Audio recorded at Tibetan Buddhist Institute, Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 38-minute talk, Kyabje Rinpoche shows how to maintain compassion in conflict by applying Buddhist philosophy. He opens with a vivid analysis of how ignorance and hatred manifest in families — red face, harsh words, estrangement — showing how material abundance cannot shield against emotional suffering. The core insight: blame the delusions, not the person. Through a husband-wife conflict example, Rinpoche demonstrates how a spiritually-grounded partner can preserve compassion by directing it toward the hatred within the other, not the person. He shows how love and compassion form the foundation of the spiritual path, leading to bodhicitta and Buddhahood, and stresses that Buddhist teachings rest on logical analysis and the principle of cause and effect.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 1989-11-05 – 1B – Public Talk D – KR.mp3
UUID: cfeede3e-817c-4a4b-ae4b-aaf26668ccbe
Teacher: Kyabje Rinpoche
Collection: Public Talks
Date: 1989-11-05
Recorded at: Tibetan Buddhist Institute, Adelaide
Words: ~2,042
It’s the kind of mind which obscures the person into not seeing the reality fact of the thing. It’s the kind of obscured mind not identifying the good as the good and not identifying bad as bad. And being obscured, ignorant, one engages into what I call whole mistreatment of the other person with whom one comes in relation or has to deal with. And then there is a hatred. When there arises hatred, the person’s eyes become red and his, the face and whole body is red with puffed veins.
And then he expresses wrathful and insulting words. And through physical action, he may inflict harm|inflict sufferings in whichever way he may he may be able to. Like, for example, in a family, if the or one of the parents become angry, then their whole or eyes become red and whole body. Oh, it’s like a puffed up with puffed veins. And through mouth, verbally, the person expresses words which insult and pierce the other person, in this case, the partner.
And because one out of ignorance, also out of hatred because one expresses in certain words, the other person naturally is hurt. So because the other person is hurt, therefore, the other person may show a kind of dislike in facial expression and so forth. And because why the person himself might think, oh, there’s a kind of something wrong or perhaps the other person is not in doesn’t like me, or there’s what I call great hatred in other person’s mind, which actually has started from one side. And because of that, they’re stressed, they hold what’s called a whole enmity, resentment whenever you see the person, and it keeps on indwelling in the form like whenever you see the other person, you just see him in a black shape, meaning you just see the outline of the person even though the person is passing there by you because you don’t want to look at what you dislike and despise them. You don’t feel like observing clearly, so you just see outline.
And if you happen to be eating together, you just may be sitting back to another. And if it’s in the case of one same residence hall, then when the other person comes in in the door, one might have to leave in the in the sense of avoiding each other. So the whole thing comes after them. In such situation, though both of them may have plenty of foods to eat, there’s still no no happiness. And in that situation, even though both have plenty of coats to wear, but still there’s no real happiness.
And in that situation, even though both of them may have plenty of money, but still there’s no real happiness. And that situation is really the start of beginning of the start of beginning of miserable life or life with Now the great compassionate teacher, Buddha, says in a verse where it goes like, the great able one sees the delusions, not the person, because person is not to the blame. It’s the delusion which causes the person to act in those bad manner. So this has been explained as meaning whenever there is a disharmony and resentment between two person due to hatred, in that case, both of those person are not to be blamed. It’s just within those two person’s mind, there is a bad part or normally called delusions.
So those delusions are the one which is to be blamed, and that’s what actually causes the whole problem of of having resentment towards each other and then finding and so forth. This is being explained as meaning, for example, if there is a couple and if the husband out of hatred says something which hurts the wife, then in that case, it’s what call in that case, the husband, the person is not to is not what call is helpless or beyond control because it is the hatred between him which overpowers, which occupies the person’s whole mind and lets the person cause to do that expression of. So it’s not the person who who has got the choice. It’s the what I call it’s because of being overpowered by hatred that the whole expression comes. In that case, if a person in this case, in the example would be the wife.
In that case, if the wife is somebody who has a spiritual path understanding, then she will look or she will think this way or is the person is just helpless. It’s just the resentment or hatred and resentment within the husband’s mind, which is causing and which overpowers the husband. So if that’s how she should should think. And in that case, if there is, let’s suppose, that in that situation, if there is, let’s suppose, if there is to be any responding hatred, then it has to be to the hatred within the husband’s mind, not to the husband himself. In that case, if the wife can really think that way, then love and compassion will not be lost.
They will still be there, and the cause of love and compassion will not be lost. Therefore, the can remain in harmonious existence. Such thought of love and compassion, they are normally called Dharma, the spiritual path, which transforms the person from impure to pure state. So such thought of love and compassion are called Dharma because it is the one which is the source for a person to accomplish his own welfare and welfare of the person, and not only of this life, but both this and other person’s life’s welfare and also from the from the power of this love and compassion at all, there will be possibility in future for the person to generate what is normally called the altruistic mind of enlightenment, bodhicitta.
And also through the power of these thoughts, the person can be able to realize the ultimate reality nature of things called emptiness. And also, due to the power of these two thoughts, love, and compassion, the person afterward can perfect in all the stages of the spiritual path concluding in the final attainment of what is called Buddhahood, the complete state of enlightenment. The great teachings of the great compassionate teacher, Buddha, is such a work or such an appealing work or an appealing spiritual path where everything is accepted on the basis that things work on dependent arising fact on the fact of relativity, on the fact that everything arises or functions while depending on each other, depending on cause and effect, and everything has to be accepted on the basis how in actual fact of the reality, ultimate reality that our things are function and how causes produce the results and so forth. And it confirms to the scientific way of accepting things where things are accepted if it if it withstand the analysis of the reasoning. And things are it confirms that the scientific way of accepting things in the sense that nothing is accepted if it doesn’t withstand when analyzed by reasoning.
Yeah. Oh, Rinpoche is very happy that tonight you have come here. You have come here and listened to these teachings of the great and special path. Why is quite happy is because he has been able to he has been able to tell you the teachings of the master Buddha on which he has studied for more than thirty years. And following that, has been doing continuous practices and all of whatever knows and has been practicing.
He has what has explained with the with the motivation and intention aspiring that his talk or teachings may be of benefit to you or it may become of benefit to you. With the teachings of Buddha, it is what I call something on which if you want to analyze, there is ground for analysis. And it’s something on which if want you to think or reflect, there is ground for reflection. You can think. You can think on it.
You can analyze on it. Therefore, Rinpoche Rinpoche thinks that if you spend time studying practicing it, there is some of what called there may be some benefit you might be able to draw. Yeah. Thank you all. I need to be in the third day tomorrow.
Tomorrow. I’m not going to. We’ll leave some time for question some minutes for question and answer. We’ll be happy to welcome any questions. Any doubts, questions?
In such a situation, the actual way to think is this way. Maybe in this life, it’s a fact that I haven’t done anything wrong to the person, but still the person has been continuously unkind and treating you badly. But the actual way of thinking is maybe it’s because not maybe. It’s because in the past lives, I have done I have done same bad treatment to the person, and those actions are now ripening. The results of those actions are ripening now.
So with that thinking, maybe perhaps it’s wonder it’s very wonderful thing to do, continuous what I call continuous maintaining of tolerance, patience towards that person. In that case, if you are able to do that, then practice of patience, being able to tolerate it’s something very powerful that it will return in future improvement of your states of mind and attaining happiness. And also, on the other hand, the second benefit would be whatever possible suffering you might have to experience because of treating the other person badly in the past time, you will already have been experienced in this person receiving a bad treatment. It means you don’t have to experience sufferings It may be alright to just to defend, but still there is a limit to defending. It shouldn’t exceed to attacking other person or the other nation’s people, killing them.
But there are exceptions in the bodhisattva practices and highest in a high tantric practices where bodhisattva who has reached quite a high level. That for them, it is an exception that because they can transform their work or acting to virtue, maybe sometimes they are even accepted to perform violence, active violence for a good objective. One who has completely gotten rid of afflictions and who is complete with all the good qualities. On the other hand, we have we have on the other hand, we have other group who are called sentient beings.
And sentient beings, those who have life, those who have life and who have mind. So meaning sentient beings are those who have life, life and death, life, and mind. Life life in the sense of life and death, physical blood, and also mind. So meaning whichever is living in the sense of not. So I I recall I requested for what what would be the exact meaning of life because we have different biological meaning.
Life could also mean to living things, like, animate or inanimate. So life here means normal breathing. So that breathing what I call on the basis that breathing happens on the basis of there being a mind. And that mind being what I call sustained, being sustained by a thing called love. So in meaning, it’s just labeled to that thing which has or which keeps the mind with the body.
So at the time when the person dies, that means the life is gone because life that very thing which keeps the mind with the body is not there. So so that’s the meaning of life. And so one which has life and which has mind that is thinking there. So one or whoever has that that what I call mind and body being together, that feature, that thing, and then on top of that, whoever has mind, that center. We definitely is exclusive only to sentient beings.
It’s not to plants. But still, there are some plants which when which when you look outwardly, they have shapes like plants, but still they have. So we would dedicate whatever good good what I call good collection of merits or energies which were accumulated by doing the action of listening or thinking on the subject of spiritual path. So we just dedicate that to a power for us to be able to have