Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. A striking paradox opens this 30-minute talk: Ven Jampa Gendun observes that even people who despise themselves are just as self-centered as anyone else, proving self-cherishing has no rational basis — it is simply unexamined habit. He then works through the disadvantages of self-centeredness and the advantages of other-centeredness, introducing the Dalai Lama’s concept of “wise selfishness” — that genuinely caring for others actually serves our deepest interests — with a practical 50/50 balance proposed as a reachable goal. A passage from Lama Zopa Rinpoche argues that cherishing even one sentient being opens the door to enlightenment. He connects this to a Gospel saying of Jesus and closes with a personal story from Mother Teresa’s house of the dying in Calcutta.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 17 HMA 1997 03 12.mp3
UUID: 48e0202b-65e0-4677-890f-a0e91edc8039
Teacher: Ven Jampa Gendun
Collection: The Heart and Mind of Awakening 1996-1997 (Ven Jampa Gendun)
Date: 1997-03-12
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 29.6 minutes
Words: ~3,724
How is that for you? I don’t care. I don’t think I’d make it on the outside world if I have to keep track of time and everything. So we’re looking at the method of the meditative tradition of equalizing and exchanging yourself for others, one of the two main means of awakening our hearts. So awakening equalizing the exchange of self or others is a series of five meditations, first beginning with the meditation on equalizing self and others, then the disadvantages of self centeredness, the advantages of other centeredness, then the actual meditation on exchanging self for others, and then the visualization technique which is the summation of all these preceding for the practice of taking and giving.
Out of that we develop an exceptional resolve, and from that we actually generate the awakened heart. So presently we’re looking at the disadvantages of self centeredness and the advantages of other centeredness. I was looking for a particular comment that in terms of our self centeredness, you know, it’s it’s interesting that, You know, that we don’t cherish ourselves, that our self centered is not based upon any particular kindness that we show ourselves. That that or because we treat ourselves better than other people treat us. You know, self self destructive people, self abusive individuals, the people who are highly self critical and people who very much hate themselves still cherish themselves, are still just as self centered as any of the rest of ourselves.
And it’s strange in that way, I think, that that even for one of any apparent kindness to themselves or even people who despise themselves supposedly or who don’t show them any real caring for themselves. In spite of all the hurt that they may inflict upon themselves, they still are just as self centered as anyone else, as we ourselves are. So it how self centered is doesn’t the I what the point I’m going that I’m making, in fact, we we can even go beyond it, that there that there are there are many instances where other people treat ourselves better than we treat ourselves, but we don’t cherish them as we cherish ourselves. So the the point is that we don’t that self centeredness has no rational pragmatic basis for existence. It is nothing more than habit.
You know, if if you know, if we in fact treated ourselves better, if the basis for our self centered is because we treat ourselves better that we show greater kindness to ourselves, out of that, that there’s something useful that comes out of it, okay, maybe we should hang on to that it’s somehow pragmatically useful to our well-being, but it isn’t. People who despise themselves, own self deprecation, their own self denigration is part parcel of their own self centeredness. So it’s not as if it has some usefulness to ourselves, it’s simply a matter of habit. You know, on the other I think that’s a useful idea, I think, that I wanted to begin with, notion that we have habit patterns which have no real function in our lives for the better. They are simply self perpetuating and they have gone unexamined and we we we base our lives very much upon them and they run our lives to a great degree.
But having gone unexamined, they are never brought into question about whether they are actually benefiting ourselves or harming ourselves. There’s just a presumption that somehow this self centered attitude, because it is parts and parcel of our identity, must somehow serve some useful function for our our well-being, but it doesn’t. And this is what we’re trying to get to by again and again trying to by means of rational examination and looking into our own lived experience to see whether our self centeredness is actually helping us in any way or whether in effect is the one of the main causes for all our problems and all our suffering. And looking at the disadvantages of self centering and the advantages of other centeringness. You know, the Dalai Lama speaks of cherishing others.
You know, we’re we’re working and looking at these. Again, you know, you know, in working with all all negative states, all afflictive emotions, you know, there are different levels of antidotes that we can apply, different means we can use to interrupt these patterns and begin to instill more productive patterns in our mind. No. The shaping our minds, creating more skillful, more functional, constructive, productive habits of mind, and therefore beginning to create a more a better quality of life for ourselves in terms of our experience. One of the the first step in all of it, whatever the emotion may be, is to look at its disadvantages in terms of our rationally, but also within our experience.
What how is it affecting my life for the worse? No matter whether it’s whether it’s all of our, you know, all of our dysfunctional behavior, all of our dysfunctional thinking, the way the first step in beginning to interrupt it is to actually examine it in terms of how it is making your life the worst for it, for having it within your mind, for acting in that way. Then, you know, it’s it’s you know, there is a certain sanity to the mind, a certain intelligence which we can which can can bring to bear, which we can avail ourselves of, the mind the mind will of itself begin to shift. There’ll be some movement of the mind away from types of behavior which it begins to see recognize at a very deep level is not in its own best interest, is in fact causing ourselves suffering. Even even self deprecating, self denigrating, self hurtful types of behavior, there is at some level a a a conception that some there’s a payoff in it for me.
It may know, that even even masochistic types of behavior, there is some what appears to be masochistic behavior to the outside. There is some payoff on the inside. There it is there’s some kind of there’s some value, something to be gotten out of it in some way or another the mind can, in some way, conceive of. But if the mind can no longer conceive of that, it’ll drop it. It’s like, you know, it’s like holding up a a a hot ember in your hand.
Once you realize that how how much it’s hurting you, the automatic reflex is to open the hand and drop it. So we have to see. And so, again, a matter of using our intelligence, examining our own experience, using our our our our rational ability. The dharma the Dalai Lama has said that cherishing others is being wisely selfish. You know, we are selfish, so let’s be wisely selfish, be intelligently selfish.
So wise in that by concerning ourselves with others, with the welfare of others, we will experience more of what we might want for ourselves than than if we had only concerned ourselves with ourselves. You know, the Dalai Lama has actually said, he’s given a figure. I think he was brought up in the discussion group last week, you know, how how how we proportion our lives in terms of self and others. And he he has actually said fifty fifty. So maybe we can’t do that.
But maybe that’s something we can work toward. You know, the the idea is there’s balance. Maybe that’s more a practical application to to ourselves at present. And actually, you know, concerning ourselves with ourselves and and getting together to act, treating ourselves well. But also a great proportion of our energies and time is concerned with not what it’s in for me but with others and what is getting there helping them to get their act together, helping them to to treat themselves well for them to be happy.
You know, some kind of creating some kind of balance in your life between self and others in in terms of your of your concern of you know, this I guess, the the, you know, this is the way that we can become happy and healthy and whole, loving, sane human beings. This is the, you know, this is the essential message, the essential teaching of thought transformation. This is the eternal message spoken by every valid spiritual tradition, by every authentic spiritual master over and over again, by all of our spiritual teachers. Concerning ourselves with others is the real way to become happy. Concerning ourselves only with ourselves is the real way to suffer.
It doesn’t sink through, but they keep saying it again and again and again. Maybe that, you know, this maybe this is what Jesus meant when he said, you know, I don’t know. I I can’t suppose that these thoughts come to me and I share them with you. You know, he he said when he said that he that saves his life shall lose it and he that loses it for my sake shall find it. Now in saving our life, a life dedicated to self centeredness, we lose our life.
But in losing it for my sake. And what is it? I don’t know. What what is it to lose the life for the sake of Jesus, to lose the life for the sake of love and compassion? Then we find it.
We find the life with a capital l that we’ve lost somewhere along the line, that we will grow and finally awaken. Cherishing yourself is an obstacle to the development of the mind, to the generation of realizations of the path. If you cherish yourself, there is no enlightenment. But if you cherish even one sentient being, there is enlightenment. Cherishing even one sentient being makes possible the achievement of enlightenment.
So there is a big difference. With this this is quotation from Lama Zopa Rinpoche. So there is a big difference. With the self-cherishing thought, there is no hope for enlightenment. But cherishing one sentient being which purifies obscurations and accumulates extensive merit leads you to enlightenment.
Real happiness in life starts when you cherish others. Living your life for others, cherishing them with loving kindness and compassion. It’s the door to happiness, the door to enlightenment. But, you know, this this is an evolution, isn’t it? It’s it can’t be we can’t fake it.
It can’t be sort of a revolution. It’s an evolution of values and beliefs. Yes. But we can point ourselves in our cart heading in that direction. You know, we can begin to practice in some small way moving in in toward that end.
And we we can oppose the opposite thoughts in our mind, opposite tendencies of our present thinking. You know, given the the image of ourselves as isolated substances, it seems as if in order to affirm ourselves, we have to deny the world. You know, there’s there’s always this antagonism between my interests and the interests of the world, what the world wants of me and what I want of the world. There seems to be always some kind of conflict and therefore there’s always a sense of paranoia and defensiveness and mistrust in some way or another. We’re we’re always, you know, it seems as if we’re always continually perched between the two extremes of self centeredness and self denial.
You know, if I don’t get what why if I don’t get what I want, I’m going to have to deny myself in some way. You know, the struggle that we always have between getting what I want and foregoing what I want because of whatever reason, but foregoing nonetheless. There’s always this perpetual struggle between self assertion and self abnegation. You know, but but and I think this very true. But this is from a Buddhist perspective, I think self self affirmation consists in, to a large part, in a deep recognition of our potential, potential, ultimately of our Buddha nature, of who I am at present and and freely choosing to become who I can be in the future.
But you the universal vehicle would go beyond even that. That it tries to show us that personal affirmation is intimately connected with world relatedness. You know, I mean, trying to to find the good life for myself is intimately bound up with the world about me. I can’t divide the two out, away from one another. You know, to to that my own personal becoming, my own personal growth, and and achievement of my goals in life is is to be integrated with the becoming of the world of those about me in our in our in terms of our relationships with others.
That these two, this personal becoming and becoming in relationship with the world, or self affirmation and other affirmation are just two sides of the same coin, of the same coin, two sides of a single way of being. You know, all the point is and we’re talking about a shift in values. A bodhisattva is someone who has awakened their heart to others. They are motivated by the aspiration to achieve highest enlightenment, highest awakening. That’s their personal becoming.
They bring about their own personal welfare by becoming enlightened, but they do it for the sake of others. They’re they’re coming in relation becoming in relationship to the world. You know, Buddhism is saying that on the conventional level where this where in fact self and other do in fact exist, the method whereby we can begin to to resolve the apparent antagonism and conflict between self interest and other interest is in other centeredness, altruism. You know, if other interests if other people’s interests are our interests, then where’s the problem? Where can there be any conflict?
Where can there be antagonism between the two? If what I want of the world is what the world wants of me, then there’s then then if the two are the same, then there’s no self denial of myself in fulfilling the needs of the world. And fulfilling others’ needs, I am fulfilling my own needs. In other words, there’s harmony with the world, a way of being in the world skillfully by means of altruism. And if we are selfish people, you know, we have to try to be wisely selfish in in our seeking to cherish others.
We’ve talked about. talked about the process of self identification, That it takes a long time in infancy. And that the individual can be reconditioned to incorporate others into their self identity whether it be one’s partner, one’s family, organization, your ethnic group, society, even, you know, a nation. We can expand our sense of identity to include all living beings as other limbs of this of the body of life. You know, we can we can open our hearts to others to this great being of sentient life.
But the actuality of our present love, of our way of relating with others is less inclusive. Now most of us feel that others are in somehow are somehow something alien to ourselves, something substantially other, something, you know, perhaps maybe even something to be conquered, something that others are to be owned or to be manipulated. Manipulated. Or or at least they used they are to be used for our well-being in some way. Or if nothing other than we are we need to defend ourselves against them.
We the others are to be feared perhaps. So in one way or another, to some degree or another, we experience aspects of the world as if we were as if as if it were cut off from ourselves by our the boundary of our own skin. There’s the world outside of myself somehow which is alien to myself. You know, as if we were isolated egos locked inside this our own bodies. So there’s this this sense of isolation that we feel, that sense of unrelatedness to others is based upon delusion.
So we have a sense about ourself, you know, this self of ourself, the self of self centeredness, the self of self-cherishing is as if it were an autonomous object worthy of our ultimate commitment. You know, that that it must be served at all costs, this self of self centeredness. That this is our frame of reference. This is this in terms of which we perceive, we assess, and we respond to the world. All things are placed upon the altar of the self of self centeredness, of our self, of self-cherishing.
And every that everything is seen what in terms of not what it might be in and of itself, that it’s valuable, that it might have some intrinsic value in and of itself, but what it is for my purposes, for my needs. That’s how we view everything and everyone. People and things are just deprecated. They’re they’re objectified into some kind of actual or potential resources for ourselves. Some kind of something to be dominated in some way or another, something to be exploited.
Our the world is our personal resource to be used. And everything and everyone is sacrificed at the altar of this this self of our own self ego, this self-god that we worship. So self centeredness, when it’s supported by the conception of an independent existent self, self grasping, involves making the self absolute to the exclusion and the expense of the world. But because we exist in interdependence with the world, with others, then it ultimately is self defeating. Why are you unhappy?
Because ninety nine point nine percent of everything you do and everything that you think is for yourself, and there isn’t one. You know, if if we can if we can if we can begin to see deeply, you know, through some kind of rational analysis which we’re trying to do here, but also within your own daily lived experience. That that both in a mundane and an ultimate sense, self centeredness cannot be justified as the sane operative principle to base your life off. That that that other centeredness if we can see that, then other centeredness is not viewed as some kind of heroic and sacrificial attainment. You know, like, we have to grip our teeth and give even when we don’t want to give.
If we can see that giving is our in our own self best interest, then it becomes easy to give because we’re concerned with our own self best interest quite naturally. Know, the other centeredness is not some kind of ascetic practice that we have to force upon ourselves, that we have to bear in order to attain some kind of ideals. If we can see that some if we can see, I mean, actually vividly and deeply recognize within through a rational understanding and within our own lived experience every day of our life. If we can see that, then we can we can begin to see that other centeredness and the development of the values which are associated with that are a way that we can actually begin to be kind to ourselves. That we can it’s a way of showing mercy to ourselves.
You know, we can stop finding ourselves insufficient and wanting, that we that we can stop torturing ourselves. We can begin to bring about a real transformation in our life. So, you know, the bodhisattva is is someone who who basically lives for others. But even though that may in fact be the case, still they’re deeply aware that in fulfilling the needs of others, their own needs are simultaneously being fulfilled. It’s not a question of foregoing one foregoing one’s own needs.
That’s not the question. It’s seeing that by fulfilling others’ needs, one’s own needs are simultaneously being fulfilled, one’s ultimate needs, one’s ultimate purposes. So, you know, there is there’s no conflict. There is no confusion. There is no antagonism between self interest and other interests because other interests have become primary and it’s fulfilling others’ interests, one’s own interests are as a byproduct brought about.
So in affirming others, valuing others, working for others, the bodhisattva at the same time is affirming themselves, valuing themselves, working for themselves. And working for others, we’re working for ourselves. And giving to others, we’re giving to ourselves. A number of years ago when I lived in India and spent a few weeks at in Calcutta at mother Teresa’s house of the dying, and I was leaving there after having spent some time there working. And the head sister there said, you know, we don’t thank people for having worked here.
We are quite aware that they take away far more with them than they actually gave while they were here. So, you know, this is an unusual way, but perhaps a more profound way of looking. Finally, there is the offering to the spiritual master, which we have a prayer ceremony that we quite often chant here, that we do here at Buddha House. Whatever joy there is in this world all comes from desiring others to be happy. And whatever suffering there is this world all comes from desiring myself to be happy.
But what need is there to say much more? The childish work for their own benefit, the Buddha’s work for the benefit of others. Just look at difference between them. So maybe stopping and taking a look at the difference between them, and maybe that will make a difference. So I’m sorry I kept you so late.
We’ll continue next week with the actual exchange of self for others. We can dedicate the creative potential that we’ve accumulated. In the land encircled by snow mountains, you are the source of all happiness and well-being. Powerful Chenrezig Tenzin Gyatso, please remain till the end of cyclic existence. May I quickly become an awakened spiritual master and lead each and every living being to that awakened realm through these skillful actions.
May this supreme jewel of the awakened heart that has not arisen arise and grow, and may that which has arisen never diminish but increase more and more. Thank you. So if you’d like to get a cup of tea, we’ll have a discussion. Have a good week. Thank you.