Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. A feared enemy who becomes, through familiarity, someone we cannot bear to be without is the central image Khensur Rinpoche uses in this 99-minute talk to argue that exchanging self-centredness for other-centredness is a trainable habit, not a lofty ideal. After tracing the lojong lineage from Atisha through the Kadampa master Geshe Potawa, he draws on Śāntideva’s Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life to cover the benefits of cherishing others (all happiness arises from it) and the costs of self-centredness (all suffering does). He extends the habituation argument to the body — we call our parents’ cells “my body” through habit alone — then clarifies that exchange means shifting what we cherish, not swapping identities, before addressing two obstacles and closing with Q&A.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 07 LMT 1997 06 17.mp3
UUID: b7087c9f-fa4d-4215-bba6-b8ac37178519
Teacher: Khensur Rinpoche
Collection: Lojong Mind Training (Khensur Rinpoche)
Date: 1997-06-17
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 99.1 minutes
Words: ~4,884
We’ll begin by cultivating as our motivation the awakened heart for a few minutes. I must lead all sentient beings equal to space to a state where they are completely free of suffering and the causes of suffering where they have happiness and all the causes of happiness. In order to achieve that in, I myself must eliminate all my various faults and bring to consummation all my excellent qualities. That aspiration is the awakened heart. In order to achieve that end, I’m going to listen to this teaching on the essence of the universal vehicle, the Dharma, the teaching on the method of generating the awakened heart, the equalizing and exchanging self with others.
Having listened to it, I shall reflect upon it. Having reflected, I shall then meditate and put it into practice for the benefit of myself and all others. So we are presently looking at within the text the seven point training of the mind, the way of generating the precious awakening heart, making use of as a meditational method, the equalizing exchange of self for others, which has its source in the guide to the bodhisattva’s way of life. So previously, lineage of the meditational method of generating the awakened heart, that of equalize and exchange of self others was possessed by Atisha himself alone. And he passed that on to a single disciple, Dromtonpa, who then proceeded to pass it on to one of the great masters of the Kadampa lineage, Geshe Potawa.
So the way in which to proceed in cultivating the awakened heart according to this lineage and most specifically as it was set out by Geshe Potawa, he said that we are to look at the initially there are three parts. The first of which is initially we are to look at the faults or the drawbacks if we do not exchange self for others. On the other hand, what are the advantages, the excellent qualities to be gained if we do exchange self for others? And then secondly, to question, am I actually able to generate this quality of exchanging self for others? And then thirdly, the actual extensive explanation on the means to exchange self for others.
Quoting from a verse by from the guide to the bodhisattva’s way of life, where it says those who wish to attain liberation should and those who long for liberation should seek to exchange themselves for others. That is to those who not only long for liberation for themselves, but long for the liberation of others as well should practice this teaching of exchanging self for others. And this was specifically intended for those of very sharp faculties or highly intelligent individuals. So you know it’s we can it’s a rhetorical question to ask. Well, don’t we all want to eliminate all our undesired faults and to bring about the attainment of all excellent qualities and in the case of ourselves and all others.
Isn’t that the case? Well, if you do want that and you wanted to do it quickly, then you’re going to have to exchange self for others. And it’s said that if we don’t exchange self for others, then it would be extremely difficult to even abandon those faults that are undesired and to achieve those excellent qualities which we seek to attain what to say of quickly. So how are we to proceed in actually exchanging self for others? What is the method we are to implement?
First, it’s necessary that we understand why we should in terms of what are the many faults or drawbacks of not exchanging self for others. And on the other hand, what are the many benefits to be derived if do exchange self for others? If we see for ourselves clearly, if we understand well the faults of not exchanging and the excellent qualities to be gained through exchanging self for others, then there will arise the thought I must I have to do this. There’s no other way. I have to actually do this to exchange self for others.
On the other hand, if we don’t understand this and see this clearly for ourselves, it really won’t make that much difference to ourselves. So, to begin with, are going to discuss the benefits of exchanging self for others. And beginning with a line from again Śāntideva’s Guide to the bodhisattva’s Way of Life where he said all happiness in this world and the world it is everything within our world whether our environment, the houses of the countries, the mountains, the water, and whatever happiness may be experienced in this world in all the various realms, whether humans or the gods, all arises from holding others dear. So when we talk about exchanging self for others, we’re talking about the self being I and I is a single individual. Others means all sentient beings whosoever.
And we’re talking about developing a cherishing of them. And this has its basis on an altruistic attitude. And this altruistic attitude is comprised of love and compassion. A love which wishes all of these sentient beings have happiness and the causes of happiness and a compassion which wishes that may all sentient beings be free suffering and the causes of suffering. So as an expression of our love and compassion, which is the basis for the arising of the awakened heart and which is the basis for the practice of exchanging self with others, we have since we wish others to be happy and not to suffer, we have to stop causing suffering to others.
That is to say we have to stop harming them as an expression of our love and compassion. And this would involve a practice of, for example, abandoning the ten unskillful actions. For example, the physical unskillful actions of killing and stealing and various types of sexual misconduct, but also verbal unskillful actions of lying, of divisive speech, of abusive speech, of idle chatter, and those of mine. For example, covetousness and ill will and wrong views. These unskillful acts harm sentient beings.
So as an expression of our love and compassion, we abandon these ten unskillful actions. If we don’t express our intentions in this way, to help others and not to harm through abandoning such ten unskillful actions, then in fact we don’t have love and compassion for others. So as an expression of our love and compassion, we abandon the ten skillful actions which bring about harm to others and therefore we implement a practice of ethics. Ethics is like the ground, like a field in which all excellent qualities grow. in dependence upon ethics, go on to develop meditative stabilizations.
We go on to develop the awakened heart. We go on to develop the wisdom, understanding, emptiness, the view of emptiness, the awakened mind. All the excellent qualities arise dependent upon ethics. It is like a field in which all like in, by way of analogy, the flowers and the trees, they grow out of the ground, out of that support of the earth. And likewise, ethics is just a a field in which all these other excellent qualities will develop.
It is in dependence upon it is in this way that we are able to achieve the various attainments that we’ve spoken of earlier. The attainments of first higher status and then following that of definite goodness. And in terms of definite goodness, the achievement whereby we eliminate all our various faults bring the consummation all our excellent qualities. Having done that, we lead others to that same state and thereby bring about the happiness of both ourselves and others. Having achieved such a state, then because the environment is dependent upon the karma or the actions of sentient beings, then through changing the mind of sentient beings we transform our environment.
And that world takes on a completely changed form where there is only a pure environment, where earth and all is bountiful. The crops, everything grows and produces only happiness. So this is just a very brief outline of the benefits of the excellent qualities of holding others dear or cherishing others. If we were to expand it, it would take days to talk about. So you understand well the advantages of other centeredness.
So, on the other hand, we also have talk about what are the disadvantages of self centeredness. And Śāntideva goes on to say whatever sufferings there are in this world all are brought about through self interests. So, we hold ourselves very precious, this I. We cherish it and we become very attached to it. Out of this I-grasping comes about ‘I’ and then the exclusion of ‘other’.
So there arise in dependence upon this conception of ‘I’, an ‘other’. And this is set out very extensively in a text by Dharmakīrti in his commentary to valid cognition. So now we have I and other and disharmony between the two and having attachment towards oneself. But not only do we have I, but we also have mine. From I arises mine.
My friend, my parents, my relatives, my children, my house, my possessions. And we develop attachment toward what is now we think of as mine. And in order to bring happiness in the well-being of what is now mine, we involve ourselves in a great deal of negativity. For those others who we think of as mine, their sake we steal, we kill, we involve ourselves in various sexual misconducts, we deceive others, we lie to others. That is to say, in order to ensure that things go well for I and mine, we involve ourselves in a great deal of negative actions.
We involve ourselves in the ten unskillful actions, and there’s no longer any ethics. In order to achieve our own ends as a means to find our own happiness, we involve ourselves in ways of acting which bring harm to others. In order to achieve what it is that we want to bring our own happiness, we might kill each other, we might kill another, we might beat, we might fight with others, we have jealousy for others, we have ill will toward others. Briefly, through seeking to bring about our own desires we harm others. In harming others there is no love, there’s no compassion, there’s only the accumulation of negative actions which has the result of suffering.
Bringing hot we bring about the opposite of what it means to cherish others; in cherishing ourselves, both in terms of ourselves and others, but not only that in terms of the world around us. We ourselves commit negative actions, others commit negative actions through harming one another, And this transforms having an effect on the environment transforming it into a place of famine where there’s droughts, where there’s pollution, where the all the impurities of our environment. So, all that is undesired arises from harmful intentions which has its source in self centeredness. So Śāntideva goes on to say that we don’t need to speak at length. All we need to do is look for ourselves.
We, through our own self centeredness, continue to circle within cyclic existence and experience nothing but suffering. On the other hand, the Buddhas, through their cherishing of other sentient beings, through their cherishing of others have achieved the state of Buddhahood. Just look at the difference between us. So at its extreme, the disadvantages of not exchanging self with others comes down to the fact that unless we do, we will not attain Buddhahood. And not attaining Buddhahood, we will continue to circle within cyclic existence experiencing suffering.
We have to analyze this well for ourselves and examine the what are the advantages and disadvantages of whether or not we exchange self centeredness for other centeredness, the cherishing of ourselves for the cherishing of others. Again and again examining this, meditating on it until we come to a point where we where we think I must exchange self for others. Well, having analyzed, we arise at the thought that in fact I must try. I have to exchange my present self centeredness for that of other centeredness. But there might arise some kind of question in our mind thinking, well do I want to?
Can I actually do it? It seems like it would be very, very hard, very difficult to do. It is hard, but you know, Buddhahood is hard. And just because it’s hard, we shouldn’t set it aside just because there’s going to be some hardships along the way. But if we do try, we can definitely achieve it.
If we cultivate this exchange, we definitely can do it, exchanging self centeredness for other centeredness, the cherishing of ourselves for the cherishing of others. Why is that? We can look at something that we’ve perhaps each of us has experienced for ourselves. There may have been times when there was a very fearful enemy that we had. You know, to see them would we would become very afraid just to see this person.
But even more than that, just to hear their name would cause us fright. That there may have been times when we experienced this for ourselves, such a type of relationship. But over time, maybe having had conversations with this person, having developed some degree of harmony, that we can reach a point where we can’t stand to be without them, that we feel sad when they’re not around, that this can happen, that this shift from being a fearful enemy to being someone that we can’t stand, we can’t bear not to have around can take place, can’t it? So this process is just a matter of accustoming ourselves, a matter of familiarity. You know, this person who we held very strongly in our mind as an enemy.
This person is my enemy. And we had such a thought about them that if they came at that moment, we’d hit them or we might even kill them. That’s how strongly we held this individual as our enemy. But over time, that mind holding this person as an enemy began to decrease in its strength until it would begin, in fact, to be replaced by a mind which began to see them as being dear and began to actually cherish them and hold them close. The person hasn’t changed.
It is it is our mind which is changing in terms of their attitude toward this person. Now we think of our our body as I. You know, we we we have a very powerful thought that I am the body. And if if when we get hit with it, we we think I am hit. Now we can actually through a familiarity actually begin to no longer think of body as I, but begin to think of it as other.
Likewise, we can through familiarity begin to cultivate to cultivate the sense of others’ bodies. Their body, presently thought of as I, as other, can begin to be thought of as I. So are are you your body? Are you your body? Okay.
Okay. No. No. So our body is not ours. It is our parents.
It is their has arisen from their sperm and ovum. Did did your parents give you your body? No. No. In fact, your your body is is your mother’s and father’s.
Simply through habituation in terms of our body, we think my, my, my, my body, my body. That’s it. That’s. Who’s body is it? How can we say it’s our bodies if our parents didn’t give it to us?
If somebody has an article and they don’t sell it to you and they don’t give it to you, it’s their article, isn’t it? Your body and how kind in fact they were for having given it to you and that you have a debt to repay in view of their great kindness for having given you this body. In the other meditative tradition for the cultivation of the awakened heart, that of the seven cause and effect instruction, The first of which is recognizing all sentient beings as your mother. And then secondly remembering their great kindness. And this is something that we hold very much in the Tibetan tradition in Tibet, the kindness of mothers.
When we ask Westerners, are your parents kind? They say, I don’t know. So, Śāntideva goes on to say that this body of ours was given to us by our parents. It arose from their sperm and ovum. And through habituation we began to think of it as my body.
And if we can through habituation, think of what came from from our parents as my, why why can’t we also through the same process of habituation begin to see others body as my? So we can begin to exchange what we cherish as I for the cherishing of others. So if we have through familiarization come to think of what was others, the sperm and ovum, as mine and I, then we can through that same process begin to think of what is now others bodies as my. When we talk about exchange of self for other, we do not mean that others become I and I become other. So it is not I which is exchanged for other or other for I, but it is the two attitudes of self centeredness and other centeredness which are to be exchanged.
Just as we presently cherish ourselves, we are to exchange the object of that cherishing from I to other. And just as we neglect others, we are to exchange that attitude of the neglect of others toward I. Is presently others don’t matter to ourselves. And on the contrary, we hold ourselves very dear. So it is the exchange of those objects in terms of what we hold dear and what it is that we what doesn’t matter that we are to exchange.
It is the two attitudes that we are to exchange what it means to exchange self and others. It says in talking about these two attitudes of exchanging in terms of exchange of self for others, that this afflicted mind of ours has one really excellent quality. And that is whatever it’s trained in has one really excellent quality, that is its trainability. That it can be trained. That is to say that we can through training exchange self centeredness for other centeredness.
So when we talk about exchange of self for others, we’re not talking about exchanging I for others, but the object of our cherishing is exchanged. We exchange self centeredness for other centeredness. So in this process of exchanging self with others, there are said to to be two obstacles, which we must and is these two obstacles which we must put into or we must eliminate. So the first of these two obstacles which we must eliminate is the holding that the two bases — that is to say the base which is ourselves who is the experiencer of happiness and suffering, and the base of the experiencing of happiness and suffering in terms of other —
So there are these two bases who are experiencing happiness and suffering. That they are somehow distinct and unrelated, completely separate from one another, unrelated to one another. There is that that that attitude. So one negative attitude in this regard that we are to eliminate is we think of when we think of my happiness, we think, well, I must go on to achieve that. And when we of my suffering, we think, well, I must go on and to eliminate that.
So we’re thinking in terms of the achievement of my happiness and the elimination of my suffering. But when we think of this in terms of others and think about the happiness of others, there’s no thought to achieve that. And when we think about the suffering of others, there’s no thought to eliminate that. There’s they’re unrelated to one another. So though we though we we hold that that self and other exist unrelatedly, in fact this is a misconception, that self and other are mutually related.
In fact, their existences depend upon one another. If there were no self, there would not be other. If there were other if there were no other, there would not be self. Their very existences are mutually related and dependent upon one another. If they were if they existed as we hold them to exist, that does say unrelatedly distinct from one another, then they would necessarily have to be truly existent.
And they aren’t truly existent. They are dependently existent, Independence they exist in dependence upon one another. Therefore, they do exist in relationship to each other. The thought I arises in dependence upon others, and the thought others rises in dependence upon I. So by way of analogy, in terms of understanding how we can begin to conceive of those we now identify as others as self and others self and others who we can conceive of now as other as self, and that which we conceive of self as others.
We can take the analogy of, for example, there was a body of water lying and we were on we were on one side of a river, for example. And and we the other side of the river is the far side of the river. That’s the far side. And we’re standing on the near side. And then but we go over and we cross over the river to the other side.
And what was the far side now becomes the near side. And what was the near side becomes the far side. They only existed in relationship to where we were. They didn’t exist in their own right. And likewise, what is now what we now conceive identify as self, present as self, be can can become other.
And what is now thought of as other can become self. So this happens often in terms of our conception of them and us. You know, generally, we see us as as the best in whatever we might do. The work that we do, we’re the best meditators and whatever, and they don’t quite have it together as well as we do. But for one reason or another, though we conceive of this initially, we go over to their side and we become acquainted with the way they work and the way they meditate.
And we begin to see, oh, they really aren’t that bad after all. And what was them and foreign becomes us and familiar. And what was what was familiar previously and us becomes foreign and them. There’s an exchange between what we conceive of as them and us. So this is the first obstacle that is necessary to overcome.
That of thinking in terms of the self and others are unrelatedly separate or distinct. In fact, self and others exist in mutual dependence. So if if we’re to arouse an attitude which holds a hold which cherishes others presently as we do ourselves. And just and in the same way that we presently seek to eliminate our own suffering and bring back happiness for ourselves, we then, through cherishing of others, we seek to eliminate their suffering and to bring happiness to them. And conceiving of our present self as others, we place the great emphasis that we now place upon our own happiness and suffering is exchanged for that similar emphasis we place on presently others happiness and suffering.
With regard to that, there is another obstacle. So we we the thought will arise in our mind. Well, suffering really I I can’t really eliminate it because it really doesn’t make me suffer. It doesn’t harm myself. Then there’s no reason for me to eliminate this because it doesn’t hurt me.
On the other hand, there’s no reason to bring about the happiness of others because it doesn’t benefit me. So there’s a danger of that thought arising, isn’t there? That I don’t I’m not going to eliminate the suffering of others because it doesn’t harm me. In reply to that, Śāntideva in his text answers, well, if that’s the case, why when you’re young do you put away money in a superannuation fund so that when you get old, you’ll be benefited because the harm that you would experience when you become old and have no money doesn’t harm you when you’re young. So the harm of that old person is not your harm as a young person.
And to follow that reasoning further, why should the hand reach down and take a thorn out of the foot? The hand is not hurting. But on the contrary, we need to understand that we have to eliminate the suffering of others, help them to achieve happiness. Why? Because it eliminates our own suffering, helps us to achieve happiness.
How is that, the follow-up question? If we were motivated by compassion and love to eliminate the suffering of others and bring them happiness, if we eliminate someone’s if we if by the force of our compassion and our love, if we were to eliminate their suffering and bring them happiness, then this would be a tremendously skillful action. This would through such an action, we would accumulate a collection of creative potential, a positive energy. And it is dependent upon that creative potential itself that we ourselves would experience happiness, that we ourselves would be able to eliminate our own suffering. If we ourselves want to be happy, we have to give happiness to others.
If we ourselves do not wish to suffer, we have to stop wishing. We have to stop causing suffering to others. Why is that? Because the giving of happiness to others is the cause of one’s own happiness, and the causing of sufferings to others is the cause of one’s own suffering. We should understand that well.
So that’s fundamental. These words of advice by Śāntideva are extremely precious. Śāntideva was a bodhisattva, and he’s giving us these advices out of his compassion. And they clearly point out the path by means of which we can find happiness, that we can eliminate our suffering. It’s the method that we can actually as an unmistaken and unerring method to find what it is that we want quickly.
So what has what has what Śāntideva has spoken clearly, I’ve tried to communicate to you. So questioning whether one can follow this path or not, one has you have to look within yourself and decide that for yourself. So this is a practice that we can implement if we don’t want to suffer and we want to achieve happiness. If that doesn’t matter to ourselves, well then we can continue to circle within cyclic existence. Some people think cyclic existence is actually quite happy.
So some people not understanding the nature of cyclic existence actually think it’s quite a happy place. Bob, for example, who’s Diane’s husband, you don’t know why. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Said said, I get upset when I when I think about impermanence. I I’d rather be happy in cyclic existence.
And and but you’re asking, well, in what way is it do you find happiness? How is it happy for you? He said, well, when when I get hot, I just go for a swim. And when I get cold, I turn on the heat. So we’re going to stop there for the evening, but we’ll just take a short time, just a few minutes for questions.
And the next question, what kind of, what do you want to change about them before you like them? Before you develop compassion and love toward them? What what do want to you said you have to or you want to change something about them? What do you want to change about people? Then what what is the problem?
So if They would be even more worthy of your compassion and love if they don’t change than if they do. So and until they reach a state where they are a bodhisattva. And therefore they don’t need to have compassion for bodhisattvas. I think Michael had his hand up. Can we get take you next, Joe?
So in your practice of exchanging yourself with others we cherish others, and we’re seeking to increase that cherishing of others, and this is our practice. And if you were to, in the course of this practice, if you neglect yourself, then you would become sick, and you might eventually die. And then that’s end of practice. So in order to practice, we have to take care of ourselves. We have to eat food.
We have to brush our teeth. We have to do all these things. But the main concern is directed toward others, our beneficial intention is directed toward others. So, you know, if we were to become skillful in this way in terms of our attitude, then we would brush our teeth for the welfare of others, we would wash our clothes for the welfare of others, we would eat food for the welfare of others. All of our various activities would be a way of benefiting others.