Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. Picturing self-cherishing as a black egg at the heart — then dissolving it with the dark smoke of others’ suffering — is the central image Ven Jampa Gendun introduces in this 46-minute guided session on Tonglen, the Tibetan practice of taking and giving. He first explains why the practice must begin with oneself: without genuine self-compassion, compassion for others stays abstract. He then walks through the visualization step by step — present suffering drawn in as thick black smoke, white light breathed out as whatever the person needs; then the same sequence for future suffering, this time with wild animals devouring self-grasping at the heart. He addresses hesitation about taking on pain, citing Śāntideva: the only thing that can harm you is self-cherishing itself. Suited to practitioners already following the series.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 18 HoM 1993 06 02.mp3
UUID: 5a78ffb6-0a8d-41ff-90a9-718054be27d3
Teacher: Ven Jampa Gendun
Collection: The Heart and Mind of Awakening (Ven Jampa Gendun)
Date: 1993-06-02
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 45.9 minutes
Words: ~5,602
Looking back at your former self, what is it that you see that you feel? Do you sense an an understanding person or someone who is hostile, defensive, closed minded, open minded? Someone who’s patient or impatient? And express what is that you see, that you feel. So there you have different feelings for each of these four people, perhaps.
And though they may appear very differently to you, they all want to be happy. None of them want to suffer exactly the same. So just wish them all well. Wish them that they find their happiness, that they solve their problems, each in their own unique way. Bring your mind to the breath.
Gently, you’re in good times, becoming aware of your body, aware of your surroundings. Are you warm enough? So tonight, we’re going to finish the the second of the three fundamentals of the path. First being determination to awaken. The second being awakening heart.
And the third being the awakening mind. We’re looking at the the one of the two main meditative traditions for the development of an awakening heart. And that is equalizing and exchanging self for others. And beginning with some feeling, a sense that everyone is exactly the same as myself. Everybody wants to be happy, that no one wants to suffer, that all of these beings out there are feeling beings.
And they essentially have the same types of feelings, that they wish to have pleasurable feelings, and they don’t want to have unpleasurable feelings. We’re all the same in that. It’s universal. And that they’re the same in the point of view of each of them has been immensely kind to me, but each in their own unique way. Each is somehow contributing to my ultimate well-being, each in their own unique way.
Both or all three of friend, strangers, and also enemies are contributing to my ultimate well-being. And that these these labels of friend, enemy, and stranger are are simply they do not exist from their own side, and that they’re easily changeable. And seeking not to hold so tightly, becoming aware that the that these qualities that we that appear to be inherently existent, to be coming from the side of the object themselves, are in fact a matter of projection for my own mind. That friend, enemy, and stranger do not truly exist, do not inherently exist, do not objectively exist, but a product of my way of organizing my experiences associated with this person. And therefore not holding so tightly to these labels and all the emotional associations that that these labels entail that they induce in our mind in a way of relating with them.
That’s looking at the disadvantages of self centeredness, trying to see with our own experience that we’re never more miserable than when we’re completely caught up in our own wants, our own needs to the exclusion expense of others. And looking at the advantages of other centeredness, that there is in the quality of our own experience a measure of supreme happiness. You know, the most fulfilling moments are those times when we go beyond the narrow confines of our own ego based existence, and we reach out to a higher order of being, and more universal truths that we share in communion, that we feelings of deep connection with others in the world about us, a sense of oneness and wholeness. And then we practice the exchange of self and others, whereby we begin to develop an understanding of others, that we can begin to see the situations in the world from other other people’s sides rather than our habitual myopic vision of judging and referring everything back in terms of what’s in it for me, how does it affect me, this one single person, which we have, throughout the course of our life, an ultimate commitment to its well-being, but by which we understand very little.
That all of our time and energy, all of our blood, sweat, and tears is going to gratify this constant demands which this I is continually making of ourselves. And they need to understand other people’s situation, looking at the world out of their eyes, and developing a more universal perspective, a social awareness, being able to develop, see the world in terms of a multifaceted viewpoint, simultaneously being able to see it from not only one’s own point of view, but also others, the other point points of view, which are equally as valid, equally as authentic, and equally deserving of expression and Equally deserving of determining the final ends, whatever the situation might be. A matter of gaining consideration for the viewpoints of others. And this is all of these meditations on equality of self and others, the disadvantages of self centeredness, the advantages of other centeredness, and the actual exchange of self or other are all brought together in this final meditative technique of taking and giving. Taking and giving.
This will be bringing to consummation this entire practice in a single practice. Each one is meditated on, cultivated, come to understood individually. And then we combine all of these various understandings into like a, you know, like a symphony, bringing all the instruments to one piece of music, taking and giving, taking the sufferings of others upon ourselves, and giving away our happiness to them. You know, all living beings without exception want to be happy and do not don’t want to suffer just like ourselves. And just like ourselves, they are often very confused.
Often they are very they’re full of anger. They’re they’re lonely and afraid. You know, if we look into to anyone else’s eyes, we could, to a large extent, be looking into our own eyes, Looking at ourselves back in a mirror, as it were. You behind there those eyes are is someone who wants to be happy, someone who doesn’t want to suffer. So refusing to acknowledge this this primary fact of existence, we maintain this awareness of this basic fact of sentient what sentient beings are all about.
We conduct our lives if we as if we were the the center of all things. And we we continually trying to figure out how to be happy, You know, how whatever forms this might take today or yesterday it took and the day before it took. You know, that in terms of all the practical necessities and planning, figuring things out. And to always in terms of this one being, this one person. Or maybe we’ve expanded our sense of our ego boundary slightly to include family.
But even they are valued, are are judged in terms of oneself. Or can I use this as some sort of unquestioned commitment to the well-being of this single thing we call me? That most important thing in the world. The thing about which we hardly know anything about, but accepted in terms of its continual demands for gratification. It’s one track.
And it’s our one track goal in life. It’s own happiness. And above all else, it’s own happiness and elimination of its own suffering. So trying life based upon self centeredness is a life dedicated to the cherishing of this I. You know, this is you know, the the the poem by Robert Frost.
Taking the road less traveled has made all the difference. And this is the choice of the road we have to make. Taking the road of self centeredness, or taking the road of at least beginning that journey, making those choices, and directing ourselves upon the road of other centeredness. You know, in the course of of our living a life based upon self centeredness, we devalue everything and everything, everyone around about us. And we exploit, we manipulate, we make use of others as possible sources of pleasure for ourselves.
And in the process, we we make ourselves into objects. We devalue ourselves. We exploit and manipulate ourselves. You know, this constant, always competing, always comparing, always struggling, always defensive, and continually isolated from one another. So in other centeredness, we begin to acknowledge our feelings that others are feeling beings.
Just like ourselves and we begin to in we begin to affirm their intrinsic value. And in doing that, in doing in in affirming the intrinsic worth of others, we are affirming our own intrinsic worth. We we don’t we no longer have to prove ourselves to ourselves any longer. On the other hand, in self centeredness, we depreciate others. And in the course of depreciate in others, we depreciate ourselves.
So in the the process of the actual cycle and the actual exchange of self for others. We we psychologically identify with others. And we immerse ourselves in their experience, in their situation, all of their various hopes, of their various fears. And we we begin to understand them. And the psychological sense of center of gravity begins to shift slowly from completely in terms of oneself to more and more in terms of other.
And our present antipathy begins to transform from an indifference, into sympathy to empathy, and we begin to re identify and to develop compassion and love because we understand. So this entire process of awakening hearts to others is enhanced, is is brought to fulfillment in the final practice of taking and giving, in which we imaginatively take upon ourselves the suffering of others, and we imagine and give away our happiness to others. So it’s a technique to train in active involvement. It’s a training in becoming involved in others’ life. In many ways, reality is imagination.
Who we are and the reality that we perceive is very much dependent upon conceptions within our own mind. We’re going to, you know, when we look at the awakening mind, we’re going to go into this in the in great detail. There is no object of reality out there independent of our concepts about it, independent about independent of our ideals about it. Who we are, the way we the way we relate with and experience the world are a product of images within our own mind. Our beliefs inform our perceptions.
The ideas, our assumptions, our opinions about the world determine to a great extent the way we experience that world. So at present, we have a particular self image. And we relate with the world in terms, in the context of that self image that we have about ourselves. And that very much determines our experience of the world. And our expectations very much determine our experience, becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.
That that we our experience reinforce a particular self image about who we are, what we can expect out of the world. So whatever we can imagine has the potential to be. If we cannot imagine it, then we can never be it. So we are practicing imagining another way of being in order to incorporate a new sense of self identity, a new self image of ourselves, of who we could be. And then we begin to experience the world in terms of that newly defined self image that we’re transforming.
So we train in imaginatively taking upon ourselves other suffering, and giving them our happiness. In order to make such a pattern of way of relating, a way of thinking, a way of being, a more significant part of our self image, of who we conceive of ourselves to be, of our of our ways of relating with others. You may ask you may be asking yourself this question. I take on the suffering and pain of others, won’t I risk harming myself? If you feel at all hesitant and feel that you don’t yet have the strength of courage of compassion to do the practice of Tonglen.
So Tonglen is simply the Tibetan word for taking and giving. Tong means to give, and len means to take. Tonglen, taking and giving. If you can’t do the practice wholeheartedly, don’t worry. Just imagine yourself doing it, saying in your mind, as I breathe in, I am taking on the suffering of my friend or others.
As I breathe out, I am giving him or them happiness and peace. Just simply doing this might create the climate in your mind that can inspire you to begin to practice Tonglen directly. If you feel at all hesitant or unable to do the full practice, you can also do Tonglen in the form of a simple prayer, deeply aspiring to help beings. You might pray for example, may I be able to take on the sufferings of others. May I be able to give up my well-being and happiness to them.
This prayer creates auspicious conditions for the awakening of your power to do in the future. The one thing you should know for certain is that the only thing that could harm is the one thing that has been harming you the most, your own ego, your own self grasp grasping, self-cherishing mind, which is the root of suffering. For if you practice Tonglen as often as possible, this self grasping mind will get weaker and weaker. And your true nature, compassion will be given a chance to emerge more and more strongly. The stronger and the greater your compassion, the stronger and greater your fearlessness and confidence.
So compassion reveals itself yet again as your greatest resource and your greatest protection. As Śāntideva says, whoever wishes to quickly rescue and protect to both himself and others should practice that holy secret, the exchange of self for others. The holy secret of the practice of Tonglen is one that the mystic masters and saints of every tradition know. And living it and embodying it with the abandonment and fervor of true wisdom and true compassion is what fills their lives with joy. So you know, the course of this practice, it’s a training of the mind.
And we in in in effect, if we were to probably search our understanding deeply, and being honest and confronting with what we actually feel, we would rather not deal with our own problems, let alone the problems of others. We rather not take a look at our own sufferings rather let alone the sufferings of others. You know, it’s difficult enough to confront our own problems and sincerely wish ourselves happiness, let alone try to do the same for somebody other than myself. So if we’re ever going to develop a genuine wish that someone be happy and not suffer and take the responsibility of our doing it, then we have to, in our training, begin with an object toward whom we have some chance of actually developing these states, these these actual feelings toward. You know, we begin with the easiest object we can, that is ourselves.
You know, if we can’t actually become sincere about taking on our own problems, wishing ourselves happiness. How can we ever become sincere about taking upon the sufferings of others imaginatively, and giving away our happiness to them even if only imaginatively? We can’t generate that state of mind. You know, the As we mentioned in terms of coming to an understanding that the the awakening, the determination to awaken arises in terms of understanding the nature of our situation, the human dilemma, and what it means to be an ordinary person, and developing compassion for oneself, and determination developing a determination to be free, to break out of one’s these neurotic compulsive cycles, which determine, which govern our lives. And understanding our own situation, we go on to understand others.
Extrapolating from our own understanding of our own problems, we begin to understand the problems of others, and thereby develop compassion and love for them, and we develop an awakening heart. So but without developing a sincere wish to for oneself to be happy, there’s no way that we can develop a sincere wish that others be happy, knowing our own problems, our own sufferings intimately, first handed, within our own experience. If we don’t sincerely wish ourselves happiness, how can we ever wish sincerely wish others happiness? How can we ever wish to sincerely wish them that they be free from their suffering, since we only know their suffering vicariously, secondhandedly? We really can’t.
So compassion begins with ourselves, and love begins with ourselves. And from that, we can begin to extend that out to all others. So in this press, in the practice of Tonglen, or taking and giving, we begin with the simplest object. And that’s if we’re going to actually work with this in a very genuine way, that is ourselves. Taking our own suffering imaginatively and giving our happiness away to ourselves imaginatively.
So, you know, we’re going to be describing this meditative technique, then we’re going to over the next few weeks during our meditation sessions, we’re actually going to be practicing it too. So, you know, first we begin by imagining ourselves in front of ourselves. I think sometimes we forget that we that we are sentient beings, that we are living beings. And we, you know, that there’s all there’s a great deal of talk about may all sentient beings be happy, may they not suffer. Well, you’re included amongst those all those sentient beings.
And so, you know, that that’s we can we can work for our own welfare. You know, the there’s It would be a misconception to think that working for one’s own welfare was somehow always in terms of selfishness. You know, the self which is being gratified in terms of self centeredness, and selfishness, and exaggerated self concern is the illusory self. That’s in by that I mean the self which is has never existed in fact. We have a conception of only a conception of such a type of self.
But there is a self which does in fact exist, has conventional existence. And this is this it it is not selfish to work for its welfare. In fact, it makes sense. We have every right to to seek to bring it happiness, to protect it, to solve its problem. And this isn’t there’s no problem in this.
So beginning with selves and our real problems of a real person, which we all have. You know, beginning to, you know, consider some of our present difficulties first, in terms of our feelings of dissatisfaction. Perhaps some type of loss, frustration, some type of disappointment. Maybe some loneliness, feeling of isolation. So maybe some physical pain, some sickness that you’re now experiencing.
And becoming and acknowledging that, that this is my present state, this is where I’m at. That person that’s in front of you, which in this case simply happens to be you, is in some way in pain, is experiencing some degree of dissatisfaction, of unhappiness, that they don’t want that. They don’t want this pain. We don’t want even the most insignificant pain, they simply don’t want it. And and in this, acknowledging this fact, in terms of this person, which in this case simply happens to be you.
We don’t want the slightest of pain. Not even the slightest. Not even a little uncomfortable about sitting in a particular posture for a few moments, a few seconds too long. We don’t want even that, let alone the great sufferings of life. You don’t want to suffer.
This person in front of you, that person doesn’t want to suffer. I think, you know, this it may sound simple minded to talk in this way, but I don’t think it is. I think it’s it’s acknowledging something that maybe we’ve that we have never brought to conscious awareness before. This person this person doesn’t want to suffer. That person’s me.
That person really doesn’t want to suffer. It’s like standing outside and getting some perspective and realizing, hey, that person really doesn’t want to suffer. That person’s deserving of happiness. They want to be happy. They don’t want to suffer.
But they’re suffering. They’re having some difficulty in thinking about ourselves in those ways, and develop some caring for ourselves. You know, quit torturing ourselves and becoming kind with ourselves. You know, we know through our our our contemplation of equality of self and others that this person is just like myself. They want to be happy.
They don’t want to suffer. Just like myself. And through your training in the actual exchange of self for others, you could put yourself in their place. And then you’re able to empathize with what’s going on in that person’s life in terms of their feeling, to identify with them. You know how it would feel to some degree to be in their situation.
You know what you would want. What would You know what you would want if you were in that per person’s situation. So we’re beginning with ourselves. And it’s we’re going to change objects, but we’re going to begin the meditation with ourselves. And actually, look at yourself as a human being, as a feeling being who wants to be happy.
That’s that’s your reality. That being in front of you wants to be happy, doesn’t want to suffer. And you could put yourself in their place. You know how it would feel to be them. And you know what what what you would want if you were in their place.
And generate a sense of, you know, these these levels of compassion that we’ve developed. This this first level, just a friend a friendliness toward this person. You know, expressed in a simple thought, as we do every Wednesday night. Wouldn’t it be nice if this person was happy? If this person didn’t suffer?
I think that would be wonderful. If they didn’t have any dissatisfaction, if they didn’t have this sickness, if they didn’t have this disappointment, whatever it might be, I would like that very much. This this, so let’s just say, connectedness with this person in a friendly gentle manner. And then strengthening that as we do. You know, we’ve we’ve been working with this idea and becoming more involved.
I wish you didn’t have that pain. I wish you didn’t have that sickness, that suffering. May you not have it? And it’s like making taking making some kind of stand position with respect to this person. May you not have it.
And then again, as we do, strengthening that as best you can. I’m going to help you. Really getting involved in this person’s life. I’m going to work with you. I’m going to take responsibility to commit myself to helping you to be free of that difficulty, that sickness, whatever it might be.
Then, okay, so we worked in terms of equality of self and others. We’ve worked with the idea that being able to exchange ourself with others, being able to put ourselves in their situation, what would you want if you were in their place? How would it feel to be them? Then we we recall our understanding of the disadvantages of self centeredness. You know that that how it is continually destroying our own happiness and bringing us nothing but more pain in our lives, in all its various forms.
You know, like self centeredness is like a knife that we we keep twisting and experiencing pain. You know, if we have one enemy which deserves our anger, if we have one enemy which deserves to be destroyed, it is just that, our own self centeredness. And having contemplated, having seen, having gotten to some degree fed up with one’s own self centeredness, imagining that self centeredness at your heart area in the shape of a of a a black egg. Sometimes I think it may be like polished marble eggs. I mean, you can get these polished marble eggs.
That’s that’s your self centeredness. You’re gonna give it some form, some visual impression. You know, I really and it’s like you wanna and you wanna get up and stamp up and down on it, you know, you really wow, this has been this has been a disaster in my life. This has caused me all my problems, it just keeps, you know, destroying all my happiness, my good feelings, my being able to relate with others. It’s causing me nothing but problems, and I’m really getting some feeling about this.
And there it is, this black ink at your heart. And I’m going to and for all. I’m going to destroy my own self centeredness. This person in front of me is suffering. And for once in my life, I’m going to take on the sufferings of others.
I’m going to choose this other path, Make that choice of another road which I’ve never gone down before. Usually when I’ve avoided other suffering, I I run away from other suffering. But this time I’m going not only going not going to avoid other suffering, I’m going to choose to take on voluntarily their suffering. And I’m going to take on that suffering and put it where it belongs. And imagine all of this person’s present suffering, whether it’s a mental suffering in terms of loneliness or disappointment, whatever it might be, or it’s some type of physical illness.
That it it forms in it it takes shape in the form of a thick black smoke, which drifts upward into one’s own nostrils and down into the heart area, the center of your chest, and begins to eat away like acid at the self centeredness at your of the egg at your heart. You’re beginning to eat away at one’s own self centeredness, taking on more and more of their pain, and using it to destroy your own self centeredness. And then finally, having taken enough until they’re no longer experiencing suffering, that they’re no longer experiencing that illness, they’re no longer experiencing the pain of isolation or loneliness, whatever it might have been. And this black egg of self-cherishing at your heart, completely eaten away. So though this person is no longer presently suffering, still they aren’t happy.
I know I want to be happy. And I know they want to be happy because they’re just like me. They want to be happy just like me. What would I want to if I were in their place? Because I’ve exchanged myself with them.
I can have some idea, some understanding. So we begin to develop this cultivate love toward them. It’d be it’d be wonderful if you were happy. Strengthen that. May you be happy.
I wish you great happiness. Strengthen that. I’m going to do something. I’m really going I’m going to take responsibility to see that you’re happy. I get trying to, again and again, develop a sense of involvement in this person’s life in a very positive fashion.
So with this resolve, with this love, then determining, imagining that you’re going to give it everything that you’ve you know, you’ve never chosen other You know, that but one understands that other centeredness, having contemplated it, is the way that we can really be happy. That that is giving this this letting go this constant struggle to guard one’s territory, to to hold on to all that one has, is simply a a this constant tension in which our life is caught up in. And I’m going to give it all up for this person because I love them. I want them to be happy. I’m going to give everything I have up.
I’m going to let it all go. And really practicing training in the sense of other centeredness. I’m going to give up my all my creative potential, you know, this this this potency, which is the stuff of which goodness of life arises from. I’m going to give up all my possessions, my car, all my What else do we have? My computer?
Give up my computer. Maybe not computer. No. I’m gonna give it a hug. I’m gonna I’m gonna give up everything that I prize, everything that I hold of value, everything that works hard to get together and what to hold on to so tightly.
I’m even my body. I’m even gonna give up. And we transform all of that imaginatively, our creative potential, our possessions, even our body, into a brilliant white light. And this white light rises up and begins to stream out our nose and drift toward this person in front of you. And just it before it reaches them, it transforms into the counterpart of their previous suffering.
You know, if they had been suffering from some kind of physical deformity, from a disease, and they take on a beautiful, healthy body, radiant complexion, really lovely people. If they had been suffering from homelessness, transforms into a beautiful home, cheerful, comfortable home. If they had been suffering from poverty, lots of money, stocks, gold, whatever. If they had been suffering from loneliness, transforms into loving companion. If they had been suffering from fear, transforms into mental states of confidence and courage.
Whatever and however much would make this person happy, that’s what we’re going to give them. That’s what this beautiful white light transforms into. So, now they are no longer suffering, but they’re happy. And with it, share a sympathetic joy with them. So, you know, you I really made them happy.
I’m just sharing with their happiness. You see them really happy. You took away their suffering, you gave them happiness and sharing their newfound happiness, sympathetic joy. Now we consider some possible future difficulties that they might have to experience. You know, of this person who in this case is simply you, you know, the loss of a loved one in the future.
You know, with all the possible you know, we’re all going to have to go through these types of suffering, some type in the future, no matter how good things might be at present. Some disease, old age, the body begins to deteriorate. We can’t do all the things that we used to enjoy. We lose all of the potentials to experience the pleasures that we now are able to make use of, the sufferings of death. All of these are future sufferings which lay in store for all of us.
This person in front of you, which in this case is you. And again, generating a sense of friendliness. And it’d be wonderful if you didn’t have to go through this. Strengthening that. May you not have to suffer in the future.
Strengthening that, I’m going to commit myself. I’m going to take responsibility that you don’t have to experience this in the future. Any of these troubles, of these sufferings. And again, taking on all of those future sufferings in the form of thick black smoke, this time rather than thick black smoke, taking on all those future sufferings in the form of ferocious wild animals, tigers and lions and jackals, all kinds of carnivorous creatures with big teeth, and they come down and they come, you know, like your your self centeredness is like a huge piece of red meat at your heart.
And they just can tear apart, rip to shreds and devour. You know, I really gotta get tough with this self centeredness. Completely obliterate your self centeredness. But still, again, they aren’t happy. Though you remove their future sufferings, we want to give them future happiness.
That’s what you would want if you were in their place. You know that because you’ve been there. You’ve walked in their moccasins, that situation. So, developing these levels of compassion, of love. It’d be nice if you were happy.
May you be happy. I’m going to help you to be happy. I’m going to transform everything that I have, my creative potential, my possessions, my body, into what is going to make you happy in the future. And this rises out in the form of this brilliant white light. And just before it reaches them, transforming into what?
An immortal body. They’re never going to have to die. All in the eternal beauty, eternal youth, possessions which never lessen, food which never lessens, constant companions. What are imaginatively, whatever is going to make them happy in the future? You know, if they have to go to the dentist next week, give them a healthy set of teeth.
But still, there’s no state within saṃsāra bound by these recurring neurotic patterns which is satisfactory. There’s simply nothing within the ego empire which is ultimately worth being or having or becoming. No matter what we do, where we go, what we have, we will never experience a lasting peace, an absolute unchanging peace, divorced of any suffering. Only moments of respite from the burden of ego, from the burden of our self grasping, of our self centeredness. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they never had to go through any suffering whatsoever, never to suffer again?
So developing the levels of compassion, may you not suffer ever again. May you have I’m going to commit myself, take responsibility to eliminate all of your suffering completely. The fundamental cause of of our problems, of all our difficulties and dissatisfaction is ignorance with respect to the nature of reality. We’re going to look at that when we look at the awakening mind and self centeredness. These two.
So imagine all the various sufferings associated with ego and all their causes. You’re transforming into, this time, into various types of