual physical demise. But but it really contains a clue to leading an infinitely better life and should therefore be a part of of all our educations. To keep, you know, death in front of our mind’s eye is to remember our life, to value value it, and make use of it in the best way we can. To continually be focusing on the inner purpose of our life, which is Buddhahood.
And this to become that happy, loving, healthy, sane human being that which is our birthright to become. And to to really to make use of our life in implementing those methods, those means, then the Dharma, which is the means by which we are able to actualize Buddhahood. And seeking out the spiritual community in which this process takes place. The Sangha. Those who, you know, trying to determine what is your preferred life story, beginning to enlist those means, make use of those methods which help us to actualize, to perform that life story, and seek the aid and assistance of those who are trying to live like-life stories.
And then trying to raise the level of our motivation Such that we’re not doing this just for ourselves. That we have a greater vision of the possibilities of what we can become and what it means to be a human being. Developing a social awareness, which we begin to become aware of our place, our rightful place, as an integrated, significant, and uniquely important part of this being called life, of this as a limb of this of this living being of sentient life, developing a social awareness, a social consciousness such that, you know, I think I think I was what this may mean is that perhaps we have to you know, we all have our conceptions about what happiness is, and we have every right to strive for those for those goals. But what a social conscious may an aspect of social awareness may bring about is a shift in our conceptions of happiness such that our conceptions of happiness are determined in a social context. You know, if we all have if what it takes to be happy are all developed out of the extremes of individualism, then some are definitely some are necessarily going to have to suffer because no one at all can realize their goals.
But if if we were to shape our conceptions of happiness and the goals of the good life in term within a social context of other, then together we can all realize our goals. We can all realize our happinesses. We can mutually assist one another because it the goal is conceived in in this mutual appreciation of others’ goals. And, you know, happiness does happiness does not exist objectively, inherently. It is simply in terms of our conceptions about what the good life is.
And so the good life has to be lived in terms of a social context. And then we can all find happiness. And raising the level of motivation, you know, seeking that goal of our life, of what the good life is about in that social context in terms of love and compassion. I go for refuge until I’m enlightened to the Buddha, the Dharma, and the highest assembly. From the virtuous merits that I collect by practicing giving and the other perfections, may I attain the state of a Buddha to be able to benefit all sentient beings.
I go for refuge until I’m enlightened to the Buddha, the Dharma, and the highest assembly. From the virtuous merit that I collect by practicing giving in the other perfections, may I attain the state of a Buddha to be able to benefit all sentient beings. I go for refuge until I’m enlightened to the Buddha, the Dharma, and the highest assembly. By the virtuous merit that I collect by practicing giving and the other perfections, may I attain the state of a Buddha to be able to benefit all sentient beings. So we’re going to meditate.
We’ll begin with adjusting our motivation for our meditation in terms of love and compassion and, you know, choosing a few people who who perhaps you’ve seen on Wednesday nights. Especially, you can just imagine those three or four people that you become acquainted with over the sometime that you if you’ve been attending Wednesday nights or just three or four people who you have some kind of connection with, not necessarily an intimate connection, but just do you have a good feeling for. And we try to work with those three or four people, a group of people. And just imagine as best you can, maybe looking around the room, getting some pictures in your mind. Especially, you can just feel that those people are there, just those kind of people are there.
Then we’ll do mindfulness of breathing and then again taking and giving This process whereby choosing someone that you’re having, know, just you feel indifference to, a stranger, you know, look around the room and see somebody that you don’t know, if you like, or just thinking of someone that you saw over the course of the day, and trying to develop these attitudes toward that person, you know, first, in terms of equality of self and others, that this person wants to be happy and doesn’t want to suffer just like yourself. And in terms of exchanging the actual exchange of self for others, putting that how would it be to be that person? What would you want from yourself if you were that person? You’d want you’d want to if they were in some some difficulty, if, you know, if you were in some kind of difficulty, you’d want some help. Quite naturally, We would like that from others.
And that person is the same as myself. Can put myself in that person’s position and and be pretty sure that that’s what I would feel. And determining, you know, looking at the disadvantages of self centeredness in terms of this how this exaggerated self concern has been nothing but disaster in your life. In one way or another, it’s permeated all your relationships and brought them to to to conflicts and to an end, many of them. It’s caused you harm, and disappointment again and again.
And determine, well, you know, now for once in my life, I’m going to do something about that self centeredness. I’m going to voluntarily take upon myself this person’s present suffering and place it upon my own self centeredness. And then thinking, this person, again, doesn’t have any problems at the present, but still they don’t have the happiness that they would like at present. And determining, you know, that to give everything, you know, that having an understanding that if I were in this place, I’d want somebody to help me. This person is just like myself.
And remembering the other centeredness, when we, you know, really concern ourselves with the welfare of another person, When we go outside of our normal constricted, you know, this prison, this cage of our own self concern which we keep ourselves confined to, that many of our peak experiences, our happiest fulfilled moments come at those times and determine, I’m going to give it all away. And transforming one’s body, one’s possessions, one’s creative potential into a brilliant white light which streams out out one’s nose and transforms into whatever this present counterpart of that person’s suffering would be. You know, we’re not to judge If they want a pack of cigarettes, then it’s fine. You know, whatever will make people happy. It’s not for us to determine.
We’re just there we’re just there to make them happy. And then the same with the future, and then the same with giving ultimate happiness. So I’ll lead you through that meditation. So if you have to take a firm, comfortable posture, And thinking of, you know, three or four, or two, or just more than one. That’s a few people that that you’ve become acquainted with.
Or if it’s not those people here, just some people that you’re maybe from work that you feel good about, that you’re not particularly close to, three or four people. And that you know those individuals in front of you as best you can, just feeling that these people are there. And actually trying to generate these thoughts. First, compassion. The simple thought, It’d be wonderful if you didn’t have any problems, if you didn’t have any disappointments or conflicts, frustrations.
May you not suffer. I wish you didn’t have any problems. I’m going to help you. I’m going to commit myself to working with you, solving your problems. Be wonderful if you’re happy.
May you be happy. I’m going to commit myself working with you to help you to be happy. The way I’m going to express my commitment to you at this at this present moment, at this very moment, is through my meditation, by developing my abilities, my skills, my wisdom, my compassion. Eventually, I can be of real and significant benefit in a very practical way to you. And then bring your mind to the breath.
Easy, gentle, in and out flow of the natural breath.