Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 101-minute teaching, Geshe Kyab leads a detailed commentary on chapter six of the Buddhist Way of Life, focusing on the destructive nature of anger and the transformative power of patience. He begins with the core disadvantage of anger: it destroys peace of mind, sleep, relationships, and the virtues accumulated over lifetimes. Using vivid examples—a tragic family tragedy in India, personal losses, and everyday scenarios—he shows how anger ruins lives far beyond momentary upset. He then explains why love, not mere tolerance, is the true antidote to anger, and explores how genuine love must extend equally to friends, strangers, and enemies, grounded in understanding that all beings have been our loved ones in past lives. He addresses the sneaky nature of attachment, shares his own experience of grief and detachment practice, and emphasizes that compassion practiced consistently changes practitioners visibly and fundamentally. The talk closes with verses on the benefits of patience and the singular destructive function of anger. Suitable for sincere practitioners seeking practical guidance on transforming difficult emotions through Buddhist philosophy.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 2017 02 09.mp3
UUID: 9f0573ae-9adc-46a8-be5b-8c0b128b12e3
Teacher: Geshe Kyab
Collection: Thursday Patience (Geshe Kyab)
Date: 2017-02-09
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 101.9 minutes
Words: ~10,311
Thank you. Good morning everybody. I’m sorry, good evening everybody. It looks like a good morning so much. Page thirty four, please.
This book. I go for refuge until I am enlightened We don’t need English. Seven limb prayers. Reverently, I prostrate with my body, space and mind. I present clouds of every type of offering imagined.
I declare all my negative actions committed since the beginningless time, and rejoice in the merit of all ordinary beings. Please remain until the end of the cyclic existence, and turn the wheel of Dharma and leading beings. To great enlightenment. Short mandala offering. Now, look at the page.
Another mandala offering. This one. Mark here somewhere. Uh-oh, my mark is gone now. Somebody is using my book.
This is not my book. Yeah, it is my book. Excuse me. Maybe here. Oh yes, page eighty seven, Page eighty seven, and request to turn the wheel of dharma.
Now English, look at the same page up there. Short mandala offering. This ground, anointed with scented water, strewn with flowers, adorned with Mount Meru, the four continents and the sun. Imagine this as a Buddha field and offer it. May all sentient beings in your land.
Now down there, O holy and perfect pure lama, from the clouds of compassion that form in the sky above your dharmakaya wisdom, please rain profound Dharma precisely in accordance with the needs of those to be trained. Now, this mantra please. Thank you. Okay. The first class is Buddhist way of life.
And this has ten chapters. We are here giving, teaching chapter number six, which is the patience. Mostly the disadvantage of anger, advantage of patience, tolerance. So last week we had two verses, but now today I’m going to start from the third one. You can look at your textbook if you have one.
So, so this thought versus the implication of this thought versus is the how much anger can able to destroy the our peaceful mind as well as our speech and our actions, you know. So main thing is the anger can really, you know, not only just the last week we talked about the anger can destroy the virtues that accumulated in the eons. So then now that’s one thing. Another thing is to look at the mundane perspective, you don’t need to go to very far away eons and eons like this. Just think about daily basis.
In our life, when you get angry, someone has very much intense sort of anger, hatefulness, thought, then it’s very difficult. Even though you may be his or her family, it’s difficult to be with those people. I mean because of the, this environment is very negative. I will give you one really happened in India. So later I will tell you, not really it’s really, literally happened.
It’s the news. So that’s exactly the, indicates the anger is that much, I mean, worst. And such negative. But however, here is mostly we are talking about not only anger, here mostly we are talking about hatefulness. Red.
That’s we are talking about it, know. But time to time being we all get little upsetness, you know, is also part of the anger. But then it’s just easy to put down, put it down, pretty easy for that. But however, but I’m not going to recommend it, it’s okay to get angry even though it is small. Because hatred and all this hostility starts from the single anger, small anger, then grows bigger and bigger and bigger like this, you know.
Beginning, if you do know how to control the anger, which is much, much, much better. Why? Because the beginning form of anger is not so strong. Almost like a small, very small flame. Like this.
Very easy to put it down. But if you don’t, then after some time this anger becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. So then hostility or hatefulness. Then it’s very, very difficult. It’s too late sometimes.
You know, people do many crimes, things like that. Then everything is finished. So then after I feel very much guiltiness, regretfulness. So things like that happened. So that’s why in the beginning, we all needed to be really vigilant when this nasty thought starts.
At the moment, we must put it down once. Then good. Okay? So now, chapter number three is mainly the anger, disadvantage of anger actually. When the throne, I’m looking at this, I have three different translations.
Sometimes you know, different translations here. Just make sure they are not missing small, small things. But I also have Tibetan here. So now here is this text. When the thorns of anger lodge in my heart, my mind does not feel any peace, does not gain any joy or pleasure, does not fall asleep, and becomes unstable.
All translations are different but actually the meaning is the same. Those tormented by the pain of anger will never know tranquility of mind. Strangers, they will be to every pleasure, sleep departs them, they can never rest like that. And here is another technique. Anyway, but this one is the disadvantage of the anger.
So the, you know, my mind will not experience peace. If it is foster painful thoughts of hatred, I shall find no joy or happiness. Unable to sleep, I shall feel unsettled. So here it is like that. But now, as I mentioned, this is mostly the disadvantage of anger.
Anger is not only just in your own mind, as well as your body also. Here are two ways I can describe this particular one. Mundane perspective or spiritual perspective, you know. Spiritual perspective, of course, it’s not a question for that. There are many things we need to talk about.
Last week we also discussed. Let’s say now the easier way is the mundant perspective. You know, let’s say, generally speaking, we all are seeking happiness. I’m not talking about the ultimate happiness. Forget it.
Just a sight. Ultimate happiness is the. We all are seeking certain happiness. Joyfulness, happiness. But then now, generally speaking, in the mundane perspective, the cause of happiness and joyfulness comes from you know, certain factors.
Having some, and that’s you know, in terms of worldly perspective I’m talking about it. Having some wealth, and some friends and family, you know, good friends and companions. So it’s the, you know, buying things like that. So people do many different factors in order to achieve happiness. Mundane happiness, I’m talking about it.
Which is of course Buddhism accepted. In order to become successful practitioners, we need this mundane happiness and joyfulness, which is very important. Buddhism is not denying that mundane happiness is bad, of course, but Buddhism is saying mundane happiness is just for the temporary, which is the fact. Ultimate happiness is the permanent happiness. But of course in order to be a successful practitioner we need mundane happiness and joyfulness which is very important.
If you are not happy or enjoying these worldly things, then how can we be enjoying those other things. We need these things also based upon to feel comfortable with yourself and to calm yourself to peace. These are needy. This is not something that we should be really denying, or something that Buddhism is almost not accepting. But the point here is these are the ones that seeking joyfulness and happiness.
And also our mundane perspective is having many friends and having wealth. So these the things, whatever it is, you know. So these are the happiness and joyfulness. But then if you are living with anger, what happens? All this joyfulness and happiness will be destroyed.
It doesn’t matter how much wealth you have, nothing you can do. Nothing you can buy this happiness and joyfulness. Nothing. Because your state of mind is totally very much rage or hatefulness. See?
But we are seeking something, but then on the other hand, we are destroying our own happiness. So sometimes our way of thinking is very much childish, you know, unfortunately. Something like that. We are seeking something, but then we are destroying whatever you are seeking, which is happiness. Then we are destroying it because of the anger.
Like that. But then sometimes we excuse, oh how can we not get angry, it’s so difficult to not angry. As I said before, getting angry is just one thing. Here is the point, main thing is the hatefulness. That’s what we are talking about.
Of course, you know, we have to careful even though when you get angry, although it is small, but sometimes it may grow. Everything depends on your own situation and how much this practice is used to how much you understand disadvantage of the anger. So there are many, many angles, many, many tools. There are different angles, there are different tools you need in order to really try to understand how much anger will destroy your own life. It will ruin your own life.
Okay, yeah, that’s a story, really a story, it’s happened. There is one family. Five family members. Father, mother, son and daughter, and this son has a wife. Okay?
Five families. But then, sometimes, many bad things happen within the family. The daughter killed herself. All these women in the family got raped, but they are still keeping very silently. And not only just that, the outside somewhere in nursing homes, one hundred and eighty one or eighty two year old woman, suicide because she got also raped.
But when all these things happened, then after the police checked, analyzed, analyzed, analyzed, finally they came back to their family. The family was very much grateful because of the India sometimes they felt ashamed because somebody got raped and they felt very ashamed and they didn’t want to be, to expose the outside and that people may look at them as nasty and disrespect people, they feel that way. They stop telling the police, which is the first thing they really did, very foolish things. And after some time, found totally what happened. From my perspective, that’s exactly the anger.
The father was very nasty, first of all, this father of the family, very, very short temper. He controls the family very badly. Generally speaking, we need to control. Controlling is part of our life, but there is a good way to control, a positive way to control. If you control your family, of course, your parents, you need to control positively, which is Okay, nicely.
But he was controlling the family very negatively, the environment of the family was so bad. All other members of the family totally, how do you say, they cannot move on. They have lived like that. But this son grew like that since his childhood, until he became man. They grew like that.
But now, you know, in his life, all this, because of the head of the family, the father was so short-tempered and very much abusive. But now the son was becoming the same thing like that. And on top of that, he didn’t have a good job. He was working one nursing home or something. That’s the only job he had, but he wasn’t happy for that job.
And also he wasn’t happy within the family, so many things going on in his mind. Then one day he was bringing some things for these sick people in nursing homes, and this older woman, eighty one or eighty two years old, asked to leave there. She was also very short-tempered. She told her, leave there, not there. And he left there and he left.
And she screamed, are not doing what I said? But she was just eighty one, two years old. Then he was so mad at this older lady, and he forced her, and he raped her. This man, young man. Before this older lady suicided, she told her nephew who did it.
Then everything starts I don’t want to go into this more detail. The point is that this old lady died, this older lady passed away, she saw the sight. And then this older lady’s nephew came to the family one by one. He raped all these women pointing their guns in front of their family. Then the father became very ashamed.
First thing he raped older ladies and nephews, raped their young daughter, fourteen year old daughter. And then now father told this fourteen year old daughter, you get out from my family, you have brought shame on us now. It’s unbelievable. I’ve been telling you not to dance, not to sing, you seduce these things. They didn’t have any idea of all these connections.
The point is that this young fourteen year old was thrown out of the family, and suddenly she jumped from the little road and she died there. This older woman also saw suicide. And then finally police arrested both the man, their son, and the nephew of the older lady. Everything came out. But what happened now?
If you look at this story, I was thinking, Wow! Because of the father’s anger, the family environment was so nasty. Everybody was scared and fearful, especially this young man was the same as his father. But what happened? Both men went to jail.
These older women died. This young four tenetsr also died. And all the women of the family got all these rape things like that. Such a tragedy within the family. The main thing is anger.
I know people blame the father, but main thing is how can you blame him? Actually, it’s his anger, actually. That’s why many Buddhist books say anger is the principal enemy. So no anger inside means no enemy is outside. That’s perfect, actually.
Anger is the real enemy than the outer enemy. Actually this may come later somewhere. Because of the outer enemy, anger has only one function to destroy. The outer enemy has many different functions. They do eat, do things, they also things, the outer enemy.
But inside anger is the only one function to destroy our peace. So that’s why this particular verse was saying, because of the anger, everything is going to burn out. We lose our sleep, couldn’t sleep, sometimes couldn’t talk, so they’re not functioning because of anger. Once you get hatefulness, it’s something that really you are not the same person at all because of the anger. These are very, very important.
When you hear these teachings or these particular words, these are what we need to analyze on a daily basis. Especially when you are calm, we need to analyze, try to understand how much anger be, how much anger will ruin our life. Think about the story. Think about, or just look at our own history. Because our anger destroyed the family life.
People separate. Children between parents and children separate. There are many nasty things that happen We didn’t realize. We thought, know, those things are not going to happen to my family. Sometimes it happens.
So that means we all do have a responsibility. Teacher has a responsibility, students do have a responsibility, parents do have a responsibility. But children are children, it’s very difficult to teach them not to get angry. But you need to also show if you really want to take care your children, especially I’m talking about the small ones, you cannot teach them like this, all these verses, what Śāntideva says, but they wouldn’t understand. The best thing is you need to show them good examples.
Show them good examples of what many patience If you get angry, then what happens? Show them some pictures, some sort of movies. See, because of the anger, look at that movie like that. And you have to show what does the patient do. In order to do so, you need to learn as a parent.
As a parent, you need to learn all these beautiful teachings. To show a good example, then they will learn from you. Because the children mostly are with parents, especially with the mother, isn’t it? They will learn from you. If the child is living with parents that are very aggressive hateful, I will one hundred percent mostly, that child will become the same as parent.
Because they learn that. Only they learn. This is not the children’s fault. Parents are actually most important, isn’t it? So that’s why the, you know, I cannot talk about these things to the people who do not come to the Buddha house, but at least the people who come here, we are so fortunate, I’m so fortunate to be at least I can teach as much as I can through my knowledge, my own experience, you know, all this.
I try to bring some stories, know, things like that. Then so is you as a parent or maybe brothers or sisters. I think we all do have a responsibility to do something to show some good examples to our future generations. This is our responsibility. Okay?
So that’s the disadvantage of anger. So actually the down here is also similar. Number four, I think even those whom he lavishes wealth and honor, those who have become dependent on him get provoked at the point of murdering, and a lot who possesses with anger. Let’s say somebody is, you are dependent on whoever is it, it’s like you are, whoever is it. If that person is very angry, even though you are very much dependent on them, but sometimes people get killed.
Know murdering things happen because of the anger. Friends and relations get disgusted with him, and he might gather others with gifts, he has not regarded with trust and respect. If brief, there is no way at all in which a ranging person is in a happy situation. I will check this one. Here it says, noble shafts full of hate.
Okay. Will be attacked and slain, number four. By even those who look to them for honors and positions. So from family and friends, estranged and shown by those attracted by their bounty, men of anger have no joy forsaking by all happiness and peace. So this translation is like that.
So I don’t know, just reading all these translations. Some translations are easy to understand. Some translations are a little bit, you know, you need more to think because of the words. So this is another disadvantage of anger. Okay, now the Tibet are becoming a little different way.
All these chapters are not like four-four lines. Okay. Now, in this book is also giving you some is Dalai Lama’s book, and also this has translation, different translation of all these different verses. Then the friends and relations get disgusted with him, and friends and relations get discussed with him, and he might gather other with gifts. He isn’t regarded with trust and respect.
In brief, that’s not the way at all in which an enraged person is in a happy situation. Even though just helping some of these people, even though you try to practice generosity, things like that doesn’t work sometimes because they have this strong hurtfulness. The point is that there is no peaceful mind once you get angry. So that’s the point he’s making here. There is nothing in a peaceful mind once you get angry.
There’s no tranquility. There’s no calmness. So that’s why the next one comes the advantage of the patient. Before that, I start. So this is the point.
Of course, there are many, many antidotes. One can be able to apply, usually, directly we say patience. Is the antidote to anger. It’s very easy to understand totally the opposite. But the real thing is the antidote to anger is love.
Love is the deal. But when I say love is the antidote to anger, it’s very difficult to understand. It’s totally different. So that’s why it makes a lot of sense. So this perspective is that we need to go a little deeper.
A little deeper on why love is the best antidote to anger. So now when I say love, here we are not talking about mundane love. Absolutely not. We are talking about the spiritual love. That’s real love, genuine love, which is not loving only to one’s close friends and family, but also loving to strangers, so is the enemies.
That’s what we are talking about. But it’s very difficult to generate that type of love, especially towards the enemy side. So that one is now the Dalai Lama. Every time when you listen to the Dalai Lama’s teachings, when he talks about chapter number six, which is about patience, he will repeat the same teachings again and again he will teach you. Also, as I mentioned this before, there is a book you can buy, How to Expand the Love.
You can buy that book. It’s beautiful. That book gives you many examples that we, the ordinary people, can be able to generate a certain degree of that spiritual love. Much, much better than our regular love. Remember, our regular love is mostly attachment.
Attachment. Why? Because mostly our love is towards friends and family. Yeah, I’m checking my side, yeah, mostly like that. But nowadays, since I really became a fully ordained monk, I was a little serious to improve this a little bit more, not only just loving towards friends and family.
Of course, we need to love friends and family, but not only that, now we need to improve a little bit. We need to step up. But if you only sticking there, then you are not improving. Then it is very difficult to apply this love antidote to anger. So now, this particular love is meant to be to improve, not only just loving one’s friends and family, but also loving the stranger, and so also the enemies.
But then now, first of all, we need to check our own state of the mind regularly how much you love to friends and family, then are not loving or not feeling hatred towards this stranger. But then in the end comes much hatred. So that means we have three different projections. Like this. That’s called, spiritually, discrimination.
So now, spiritual perspective, that is really discrimination. Mundane perspective, regularly we say you cannot discriminate people, isn’t it? Whoever is it, or white or yellow or the tanned brown, I think we are maybe brown. Chinese are considered as yellow, African American, those are black, then white. You should not discriminate people.
Isn’t it a mundane perspective? Which is bad. But the same thing with spiritual perspective, also you cannot discriminate. So that goes more wider and higher, not only just the human creature, also everyone. Everyone who lives in this world, it could be human beings, could be animals, could be insects, any beings.
But then now, mostly concentrated here is the human beings, which is the way more interactive with them than the animals. Animals are sometimes a little easier because they don’t talk to you. They only love you. It’s very easy to love them. But the problem is one human to another human being.
That’s the main thing here. So now look at these three different projections. One side is the very strong attachment or affection. The second projection is towards the stranger indifferent feelings. No affection, neither hatred, because of the stranger.
Then now, thought, let’s say here. Course, friends and family, here. Then let’s say this is strangers. Enemies, three. Very strong attachment, affection, indifferent feelings.
This projection is indifferent feelings. It means they have no feeling as love or neither hatefulness. Now this one comes, the third projection is the, that’s a no. Strong hatefulness, Anger. I dislike you.
But then now, you have to check why I have these three different projections. You need to get an answer yourself. Now first answer, this one. Because of friends and family. Why I have so much love, my friends and family?
Why do I do that? The answer is because they love you. It’s very reasonable. They love you. They take care of you.
They love you and your family. So that’s why I love you. It’s fair enough, isn’t it, for us, ordinary human perspective? Same thing now, why indifferent feeling towards the stranger? Answer is their side is indifferent feeling because I’m stranger for them, they are stranger for me, because I feel indifferent feelings, because stranger didn’t harm me, or they didn’t love me.
Same thing, but in different feelings. It’s fair enough also, you know. Now the third one is why you so much hate, so much dislike this group of people. The answer is the same thing. They harm me and my family.
If you look at this mundane perspective, it makes sense actually. It really does. Who likes somebody to harm you? Who can be able to love even if somebody tries to kill you? No.
But in our Buddhist perspective, these are just we are talking about one lifetime now. But Buddhism talks about, yes it is true, this all happened, some part of the people are your closer friends and your families, The most people are strangers and some groups of the people are enemies. Yes. But Buddhist goes the very, very back, past life goes, you know. And everything is a mix.
Saying, even though sometimes we really don’t need to go to a very past life, even though within one lifetime also, really, now the next step is what you need. A close friend and family is that prominently they are really friends and family, or they can be changed. That’s your needed thought. If you really want to reduce your attachment towards friends and family, which we call detachment, Which we’re supposed to be. If you really want to be a little less attachment, so at this point you need to meditate.
Okay, are they really prominently friends in the family or not? Sometimes within one lifetime, friends in the family change, becomes your enemies. We can see that all the time, isn’t it? See now? That’s a saying, friends and family, they are, although very much you’re loving them, but still they are really not prominently the close friends and family.
They can be changed. Why? Because everything is subject to change, which we call impermanence. Impermanence means subject to subject change. Same thing with this one.
They are a stranger now Who knows, within one lifetime, they can be your friends and family. They are not permanently stranger. But this is a little easier. This is very difficult. Or enemies are permanently enemy.
Or they can be one day become your friends? Possible. But I’m talking about within this lifetime. But then now, if you go past lifetime, this answer that you received now, I love you because you love me and my family. That’s why I love you.
This can be changed. Past lifetime, maybe these groups of people may become your enemies. The answer is the hatefulness towards you. So is the dislike you. So now the same answer you received from this lifetime, the enemies.
Only the time is different. But generally speaking, enemies are enemies, which harm you and your family. So in previous lifetime, your friends and family became your enemies. Because there are many, many, many lives. Okay?
Because the karma is totally very complicated. So these people also became your friends and family. Now they are in danger. Most important thing is the enemy became your friends and family in a past lifetime. At the time these groups of people helped you and your family.
That means you’re supposed to be loving now, not only just thinking about this lifetime, they love you and they love your friends and family in the past lifetime, when they became friends and family. Same answer you got from this group of people. That’s why you love them. So now look at these are the questions and answers. If it is your answer that you love these groups of people because they love you and your family, and they help you and your family.
Same answer you get from these groups of people in a past lifetime. But time is very important? No. The main important thing is what they did for you. The point I’m making here is that everything is going to be subject to change.
So that’s why the best thing is that we need to love all sentient beings. That’s the best thing, which is the most difficult. But it is difficult, but it is possible. It is not something that is impossible. So this is the point that generating bodhicitta is very important.
Buddha That’s why many Buddhist books say, generate bodhicitta, generate bodhicitta, generate bodhicitta. It’s very important, is the Mahāyāna practice. So we do say this prayer every class, isn’t it? Do say this prayer every class that is saying, may all sentient beings have happiness and causes of happiness. But they didn’t mention, my only closer friends in the family have happiness and causes of happiness.
It didn’t mention here, isn’t it? But for us, it’s the same prayer, May all sentient beings have happiness and the causes of happiness beautiful, but actually all actions are the only my family and friends have happiness and the causes of happiness. The actual point is like that. The actual action is like that. But we should be having the same thing, what prayer we say, same action we are supposed to be.
It’s difficult, as I said before, but not something that is impossible. It is possible. The second thing is that all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. They didn’t mention here, only my family beings are free from suffering and the causes of suffering. No.
May all sentient beings, sentient beings, two beings, Buddha beings and sentient beings. Sentient beings are the growth of the sentient beings, mostly the rest of the sentient beings, and this one. Like that. If if if you talk about the human perspective, of course there are many other animal things like that. Then may all sentient beings be inseparable from happiness that is free from suffering.
And last one is the may all sentient beings abide in equanimity. Free from attachment for friends. See? What what this one is saying? What does mean this one?
Free from attachment for friends. Some people, even newer people, maybe wonder, that’s crazy things. Why should I be loving? Why should I be attachment for friends? Maybe some Buddhist practitioners say, Oh, maybe the attachment, not really the love.
You may say, Remember, all love is the attachment. Don’t be confused. Oh, maybe Buddhist books say attachment, free from attachment, attachment for friends. They didn’t mention free from love for their friends. Some people may think, remember, all love is attachment.
So now see, here we are talking about, of course, the beginning it’s very difficult to detachment totally. However, if you do meditate, we can be able to do less attachment. Much, much better. But why should we be free from attachment for friends? What is the big deal, let’s say?
What is the big deal having attachment towards this love or attachment towards friends? Because eventually, this attachment will cause you anger. Definitely, as I said before, anger is very much obvious. Very easy to understand. Oh yes, anger is very nasty.
Because anger is still nasty and also it’s very much obvious. It’s very easy to understand that anger is negative. But the main thing the Attachment is very sneaky. Am I saying rightly sneaky? Very sneaky.
You wouldn’t understand until it will, how do you say, explode something, becomes bad. See? Attachment is very, very sneaky, like this and hidden. Then sometimes, it’s like this. We didn’t realize that until we become like this.
Anger is very easy. Race, people change their face, color also like that. So that’s why it’s free from attachment from friends. After sometimes we must be totally free from attachment for friends, but beginning it’s difficult, as I said, at least we can, less attachment, try to do that. If you do less attachment, then it’s much better when something happens, your friends and family, you suffer too much.
That’s very much sure. As I said before, I put many times examples of myself, because before I put someone else, I like to put myself. I think it’s better because of my own experience. When nineteen eighty one or nineteen eighty two, although my attachment was loved by my beloved teacher, Geshe Khen Yang, who when I came to the monastery, he was my first teacher, Geshe Kayang, who passed away in Switzerland in nineteen eighty, before Lama Yeshe and Geshe Rabten. Geshe Rabten is also my teacher, but Geshe Rabten is my spiritual teacher, only teaching that I received such a kindness teacher, you know.
And so you know Geshe Rabten is also teacher of Lama Yeshe. Lama Yeshe is generally very strong. Geshe Rabten comes to Lama Yeshe’s story. Sometimes Geshe Rabten, I heard it. Now you have some western students, you think you are a great lama?
Lama Yeshe, no, no, no. Lama Yeshe is such a humble and such a great lama. Usually, Lama Yeshe is very strong. I heard it very, very strong, but that was devoted to his teacher, Geshe Rabten. Anyway, my own teacher, Geshe Kayang, passed away in nineteen eighty two or three, sometimes like that.
I was young at that time, I didn’t know all this practice, although I was already a monk, remember, because of not yet there that I can be able to practice. Even though I didn’t know all these different projections, only I knew attachment is bad, but how to understand a young monk, you know. It took almost a few months to get over it. Very sad. Almost like the sky has now fallen down on me, you know?
Even though my mother was there, my stepfather was there, such a lovely I do have another teacher, but this teacher passed away. I totally lost it. My classmate came to me, What is going on? You are not coming to the class. I was totally confused and so sad.
Nowadays, when I was in the United States, I understood why people are going through such difficulties. I was saying, Deja vu, I was there, I can understand. It’s very shame to say that even the Buddhist monks went through like this, but I wasn’t practising well. It was my fault. So sad, so sad, and so lost.
And I feel lonely because Geshe Kayang was not only just the spiritual teacher, he was like the father figure for me. As I said, my father passed away when I was very young, and he was there for me, you know. But then of course I do have another teacher too there, but he was very kind. All other teachers also very much respected him. He was there for us all the time, whatever we needed clothes, things, and also teachings, sometimes yelling, scolding, whatever it was.
It was so wonderful. But then now, he went to Switzerland, he stayed a few years, and he came to us. That’s the worst thing. He came to us to say goodbye, actually. We didn’t realize.
He came to us with his student, or a doctor. Then I was cooking for my teacher and this doctor, and another Tibetan woman from Switzerland. But then she instructed me exactly what to cook and what not to cook. I said, Why? My teacher loved to eat Tibetan food.
I didn’t know at that time, was very immature and didn’t say anything about what was wrong with my teacher. Only things like many westerner kind of things, he didn’t put, I was cooking him some, not to put oil like ghee, and make him more delicious food, was my opportunity. He would be there for only a month, think, only a month. But during this month I was doing as much as I can to do my, you know, this power to cook for him, clean his clothes. I tried to do that, but then this doctor was instructed about specific food, banana and sometimes apple with yogurt, nothing else.
Even though not raw, many things. I was very strange. I asked another, What is going on with strange food? My teacher loved Tibetan food. I tried to cook Tibetan things, I bought many ingredients, but everything was not for him.
And of course, one month after, he was very brave, and everybody we went to, and he just put his head like this. Stay in the monastery, finish your studies, Get a Geshe degree. Go to the Gyumey Tantric University. After that, everything is on your own. Until then, you need to follow my instructions.
Start it. Finished. Get a Geshe degree. Go to the Gyumey Tantric University. After that, you decide whatever you want to do.
We all said, Wow, what is going on in my other friends? Then he left the monastery and went to Switzerland. Within two or three weeks, we received my teacher and passed away. Shocked! How can we?
Then the doctor came with the ashes, you know. Oh, it was very painful. With the ashes, very nice vase. Then we asked one lama, what should we do with these ashes? And this lama instructed us to build some tsa tsa, special tsa tsa.
And we also bought the statues, three long life statues, Ushnishavijaya, and Namgyalma, and one other — three long life statues we put and we put some ashes there. And mostly ashes we did these three long life also tsa tsa. Tsa tsa is where you need to get mold, small structures. And then, of course, after we distributed all these tsa tsas to other places, another teacher went to Varanasi and Bodh Gaya. We left all tsa tsas over there and I kept little ashes when I went to seek him in the higher mountains because we do believe that I throw on the mountains.
But the point is, we asked what happened. Then this doctor was saying when he came to a monastery to say goodbye. And I said what is wrong and what happened? And he has cancer. We didn’t know.
Then he said a lot of things. Wow, it was so difficult to think shocking. Anyway, I was like that. Point is, it’s a long story. I was like that.
But then next, of course, a few years back, I also lost some of my teachers. I was much better. I wasn’t going through so much suffering because I trained myself. But now I’m waiting for my mother. Same thing, you know.
I’ve been thinking detachment, of course. Otherwise I will suffer again. And same answer, same thing that my mother is the one who brought me up. As I said, my father passed away when I was five or six years old. She was there for me, and you have no idea how much difficulty she went through for me to have a wonderful life.
I never went through any hunger or thirsty or bad clothes, nothing, because of my mother’s kindness. She worked very hard, went to the mountains, collected herbs to sell. She saw much effort and Tibet in exile. Nothing else there. Very hard work.
Nowadays when I look at the western mothers here, I think your life is a luxury. You didn’t go through like this. Even though sometimes the United States talk about the difficulties, 1930s, 1960s, but if you compare what went through my mother in those times, nothing here. Nothing. I mean, very, very difficult, you know.
But anyway, she raised me beautifully, lovingly. She sent me school even though she wore not so good clothes, but for me, good clothes like that. So that’s why I understood what does mean mother. I really understood that mostly mothers are like that. I think there is no one else like a mother in this world.
No. Not. The mother is the man and principal part of the family. Usually the father, but my point is the mother is still like that. Absolutely.
I believe that. My own experience. The point is that that mother is eighty one, two years old. Now you understand what would be in my when she was sick last time, I’m thinking, wow, when I’m going to receive some bad news. Need to do this preparation to go back to Sikkim, you know.
A few weeks, at night, I was a little fearful. But I was still doing detachment practice, but it’s not easy. But still, I may receive some bad telephone calls from them, or WeChat, or WhatsApp, whatever you call them. But then after she gets better, I relax. The point is, it’s not easy.
However, I got a little better. I’m not saying I’m totally now realizing all these things, absolutely not. Still, I need to work on it, but much better than, as I said, when I lost my teacher in 1980s, and now my student mind is very different. I’m not going to be too much softer when some of my best wonderful teachers passed away. But now my mother is eighty two, so I’m already trying to do all this detachment.
So that’s why this one is absolutely free from attachment for friends means that. Do you understand now? Free from attachment for friends. Attachment, generally speaking, good attachment and bad attachment. Good attachment is the regular we, which is the now we have one general attachment.
We love each other. Student love teacher, teacher love student. It’s a good one. You know, mother love children, children love mother. Good one.
Husband love wife. Wife love husband. Good one. Partner loves each other. Good one.
But then that love is, if you don’t look at how sneaky, that love can grow. It becomes bigger. Strong attachment. Then problem now. Why?
Because that one is actually helped by ignorance. See, now that love becomes strong, very, very dangerous. So that’s the point here is that we are talking about detachment. Just little loving is not a big problem. What is the problem?
But here the main thing is to free from attachment from friends is that we are talking about that big one. Strong, how do you say, clinging, kind of you know, very much holding, not letting go. That’s the way we are talking about it. But just this ordinary sort of love, all need it. So, last one is free from attachment from friends and hatred for enemies.
The same thing. This group of people must be free from hatred for enemies because they need our love. But this book didn’t mention the how is it? They didn’t part it, or you should be having hatred towards enemies. They didn’t mention that.
We must be free hatred for enemies. Because these are also sentient beings. They need our help, especially the Buddhist practitioners. We must be better than those people who are not practicing Buddhadharma. We must be better than those people.
Otherwise, what is worth it? Listening to the teachings and all these different meditations, why we do it, for what? We must be different than people who are not practicing Buddhadharma. Absolutely. If you do this practice, you will see how much you change the past few years.
If you look at the past few years back, or decade, whatever you call it, or the now, your state of the mind, your way of thinking is totally changed. That is the progress. That’s why having such a beautiful center like this is worth it now. Because you change. You change from the teachings.
Not from the people. You change from the teachings. Then having these beautiful centers, it’s very important. See? That’s why I all the time admire very much strongly and they built all these FPMT centers.
Unbelievable. I mean, you know, how many people are getting better, such progress, becoming a kind human being, a compassionate human being, of the FPMT centers. It’s unbelievable. And people who work volunteer in those centers. Without volunteer, how can you manage the center?
How difficult. I remember when you were moving here, I was hearing, it’s difficult, isn’t it? Not easy. But then because of the power of the volunteers, such lovely people, everybody put their effort together. Now look at it.
I sent many of these pictures for many people. Everybody loved it, you know. Everybody loved it. People think, Wow, beautiful, beautiful. There was no one person talking about, ah, it is useless.
Why do we need a big center like this? No one is saying, everyone is saying one thing, beautiful, wonderful. We send these pictures with the people together also. That’s what we need to do. That’s a practitioner.
You must be different than those people who are not practicing. And you need to encourage the people to come to the Buddha house, you know. Not pushing, but in a nice way, you know, starting by the some we have here many many meditation teachings. Or Sunday, those beginner Buddhism classes. Try to bring those people, then you are helping them also.
One person helps another one, another will help another one. So this way we can expand and help to expand like this. How beautiful. So now this is the meaning of love. Love is the real deal to destroy the anger.
If you look at it that way, after meditating all this, to expand the love towards these three people, then there will be some movement. I will be one hundred percent sure if you do this meditation on a daily basis again and again, think about, you know. But then if you do not believe the reincarnations of past life like that, then I think then it’s difficult to expand the love because of only one lifetime. And this lifetime, you have these three different projections. Like this.
If you do believe only one lifetime, still you want to expand this love, think about the friends and family, sometimes it becomes this one here. This can be this one, this can be this one. Everything is subject to change. Why not just love them? So see, I’m not asking you to believe in reincarnation or a past life or a previous life like that.
No. But it makes a lot of sense if you do believe many, many lives before, many lives after this life. Then it makes a lot of sense to understand this love antidote to anger. So then now because of all these different, how you say, the tools how to expand their love towards these three people, you know. Okay, go ahead and break.
Now, versus number six. Hence the enemy anger creates suffering such as those and the like, while whoever clamps down and destroys his anger will be happy in this life and others. So this one is the benefit of practicing patience. Then the seventh one is finding fuel in the foul state of mind that arises from its bringing about things I don’t want, and it’s preventing what I wish. Anger, once inflamed, destroys me.
So this one is how anger starts, So therefore I should totally eradicate the fuel of that enemy for this enemy hasn’t been mentioned other than injuring me. That’s anger is the only, their function is only to harm injuring me. So now the disadvantage of, I mean, advantage of patience or the benefit of practicing patience. So of course, generally speaking, there’s so much benefit of practicing patience. But when I say patience and tolerance, sometimes many people do misunderstand the patience.
We are not talking about the patience like blind patience. We are talking about the patience or tolerance here is something that you understood anger is one of the worst negative emotions, anger is really the disadvantage. If I get angry, so these are the things happened before, happening now, it will happen. After understanding the disadvantage of anger, then now if you really look at the advantage of patience, then if you try to really to feel patience and tolerance, so that’s a real patience and tolerance. Other than that, just the tolerant, sometimes people tolerate things blindly without understanding the meaning of their tolerance in the patience, without understanding the really disadvantage of the anger.
So that’s why we are not talking about the, how do you say, tolerant in patience here. Mainly the meaningful tolerance in the patient than just the blind tolerance in the patient. Okay? Okay, then now the benefit of patience. Same thing, let’s say first of all, mundane perspective.
Temporarily, if you practice patience and tolerance, there are many benefits. For instance, it’s not important, however, but I will say it. When you cook, if you have patience, your cooking is better. Your food is better. When you drive, if your patience is much better.
You will not get accidents. Anything that is mundane perspective, if you do practice patience, there are many benefits. Your life will be much better. You will be more confident when you need to talk to someone whatever you need to talk. I mean you will be more confident that you can be able to talk well.
But then if you are talking, which is very, very important to say, to express whatever circumstances or situation or reason, but if you are with anger, then you couldn’t say it. Things that you are supposed to be able to say at that point. Isn’t it? Even though the mundane perspective of the practice of the patient is so much, you know. Then the spiritual perspective, of course, we need to talk about the causality, cause and effect, karmic law of cause and effect, if you get angry, then there will be so many, you know, consequences that happens.
You are already accumulating so many negative karma. Then eventually those negative karma will give you negative results. But then if you do practice patience, tolerance, then you are accumulating positive karma. Eventually positive karma will give you positive results, which is your happiness. Generally speaking, saying patience, direct result of the patient is beautiful.
Your body will be beautiful in the future, you’ll look very nice like that. But that’s you know, directly result something like that. But main thing is there will be more better results than just becoming beautiful or handsome, you know, like that. So then if you think about it this way, so then patience do have such a potential, such a great, you know, virtue than any other virtues. So that’s why we need to practice patience.
The second one is finding fuel in the foul state of mind. Here is the, this translation is, this is I already read it, now here is the getting what I do not want, and all that hinders my desire, there my mind finds a fuel of misery, anger springs from its oppressing me. So that’s, I mean, you know, are many, many different reasons people get angry, but main thing is the, I mean, you know, it’s because of the selfish mind or self centered mind or the ego. Because of that, you know, people get in different ways of the, people get angry. So then therefore, the best thing is I shall totally eradicate the fuel of that enemy, for this enemy has a mission other than injuring me.
Because anger has only one mission to destroy you or injure you. That’s it. Nothing else. Which I mentioned before. Outside enemies do have other different emotions.
They have different functions. Anger is only to destroy ruin one’s life or make you more unhappy, or the sadness, and like that. That’s only anger can do. There’s nothing else that anger has any other functions. Okay.
Yeah, thank you. Next week I will start from verses number nine. Now, questions? What is it? Yeah, question.
Jo, Joe, point, remember, we have to make this nice. I’m not understanding, you are reading something. You have to make a nice, beautiful question, then I can give you the answer. If you wrote it down, then I cannot give you the I have a question. Okay, yeah, want a question.
No, can you repeat that? So that’s what I was saying, make it beautiful. Yes. Actually, when you ask questions, you do very nice questions. Only sometimes you make this long, long one, you know.
I’m flattered. See, now that’s a very good question actually. Yes. Remember I gave you this example, I mean an example that really happened in India because the environment was so bad because the head of the family was considered as a dead father. He was so nasty, but then everybody else now, almost they are froze.
Is nothing they can do. Now the first thing is that son was becoming the same as like a father. So that’s why all this, which I told you that story, I am not going to repeat it, There are two women who died. One is a very old one, one is a very young one. Then now, other women got such a bad sort of incidence, and these two men went to the life of their jail.
But it’s not necessarily, you know, you should be aggressive or wrathful living with a bad environment. But it’s very difficult to give this answer correctly. It depends also, as I said, that family was a very much orthodox sort of family. Even though they understood something was very wrong going on in the family, still they all stick with it, not talking to anyone. This is called blind tolerant.
Exactly. It’s totally blind tolerant. And finally, I think, yeah, I forgot to tell you before, finally this mother tried to put some poisons in the food to kill everyone, also herself. Yes, literally did that, that’s not only because they just died, that’s much easier. Then this woman, the wife of the son, said, Absolutely not.
Now I cannot tolerate it, totally intolerant. I want to go talk to the police. She was the one who went to the police. Otherwise, they were all gone long. She went to the police and told her, I cannot tolerate it now.
I must talk to the police. The police told her, Why did you come before? If you came before, maybe you can save some people’s lives, all these things. But you know, that situation was, as I said, there’s no one answer for that solution. It depends on the situation.
Generally speaking, if you are in that sort of environment, I would like to say get out from there. That’s the best thing to do, get out from there and really to understand if you stay there continually what would be, just remember my story that I mentioned. If you have an opportunity to get out, just get out, get help from someone, you know. I think that’s the best thing to do. Not just staying there and tolerant, not like that.
Is that? Can you explain Tough love. Tough love. We call it tough love. Good one, that’s a good one.
Yeah, but of course it’s different. Tough love. That’s why my teacher did it for me. Oh, you have no idea how much tough love I got it. Mala here and there, you know, that’s tough love.
Of course, you know, but didn’t see him as getting angry, but he will show you his face because we needed that. Otherwise, we are very naughty, even in the monastery, you know. But that’s called tough love. When you also have some children, there are two different children. One child can be able to listen if you talk to them smoothly.
Another child may not be able listen smoothly. That point is the mother needs to become a little rough, tough love, to help their children, which is a good one, acceptable. But you cannot, this tough love is also about balance. You have to check your motivation, your intention, and sometimes tough love can become a nasty one. You could injure the children, hitting them, their legs and joints, like that.
So that’s why the Tibetan masters are very good, and this is only for the heart, only the skin, not the joints, only the skin. Sometimes you can see nice tattoos here, mala tattoos. You can see here, I’ve heard it many times. Only skin, you know, like this. Yes, it’s totally different.
One is the tough love, one is the anger. Totally different. Sorry, I was on the same topic. Oh, Is that the question? Yeah.
The job is wrathfulness, like as he’s on a pair, often has to be quite firm with the child, like really, but not angry. Not angry, but you have to push. Yes, you have to push children sometimes. Some children need that, especially now we have one in our family, my nephew, just seven years, five and a half years old. It’s a little rough, you know.
Everybody is, his problem is he runs, runs, runs, and he gets sometimes very much injured. When I was there I was scared like this, I feel so bad I’m there only for one or two months. I said, I never, I said like this, he’s scared, oh uncle may hit us, you know. And they all scared, oh be careful uncle may hit you, you know. I said, hey, you know, like this.
But we love him very much, just five and a half years old. Now he’s going to soon to be in St. Augustine and he’s going to go boarding now, just three hours from the sick him, you know. Because we wanted him to stay in the boarding house, very difficult. He runs, there are many cars, very dangerous.
Anyway, yes sometimes we need a little tough love, you know, the teacher does it for his or her students, the parents do it for their children, which is acceptable. Jo asked very good questions, isn’t it? Last question, anyone? Good one, go ahead. How can you practice detachment for someone you love without knowing Detachment doesn’t mean that the, okay, I don’t know, maybe you are misunderstanding detachment.
Detachment doesn’t mean that, oh, I must be detachment, but I shouldn’t be talking too much to that person, or not going with that person, or maybe not doing this and that. Still you can have a relationship with a person, but your side is the little balance, you know, not too much attachment, too much into it. That’s what you need to do. That’s called detachment. You are trying to really reduce your way of how you look at that person, your way of how much you used to have that affection or things like that.
So now you try to be mentally than just physically. More mentally, something like that. Do you understand? Okay, detachment sometimes I find America, people say that when I try to be a detachment with someone, sometimes their relationship becomes a little, how do you say, not so good. Some cases, it’s up to you.
Everything is up to you. It’s possible, but which one is the worst? This one is, or maybe still into her or him, which is the worst? I think this one is worse than sometimes, you know, a little separation. Have measure which one is better and which one is the worst.
Detachment practice may be worse than attachment. Then attachment is better. I mean, you have to check it out. Generally speaking, you need to learn exactly how to do detachment. So that is why, as I mentioned before, some of these tools and techniques that I already mentioned, that those are the daily basis.
Think about it. So if you have a strong attachment towards friends and family, but it depends on what attachment is. So think about my friends and family, also the subject of change, their impermanence, one day they may die or whatever it is, you know, but then I will be very much softer. So you have to think about all these different techniques and tools. There is no one particular answer that can solve every problem.
No. But here in teaching, we can just give a few things like that. The main thing is you need to find out your own wisdom from meditating, different tools, you know, you need to find out which one is better. Okay? Thank you very much.
Okay, think I packed Buddha’s book also. Oh, the judiciary is going to yell at me. Oh yes, I packed. Sorry. Lord of Dharma, with accordance with various dispositions of those to be subdued, make clear in the light of your well spoken advice.
Secret Mantra tradition, essence of the Buddha’s teaching, foremost holy Lama, to you I supplicate. Oh Lama, please please live long. Thank you very much. Tomorrow morning, eleven a.m. meditation with Geshe-la.
Why? Sorry, not tomorrow. No, I’m reading the number thirty, which is February third. No, that’s not. Today is nine ten.
Yes, twelve thirty p. M. Open meditation tomorrow. Very good. Then there is no class on Saturday.
Sunday is nine am Lamrim meditation. Eleven am, beginner Buddhism class, which I will be here. Thank you very much, and good night.