Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 89-minute teaching, Geshe Kyab offers practical Buddhist methods for addressing anger, a destructive emotion that undermines both inner peace and external relationships. He distinguishes between temporary relief—breathing meditation, mantras like Hayagrīva, and pausing before reacting—and ultimate transformation through analytical meditation on anger’s disadvantages and patience’s benefits. Geshe Kyab draws from his own experience: after arriving in Florida as a young monk with limited English, cultural isolation and misunderstandings (a memorable confusion over “mahi mahi”) taught him that patience, tolerance, and forgiveness are genuine weapons against anger’s grip. He explores three kinds of patience: non-retaliation, enduring natural suffering while taking appropriate action, and maintaining continuity in difficult Dharma practice. Throughout, he emphasizes that controlling one’s own mind—especially anger—is the foundation for helping family, community, and the world, and that love, not counter-anger, is the true antidote.
File metadata (for organising)
File: Healing Anger.mp3
UUID: acadd6c1-6fda-41b8-b1af-2b27eccfac2f
Teacher: Geshe Kyab
Collection: Geshe Kyab Jan (Geshe Kyab)
Date: 2017 (exact day not recorded)
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 89.0 minutes
Words: ~9,082
Good evening everyone. Please, page thirty four. This book. I go for refuge until enlightenment to the Buddha, Dharma, May I accomplish the practice of giving and other perfections.
May I become Buddha to benefit all sentient beings? May all sentient beings have happiness. May they be free from suffering. And of course, also, Sentient beings being inseparable from happiness and that is free from suffering. May all sentient beings abide in equanimity, free from attachment for friends and hatred for enemies. Reverently I proceed with my body, speech and mind.
I present clouds of offerings, and offering actually my all my negative actions accumulated since the beginningless time, rejoice in the merit of a holy and ordinary being. Please remain without passing into nirvana, turn the wheel of dharma for living beings. I dedicate all my merits to those of all over the world. Short mandala offering. If you don’t know how to do this mudra, just do it.
This ground, anointed with scented water, strewn with flowers, adorned with Mount Meru, the four continents, sun and moon. I imagine this as a Buddha field and offer it. May all sentient beings enjoy this pure land. Idam guru ratna mandalakam niryatayami. Mantra, please.
Thank you. Today, healing anger. Healing anger means to destroy the anger. So this class you will going to learn how to, one can be able to destroy the anger, which is not easy, but it is possible. So everything depends on how much you understand the disadvantage of anger, and the advantage of patience, which is very, very important.
There are many ways one can able to actually, are two ways, let’s say. I shouldn’t say, yeah, many ways, but at this point I would like to put two ways. Temporarily, you can also, you know, make anger go away, and then the ultimate. Ultimately, when you go away, anger means no more anger exists in your system. That’s the ultimate level.
But temporarily, we also get rid of the anger, which means we can cut out. Anger. So that’s why sometimes we do some mantras, sometimes we do temporary meditations, etc. But everything is individual to individual. As I said before, how much you understand the disadvantage of anger and the advantage of patience, that one is really you are practising to cut out anger, not only temporarily, but ultimately, permanently.
Which is a little difficult beginning. The beginning when you try try to practice to reduce or to, you know, to out the anger. It’s a little difficult beginning. However, I don’t want you to, really discourage yourself because of my own experience. Still, I do get angry sometimes.
Can you imagine a Buddhist monk? It’s true. It’s true. Why should I be hiding? It is true.
I am a human being, same as you. But since fifteen years in the United States, I learned much patience. Really, I did, you know. Some cases I did not have choice, which is the there are two different cultures and traditions. And my eating things, my walking, my talking, whatever all my doing things are very different than American people, so it’s here, you know.
But I learned patience. I really mean it, really, you know. Although in the monastery, of course, you know, we had some issues, small things like that, but it’s very different. But in the United States, culture and tradition is very difficult. A few years beginning, since two thousand to two thousand and three, three years, it was very difficult.
Buddhist monk living in an apartment surrounded by the westerners. There were no monks. Even there were no Tibetans. Can you imagine? Now my English wasn’t as good as now.
You know? My English was very limited. And sometimes when I go to eat with people, I feel so sad. They all talk, and I just sit there and meditate, you know. Which is actually good, you know.
That’s what I do. Otherwise, I’m not understanding what they are, you know, saying things. So the beginning of my life in the United States was very, very tough. I almost decided to leave because the culture was come in. Hello?
Come in. Go go. Are you new? Hello? You are new?
Sorry. You are new or old student? New. Otherwise, take three times prostration. Do you know how to do?
Here. Look at Buddha. Three times. Three times? Prostration.
Three times. Both down. Three times. Because you are late. One, two, three.
Okay, now go back. Now Buddha gives you permission to sit and listen to my teaching. What I was saying is, it was a few difficult. But patience. I think that is the best tolerance for patience, tolerance for forgiveness.
I used to tell my students these are my weapons that I survived fifteen years. As I said before, when people talk during eating, I didn’t have any idea what they were talking. Talking. So one thing, very strange thing happened. First day when I arrived in Fort Lauderdale International Airport, small airport, not Miami one, I was flown from New York to Fort Lauderdale for three and a half hours.
I was already in New York for fourteen days before I came down to Florida to meet my students because I wanted to get little to know, you know, in New York, I have some students there. Then I saw the students, forty, fifty students came to the airport, very hungry, very When I looked at their feet, they were so hungry to have Dharma teachings. That’s a good sign for me. I said, wow, okay. We went to eat at one restaurant.
It was a seafood restaurant. Now, listen. Buddhist tradition, the first time when you go somewhere, when people ask you something, you need to say yes. You shouldn’t be saying no, that’s not good, you know. I didn’t know what they were asking me, I said yes.
Food. Finally, I hear they are talking about the mahi mahi kind of things, you know. Mahi is the — and for our side, mahi is the water buffalo, which is I cannot eat. I have tantric vows. I said, how how do they know this word mahi?
In Tibetan, mahi means water buffalo. But they are not saying just one mahi, they are saying mahi mahi. I don’t know, you know that. In the United States, dolphin, they call mahi mahi. Where’s Mark?
Yes? Mahi mahi. It’s not a dolphin. It’s a dolphin. Yeah.
They told me a small kind of dolphin. That’s what they call mahi mahi. I said, what? You know? Because first of all, thought it was water buffalo.
I was saying, wow, what can I do now? I already said yes, because I cannot eat water buffalo because of the tantric vows. Have some tantric vows. Anyway, after all, mahi mahi was kind of a fish. Some people say was of dolphin.
Whatever it is. But the point is that things like that happen. Anyway, what I was saying is that patience is unbelievable. Really learned patience, tolerance, forgiveness. Gradually, it was difficult.
Also, point I’m making here is that we all can able to practice patience. Even though it is temporary, we can be able to get rid of the anger. We can do that. When I was young, I was in short temper. I got angry very quickly.
So when you grow, much as you meditate, much as you understand the disadvantage of anger and the advantage of patience that much you can really control the anger, and then really develop the patience. Especially, I really developed a lot of patience in the United States. At some point, I didn’t have a choice. Many cases, I really think very seriously. I think this is the opportunity for me to practice patience now.
I took that very positively. Even though in some cases it was very difficult, we get so many students. Some students do have so many psychological problems. They think that I have some power that I can cure them. What power do I have?
My power is my teachings, Buddhist philosophy, but they were looking at me as power is some kind of miracle power. It was very difficult. But then sometimes I couldn’t help some people because they didn’t understand. Anyway, it was just nonsense things. The point I’m making here is that yes, if I can be able to practice patience and really to reduce anger, why not you?
You all are the same. It’s not different. Only you need, as I said, recognition, understanding the disadvantage of anger is very, very important. So that really, eventually you can totally cut off the anger. But we need to practice.
But temporarily, I think anger first of all, you need to meditate. When you get angry, what would be your state of mind? That’s very important to meditate, you know, when you get angry. But you cannot meditate this anger when you are getting angry. You need to meditate anger when you are calm and at peace, then try to, you know, remember that past time when you got the anger, what happened, what was the consequence.
So all these things are when you are calm at that moment, you need to think about it. Main thing is this particular one is the analytical meditation. You need to analyze it, which is very, very important. Okay? Even though it can be short meditation, it’s Okay.
But that’s now the beginning. Then there are some cases I used to tell people when people have anxiety, I asked them to do breathing meditation inhalation and exhalation, in and out. You can breathe in and out, one, in and out, two, very, you know, not forcing. And even way, in and out from your nose, not from your mouth. Just breathe from your nose long, in and out long, in and out.
Maybe one hundred times. This will also help you calm you and your blood pressure maybe also becomes more even. So that point is you will be more calmer. When you get angry, your pressure will go up. Check it, you know.
Just go to check. I myself experiment. One of the person, when he was very angry, I checked blood pressure. Very, very high. Then I asked, okay now go back and do this breathing meditation.
Just, you know, five, ten minutes. Then when I checked blood pressure, it went down. See? It’s very true. When you get angry, so I said, now anger is the getting angry is the generally speaking, it is bad emotion.
It’s kind of a strong displeasure, kind of emotion, which is also the sin. It’s a negative karma we are accumulating. And at the same time, it’s not healthy physically. Your health perspective, anger is not good also. Your blood pressure will go up.
See? When you try to reduce the anger to benefit, you are not accumulating negative karma, at the same time your blood pressure is even. How beautiful, see? Then you don’t need to take these medicines to benefit both sides. To think and to benefit.
Sometimes, in some cases, you can do some mantras temporarily. It will comfort you. But mantras are not the real answer. Absolutely not. Mantras will help you temporarily, maybe comfort you, especially Hayagrīva mantra.
Aspect of the Buddha of compassion. So this wrathful Hayagrīva happens to be wrathful not towards the people, rather it’s anger. So that’s why the Hayagrīva mantra is also temporarily if you when you are very much, you know, irritating or very unhappy, or something is kind of displeasure of feelings. So that point is you can say the Hayagrīva mantra, You can do like this, or you can just say, have the mala, buy from the buddha house. Like this, if you want to slowly, then you can chant.
And do this breathing meditation, in and out also. Okay? So these are the things that temporarily help you. Then ultimately, this analytical meditation, understanding the disadvantage of anger and the advantage of patience. So this point is to try to meditate when you get angry, what would be your state of mind.
All this understanding is very, very important, then you need to ask questions yourself. I went through so many difficulties, and I got so many bad consequences because of my anger. So now the question is, can I go through this again? That’s what you need to ask. If you say no, then now it’s time to practice patience tolerance and forgiveness.
There are two different ways in Webster’s dictionary, is almost similar to the Tibetan definition of anger. Webster’s dictionary will give you the definition of anger as a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence. So that’s a strong feeling of displeasure. So and this is the definition of the anger the dictionary was giving you. But then, I don’t think it is enough in Buddhism.
Buddhism goes a little bit more than that. Then the patience in the dictionary was saying, the quality of being patient as the being of, I mean bearing of purification, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. So this is almost similar in Buddhism also. Patience is, you know, but I will give you later. The point is that anger is something like this, displeasure.
So now the question is why this feeling of displeasure? So that’s the question. A strong feeling of displeasure? Why is this happening? Many, many causes.
The main cause is self-cherishing, or ego. That’s the main thing. self-cherishing and ego is the main part of the, you know, that is causing to feel the strong feeling as a displeasure, or the, you know, this belligerence, or hatred, hostility, know, aversion. So there are many, many words they use. So self cherish.
See? That’s a man. But now, if you go a little bit more to meditation, then you need to meditate selflessness. I’m giving you different aspects of the meditation to heal the anger. So there are many choices you can choose.
I cannot tell you to do this and that. Everything is individual to individual. Some people may have some difficulty meditating, all these analytical ones. You know, the beginning, my point is the beginning. But this point is that you can do this breathing meditation.
When you get angry with people, get out from there. Don’t sit there. Don’t argue with people. Whatever is happening from the other side, your side is stop, get out from there. That’s the best thing to do.
Go somewhere and do this breathing exercise in and out. Then say there are some mantras. Any mantras, if you do not say it, otherwise you can say Hayagrīva’s mantra. Ask Hayagrīva, please bless me. Please bless me to reduce my anger or cut out my anger, you know, that I have been getting angry.
Say this with a mantra, This will definitely help you. I give this to many, many people in Florida, so they think it’s helping them, especially sometimes when you are in very difficult moment. I give this meditation to some people who are going through the divorce, you know, their life was very difficult. So now when you get divorced, both sides lawyers will be there, and they need to talk about it, and sometimes they need to face each other. That’s what I understood.
Somebody explained to me. When you face each other, sometimes it’s very difficult now. See? So at that point, I give this Hayagrīva mantra and some other practice before they go there, do this half an hour, then go there. And they did it, and some people told me that it was a great help.
They were so calm, they can talk everything that they’re supposed to be, they need to talk in front of their lawyer. Otherwise, I think some of these people may panic, you know, because of the anger. Panic. When you panic, you are not confident. Then you cannot say what you’re supposed to be able to say at the moment now.
Isn’t it? So that’s why the anger is still very, very nasty. Once you get angry, sometimes there are some things that are most important things you may need to talk to someone, but you cannot because your mind is totally occupied by the anger. So that’s why all this disadvantage of anger must meditate, must have recollection because we all went through one way or another in the past time. We went through these kinds of things, isn’t it?
Nobody escaped from the anger. Nobody. Maybe some people may get angry greatly, some people may get angry maybe not that much. Other than that, we all get angry. It’s not a big deal.
Getting angry is one thing. But then now second thing is the you must recognize it. Uh-oh. Now this coming. This crazy thing is coming here.
This emotion is coming. I must stop once. If I don’t, I will suffer. How do you know you will suffer? So that’s why you need to meditate.
You need to understand the past history. So this is the one type how to reduce the anger. And the second thing is if you do believe in karma, if you do believe in karmic law of cause and effect, so then this is another way you can be able to reduce or get rid of the anger because anger is like that. Although this class is just, I will call it appetizer, you know, my main dinner will come in February, which is I will be going to do the Śāntideva’s chapter number patience, which is all about we need to talk about anger and patience like that. This class is just a, you know, kind of appetizer.
I think you call here what was it? Entree. In the United States they are called appetizer. I don’t know, you know. You call entree before actual food.
So, or preview, you can say maybe this is the preview, you know, on the Śāntideva’s chapter, patience, which I was going to do in, I think, February, I think. That’s February. So chapter, one of the chapters says, anger is one of the worst negative emotions than any other negative emotion, and patience is one of the best, greatest, positive virtues, greater than any other virtue. Śāntideva himself said in his book, The Way of the Bodhisattva. So, see, even though if you get angry towards your family, parents, it’s a very, very heavy negative karma.
Also, if you get angry towards your teacher, that’s going to be a little bit higher. Or if you get angry and someone is bodhisattva, then it’s a big problem. Then it causes big problem. See? Why that much worse?
Because anger is the worst negative emotion than any other negative emotion. Look at it, when you get angry, some people usually look like so beautiful, so handsome, but when you get angry, they look ugly. Sometimes they are It’s very true. Everything is red, their eyes are swelling up, but they look very ugly when you get angry. It doesn’t matter how much they clean, but they like a Tibetan deity sometimes, you know.
See? So that’s because the anger is coming outside from the inside. Even though there is a sign showing when you look at the fist, anger is there. Then the state of mind is already very nasty. Now there are fist, are body language, and is speech.
Uh-oh. Now see, we all know when people get angry, how they speak. And their body language, they show you different fingers. Remember? I didn’t know this first time in Florida.
I was driving. I don’t know what I did. I didn’t do any wrong. One young woman was showing me one finger, and I was saying, papa, you know. I I didn’t have any idea.
Then when I asked, this lady was so mad on me showing some kind of finger. What does it mean that? It was bad. I didn’t know at the time. For me, any finger I was saying like this.
I said, calm down, calm down, you know. But she was showing one finger, and I asked why she was showing only one finger. Oh, that’s a bad one. Because she was angry. I don’t know why she was angry.
I was in my lane, I have no idea. Sometimes people do that, you know. Look at this. Once you get angry, your aspect looks ugly, your speech is ugly, your body language is ugly, and your mind is no question for that. Do we want something like this?
No. We are as Buddhist practitioners, we all. We must be better than outside those people. Isn’t it? Otherwise, why should be having this million dollar church here?
What for? What What for all these beautiful statues? Look at the Buddhas, all these Śākyamūni and Medicine Buddha statues, beautiful Buddha, thangka, and you have beautiful room now. You all are beautiful. Why?
Why? What for? I’m not showing any magic here. I’m not like those talk show talking all these funny things I don’t do because main thing is to control the anger, improve the patience, and eventually achieve enlightenment. So that’s why we have this beautiful, somebody really, greatly generous, and the Buddha House board of directors and the people who came here and volunteered, they put so much effort to build and make this such a beautiful temple.
Why? Because we all have a wonderful time here. You have a wonderful time. Me too have a wonderful to teach. We all have time.
We are now, all together, isn’t it? So that’s why I think we must think a little seriously. It could be a little progress, a little bit, you know, every day. Trying to really understand the disadvantage of anger and the advantage of patience. But now patience, in the Buddhist book, is saying, the state of mind which is similar to the Western dictionary, the state of mind bears the disturbance or upset of suffering and harm.
Same thing, patience, tolerance and forbearance. These are the synonyms. Now patience of not retaliating, there are three different patience. The first one is the patience of not retaliating, meaning not taking revenge. patience of willingly enduring suffering.
The patience of discriminative awareness of the dharma. Now the first one is the patience of not retaliating, not taking revenge. Someone did something for you, many times people really reply back, they try to harm back. If they don’t, they feel like they are weak. Is mundane perspective.
People think that way. Buddhist perspective is the people who are getting angry, they are the ones who are weak. Because they lost their mind. They lost patience. They lost tolerance, and they are accumulating negative karma.
Eventually, that negative karma will give them negative results. They are the one who are really lost. They are the one who are really weak. Not you who practice patience. You are the hero.
But mundane perspective, revenge, very important. Retaliating is very important. Isn’t it? So now here it’s saying patience of not retaliating. Second one is the patience of willingly enduring suffering.
Okay, this can be confusing sometimes. Enduring suffering doesn’t mean that the Okay, the main thing is the natural suffering. Natural suffering, we need to understand the natural suffering. But enduring suffering doesn’t mean that when you get pain, or when you get sick, it’s something that, oh this is Buddhism, I must be enduring or patient, I need to the doctor. That’s not the point here.
You need to go to the doctor, but you need to understand the nature of suffering. Also, we are not talking about enduring suffering, someone harms you, someone tries to really treat you, just try to be patient, let him or her do whatever they want. Absolutely not. That’s not acceptable. You must do something to get out from that situation.
Especially, sometimes people fight each other. Sometimes men beat women. India is unbelievable. Very common. And this Indian woman is enduring.
Oh, is my life now. It’s foolish. Absolutely foolish enduring and foolish patience. Blind patience, absolutely. How can you just be tolerant when somebody is really beating you?
But unfortunately, because of the culture in India, they think the husband is God. God can do whatever he wants. My foot, I mean, how can you say that? God can do whatever they want. If her husband is god, god must be good.
Isn’t it? God is good. God help people, not god harm people. Very strange kind of a culture sometimes they have that. So that’s why the many women, they really it’s sometimes very difficult to be tolerant when you hear those news.
And and and also the Pakistan, hear, honor killing. Unbelievable. Honor killing. Mostly the women. I mean, there are so many things like that.
But my point I’m making here is the enduring suffering is absolutely not something like that. Even though I saw one of the Dalai Lama’s books or something, if someone is really harming you, know, beating you, or really your life is very, very dangerous, you may need some stick to not kill the person, hit on the legs or wherever is it, then get out from there. You cannot just let him do whatever he wants. Absolutely not. Okay, don’t misunderstand.
This one is okay. Uh-oh, what happened? Okay. So that’s now the patience of willingly enduring suffering. Now, the last one is very, very important.
The patience of discriminative awareness of the Dharma. So this one is when you meditate. Many times people fail when they meditate. Why? No patience.
They cannot what it says? They cannot the patience of discriminative awareness of the Dharma, they cannot patience. They cannot tolerate it. When they meditate, when they couldn’t at some point, they couldn’t meditate well, and they lose their temper. Oh, meditation is not helping me.
No patience. It’s not easy to meditate. You need to meditate again and again and again on a daily basis. That’s what you need to do. Then one day you can be able to really meditate well.
You need patience. You need tolerance, which is very important. So that’s why here, the last one is the patience of discriminative awareness of the Dharma. Because there are many, especially the analytical meditation, you know. I’m talking about the meditation perspective, what does this mean?
That’s why I’m talking about it. But this can be translated into many different Dharma teachings. But now here is when you meditate, especially the analytical meditation. When you meditate on the analytical one, so then you need to analyse it. As I said before, when you analyse the anger, how can you analyze the anger?
You can analyze the anger first of all, you can analyze when you get angry, what would be the state of the mind? That’s what need to think. Analyze means to think. There’s nothing you can visualize. This one is there.
Remember, this is the analytical meditation. Visualization is the only stabilizing meditation. So this one is the more you need to think about it. You need to contemplate. So when I get angry, what was my state of mind?
It was pleasant or not pleasant? See, these are what you need to analyze. In some cases, yes, when I got anger, these kind of results. That happened. This happened.
I beat someone or I ruined my own life. Know, many things happen in the United States. Some people, they lose their job. You know, Donald Trump says, I fire you like that, you know. Many people fire because of their short temper.
They have no patience. They got the job, they couldn’t tolerate it. And little things happened and when their boss says something, they revenge. They talk back. Then boss comes, I fire you.
That’s it. Next thing again, I fire you. They have no job now. Why? Because of the intolerance.
That’s a problem. Now, even the job. We are not talking about the Dharma teachings. Even the regular job, you need patience. You need tolerance.
Otherwise, you lose your job. See? Which is very, common, very obvious. So that’s why the the first one is to think about anger first. And moment when you let’s say upsetness.
Some people think upsetness is not anger. Upsetness is also anger. Remember, displeasure here. When you upset something irritates. See?
Irritation. So that’s already anger started. But when you’re upset, it depends how deep you’re upset. I think that moment is very easy to put down because fire is not so strong yet. A little bit fire, like a candle, those flames.
Easy. But then if fire becomes like sometimes in the jungles, in here also bush fire, how difficult to put down. That means hostility, great anger, hatred, then it’s very, very difficult to put down now because you are already with this hostile mind. So these are the things we need to bring daily base to understand the disadvantage of anger. I did it.
I’m not saying what the book says so. My own experience, said, I was short-tempered. But I’m not saying I don’t get angry. Be careful. Sometimes I do, you know, be careful.
So I get angry, but sometimes I smile. Oh wow, I really improved myself. Usually when I get angry, I couldn’t tolerate it. Just sometimes my mouth may say something, I may hurt some people. Now, when I get angry, automatically my brain says, stop.
Something is bad. Emotion is coming there. You remember that. You remember that. You were there before.
It just comes like that. Then I was saying, Okay, tolerance. But still, sometimes I lose my mind. Remember, it’s not easy. I know.
I can understand. However, if you do this meditation on a daily basis, when you are calm, this advantage of anger, analyse, analyse. Then it’s very easy when actually you are feeling something, it automatically comes in because you already built this wonderful tendency in meditating before. You already built it and it comes like this. See?
So that’s what you need to build now. Beginning may be difficult because of the lack of analytical meditation on anger. But if you do, just check it out. Don’t believe in me. You don’t need to believe what I said.
Yourself. Just follow my instructions. Do this two weeks. One month. I will say two weeks.
Do it properly. Then come back to me. Then whether you want to believe in me or not, let me know. Just do it properly. It comes automatically when you get angry.
Oh, okay, this is coming. I must stop now. See? It comes. That’s what you need to do.
Then the other one is I mentioned some mantras things, and also they mentioned the breathing meditation, which as I mentioned, you can do that. Then there are many things actually, Om Ah hum, which is the last time we did it, which is also very good because when you do Om Ah hum, body, space and mind, that point is that you focus on the Om, you focus on the Ah, you focus on the hum. Then your mind wouldn’t be with anger because you try to really away from the angry mind, you focus on that three mantras, I mean three syllable of the mantra. This will also help you temporarily. I’m talking temporarily.
It’s Okay even though it is temporary, isn’t it? So some people, even though they cannot control it temporarily. So these are the few things that I want to say. But now I have some stories about how difficult to be practicing patience. Even though some lamas, they mess up when patience comes.
I will tell you some story. Before that, go have some tea, and come back after ten minutes. Okay? Go. About the patience, there’s one thing very important I left before.
Many times people ask, I couldn’t help that group of people, or I couldn’t help my son, my daughter, my friend. I couldn’t help my community. I couldn’t help this and that. People talk about it. People just which is wonderful, I mean, know, kind of compassion.
Yes, you cannot help if you cannot help others until you help yourself. So that’s why here in the Śāntideva was saying, what would I, excuse me, what would I possibly find enough leather with which to cover the surface of the earth? But wearing just leather on the soles of the shoes is equivalent to covering the earth with it. If you try to find the leather to cover the surface of the ocean, you cannot find it. How many leathers, how many cows, how many animals do you need?
It’s impossible. But saying, but wearing just leather on the soles of the shoes, is the ancient time they did that. So it is equivalent to covering the earth with it. Likewise, it is not possible for me, it’s not, likewise, it is not possible for me to restrain the external course of things, but should I restrain this mind of mine, what would be the need to restrain all else? So that is exactly, you need to help yourself first, you know.
So this can be translated many different ways. Before you help someone, let’s say if you want to bring peace in this world, you cannot just bring peace in this world. In order to bring peace in this world, first of all, you must be a peace human being. That is very important. Of course, mundane perspective, people bring these signs, banners, or world peace, which is okay.
But the main thing here is if you really want to bring peace in this world, first of all, an individual, he or she, must become a peaceful human being. Then you can help others, because you do know how to help others, you do know how to give them instructions for them to become peace, because you are a peace human being. That’s one thing. The second thing is that we must really restrain our own mind. In order to do, controlling anger is the best one’s mind.
There’s nothing else. Even though, just for a simple example or analogy, though one or two days, let’s say regularly you are with anger within the family, you know now family life is not so good. But then now maybe a few days if you restrain, or if you try to control your anger, within these few days, family life is peace. Even though just a few days I’m talking about it. But if you do this practice continually, wow, your family life will be happy happy, isn’t it?
So now who has a responsibility? Head of the family, he or she? That’s the main thing. Otherwise, difficult. See, the main problem in the family is anger.
Okay, that’s one thing. Now, story. I don’t want you to do this kind of a patient’s practice, Okay? Here is a popular story in which Tibetan teachers are fond of telling their students narrates an encounter between the hermit and herdsman. The hermit was the meditator, people who meditate.
And the hermit is the shepherd. Yes? The hermit was living along mountains. One day, now listen, a herdsman, a shepherd, he was with many sheep together. The herdsman happened to pass by his cave because the meditators, they meditate on high mountains in Himalaya, you know, in Tibet and Bhutan, those areas.
But then the herdsman happened to pass by the cave, near his cave, and in the grate, the herdsman shouted at the hermit and asked, What are you doing in the middle of nowhere? And the hermit replied, I am meditating. That’s true. Then what are you meditating on? Asked the herdsman.
Then the hermit replied, On patience. So wonderful, said the herdsman. There was a moment of silence. After a while, the herdsman decided to leave just as he to go, and he looked back at the hermit and shouted, by the way, you go to hell. And hermit says, what do you mean?
You go to hell. And now the hermit, fuming, replied back replied back the herdsman, same thing, you go to hell. The herdsman also replying back like a retaliating, you know, you go to hell. The herdsman tried to tease the hermit, you go to hell. And he was also replying back, you go to hell.
Then now the hermit laughed and reminded the hermit laughed and reminded himself that he was supposed to be practising patience. So that’s one thing. That’s not good to practice patience, isn’t it? So if this hermit was practicing patience, whatever he says was supposed to be tolerant. But wasn’t.
He was replying back, telling back, You go to hell. This is the same thing that happened in my lifetime in my monastery. My monastery is Sera Monastery, divided into two different groups Sera Jey monastery and Sera Me monastery. But this story is not from the Sera Jey monastery, which I am belonging to, is from Lama Zopa Rinpoche. This one happened in the Sera Je monastery.
There was one senior monk, he was one time in the FPMT centre in Spain many, many years ago, 1970s or early 1980s. Very nice monk, a Sera Geshe. There was another monk, like a funny monk, the time he was around here and there. Also he has very funny eyes. I don’t know what you call this, bending eyes?
Kind of you know, eyes are bent. Do you say it? Cross eyes, sorry, yeah. Cross eyes, like that. Very funny looking man, I mean monk, and they were like a hippie monk.
He doesn’t practice, but who knows me, inside? When you look at him outside, he is very much a mess. He’s a junky monk, you know. One day this monk asked a few monks, do you think senior Geshe was practising meditating? And they said, oh yeah, he’s a very great meditator.
He practiced, he reads sadhanas every day. Do you really think? And he said, and all other monks said, yes. Okay, today I will show you his real color. They didn’t understand, what do you mean?
Come with me. Monastery, we don’t have air conditions. We open the windows like that. And this senior monk was wearing gloves, reading books, you know, like this. He took out his outside robes and only the inside one because it was hot.
He was just saying mantras like this, with his mala. Then this funny monk came near the window, but I’m not going to say the actual word, this is the temple, not good. But actually he was talking about you eat human waste. That’s what he was saying. There’s a Tibetan, but it’s bad, but I will not say the actual because of the temple.
He was he just said, you eat that one. This monk, senior monk, was so angry with a big, big mala, you know, he chased. And he run. He chased around the monastery. Every monk said, what is happening here, you know?
He chased and with a huge mala, even though he didn’t notice that he wasn’t wearing the outside monk’s robe also. You cannot go inside the monastery without the outside robe. He was wearing only inside one yellow one, this yellow robe, only inside one. Then everybody said, what is going on now, these senior monks? And now this happy monk was saying, look at him, look at him.
Usually he thinks he was practicing patience and meditating. Now look at him. This monk was so early, I’m not going to say a word. He was also speaking so badly in big, big mala chasing like this, you know, like that. This happened in my monastery, my lifetime.
Wow. So then now every monk notices, wow, he wasn’t really practicing patience. Usually we see him as a very holy, holy monk. I don’t know how he notices this funny monk, but this monk’s house in my monastery house is not so far away. Actually, when he walks, we all just respect him very much.
Since then, we lost our respect because now we know he was so shameful. We haven’t seen him for months. He wasn’t coming to the monastery, assembly hall, not Puja, he disappeared. A few months, really. After some times we hear he went to the FPMT centre, and he went to meditate somewhere in the Dharamsala, and after I think he passed away, a senior monk.
This kind of practice of the patient is not good. See, it’s not easy to practice patience even though a monk like such a senior monk, he was chasing him with a huge mala around the monastery. How shameful! I cannot do that. Even though I may be angry, but I will hide that. You cannot just chase around the monastery.
Anyway, things like that happen. But this happens, it’s not easy to practise patience, but however we can be able to do it. Okay, now questions, go. Anyone? Teasing, maybe teasing.
Teasing, which is different? To see if you can get someone to get angry. It depends what out of the if out of the anger, then yes. But if just yes. Teasing also must be balanced.
Sometimes you have to look at if you tease someone, if you’re hurting someone, even though you are just teasing, you’re not really out of anger, then if you’re hurting someone, of course you must stop teasing. It depends, you know, sometimes we tease around. I just tease this young man, ask him to do but this is just, you know, is not a big deal. Even though I asked him, he was upset, he said no, I asked him already. He was okay with it.
But it depends on how you tease. Sometimes people tease around, they use bad language also, know, and they use strange things which are not good. We have to be careful with that. Everything depends on how you tease. But this monk wasn’t really teasing whatever is here, but I don’t know what was his motivation.
Maybe his motivation, maybe he was trying to Maybe he was helping him, know? Although he was angry, maybe now he realized that he wasn’t practicing. I think maybe he was helping him. Who knows? I think.
Anyone? Go. Go. Okay. I heard some of the things.
I didn’t hear everything. Where’s the mic? I’m not hearing all of them because of the rain and everything missing around. You are talking about are talking about the end door to the anger, yes? Over there.
Can you make it a little easier way, then I will give you the answer. Yeah. Hello, hello. Oh good, good. That’s better.
Scientifically I’ve heard that fear and anger are related, they’re part of a similar kind of Fear and and anger related? Okay, okay, okay. Actually that’s a good one. It’s possible, possible. Sometimes people get angry because they have some feeling of fear.
Whatever fear it is, maybe they may whatever reason, yeah, there are some connections. Yes. I will say, yes. Some cases, no. Some cases, yes.
It depends form of your anger. Sure. Okay, I guess I’m just kind of interested. You are talking about the antidotes, something like that, antidotes or something. I think the real antidote to anger is love.
L O V E. Not like a mundane love, real love. When you hear love is the antidote to anger, even if hear like this it is a little bit not so relevant. One is the anger, one is the love, but if you analyze it, it’s a perfect antidote to anger, it’s the love. So that’s why we need to defeat anger in people who are short-tempered with love, not with anger.
Not anger to anger or an ice for the ice, whatever you call it. Not like that. Love is the answer. We need to defeat anger by love, not by anger. Love is the best solution to really defeat anger.
So this point is very important to understand the Buddhist way of how to love others. When was that? Yesterday. Not the day before yesterday. Love is the of course patience.
We talk about patience as the antidote to anger. Actually, is the main antidote to anger. When you practice patience, you come to love. Without developing love, you cannot practise patience or tolerance or forgiveness. These three are very important.
But these three, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, also need support from love. Love that person. Without love, you cannot tolerate. Without love, you cannot patience or forgiveness. You may say, Oh, I have been practising patience, tolerance, also the forgiveness, but I’m not loving that person.
You may say that actually you are loving that person, if you are really practising these three. But maybe you didn’t recognize the meaning of the love, you know. Love is very, very important. Love is the antidote to anger. Anyone?
Thank you. Go, back side there. Hello. Hi. Yeah.
Would it be fair to say that anger is really basically just somebody not getting what they want? Somebody Actually just not getting what they want, so they get angry. Okay. If people get angry, so because of the selfish mind, they have a strong self-cherishing mind. Only I, I and me, me, me.
That one is what they need to reduce. And second thing is the main problem is the suffering of dissatisfaction. They’re never satisfied. How much they have, they need more and more and more like that. So these are really considered in daily practice.
Suffering of dissatisfaction, also they need to practise the contentment, which is very important. Sorry, so it’s desire and attachment? Detachment. Less attachment, detachment, so is contentment. To content, you know, towards little pleasure, little things or whatever is it.
Depending on what we call de sum chog shi. But just try to be satisfied with what you have. Otherwise if you are suffering from dissatisfaction, if you are satisfied all the time, it doesn’t matter how much you have, you wouldn’t be satisfied. You need more and more and more like that. So that’s why the practice of contentment is very important.
So if it’s about somebody not getting what they want and they get and angry and angrier. You Okay, maybe I misunderstand somebody what they want, when they get it, they get angry. Yes, they don’t get. No, if they don’t get what they Right? They get angrier and angry because they’re not getting fulfilled, they’re not getting what they want from you, and they’re not just feeling satisfied.
So if you hand over the victory, just hand it over to them and let them win to defuse the situation and turn it on its Yes, some cases you can do that. Some cases, if they are getting angry, something that want, when they don’t get it, they are getting angry. When you give something to them, what they want, if they are okay with it, absolutely do. However, some people, they may be addicted and the next time they come again. See?
Then again this happens. But I cannot say what situation, those kinds of things you know. Let’s say, for instance, I don’t know, I’m just talking to you, you need to check. If they are getting angry, what they want, when they don’t get it, just give them, let’s say. Then they are okay with it, absolutely wonderful, then it’s finished.
But then they come back again, you know. So now you have to be careful about that. Then they almost look like a robber, you know, then they rob you. They take your disadvantage. They think now you are very easy.
Yeah, pacifying them. Yeah, take advantage. Some people do that. They think maybe this is your weakness because you are practicing patience, also you are practicing generosity, they may think you are weak. Actually you are not weak.
However, you can be weak if you do this practice blindly without understanding the practice of generosity and the practice of patience. If you do this practice blindly, then you are weak. You need to understand all these ideas, all these situations why you do this practice. Then it much better. Everything depends on the situation.
It’s hard to say. Some people, yes, they may need something when they don’t get it. Understandable. But some people, once you give something, but then they will come back to you again, they think you are a very easy person. Easy going.
So that part is you must be vigilant now. Okay? Yep, thank you. Thank you. Anyone?
I was wondering about how that leads into insecurity with people. Insecurity, like how people don’t feel good within themselves, how that anger then comes out and manifests with that want to have something and then they get angry because they’re not secure in their own self? Yes, that happens. But you have to check why you are in security, first of all. Know, insecurity can be different ways.
People can have insecurity. Some people are lazy. They don’t go to work, and they have no money, and sometimes they feel like insecurity. But their part is that they need to go to work or if they are not sick. They need to go to work and make money to survive.
This is a livelihood. Some people, they only depend on someone else, you know. Someone else, whoever is helping them, and sometimes they may feel insecurity. They need to wake up. They need to do something in their life.
Because especially in western countries, it’s developed, it’s not like India or something like that. Here, even though jobs are not so great jobs, whatever job is needed, you need to get the job, you need to do it. Maybe you may not going to get the job something that you’re supposed to be getting according to your degree, but that’s okay. Mainly you need to go to work, something you need to do. Otherwise, if you defend someone else, that’s difficult.
Then you are really insecurity. What happens, one day that person says, that’s it, I’m going to stop now. Then finished. So that’s why you must take responsibility in your future. Your future is completely in your hand, nobody else’s hand.
You can turn your future into understanding all these situations, how to live life. Do you get my answer? That’s what you’re asking me, think. Yes. Okay?
Anyone? Last question now. Go. The they’re unjustified that’s happening throughout the world in different places, letting go for one. That repetitive hatred, I suppose, that keeps coming up for the things that are going on.
Meditation, mantras, still keeps coming up. Yes. Because of the as I mentioned before, some of the meditation, some of the mantras, which is I give you several meditations, like breathing meditation, these are just for the temporary relief to be away from the anger. But ultimately, if you really want to rid of the anger, the principle of anger, you need to meditate on an analytical one. Understanding the disadvantage of anger, the advantage of patience.
That’s the solution. Then the next thing is, of course, you need to develop more love. These are the main solutions to cut out anger, but it takes time. But we are not there yet. We need to start.
But at least we can temporarily rid of the anger. At least we can do that, which is a little peace, isn’t it? Every day getting angry and hostile and this and that, what is the life? Such a precious life we obtain, we just waste it. Every day getting angry.
Some people like that. We are worse than some of the animals. What is worth it for opening human life? Some people do it every day. When you look at them, they are so down.
And when you talk to them, you can see they are fists. At least temporarily we can rid of the anger. Yes? But now injustice, that point is, yes we all get angry when something is unjust. Something is really the someone is ruining whatever it is.
We get angry. It’s okay. Just getting angry is not a big problem, my case. My point I’m making here is, just getting angry is, I shouldn’t say okay, but I would like to say, angry, we all get angry, but just leave it that way. Don’t let anger to grow, that’s my point here.
Getting angry is not a big deal as a normal human being, we all get angry. Even though this practitioner, I just read it, meditated on patience, he wasn’t just getting angry, he was saying, you go to hell. This is not just angry, he was hostile. But we are not that meditated. Okay to get a little angry, maybe let’s say, isn’t it?
However, you need to recognize, okay, I’m getting angry now. Don’t let that anger grow. Don’t let. So that’s different here. Anger has many different levels.
Okay? So it’s very difficult not to get angry, especially in this century. So many strange things happening nowadays in the United States. Because Donald Trump will be very soon, you know, will sit on the president’s throne. People already tried to do some demonstrations and things like that.
I’m so happy I’m here. So is Mark. So is Mark. We escaped. He already escaped just recently.
I escaped three months ago. Okay, thank you very much. Dedication please. Can you look at the Buddha’s dedication prayer? Page thirteen please.
Lake of Dharma, fulfilling the hopes of those who know, Lords who guide the dispositions of those to be subdued, unexcelled in light of reason, whose advice is peerless, essence of the secret Vajra tradition, essence of the Buddha’s teaching — from the most holy Lama to you, Lord Supreme, O Lama, please. Khedrub Je, Gyaltsab Je, Tsongkhapa Lobsang Drakpa, zhabla soldewamo.