Audio recorded at Buddha House Adelaide. Transcript auto-generated and AI-corrected; may contain errors.
About this talk. In this 45-minute workshop, Diana Taylor explores burnout through a Buddhist lens, using her own experience with cancer and overwork as a teaching anchor. She guides participants in distinguishing between self-respect—a quiet confidence grounded in acceptance of our humanity—and self-cherishing, the subtle ego-grasping that masquerades as compassionate service. She traces how well-intentioned helping can slip imperceptibly from genuine motivation into hunger for praise and validation, using concrete examples like leading a meditation where delight becomes attachment. She examines what remains when both self-respect and self-cherishing dissolve, and returns to the teaching that authentic compassion for others cannot develop without compassion for ourselves. She concludes with the practical antidote: meditation on emptiness and understanding our limits, recognizing that we can only assist others, never carry full responsibility for their path. Pitched at engaged practitioners navigating service work and contemplative life.
File metadata (for organising)
File: 06 Ws 1997 03 09.mp3
UUID: 7c3718fc-8fbd-4561-bec4-4c718b726d07
Teacher: Diana Taylor
Collection: Workshop (Diana Taylor)
Date: 1997-03-09
Recorded at: Buddha House Adelaide
Duration: 44.8 minutes
Words: ~2,300
It looks as though everybody’s really worn out. Yes. I think we might take a break at this point and come back about twenty past four. Okay? A lot of pleasure out of doing this sort of work and It brings me great benefit to do it.
It’s the inner benefit which is much more important than that in any case. To work with a group like this where there’s just so much energy and so much concern, so much compassion and so much potential to create a difference in the world it’s just very energising on my part to be able to do that sort of thing. Thank you for letting me be here too. The reason why I called this one Buddhism and Burnout is because my suspicion was that by this stage of the weekend we’d be exhausted. I don’t know about you, but you’re energized again.
Good. Good. Good. Good. So what is this burnout about?
Who’d like to make some sort of contribution to this? What is burnout? Right? Yeah. Yeah.
So why do we get caught into it? Mhmm. Go on. Well, there is a lot to be done, isn’t there? I hope so.
Yes. What are the motivations going? Right. Can can you flesh that out a bit? Yes.
I mean, I I would have to say that my getting cancer, I think, was partly one of the the conducive conditions that came together for me for cancer to arrive were the whole thing of believing that it was up to me to fix everybody up, a first child, social work train, a woman, all the rest of and groups and all sorts of things and all the rest of it. And I think that what happened, what I realized now is that in a sense, it was only ever just enough to sort of kind of feed the starving ego. It was like it was like that was that, you know, I did did get lots of praise. And in my I’m in working from time, you know, really responsible senior position and all of this, you know, and lots of praise for what I did. And it was like I needed that in a to feel alright.
And it wasn’t until the the there’s the between the second and the third diagnosis of secondary cancer in my liver that I but then I and and going to Tārā Institute, and I just thought, wow. You know, I just gonna have to cut all this off. And it was one of the hardest things I ever did was to to say, yes, I’m gonna leave work. I’m gonna leave my friends behind because in a sense, I felt like I was throwing away a whole part of my my identity. But I but but that’s been so hard, but on many many ways, what what it did was that that I’ve been able to come home to myself.
I’ve been able to have a sense of of that I can actually nurture and nourish myself if I give myself space waiting for somebody to do that for you. Yeah. That’s right. And then when it did happen a bit for me, I found it enormous, like you, enormously difficult to receive any any support and and was very, very thankful to anybody who did went over the top and So maybe a keyword in what you’re saying is this word control. So what is this control that we’re talking about?
Inability to let go. Right. So so there’s a quality of pride. Arrogance may be With a sense of Failure. Failure.
What do you mean by that? What what you know, can can you flesh out what you mean? Right. Yep. Mhmm.
Right. Yeah. Yep. Well done. Well, I’m done.
I agree with that. I think there’s also really something that you think about, Diana, too, in that I think that we do often think that we are indispensable. And I think that it’s only just recently that I in a sense, I feel like I am actually the same as everybody else. I actually thought before that I was a bit superior, that I actually had more knowledge or more information or more skills or whatever and that it was my job to fix people up. But in a sense, coming from another position, I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore at all.
Yes. From a different from a position of of humility. And I think that feels really important. Mhmm. Yeah.
Mhmm. Mhmm. What is the relationship between this sense of identity and burnout? What do you think? We are, yeah.
So what is this identity that we’re trying to maintain? Yeah. And good. Yes. That’s right.
Okay. So given all that that we’ve just been discussing about. What is compassion? We had plenty of time worrying about this question. You could have looked up definitions by now.
What is compassion? Yep. Yes. So what is the difference then between self respect and self-cherishing? Using self-cherishing in the way that it’s meant within the teachings.
How would you separate that out in your own mind? How would you know which one is functioning at a particular time? Motivation might help, yeah. Knowing yourself helps a big lot. Well I think it’s sort of there’s quite a difference.
In a sense self respect comes from a position of acceptance of one’s humanity, of one’s frailty, of the fact that one is driven by self-cherishing. But I think the motivation is probably the crucial thing. In a sense, if the self respect comes from a position of deep respect and caring for all beings which then can be reflected out. self-cherishing. Knowing that it’s our job to deal with be constantly aware of the fact that we are driven by the need to be comfortable to be doing the right thing to all of us at the same time.
And if you’re acting from that position then there’s a different quality to the interaction that you have with others. Definitely. I’m trying to keep the definition of self-cherishing specifically to that negative component of the grasping of the ego for oneself. Very often it’s quite easy to see that we’re into that sort of self-cherishing mode. But sometimes it’s hard to pick up that we’ve slipped ourselves into it.
When we’re at the stage of wanting to have affirmations from other people because we’ve helped, We might have begun with a very clear and appropriate motivation to help other people but because of the habits of past imprints, slipping into the self-cherishing and wanting people to be happy with us and say what a fantastic job we’ve done’ and then getting upset because it hasn’t happened. Or continuing to be in there long after we’ve been able to be of benefit and also when it’s become of disbenefit to us so that in the end we will burn out. So the slipping from one to the other can be very subtle. It’s not always easy to pick up. If it was easy to pick up we wouldn’t get burnt out.
That’s one point to remember. The difference between the one and the other is relatively easy to talk about in the sense of talking but in the sense of our actual experience it’s not so easy to pick up the one from the other. Reflecting back on it, we can. But when we’re in a situation, sometimes it’s very, very difficult. And self respect.
And self respect. That we slip from the self respect into self-cherishing without noticing that we’re doing it in the process of being involved with somebody. A typical example is that you might be asked out to lead a meditation with somebody. And you go there because you know, Okay, I’m capable of leading meditations. I’ve done this many times before.
I do my Dharma practice regularly, etc, etc, etc. Which is self respect in this. I’m not talking about pride and arrogance. I’m talking now about self respect. Just a quiet confidence, I know I’m able to do this.
So you go off and you start leading the meditation and you can see that it’s having a profound effect on this person. And as you see it’s a profound effect on the person, you start to take delight in it. Still no problem in taking delight in it. But then because of the imprints in our mind, which we still haven’t got rid of, we’re taking delight in it and the delight becomes, oh I like this. It’s nice to have it.
I want more of it. And this ‘I want more of it’ has come in at a very, very subtle level, not an obvious level. I want more, I want more, I want more. And so that’s how we slip from the self respect into the self-cherishing, through those imprints which, as I say, can be very subtle. And it’s through understanding ourselves and understanding our mind through falling into those mistakes that we begin to discover the process by which we fall into them.
Yes. Well, that’s Yes. That’s right. We gradually become more and more skilful, you see. We gradually recognise this at an earlier and earlier phase.
As develop our meditation practice, as we develop our understanding of the teachings, as we develop our self awareness, then we become more skilful at avoiding slipping from one to the other, slipping from a positive state into a negative state. The afflictive energies become more and more subtle as well. Although they don’t become more and more subtle. They’re operating at so many different levels of the mind. They’re the very gross levels.
I mean, you’re unlikely at this stage of your development to go out with an axe and start chopping down everything because your cup of tea didn’t have enough sugar in it or something like that. A very That’s a very gross afflictive emotion and mostly we can deal with those sorts of things. It’s when they’re affecting more subtle levels of the mind that it’s much harder to pick up. So we deal with the gross ones and we allow ourselves to develop an awareness of that and we do our practice and we learn not to fall into those traps. So we think, Okay, I’m doing pretty well at the moment.
And then we find ourselves falling into a trap and think, oh dear, maybe my practice is no good. That’s not what is happening. What is happening is you’re now discovering this same process but at a more subtle level of mind. And you can only discover this because you’ve done your prior practice. Right?
So if you’ve lost your respect, then what what what state of self are you saying that we’re in at that particular point? When you lose your self respect, if it’s not self-cherishing, what is the nature of our regard of our self at that particular point? Well, you were saying, I think, that if one has self respect and loses self respect, it’s still not self-cherishing because you had eliminated that. You burn out. But what is our attitude towards our self at that particular point where there’s no self respect but it’s not self-cherishing either?
Yes. No. Okay. So what do people think about that? So how do you see the ego as ruling at that particular point?
As ruling, yes. What do you mean when you say that? Yes, but you need to speak up so people can hear. That’s right. You’ve got to remember what you said now.
I mean one of the things I felt I was really struggling. I used to ask Rinpoche questions endlessly and teaching me something about this, that how could you know if my whole goal in life was to develop compassion for others, how could I prevent burning myself out? How could I do it? And basically the answer always came back to you can’t really develop true compassion for others unless you develop it for yourself. And it has to be, you because then I thought, well, so does that mean that I just have to sit at home and kind of do all these nice things for myself and have everything given to me and and then I realized that it has to be a whole interactive process of stuff, you know, in the process of giving, I’m having to learn how to balance balance myself and to you know, for a long time, I found it was a really tricky concept, you know, with all of my training and giving and doing for others and trying to change the world, you know.
Yep. Yeah. Definitely. Do you want me to ask the question again? Okay, so here’s another curly question for you.
When I’ve been caught up and burnt out and asked lamas about it, the answer that I tend to be given is to go and meditate on emptiness. Now why would I be told that? Because it’s the antidote to it. If you understand the true nature of reality, you know, why did you get it? Or it’s compassion.
You could choose to stay here like a Bodhisattva. We haven’t actually we hear a lot more about bodhicitta than we want. That’s right. That’s right. That’s right.
But what is this thing? And people always have to take their own lives anyway. Even if when you’re working with people, you know, I think it’s really important to come from a position to know that they are ultimately always responsible, that you can only assist them on on the path, that you are never responsible.